Lovesick

This is my new favorite photo.

Drew is getting so much more comfortable with the baby and I'm so happy to see it!  Like most men, he was super unsure of himself in the beginning and was quick to hand her off to me if she was anything but calm and/or asleep.  Now, it seems the two of them are finding their rhythm.  They're Hitting Their Stride, if you will.

Sorry, just took a five minute break while I went and threw up from how truly awful that pun was.  I'm back now.

I've been asking my mom friends about their feelings the moment their baby was born.  I asked them if they felt that super love moment when their baby was placed in their arms and most of them said yes, that they fell in love the second they touched their baby or looked into their eyes.

I did not have that feeling.

Sometimes I wonder if something might be a little off about me.  Wait, who am I kidding.  Something is definitely a little off about me.  Anyway, I didn't feel that super love moment.  When they placed Sofia in my arms, I was flooded with a sense of property.  Proprietari-ness?  No, that's not right.

Possession.  As in, Sookeh is MINE kind of possession.

That look at the end of that clip?  I sooo get that look and that's the look that anyone got who would dare get between me and my baby.  We got our skin to skin bonding time right after she was born that only further strengthened that feeling for me.  I definitely didn't want her back inside me - good gawd, I was glad to be un-pregnant! - but I didn't want her more than an inch away from me.  They took her to the nursery for all the tests and things and I was a lunatic, ringing the nursery nonstop, asking when she'd be back.

Hi, this is Desiree Pieprzyk?  Room 816?  I had a baby about an hour ago?  I was wondering when I can expect her back with me please? (Nice and polite, doing my best to hide the crazy.)

ten minutes later...

Hi there, so sorry to bother, it's Desiree in Room 816 again.  I just called and don't mean to be a pain, but I was hoping my daughter will be brought back to me soon?  Just a few more minutes?  Great, thanks!

half hour later.....

Hi.  I'm in Room 816 and I'd like to know when my daughter is coming back.  That was an hour ago.

half hour after that.....

Hi.  816.  Daughter.  Bring her to me.  NOW.

I was mildly surprised at how primal I felt.  After all, I'd had the stirrings when I was still pregnant and I had one goal in life.  Ensuring my daughter was returned to me.  Once they brought her back, I was hard-pressed to let her go again and she hasn't been away from my side for that long since.

I'm not rude about it, and other people have held my baby - I'm not totally crazy.  I just hover, which is completely okay.  Right?

Then one day it happened.  I hadn't noticed it before, but there was sort of a pit in my stomach that went away when I held the baby.  I missed her while she slept - really missed her, like an obscene amount.  I stared at her, wanting her to see me, hoping she saw me.  I found myself wondering if she liked me and hoping she did.  I'd talk to her, asking "Do you like that?  Is that fun?  Are you okay?"  I was so unsure, I wanted to do everything right even as I knew I would make some mistakes but I wanted to try my hardest to make and keep her happy.

I was falling in love.

The kind that makes your stomach hurt.  The kind where you can't sleep because you're thinking of the other person, even though you're tired and you want to sleep but then their face floats into your mind or you remember how their hair smells or that one time when they smiled at you and bam, no sleep.

It's that love where you like them more than they like you.  And that's not to say my daughter doesn't like me as much as I like her, but when I was trying to think of the words to describe this feeling, this desperation, this all-consuming devotion, that's what I thought of.

I am head over heels, lovesick over my daughter.  When I eat, I think of her - I think of the day that I'll get to share my meal with her, if she'll like it, what her favorite food will be.  When I get dressed, I think of her - will she like yoga (and yoga pants?)  Will she love or hate makeup and high heels?  What kinds of clothing will she like to wear?  I cannot stop thinking about her.

I didn't know if it was going to happen, I was worried that it wouldn't happen at all, but now that it has I am at once happy and scared.

I hope it calms down because it's kind of um, limiting.  The thought of leaving her with a babysitter makes me hyperventilate, but I don't want to be one of those clingy moms that doesn't know how to cut the apron strings.  I want her to be a confident independent person and she'll need a strong mother to do that.  I'd like her to have siblings but the thought of another child, sibling or not, taking away her toys or pinching her makes me violent.  However, I don't want her to grow up spoiled and whiny.

I live for her smiles and I want to do everything in my power to calm her when she's upset.  I'm so sprung on this child.  I feel like a dorky teenager again.

Hang up.  No you hang up.  No you.  Okay, on three we'll both hang up.  One..two...three....you didn't hang up!  Go on, hang up.......

Merci!

