Putting Kroger on blast

Thursday I was very sluggish and wouldn't have gotten out of the house had I not had errands.  I had to pick up the car at the shop, get treats for Maya and get groceries.  Simple enough, right?  On the way to the car dealership I passed a giant PetSmart sign and took note of it, smug in my efficiency.  I would go to the PetSmart, swing by the grocery store and hang out with Kesha that night for a little Grey's and Private Practice.  It was on the way back home that it all fell apart because of my dumb ol hormones.


Thus far, I haven't had any symptoms of the, you know - the thing.  I don't know why I'm being all superstitious because I know that I have zero control over the outcome, yet I'm superstitious just the same.  We go to the doctor on Tuesday which will put us over one hurdle or knock us down, depending.


But back to my errands!  I got the car back, complete with a nearly empty gas tank.  I added the gas station to my list, hoping it would be near the pet store.  I could see the billboard in the distance, but it was still far enough away that I didn't want to exit the freeway too early.  But then I passed the billboard - this wasn't my usual PetSmart but no matter.  It's a giant billboard, it can't be that far from the exit.  I'll just exit at the next one and double back.  Except the next exit was a million miles PAST the billboard!  I don't know this area!  I couldn't find the pet store at this point even if I wanted to!  I wouldn't be able to get treats for Maya!  She only had two chewies left!  


I felt my chest get tight and my eyes start to burn.  I couldn't believe I was going to CRY because there was no exit for the pet store yet there I was, gearing up for a full-fledged wail-fest.  Then the car started to ding that the gas was getting low.  I began to whimper, afraid that I was going to run out of gas and I wouldn't be able to get treats or groceries!  Never mind that it gives you a countdown and I had 12 miles to empty and I knew where a gas station was - it was just out of my way and going out of my way was not efficient and I'm an efficient errand-runner!  


I dialed Drew's number.  "Baby, I hate everything!!"  That's what I usually say when I'm losing it.  He was all calm asking me what was wrong, and then I really let loose crying. "I was trying to go to the PetSmart to get Maya her treats because she only has two left and I couldn't go to the store because the stupid sign is in the middle of nowhere! (Dissolve into tears.  Big heaving breath.)  And then I have to get groceries and I have no idea what to get and the car is about to run out of gas and I'm going over to Kesha's later and I'm gonna be late and there's gonna be traffic and everything!"


Drew listened to me rant and sniffle and heave and cry and when I was finished he was like, "So you're crying because you can't find the PetSmart?"  I heard the grin in his voice and he was stuttering his words so he wouldn't laugh at me full-out.  I was too upset to even get mad at him.


With 8 miles to empty, I pulled into the gas station that was in the parking lot of a Kroger.  I got a sudden craving for Starbucks and decided to go ahead to the grocery store even though I hadn't the slightest idea what to get and didn't have a taste for anything.  I got my Starbucks and wandered around the store, picking up totally random stuff like one crabcake, some hummus and pita chips, sausage, and headed over to the dairy aisle because yogurt sounded good.


I have decent eating habits and thankfully have never had to diet or count calories.  Thank God because I wouldn't have the patience for all that nonsense.  However, recently Drew and I have tried to monitor our sugar intake.  It's simple enough and I figure if whatever we're eating has low sugar, it's probably a safe choice.  The only problem is that there is sugar in EVERYTHING!!  Lots of it!  It really pisses me off, because once I know that something has a lot of sugar I can't feel good about eating it - and I really like yogurt.

ONE small container of yogurt has NO business with that much sugar.

Forget the tears, I was MAD now.  How dare Kroger even stock that shit on their shelves!  They should know better.  I wanted to take that container of yogurt to the service desk and demand...demand........something.  I stood there in the dairy aisle, wanting to drag someone, anyone, over to look at this!  I settled for taking a picture.

Shame on you KROGER!

I looked for other brands that were lower in sugar, but they added chemicals in place of the sugar!  You can't win!  And I really wanted yogurt!  There was nothing more I wanted in that moment and I couldn't have it.  Not cool.

Light and Fit, my ass.  Do you know how nasty aspartame is?  

I was heated.  I pushed my cart with menace.  Woman scorned, ha!  I was yogurt denied!  The fury was unmatched!  I concentrated on my breathing and tried to tell myself that no one cares that a teeny container has a kabillion grams of sugar, that I was being hormonal and crazy.  I walked down the pet aisle and starting tossing things into my cart.  Take that PetSmart!  You get NONE of my money!  Maybe next time you'll learn to put your billboards in a better place!

So to recap:  tears, frustration, anger, righteous indignation, triumphant - in a few hours.  Yup, I'm pregnant.