Drew started traveling again. He left yesterday and I hate it. He was home the entire month of April and I got very used to sleeping with him every night and having him around every day. It sucks - completely and totally and I want my husband to come home.
But it's because of his job that we have what we do, that we have the opportunities we do and I know it's hard for him to be gone - I just miss him so much.
Since it's his first trip, my mom came down for a couple weeks to help me with the transition and I'm so grateful. Sofia still has don'tputmedown disease and it's really helpful for her to hold the baby while I brush my teeth or pee - things that I so foolishly took for granted before I had a baby. Now, even these things must be strategically planned so should she get upset, I've got the boob at the ready. Having my mom here has been a godsend - peeing with a baby attached to your boob is doable, but not recommended.
Unfortunately, she can't help with the dog who is being a straight-up asshole.
Along with having Drew home for a month, Maya also had Drew's parents to entertain her. They were here for several weeks and Her Canine Highness had all the attention she could handle. Between Drew and his dad, Maya was in heaven and she is not handling them being gone. Today alone she has tracked mud in the house, brought in sticks and chewed them to bits, ripped one of the baby's blankets, and took one of the baby's stuffed animals. All because no one is paying attention to her. It has nearly defeated me, because just as I get settled with the baby, I hear the ripping sound. Or she nonchalantly walks in with a stick and proceeds to make a mess under the dining room table. Because she can - it's like she knows I'm not as quick as I used to be. Chasing after a dog with a baby attached to your boob is doable, but not recommended.
I wish it were the old days when women could stay in bed for six weeks after having a baby and that was their only responsibility. I want nothing more than to lay in bed with Sofia and just stare at her. She's so amazing and wonderful and pretty and sweet and I just want to shut everything else out and focus only on her. I hate that I have to eat. I hate that I get so ridiculously thirsty that I can't deny it. I hate that I have to pee. Or let the dog out. Or get the dog to come back in. Or find the dog because she's being too quiet and that's never a good sign. I feel like I have two kids and not in the good way.
I also feel like I suck because we have no feeding schedule. I feed her every two hours but since it's two hours from when you start and sometimes she just won't get off, it feels like I'm nursing non-stop. Thankfully, we've worked out the kinks and it doesn't hurt but it throws off the schedule. Then there are the other times that she'll nurse for five minutes and fall asleep and I can't wake her up no matter what. I don't know whether to count that as a feeding and start the two hour clock from that time or wait until I feed her for the 20 minutes per side that the pediatrician recommended or do the 25 minutes on one side like the lactation consultant recommended, or feed on demand like La Leche League said! I watch for the cues like I was taught, but it seems like every time I turn around she's rooting or sucking on her fists so I stick a boob in her mouth only to have her fall asleep a few minutes later.
And then we try to sleep! Her days and nights are no longer mixed up - nope, she just doesn't want to sleep alone! Even though I moved the pack and play right next to my side of the bed that's not good enough. It makes my stomach turn over when she cries - it hurts so badly and I feel like I'm going to vomit so letting her cry is not an option. Besides, she's barely three weeks old. I'm not letting her cry, that's all there is to it. So, that means she's in bed with me.
Hurry! Quick! Somebody judge me!
I always swore that when I had kids they would never ever sleep in bed with me and I judged those who did. That was before I was walking into walls from being so tired. That was before I felt my skin falling off because her cries were so heartbreaking. I will do anything not to hear those cries. They're not the angry cries or the hungry cries. They're the 'why have you left me all alone in such heart-rending despair?' cries. The 'I thought we had a deal and how could you betray me' cries. The ones that go straight to your soul. I can't handle it so I bring her in bed with me and I get shitty sleep because I'm terrified of a pillow falling on her or rolling over on her so all night I'm in this stiff mummy pose while she sighs and sleeps and looks like an angel.
I also can't get the swaddle right and it breaks my heart because she loves being swaddled. She calms down instantly and stays calm for the two minutes it takes for her to get her arms free and then she freaks out again. I don't know what I'm doing wrong - I've had the pediatrician and the lactation consultant show me several times, both of whom are expert swaddlers and can calm my baby within seconds. I've watched tons of videos on YouTube and I just can't get it.
She calms down when I hold her in my arms but that means I can't do anything else - like eat, drink or pee. I would gladly hold her forever and never do those things again but I have to eat and drink so I can keep making breastmilk and eating and drinking make me have to pee. It's so terribly inconvenient. All this eating and drinking and peeing are interfering with me holding and staring at my daughter.