You guys, I'm not worthy.  I'm so touched and humbled by your graciousness, (that's a word right?) your prayers and words of encouragement.  I've let you into my life, my thoughts and dreams and you've rewarded me with friendship, which is the most precious gift I could ever receive.  You are the best thing about blogging.  This (imagine me sweeping my arms through my blog) has grown organically.  I don't advertise.  I rarely tell anyone I have a blog.  I don't ask for readers.  I simply opened my doors, shared my thoughts and you came.  I'm so very grateful and I'm probably going to start blubbering so let me just stop right here, before I start telling you how pretty your hair is and asking for a hug and then it'll just get weird.


Shunta is my friend.  I don't know how she found me (how do any of us find each other, really?) but she started commenting on the blog.  And I responded to her comments.  Then she'd email me.  And I'd answer.  Then I'd email her.  And she answered.  And before you knew it, a friendship had grown.  It blossomed, like the prettiest flower.

This is what our friendship looks like.

Shunta has helped me cook, she was one of my trusted advisers when I was decorating the nursery, she's offered fashion tips and she's pretty much my go-to chick!  And lest you think I just take take take, *I* get to be her natural birth resource!  Oh yeah, my chest is a little swole right now. 

One day Shunta told me she'd gotten something for the baby.  I was so touched - seriously, I'm not worthy.  She asked me to pick out some fabrics from the Etsy store it came from, but not to peek at what the lady made.  I did not peek because I am an excellent surprisee.  However, it was a little difficult picking fabrics for something when I had no idea what the end product was going to be.  I thought it might be a patchwork stuffed animal so I picked the prettiest ones and crossed my fingers.


Last week a package arrived from her and it was kind of flat so I was confused.  No patchwork stuffed animal??  Then I opened it and it was even better!


A book for the baby's library!!  Remember how I did that for the baby shower?? 


And letters!!


Remember the magnetic refrigerator letters you used to play with as a kid?  Well, the 21st century version is handmade, fabric and way more awesome!!


I first saw them - where else? - on Young House Love when they got them for their baby.  I thought they were cute, I thought I'd like to have some when I had a kid, and promptly forgot about them.


Until I opened the package and started jumping up and down squealing "OhmygoshtheYoungHouseLoveletters!  Sofia look!  Shunta got you the Young House Love letters!  Aren't they so cute!  Oh my goodness!  This is so great!  How awesome!  Aren't they so pretty!"  And then I promptly set up for a little photoshoot.

Oops, forgot the book

There we go!

It took me a second to figure out how to put her name and 'thank you' in the same picture.  I was going to put 'danke' but 'merci' is so much prettier!  Besides, I speak French not German.

Donc, je vous remercie beaucoup pour les cadeux si gentils et aussi pour l'amitié que vous m'avez donné.  J'ai beacoup de la chance d'avoir une amie comme vous!

God bless, I'm rusty!  I hope that said 'Thank you so much for such sweet/thoughtful gifts, as well as the friendship you've given me.  I'm lucky to have a friend like you!

My point is, Shunta is awesome and having her as a friend gets a spot in the column 'things I've done right in my life.'

Thanks girl!

Yeah, I'm looking at you

Once upon a time, many moons ago, while gathering the courage to paint the nursery, I painted a chalkboard panel in the kitchen.

To jog the memory.

Gah, that seems like forever ago.

Well, it was more time-consuming than I'd hoped.

In that post, I recommended against using the standard issue blue painter's tape.  Well, guess what?  The people that make the blue painter's tape, 3M, heard me.  I don't know how because I never even mentioned their name in the original post but they heard me.  About a week after that post went up, I got an email from 3M, asking me why I was talking shit about them.  I was like, cuz your shit don't work.  And they were all, well can we send you some shit to change your mind?  And I was like, shit yeah!

Possibly with a little less cursing.  Incidentally, if you ever meet me in real life I don't curse near as much as I do when I write.  I don't know what that's about.

ANYWAY, I'd forgotten all about it because you know, I was having a baby and whatnot.  But one day, this box comes.  With all this shit in it.

Never you mind all the laundry in the background

I was shocked!  Cool, right?  I haven't painted anything since the kitchen but I'll definitely use the tape they sent because, free loot!  

ALSO, when I talked about the stuff you need when you have a baby?  I mentioned my breast pump by name and a Hygeia person tweeted me that they liked my post!  AND, back when I finished the nursery and wrote that post, a producer from THE NATE BERKUS SHOW contacted me about submitting my pictures for their show!!  I emailed back and forth with her for a while but again, having the baby trumped everything and I haven't heard back from them.  That reminds me, I should follow up with them because hello!!  TV!

