Monday, April 8, 2013

Home and healthy

We're healthy and we're home.  Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers, it meant the world to me and I'm so blessed to have people like you in my life.  Thank you for emailing, texting, commenting and just keeping us on your minds.  

.....................................
Easter Sunday night, Sofia was kind of fussy and whiny and she kept asking to go night-night.  It was only 6:30 and bedtime's not till 8, so I was trying to hold her off because I didn't want to mess up the sleep schedule.  We went down to the playroom to keep her occupied until it was time to go to bed, but she wasn't having it.  She only wanted to sit on the sofa with me and nurse.  I gave in and finally just let her nurse, and she fell asleep within minutes.  All the lights were on, she hadn't eaten much for dinner, she was still in her work clothes and I hadn't put her in her night diaper.  But what could I do but lay her down?  So I took her up to her crib around 7, convinced that she was going to wake up in an hour and I'd just change her then.

I knew something wasn't right, and I stayed up until two in the morning because I just knew that any minute she was going to wake up.  She coughed a couple times here and there but nothing that made me run into her room.  Finally, she woke up at 8 the next morning which is all kinds of not normal.  She called for me and I went into her room to get her.

The vomit smell hit me before I turned on the light and she was whimpering.  I turned the light on and the poor kid had vomited all over herself and her crib.  Some of it was wet, but some was dried and caked on her sheets.  It was in her hair and everything and my heart just broke for her.

I quickly got her naked and we got into the shower and after we got out, I went to clean her crib.
While I was cleaning her crib, she laid on the floor and fell fast asleep.

Then I started to worry.  Sofia is not a 'sleep anywhere' kind of kid and she never falls asleep without nursing.  I picked her up and put her in our bed and she slept for two hours!  When she finally woke up, the vomiting started again.  I'm sad to report our Harrison has seen better days.  When Sofia was awake, all she wanted to do was sit on the sofa, and there's not much you can do to protect yourself and your sofa from projectile vomit.  
Poor kid

Then I got super worried that it was the norovirus again.

Sofia vomited off and on all day Monday and that evening, she started having diarrhea.  Oh joy. I just did my best to keep her hydrated and I prayed that it was just a 24-hour bug.  She went to bed around 8 Monday night, and woke up at 2 in the morning with vomit and diarrhea all over her and her crib.  Again.  Dammit.

I cleaned her up and laid down with her in the guest room.  I draped us both in towels and flinched every time she coughed.  She woke for the day around 7, and I carried her with me while I brushed my teeth and got some water from the kitchen.  "Mommy, sit the sofa."  If you could have heard her pitiful little voice....

No sooner did I get us draped and sit down did she turn her head and projectile vomit on the uncovered part of the sofa.  I called the doctor.  While I was on hold, she vomited again.  They told me to give her a teaspoon of Pedialyte every 15 minutes and call them later.

I gave her one teaspoon and three minutes later, she vomited.  I called them back and told them I needed to bring her in.

At the doctor's office, they confirmed it was viral and that there wasn't a lot they could do.  I hate when doctors say that.  ALSO, it is possible to get norovirus more than once.  What The Hell?!  They sent us home and watch for wet diapers and go to the ER if she goes longer than 8 hours without a wet one.  However, just how am I supposed to tell if her diaper is wet when every diaper is just diarrhea??

Tuesday night, she went a few hours without pooping but her diaper was completely dry and she was so worn out from puking and pooping for over 24 hours.  A quick call to Drew's parents to confirm what we already knew, and we were packing up to head to the ER.  I tried to keep my cool so I wouldn't scare Sofia, but I was terrified.  She's so healthy, this couldn't be happening to my baby!  As we took our seats in the waiting area with all the other sick people, I hoped and prayed that this would just turn out to be a few wasted hours and we'd be back home in the morning.  

PS, changing a diarrhea diaper in an ER bathroom is not fun.  Just in case you were wondering.

We got to the ER around 8pm Tuesday night and we were finally brought back around 10:30.  A little after 11, they took us back for the CT scan. They had to put her in this plastic thing that held her still and upright and poor Sofia was not a fan.  It was past her bedtime, she was sick and in a strange place and she was not happy.

They gave her anti-nausea meds so the vomiting stopped but the diarrhea never did.  I ran out of her cloth diapers and started going through their disposables.  The poor kid pooped on everything in sight.