I know I'll find a rhythm soon enough and somehow, some way I'll figure out how to re-incorporate everything back into my life.
Until then, I will be in bed with my daughter, fighting the urge to eat and drink and pee.
Stop watching the clock, let her sleep in your bed, and just know you are doing your absolute best! You are a fantastic mom even if you don't feel that way!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. I can relate to the dog thing SO MUCH. Yes, mine is smaller, but he was such an asshole the first few weeks. I did MANY things with my baby attached to my boob, including holding his leash while letting him out to pee. It was a sight to see.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what? I would judge you if you LET your 3 week old cry. Mmk? So you are doing everything right. If she needs to cuddle with you at night, so be it. She'll outgrow it. Promise. We had nights where E slept on me. Guess what? She loves her crib and sleeps there great now (and has for the last 7/8 months).
So I promise. You just do what FEELS right. Don't worry about the judgies. Do what works for you. Always. Always. Always. Momma knows best.
And? You need to eat. And drink. For the boobies. For your baby.
The end ;)
ps: (not over yet, ha)...I was amazing at the worlds tightest swaddle. Have you tried the aden & anais thin muslin blankets yet?! They sell them at target, they are PERFECT for pulling tight. Also...if all else fails, use the swaddle-me (from babies-r-us, target, etc)...the little swaddle with the velcro. You will not be sorry. I realize it looks stupid and ugly, but OMG it is fool proof and will save your life. We used it FOREEEEVERRR.
Crap! I know what else I wanted to say. Just try feeding on demand. Its so much easier. She'll fall into a pattern. Don't worry about her falling asleep either, it happens. When she's hungry, she lets you know, right? You're doing perfect. seriously. Such a good momma ;)
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel! I nearly had a breakdown today. If it's not one thing it's another. And why can't doctors, nurses, and lactation consulatants come to a consensus instead of having us all confused?
ReplyDeleteP.S. My daughter will be in bed with me too. She hates sleeping in that pack and play at night. I don't know what it is. I said it would never happen either :-(
ditto to what everyone else said. My experience was that my baby TOLD me what he needed and eventually (around 6 weeks) we got on a schedule - and we felt just like you until then. A lot of mamas say that 6 weeks is when things even out.
ReplyDeleteIf she's hungry, you'll know. If she's tired, let her sleep. As long as she's gaining weight like she's supposed to - you're golden.
Mama's who schedule their babies have a hard time with milk production as well as a lot of other problems (before 6 months).
I know a lot is just personality, but we give my boy what he needs (believe me, when she's pitching a fit and demanding something - its really different than a cry because she's hungry or tired or cold or needs a cuddle). Because he knows his needs will be met, he's super confident, sleeps really well (minus when he's sick or teething), sleeps in his own room (after co-sleeping for 8 months), doesn't use a pacifier anymore (after using one for 9 months), and is a happy go lucky guy.
Give that girl what she needs, try to get some time for yourself, and know the most important thing about parenting:
The baby changes every four weeks. If something is going really well and you have it down it will change soon. If something is going horribly - it will change soon, too. When it seems unbearable - remember that nothing with little ones is forever.
You are a great mama with great instincts.
Use your moby (or the becco gemini) and wear your little muffin while you pee, brush your teeth, go for walks. Saved my life.
Cheers!
I was going to suggest the swaddle me blankets from Toy 'R Us as well. With my first two (older boys, this product wasn't around when they were born) I could NEVER swaddle right and just gave up. They always got out, but with the swaddle me, my daughter was easily swaddled with no problems. If I could do it, you can! :)
ReplyDeleteAs for the dog - I knew that would happen. But as with all things, Maya will adjust. No one likes to be the odd man out especially when you've been top dog all this time (pun intended, hahah) and now you're playing second fiddle? That's bollucks! ;) But just wait. She and little Sofia will be fast friends and your best buddy in keeping an eye on the baby when she's older and you're not always in the same room.
As for co-sleeping or not - not judging but don't judge me because I SWORE by it. If not for co-sleeping with all of my babies I would have gone mad long ago. I always made sure there was a safe zone around the baby and me but when he/she would latch on in the middle of the night, I would fall asleep and so would they when they were done. I'm a light sleeper though (and don't move around much), so if you're heavy sleeper I do not recommend it.