My point is, it's the internet and they can hear you.  So I'm hoping I get heard one more time.

When I was in Kansas a couple of weeks ago, we met my dad at Jack Stack's Barbecue for lunch.  My dad was just inside the door waiting on us when we arrived.  The small foyer/waiting area was full so my mom and I maneuvered the snap n go further in the doorway so as not to block other people arriving.  We passed the hostess stand without bumping into anyone and I was about to take a seat when I caught a serious stink-eye from the hostess.  With loads of attitude, she looked at my mother and me and said, "Would you like to put your name on the list?"  I cranked my neck so hard!  If you could have seen the disdain coming from this girl!

Immediately, I got extra with her.  "My father is already here and he has already put our name on the list."

Not to be outdone, she countered.  "We don't have room for your stroller.  You'll have to put your carseat in the slings that we have."

I'msorryWHAT?  Oh no bitch.  Call my shoes ugly, take away my birthday, but Don't. EVEN. Address Anything to do with my child.  I nearly hopped right over that hostess stand to let her know just how grave a mistake she just made messing with Mama Bear, but I thought better of it.

I Tweeted about the place. 

I went to their Facebook page.

Now I'm blogging about it and I hope they hear me.  I mean, for crying out loud, look at where they sat us!

This isn't the greatest picture in the world, but trust me when I tell you there was plenty of room for the snap n go.  The sling they made me put the carseat in took up the exact same amount of floor space!  And there was a gentleman in a fully motorized wheelchair just two tables away from us!  No room, my ass.

Sofia's like, it's all good, I'm still fly.

Yes you are baby, yes you are.

Unfortunately, our server wasn't any better and the food was so-so.  I've had better barbecue at the Wyandot Barbecue up the street from my house and Gates near my old high school.

So, I'm looking at you Jack Stack and I hope you hear me.  And even if you don't, I'm sure someone will and think twice about eating there.  

It's the internet y'all.  They can hear you and that's a good thing.  

Hey, remember when I had a blog?

Yeah, me neither.


Once upon a time, I used to post almost every day.  My brain was brimming with stuff.  I had thoughts!  About things!  And I wrote about them in humorous and intelligent ways!


Not anymore.


I've tried - do you have any idea how hard it is to type one-handed?  It took me almost two hours to answer an email today.  One email!  Two hours!  I'm dyin' over here!


Blogging is my creative outlet.  I love stretching my little brain to come up with funny, thought-provoking or just mildly interesting posts - this is not one of them, btw.  I love playing with my camera and thinking up funny captions.  This post will have no pictures because I don't. have. the. time.


I'm going out of my mind because my outlet is clogged.  I was in Kansas for an entire week and only posted once, and it wasn't for lack of content.  I may be jinxing myself, but every since I started blogging I've never had writer's block.  That one time I asked you guys to ask me questions was only because I was pregnant and couldn't tell anyone.  It wasn't because I couldn't think of anything to write about.


But now?  Now?  I can't think.  I don't have two seconds to rub together, much less sit down and let my creative juices begin to flow.  I shouldn't even be typing right now.  I should be asleep because the baby is going to wake up in a few hours and I should rest.


That's all I've got right now.  This was a pointless post.  I'm disappointed in myself.  I hate this.  I hate that I can't write when I need to.  Not being able to write makes me cranky and I am a royal B right now.  I just want one hour to myself when the sun is still up.


But this is my life.  I have to adjust to writing when everyone else is asleep.  I have to get by on even less sleep than I already am, I guess.


Let me shut up.  Hopefully I'll have something better tomorrow.  Bleh.  I suck.

First in flight

Sofia had her first flight on Saturday and we survived!

Chillin at the gate with Lamby

There was a brief moment where I tried to make a request of the Queen.  We were waiting to board and she was getting fussy/hungry.  I humbly requested that she wait until we get on the plane since it was only going to be about five minutes and she let me know in no uncertain terms that she would be requiring food Right The Hell Now MOTHER.  Okie doke - boob it is.  Of course, she was annoyed that I had to take her off just a couple minutes later to board the flight - the gall of those people!  How dare they presume to leave on time!  Did they not know the Queen was eating?!

Thankfully, she's a yoga zen Queen and allowed me to get on the plane where we resumed nursing with no further incident.

Sofia and Lamby on their very first plane ride!