The CT came back clear, so then they had to draw blood.  Oooohhh, LAWD.  I got dizzy when they stuck that needle into my baby's arm, but I had to keep calm because I'm the mom.  That's just what you do, right.

Until they came back and were like, she's severely dehydrated.  That scared the shit out of me, because I was watching her!  She still had tears!  Her skin wasn't papery!  Yet, the tears came when they were throwing around words like dangerously low and the worst, IV fluids.

I started breathing deep and looking for a focal point when they told me the IV people were coming.  Drew very quietly was like, Maybe you should step outside.  I nodded once, handed Sofia to him and walked out, just as the IV people walked in.

There was no good place to be.  I stood outside crying, listening to Sofia scream and cry.  "Mommy!  Come in and hold me!  All done all done!  Mommy!  Hold me!!  Daddy!!  All done!!"

Yet, Drew was inside.  Looking at her face as she screamed.  Holding her down while they stuck her.  Unable to do anything.  Holy God, it sucked so bad.

I came back in, and he was wiping his tears and shaking his head.  "She's never going to forget that."  I didn't bother correcting him - *He* was never going to forget that.

A few minutes later, they came back and she was going to be admitted.  I nodded, crying.  My poor baby was so sick.
Babies aren't supposed to be sick.  
That's against some rule, I'm sure of it.

Drew updated my Facebook for me.

That started our first hospital stay.  One of her gazillion stool samples came back positive for rotovirus, so that meant we were in isolation.  No leaving the room for anything.  There's not a lot you can do when you're in isolation, but watch a lot of tv and take lots of pictures. 
We slept together on the pull-out cots.
They wanted me to leave her in the hospital crib.  Alone.
AS IF.
We watched much Gabba.
Keeping her comfortable, making the best of this.

We got to our room early Tuesday morning, and by Wednesday she was much better.  The vomiting had stopped but not her booty faucet.  Bless her heart, we were changing diapers every twenty minutes.  Her potassium level dropped too low, so they switched out the bag for potassium-raising fluids.  We got to be frenemies with the IV pole.
The bane of my existence.

Sofia is right-handed and they put the IV in her right arm.  Additionally, despite the board they put on her, she could still bend and every time she bent her arm, the IV would kink and the alarm would go off.  I'd have to call the nurse, they'd come in to straighten her arm, reset the machine, only to come back in ten minutes to do it all over, because YOU try telling a two year old to keep their dominant hand still and straight.  Day and night, it seemed like that damn alarm went off every frickin five minutes.
One of the millions of times they had to check her IV.
Wednesday afternoon was the first time she was up and about.
I was never happier to see that beautiful face.
Thursday morning, she felt well enough to make funny faces with DJ Lance.
"Wow, that's a funny face!"
We even had a visitor and I'm so touched and humbled 
about that, I'm doing a separate post.
But this little flower was from our visitor.
By Friday morning, we'd given up on pants because they
just kept getting pooped on.
But she was feeling much better, and back to her old 
'dump Mommy's purse on the floor' tricks.

By noon on Friday, her potassium levels were finally back to normal, the pooping had pretty much stopped, so they disconnected the IV.  Woohoo!
My mom had arrived in town, and she got some more presents from my friends.
This time it was an awesome stuffed puppy.
Also, how cute is this bouquet?!
This smile.
On Friday afternoon, three days after we arrived, we were finally able 
to put on our going-home clothes and get up out of there!

I was so thankful this ordeal was over.  I was so scared for my baby and I was beyond thankful that our hospital stay was short.  I said a little prayer for the parents who have to make hospitals their second home.  I have more words to say about this experience, but this post is super long as it is.  If you can bear with me, I have only one more post about this and then we'll get back to normal.  But I kinda need to process, you know?

But again, thank you all so much for thinking of us, praying for us and just remembering us.  You're good and wonderful people.  Thank you.

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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

In hospital

Hi all, just wanted to pop on and ask for your good thoughts and prayers. Sofia is in the hospital with rotavirus and severe dehydration.

She had to get an IV and hearing her screams and cries as they held her down to insert it was pretty much the worst thing I've experienced.

We're still here until the diarrhea stops and she pees, neither of which have happened yet. There's talk of a catheter but I'm not letting it to there without a damn good reason.