Also, with the crying. I know you don't want to hear this and you think it's the worst fate right before death to let her cry a little but you really don't have to jump at her every beck and cry. I am not telling you to let a three week old cry it out (at.all! I do NOT think you should) But it IS okay to let her cry for all of the 60-70 seconds it will take you to go to the bathroom. Or the 2-3 mins it will take you to brush your teeth. Or the 4-5 min. (as long as you can see her) it takes you to take a quick shower. As long as she is not in pain, uncomfortable, is safe and is not hungry - she.will.be.fine. I know it's not fun to hear her crying, but you're making yourself crazy trying to comfort her every time she makes a noise.
And you're right, you will find your rhythm and the both of you will figure each other out soon - this is still VERY VERY new for both of you - so just go with the flow. Do what you feel is right for you.
Good luck Momma
No judgment here! Honestly, anyone who judges hasn't been there.
ReplyDeleteI felt the exact same way about co-sleeping. And I lived in guilt. But it's not worth it! You have plenty of other emotions going on.
You are doing great! You can do it! Your sweet baby girl is so blessed to have you as a mommy.
Hey there Mommy! 100 percent of what you just stated was me and Aidan 8 years ago; the not letting him cry, the co-sleeping, the dog, the no schedule nursing.... But I bring you hope! LOL. Between two and three months the schedule naturally and without effort develops. As for the others, I just became a rule breaker. Each one of my kids co-slept longer than the previous----because my exhaustion increased exponentially with each addition... Our dog died ( of natural causes, wishing you much better luck with that one! ). And I'm proud to say it but I never let even one of my kids cry it out during the night....at naptime I did though, just to teach them to fall asleep on their own though, and I'd rub their backs every 2 or 3 min. And they're not spoiled, or broken in any way! Love you D, just listen to Sofia and forget the "experts". I bet you're doing Fabulous!,,
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful Mommy!!! Please don't think you aren't. There is no way you could have a feeding schedule already set up, at least in my book. Everything is so new to a newborn. You have to just go with what she needs and when she needs it, whenever that is. M was (and still is) hungry all the time, but then she'd have bouts of 3 or 4 hours when she'd sleep so soundly and wasn't at all interested in milk and I worried and worried that I wasn't waking her up to eat.
ReplyDeleteI know there are a gazillion experts out there who will tell you this and that (and so much of it contradictory) but you really should trust your instinct. If Sophia is happy with what you are doing then you are doing the right thing. How could it be otherwise?
M also had the dontputmedown disease extraordinaire!!! It won't last though. I think it was about a week or so ago that she was fussy and fussy and holding her wasn't calming her down. I set her on a blanket on the floor and she was perfectly content for about 30 minutes. She *wanted* some alone time. So try to enjoy this phase and know it is totally normal and good. The best thing you can do is hold her and hold her. BUT, what you do need is a good carrier. I originally had the Moby wrap, which is ok but kind of a pain to get in and out of. I more recently bought a hands free thing from here: http://www.togetherbe.com/productDescriptionFreeHandMeiTai.aspx that I LOVE. I can pee, I can sort of cook, and I can even type with both hands on the computer with her smooshed in tree-frog style against my chest. I ordered it overnight from Amazon.
I also thought I'd NEVER co-sleep with M, but it started on the first night in the hospital and I actually really like having her so close. She sleeps in a "snuggle nest" between us so I worry less about smothering her, but I can sleep with my arm around her, which works for her in addition to the swaddle.
Hang in there. You are doing great. It is really hard that Drew had to leave so soon. That totally sucks. Give your mom a hug and really feel that hug back. You are a wonderful mom because you love Sophia so much and worry about doing the right thing. That's what she needs, a momma who loves her so much she'd not pee or eat for her! But you do really need to do both, and esp drink so you make plenty of milk. As my dad keeps telling me, if momma isn't happy no one is happy.
love, inB
Well, I have 5 more months to go until I see what it's like 'on the other side.' You've been thru so much before she arrived. I'm certain that your mom being there will help and I think you'll soon see how well you're doing. These tough moments will soon be in the past. You're doing great. :)
ReplyDeleteJust soak up what everyone else said. I agree with it all. We had one of the velcro swaddles because I also sucked at swaddling. We used it a lot and then handed it down to someone else who needed it. They even make summer models out of lighter fabrics, you might look online.
ReplyDeleteI think schedules in newborns are not only a myth but a dangerous myth as they make you feel lacking somehow. There is no way to 'train' a newborn, so you're doing the right thing in just doting on her. As her tummy gets bigger and she grows at less of a phenomenal rate the pattern will settle in, it won't be this way forever, really it won't.