She did so wonderfully and my chest was so puffed out!  No crying or anything!  I was so freakin nervous to be That Person With The Baby and have everyone give me dirty looks and wish a plague on my head because I couldn't keep my baby quiet but none of that happened.  However, we didn't get out of it completely unscathed.  I was cooing and smiling over her in the Mom voice, all high and squeaky:  "Oh my goodness my baby you're doing so great, Mommy's so proud of you, you're such a good girl, you're so wonderf - *sniffsniff*  Oh come on!!"

Yup, I got to change a ridiculously dirty diaper in the tiny airplane bathroom.  I think she did that on purpose but at least the flight was only an hour and ten minutes.

We got home where my parents had an open house for all their friends so they could meet the baby.  My dad was slightly proud.  You could barely tell he was happy the baby was there.

Yeah, just a little happy

I looooove cake!

Then I became the person that took tons of pictures of people holding my child because there were about 40 people at the house.  I 'taught' Leilah, my 4 year old cousin to go around offering hand sanitizer to everyone because it was easier than repeatedly asking them if they'd washed their salmonella hands.  She did great and the baby was super chill the entire time.  I was so proud of her!

One of the other cool things about being home is that my mom has all my baby pictures!  When Sofia was first born the big question was who did she look like?  Neither of us could answer because we could not see either of ourselves in her.  However, now?  The kid is me!  Like for real!

It's like my very own Dear Photograph

I'm having a great time at home and it's so cool to see my parents with the baby.  We took pictures with the cousins this afternoon and it was a feat!  Five little girls - 7, 4, 3, 14 months and 3 months.  Of course there was a meltdown, of course it was like herding cats and of course I was so. effing. thankful. that I have only one child.  It may stay that way forever and ever.

I'm here for a few more days so Drew has to fend for himself just a little while longer.  He's having a bachelor week with the dog while I'm gone and I think they're doing okay - I've gotten text messages with pictures of the fridge full of beer.  Since he's doing so well without me, I should go out of town with the baby more often.  And here I thought he would *miss* me or something.  Silly me.

We have more girl's lunches planned and I can't wait to spend more time with my family.  But I can't lie, it'll be nice to get back home.

I kinda miss my dog. 

Kidding kidding - gah.

By order of the queen

Late at night, once everyone has gone to bed, I take some time for myself and it feels great.  Sometimes I have a glass of wine, sometimes not.  But I take that time to blog - read, write, comment and it's my time.  It's precious and it's not to be messed with.


Anyway, last night I was surfing around and came across this picture.

image courtesy Centsational Girl

I was like, hey!  I have those wallflowers!  And they're still in the box!  I should do something with them! And stop using so many exclamation marks!

After our walk this morning (I still haven't found my abs) I finally got to it.  Here's a tip:  finish your nursery before the baby comes, otherwise you may find yourself 'getting to it' almost three months later.

Of course, at this point anything I do must meet with approval from the Queen.

Her Majesty

I propped her up in bed so she could supervise my work.

I will oversee your work from my throne, thank you very much.

I shall require a slight adjustment to the left, if you please.

This project meets with my approval, you may proceed.

I'd wanted to balance the wall, but couldn't find anything that really spoke to me.  I briefly toyed with a collection of frames on the opposite side of the canvas, but I thought it might make things look a little busy.  When I found the wallflowers, I knew it would work.  And yes I know everyone and their cousin is doing wallflowers but I don't care.  Count me in, I like them.  Plus, they're easy - the whole thing took me less than fifteen minutes.

See how it's not balanced?

I took them out of the box with no rhyme or reason.

That's why they're great - you don't have to be precise with it.

It came with the nails and I haphazardly nailed them in and snapped the wallflowers in place.  I know that some people might make a design on the bed and do their best to transfer that design to the wall, but I'm not that person.  I eyeballed, hammered and snapped.  And the Queen approved.

Using the picture on my laptop as a guide, it was hammer-time!

Oh yeah, I said it.  Deal with it.

I had all but seven flowers on the wall when the Queen made it known 

that she was done with this little project.

You will cease all flower-hanging this instant!!

So this is where we ended - by order of the Queen.

There was no way I was putting holes in my precious canvas.

I have seven flowers left and I'm trying to decide where and if I should hang them.  Are they good how they are?  Should I hang more?  Where?

With the Queen's approval, of course.

*It felt so good to do something for the house - I was having withdrawals!*

What you need when you have a baby

Things are happening round these parts.  Things I can't discuss because it's the internet and they can hear you.  So instead, we're going to talk about what you need when you have a baby.