Anyway, if you could just keep us in your thoughts that would be great. Thanks you guys.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Me vs. food

Earmuffs y'all, I'm about to curse.

But Desiree, you kind of curse a lot.

Yes I'm aware of that, and one day I'll do something about it.  But today is not that day, because it's 11 o'clock at night, my kid is sleeping, I should be sleeping, but I can't because I'm scouring the internet for natural food dyes for birthday cakes and it's pissing me off.

But let me back up.

This story starts way back.  Nearly five years ago - hold up, wait.  Almost exactly five years ago - daaaamn!  I've been with Drew for five years!  March 28, 2008 - craaazy!  How in the world do I remember that date but I can't remember what I need when I walk into the bedroom...  Oh yeah, because I'm old.  ANYWAY...

Read this post to catch up.  If you don't feel like it, the gist is, food and me?  We're not friends, unless it was mac n cheese, or something else in a box or bag that all I had to do was add water and it was ready to eat in less than ten minutes.

But then I met Drew.  The foodie who recoiled in horror at my eating habits.  The wine lover who could smell buttered popcorn in a glass of Chardonnay (for the record, I still can't.)  After he woke up from his dead faint when he saw my pantry, he turned me away from eating things out of boxes.  I never ate a brussels sprout until I met him and now I love them.  It's been a slow journey and I didn't necessarily enjoy the ride but I haven't had a box of noodles in almost four years.  

Fast forward to about six months ago, and something changed.  I had my lightbulb, a-ha moment.  Food was no longer my enemy, but it wasn't quite yet my friend.  Right here is where I insert some witty analogy about the popular kid and sitting at the lunch table, and there's an ex-boyfriend in there somewhere, along with a penguin.  

What?

But seriously, I started to take interest in food.  I saw Jamie Oliver puree and fry those chicken bones and I was grossed out, vowing never to eat a chicken nugget again.  I saw Super Size Me and McDonald's was off the list.  I stopped eating processed foods and started reading labels.  

Then I had a kid and shit got real.  My baby was precious and perfect and if I could keep her healthier by simply feeding her certain foods, then that's what the hell I was going to do.  Additionally, I didn't want her going into puberty at age five and if there was any way under the sun I could do something to keep her from having the reproductive issues that I've had, well then, I'm sold.

*Of course, there's no way to tell if my diet has anything to do with my miscarriages, but if there's anything I can do to make my child's life better, I'm for it.*

Anyway, that's when we started eating organic.  I started reading every flippin label when we went to the store and it started pissing me off because all the things I used to eat had ingredient lists a mile long and all the words I could understand were bad ones.  Preservatives.  Carcinogens.  Additives.  Chemicals.  Toxins.  So I started cooking.  A lot.  I make more shit from scratch than I ever thought I would and the list grows every day, because every effin day I read about something else that'll give you cancer and make you grow a third arm out of your forehead.  

You know what?  That shit pisses me off.
These are homemade tortillas.  You know why?
The tortillas I used to buy have 12,000 ingredients in them and the ingredients
I do recognize are because they cause cancer.
So now I have to make my own tortillas, and you know what's worse?
They taste better than store tortillas so I'm going to have to
keep making my own tortillas.

You think I want to make my own tortillas?  No I Do Not.  I would rather someone else make them for me.  But the ones I make have three ingredients:  Flour, oil and water.  All shit I recognize.  You know if I wanted to have some 'organic' tortillas from the store with the same three ingredients?  That shit would cost me like $15 a package.  And that pisses me off.

PLUS!  Organic shit tastes better, and once you've had real food, all that processed un-fresh crap food tastes like, well, crap.  That pisses me off too!

We hardly every eat out anymore, because the food we make at home is better.
Brussels sprouts skillet pizza - all organic and tastes like heaven on a plate.
Pisses me off.
'Fried' rice.  Tastes better than any Chinese food you can get here in Reading.
I'm mad about it.

I meal plan now.  We pretty much only shop at the farmer's market.  One day, I tried to introduce Sofia to potty training and it was so stressful and my day was so shot that I didn't have the chance to make dinner and ordered Domino's.  Do you have any idea how distraught I was?  And how upset I was that I was feeding my kid that cardboard chemical garbage?

Who the hell am I?

And it's worse.  I haven't even gotten to the really bad part yet.

This food transformation has infiltrated my sweets y'all.  It's serious.