As for sleeping in, there are as many great arguments for co-sleeping as there are for not. Sometimes you just have to go with what feels right. There are co-sleeping beds but since you've already bought the pack and play you might not want to buy a whole nother arrangement but it is a thought if she and you both like the sleeping next to each other but you want a little more security.
http://www.inhabitots.com/easy-co-sleeping-with-the-humanity-family-bed/
You might consider le leche league meetings, just because I found for me what helped most was being around other mothers, not professionals. Being around Moms who were going through it, or who had gone through it was so much easier than taking what sounded like medical advice. It calmed me to feel like I wasn't alone, and some of the advice from other moms was life-saving.
More than anything though just focus on these days when Sofia is still so tiny and soak up every minute (even though breastfeeding makes you sickly thirsty - that's not uncommon). This will all pass even the issues with Maya. I promise you if you hang in there the breastfeeding and sleeping and scheduling issues all sort themselves out. Cut yourself an enormous amount of slack. Americans are workaholics and we don't understand the concept of downtime - at all. You're not superhuman and you owe yourself some rest and judgment free time. Your health is more important than people's ideas on co-sleeping, nursing, or anything else in this world.
Remember to Breathe -
It will get better. It may not be what you need to hear right now but things will work out and one day soon you will look back on those early weeks or months and smile. My 2.5 year old stayed up ALL night for the first 2 months I kid you not. I was a total zombie and would have sold my soul for a solid nights sleep. The first time she slept 8 hours through the night - and I did too- I wept with relief/joy/exhaustion. Of course she would nap throughout the day during that period and all the books and well wishers say- sleep when baby sleeps. Easier said than done because if you have a baby with 'don't you dare put me down syndrome' then basically you are unable to do anything till she sleeps and when she does- well you need to eat, pee, bathe, tidy up a bit, do some cooking, wash her bottles and sterilize (I bottle fed- another story)etc etc. Plus my husband was back at work after 2 weeks, I had no family close so it was mostly me and her all day long. Plus, I had an 8 year old at school who needed to be dropped off, picked up, fed and paid attention to or else...
ReplyDeleteBut it gets better, I should know;-).
It may be worth reflecting on the reality that your life has indeed changed forever. Still, savor these moments with Baby S, you only get them (with her) once.
Best wishes, good luck and it's all good. Truly.
Hello, love! I apologize in advance for sounding like an informercial, but have you tried a Miracle Blanket for swaddling? I got one off of Amazon for a friend and she absolutely loves that thing. Hope you get some sleep soon.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.miracleblanket.com/
I know I shouldn't laugh at this (baby karma and all) but ur whole post wad pretty fun to read. :) you are working out the kinks and you are a great mommy - that's all there is to it!
ReplyDelete::hugs:: I'm not yet a mother so I have less practical advice than many here, but hang in there. Don't guilt yourself. You are doing exactly what you should and you don't need to have a schedule yet. She will grow and get better at being a separate human being (which is terribly new and overwhelming to her) and you will get more skilled and confident as a mother (which terribly new and clearly still overwhelming to you) and it will get easier. In the meantime, its hard that your husband can't be there, but wonderful that your mother can. Take all the help you can get and know that this too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are just having some of the first mommy blues.... don't worry too much chica, you are doing an awesome job (even when you don't think so).
ReplyDeleteI was also going to suggest those swaddle me blankets that everyone up above talked about. It's not easy to let a baby cry. I've already had the discussion with my husband that I will NOT let my baby cry for no reason. When I watch other people's chidren, I can't bear it, so I know I won't be able to do it with my own!
Give yourself some time to get the schedule going, this is a first for you. You two are in the getting to know you phase (think about it as when you used to date- and found a new guy. lol) so you have to get adjusted.
You'll do fine girlie, we're all behind you. ;)
God I love your posts lol. Unfortunately not having any kids myself, my best advice would probably be to give your mom the dog and baby and get the hell out of there (see if you can find Drew and keep him company). This is doable, but not recommended.
ReplyDeleteI've seen my sisters go through the crying and no matter what people say, at least for the first 3 months (mom's recommendation) you do not let that poor little baby cry all alone. Beyond that she gets tough because it can become habit forming.