When you have a baby, you need something to feed them and something to catch it in when it comes out the other end.  The End.

Gratuitous baby picture because I can

Kidding, kidding.  Since I have kept another human alive for almost 3 months, I consider myself an expert in all things baby.  Oh yeah - I'm the first person to have a child, no one will have one after me, and my way is the only way.

BAH hahahahaha!

No seriously, I know nothing about babies and nothing about mothering.  I'm totally flying by the seat of my pants and every day that the kid is alive has nothing to do with me.  Just the other day, she was being super fussy and wouldn't take the boob or the pacifier.  The only thing that kept her appeased was sucking on my arm.  So I let my kid give me a hickey.  I'm pretty sure they don't give that advice in the parenting books.

Maybe she's mixed with vampire

Of course, after you have a kid you may want to leave your house.  In those first few weeks, I didn't and cried when I went to the drugstore without her.  However, I got over that and wanted to venture out.  Therefore, you need a baby carrier thing.  Fine, whatever - carseat.

I like our carseat and I don't know what people talk about when they say it doesn't fit in grocery carts - mine fits just fine, so listen to me.  If you get this carseat, it'll fit in grocery carts.  Remember, I'm the only one who's right. (Before we go any further, I must disclose that I've had I am having wine and it's delicious.  My kid is asleep and won't wake up until 5am, so don't freak out.)

When your arms get tired from carrying the baby in the baby carrier thing, you'll probably want a baby-pusher thing.  I have a huge one (that sounded dirty.)  No seriously, we have majorly uneven sidewalks and the baby doesn't even flinch because of our giant stroller.  Love it!

BabyJogger CityElite - I don't know what they have against using the spacebar

I got so much shit for getting a separate carseat and stroller because they said my baby would freak out if we took her out of the carseat and put her in the stroller.  I say to them, pish tosh (oh yeah, I said pish tosh.  I'm bringing it back.)  My baby has not once complained about being taken out of the carseat to get put in the stroller.  So don't be afraid to get wild and get separate shit.  Your kid won't freak.  Well, they might.  I just know my kid didn't freak, okay?

However, the thing is huge.  I went to lunch with my girlfriend and rammed my own knee trying to get in the door of the restaurant.  I hit someone's ankle trying to maneuver it and then knocked into someone else with my diaper bag when I tried to back up.  True story.  The very next day I bought a snap-n-go.

The name is kind of misleading because it doesn't snap.  It's more set-your-carseat-in-it n go.  I wonder why they don't call it that.  Bad marketing, marketing people.  Anyway, this is very convenient for little trips when I don't want to hassle with the Assault Stroller.  I swore I wouldn't get more than one stroller, but there you go.  And I'll probably get an umbrella stroller too.  Whatevs.

In my opinion, that's all the shit you absolutely have to have.  That's bare bones.  Oh shit wait, they need a place to sleep.  Okay, so you need that too.

We have a pack n play but she doesn't sleep in it but that's only because we have the crib.  You don't have to have both.  I just put her in the pack n play if the crib is too far away and I absolutely need two hands to do something where I can't wear her.  Like poop.  I don't really prefer to poop with my kid strapped to my chest, but that's just me.  And I guess I don't need two hands to poop - unless you count gripping my jeans because it hurts so bad.  Is that too much?  Guess what - I don't care.  After you have a kid, it hurts to poop.  Sorry if I'm the first one telling you that.

::more wine please::

Okay, where was I?  Baby carriers!  I have a billion of them and I love them all.  I recommend them but from here on out, this is all shit you don't have to have but it might make your life easier so get it if you want.  

Okay, I have an Ergo, a Moby, a ring sling and a Baby K'tan.  I love them all.  The Ergo is hardcore and the biggest upside is it's sturdy.  It's like a hiking baby carrier.  However, your baby can't face out and it has a between the shoulder hook that you have to have serious yoga limberosity to buckle.  The Moby is approximately 85,000 yards of fabric and you have to know origami to tie it up.  When the baby is screaming her head off, origami is the last thing on your mind.  Use only if the baby is chill and you can think straight. The ring sling is beautiful but Rixa Freeze needs to hurry up and come to Dallas to show me how to keep it from gaping in the front.  The Baby K'Tan is the easiest to get on and is my default baby carrier but I can't bend down in any of them so I've gotten quite adept at picking things up with my feet.  