Sofia's birthday party is this Saturday and once again, I'm making her cake.  You'd think I'd learned from last year, but nope.  I haven't, and to make matters worse, I can't use food coloring on her cake.
Have you ever seen cancer look so pretty?

I'm not even going to link to any of the articles because the shit depresses me.  Just google any combination of the words 'food coloring', 'danger', 'children' and you'll find more than you ever wanted to know about just how bad food coloring is for kids.  And it pisses me off, because my newfound devotion to real foods is fucking with my cake.  

It was fine when you're talking about veggies - we need veggies in our life.  Fruits?  Absolutely! Healthy snacks?  Pin that shit!  Cake?  

I'mSorryWhatNow?  HoldUpWaitJustADamnMinute. OHELLNaw!  Not My Cake!!

Sofia is having a Yo Gabba Gabba birthday party.  The characters are rainbow colored.  That means she NEEDS a rainbow cake.
Like this one.
Or this
Or, how about a Gabba birthday tutu cake?  Die.

I looked at all those pictures, and I was like no problem.  I'll make my own rainbow cake and use natural dyes.  I got this!  Except,
It's not as bright and rainbow-y!
*sad clown*

I tried to tell myself that one time, one day of food coloring won't kill her.  I tried to tell myself that I'll make a batch of all-natural cupcakes and frost them without coloring so the parents who don't want their kids to have food coloring will have an option.  But then I was like, hold up.  How can I give my own kid food coloring in good conscience when I know how bad it is?  How can I do that to someone else's kid?  I sent sugary treats to Sofia's school for Valentine's Day and was wracked with guilt about it for days.  Again I ask, who am I?

This morning, I did a test run.  I made a cake with natural food dyes.  
Beets for red and pink, spinach for green.
Red cabbage for blue.  Do I look like Magritte?
I used tumeric for yellow and carrot juice for orange.
I boiled everything and poured off the water.  
I was so encouraged!  This might actually work!
Until I put that shit in my cake mixes.
Blah. Boring.  LAME.
I was trying to do the rainbow swirl like the first picture.
Yeah, um, NO.
Not even a little bit.

The good news is the beets, spinach, tumeric, etc. didn't affect the flavor of the cake at all.  The bad news is, there was no color other than the tumeric!  Even though the batter was slightly colored, it must have baked out or something because there was nothing but bright yellow splotches in the cake and the texture was drier than I expected.  I was so pissed and I dumped that whole cake in the trash.

So, I'm up at midnight, fuming.  I want a rainbow cake but apparently you have to have a juicer to get the vibrant colors, you can't just boil the water and use that.  You need the actual vegetable, but guess what?  I don't have a juicer!  I'm going to try again with my food processor tomorrow but I have a feeling it's not the same thing and I'm really not trying to have spinach and beet pieces in my kid's birthday cake.  I'm not that far gone.

Straight up, I wish I could un-know this shit about food coloring.  Actually, some days I wish I could un-know all of it.  Those days of Pasta Roni and Kraft mac n cheese were simpler times.  But nope, all that information is in my brain and if I gave my daughter a rainbow cake, there'd be  no silencing the alarm bells in my head going Cancer! ADHD! Possible endocrine disruptors! And worst of all, Bad Mother!!!!

I'm really torn and this is such a first world problem and I so get that.  There are so many people who can't afford to feed their kids organic, fresh, un-processed blah blah blah and here I am bitching about a birthday cake.  Trust me, I count my blessings daily.  And when we eat out, I do my best to keep my mouth shut about the chemicals and toxins and grossness.  And I really wish McDonald's and Arby's and Burger King and Chick Fil A weren't so full of bad shit because I reallllly like Chick Fil A.  The others I can do without, but it hurts my heart not to eat Chick Fil A.  And you know what, sometimes I cave and get it and it tastes sooooo good and I feel sooooo guilty afterwards.  Especially when I order nuggets for Sofia, and especially when she practically inhales them.  

And I'm probably going to end up making a white cake with white icing from stupid organic flour and stupid grass-fed butter and dumb evaporated cane juice instead of white sugar and lame organic eggs and it'll taste just fine.  But I'll be longing for a rainbow cake the whole time, and this entire post is just me, having a tantrum about that.

Woosaaaa

Farewell, you delicious, beautiful
toxic,cancerous
beauty, you.
I'll miss you madly.

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