I'm also happy to report that I have not needed a glider for the nursery.  I wanted one really badly but it was horribly expensive and I'd link to that post but I've had wine and I'd rather just write, so trust me when I say I really wanted a glider.  I cried about it, straight up.  I was convinced my baby would hate me and hate life if I didn't have a glider.  Not true!  I sit in the chair and rock her just fine.  So don't listen when they say you have to have a glider because you don't.  I'm an expert remember?

OH YEAH!  Baby monitors!  We have an Angelcare and it's a must.  So I lied because this should go before the part where I said you don't need anything after this because you need a monitor unless you want to stand over your kid like a maniac, holding a mirror under their nose to make sure they're still alive.  I also got shit for this one, because they said the Angelcares are pointless.  It is not pointless.  It's a lifesaver.  And it totally works because if you don't shut it off right when you take the baby out of the crib, that bitch will go off and make your heart stop because you don't want it to startle the baby because you're trying to keep them from waking up all the way and it took for-fucking-EVER to get her down the first time turn the damn thing off SHIT!  So yeah, get a baby monitor, just remember to turn it off if you take the baby out of the crib.

 

OH!  Marketing people!  You should put that you have to buy a piece of plywood for this thing on the OUTSIDE of the box before people go sewing crib skirts and velcro-ing them to the mattress frame and then they have to go to Lowe's and get wood specially cut and then go to Target to get more velcro strips because they already put their awesome crib skirt together and now they have to take the whole damn thing apart to accommodate the board so the monitor will work.  Fuckers.

SHIT!  I forgot another thing you have to have!  Well, I have to have it anyway.  A straitjacket!  Fine, fine call it a swaddler.  Whatevs.

This baby doesn't look real and it's kind of creeping me out.

My poor kid twitches like a crackhead.  If I don't swaddle her to go to sleep, she wakes herself up and then gets pissed about it.  Poor baby.  The Miracle Blanket is the only one I can wrap to where she doesn't get out of it.  Seriously, she sighs when she's wrapped up, like ahhh finally I can calm down!  She loves it and I'm scared to stop using it.  If you come to my house and my kid is twelve and still being swaddled, kindly look the other way.

Okay, so this one is something you probably need but I certainly wish I didn't.  I'm talking about the breast pump.  I fucking hate that thing.  I nearly cried when I hooked myself up to it because I totally felt like a cow being milked.  However, if I ever want to have time to myself I gotta do it.  I have the Hygeia because my friend recommended it to me and I was like fine whatever where do I get it.  Not because of her, but because I hate the idea of pumping.  It sucks balls but if I have to do it, I wanted a good pump that would get the job done in the least amount of time.  Plus, the Hygeia is the only one that has a closed system, making it truly safe to be re-used.  With others, you run the risk of milk getting into the motor and mucking it all up with bacteria.  Since mine is closed, the lactation consultant we bought it from will buy it back when we're done with it.  Holla!

Oh yeah - when you're feeding your kid you'll probably need some arm support.  Holding them in your arms is cool but after a while that shit starts to hurt.  I have a Boppy that saves my life (thank you Cori!) but you could easily get by with a bunch of pillows.  I totally do when I'm feeding her on the sofa and the Boppy is in the bedroom and I'm too lazy to go get it.  If your kid's like mine and has a touch o' the reflux you have to feed them semi-upright so you need some kind of arm support.  I also use it to prop her up on the bed when I'm folding laundry - that's when we talk about girl stuff and catch up with all the gossip.

You also might want some stuff for your kid to look at - you know, so they don't get bored but it doesn't have to be fancy.  Get creative and find stuff around your house that lights up and makes noise.  Babies love that stuff and it stimulates their minds so they'll grow up smart and take care of you in your old age.  Toys are easy but you could make funny faces and noises and your kid won't know the difference.  Mine smiles the most when it's just the two of us and I'm being dumb.  I wonder how long that will last.

I don't want to can't think of other stuff.  The other stuff I use because I have it, but I bet I could get by without it.  Of course, I have an easy baby too which helps a lot.  She didn't have colic and she's not too picky.  She's a pretty chill kid who doesn't need much.  As long as I'm close enough to yell for, she's cool.

I'm having a lot of fun with this mom thing.  That doesn't mean I don't have my moments of wondering when I'll get myself back to myself again.  And it would be nice not be covered in spit-up for just one day.  And to have a reason to wear makeup.  And shoes.  And dangly earrings.

But I know that soon enough, I'll have all the time in the world to do all those things and I'll wish I was where I am right now.  So I'm just going to sit here drinking my wine in my spit-up stained jeans and be thankful for where I am.

Amen.