Dear D, I also wanted to comment about the crying. I find it absolutely heart wrenching too. Now that M is 7 weeks I am can hear a difference in her cries. She does still have the "oh my god I am totally abandoned!" cry that I run to respond to, but she also has the "I am just kind of displeased" cry that I know is ok to just walk over to soothe or even let go for a few minutes if I am in the middle of peeing or bathing or taking something out of the oven (or intentionally torturing some crazy lady at the post office). I didn't believe that I would ever be able to read the cries when everyone told me this a while ago but it really did happen. And I think part of it is that M has come to realize that I will come save her, so she doen't always have to totally freak out. But that likely came about because she was held all the freaking time for her first month or so. I don't know, but holding her incessantly just felt right to me too. The crying broke my heart.
ReplyDeletelove, inB
We co sleep- happily.
ReplyDeleteDont beat yourself up. Just be safe and sleep well! Soon enough they will be running off and not wanting anything to do with us. I treasure this time... Spoiling be damned!
xoxox
Ro
Hi, just a suggestion for your swaddling frustrations, the Miracle Blanket and the Woombie both solve the arms-wiggling-out problem and take the guesswork out of swaddling - I know people who swear by them. Good luck!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.miracleblanket.com/
http://www.woombie.com/
First - let me just say that you must be surviving pretty well, because you haven't lost your sense of humor or writing ability. You sure know how to make me smile... even when talking about the difficulty of being a new mommy.
ReplyDeleteSecond - You are doing WAY better than you think you are. I guarantee it. Now, I know NOTHING about being a mommy, but the people who commented above me seem to know a lot, so listen to them. Don't beat yourself up about not being able to keep to a schedule, or breaking rules you set for yourself. Rules and schedules are nice, but life doesn't always run on rules and schedules. If Sofia is living and happy and growing, you're doing something right. And don't forget to eat, pee and sleep. Those are all very important things, and Sofia will be grateful in the long run if you do them. :)
Third - I DO know something about naughty dogs. Have you met Cooper? HAHA I know it's going to be 10 bazillion times harder with a baby, but remember that to Maya, you're her mommy too. She is adjusting to not being the only baby in the house. Look back on those old posts about how you love her, and try to make attention time for her too. Eventually, Maya will be Sofia's big sister/protector. Just wait.
Fourth - I miss you! hahahahaha Hope everything's going well!
Obviously, I'm not a mommy yet, but I think you're wonderful. I also just came out of my psychology class and we had a lecture on cognition and its effect on affect (emotion)- specific depression. And one doctor - I believe his name is Ellis- said something about are thought process being irrational when we are stressed out sad- we personalize this pain (make it seem like its our fault) and we're much harder on ourselves because we have this pre-conceived standard of living and if we don't live up to this often illogical standard, the "musts" come in. "I must be the best in my class". "I must have the best body imaginable" Or maybe in your case, " must get the swaddle right and Sofia must sleep in her crib and I must breastfeed on schedule or I'm a bad mom". You are not a bad mom; you're a new one. SO breathe. Let go of those "musterbatory" urges and be a little nicer to yourself. You are so lovely don't forget that.
ReplyDeleteSo my friend is a singer-songer writer and she has a lovely song called "4 u know who" - alove song to her sister, who sometimes forget shes lovely. Heres a link- I dare you not to feel lovely when you listen.
http://b-girlpyro.bandcamp.com/
Love and light always mama.
I'm sure no one is judging you chicky. You have to do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I guess my only concern is about your lack of sleep. You need that sleep. When Jas was 1st home with me I felt like I was going crazy because I wasn't getting enough sleep and I was taking care of her by myself so sleep was minimal. But try and get your naps in and what not. It'll work out. Just try and nap her in her pack n play just to get her use to it.
ReplyDeleteMy
It cut off the rest of my comment lol. I was saying I just hope you are able to get some rest because that is important. And try napping Sofia in her pack n play just to get her use to it. She can fall asleep on you and wait until she's old cold and place her in there. That was the best way for me to get jas down when she was that small.
ReplyDeleteDes... suggestion for the swaddle problem. Get yourself a halo sleep sack with the swaddle. You put them in the sack and litterally just velcro the wings in the swaddle wrap. So easy and is the only (or at least was at the time of Ava's birth) only sleep sack approved by the by various SIDS institutes to prevent SIDs. Hopefully this will help your swaddle problem (we swore by them with Ava and will be using them on Brielle as well).
ReplyDeleteHere is the link. You can get them at babies r us, kohl's, etc.
https://www.halosleep.com/
Having your mom there will help. I agree that you need to take some time for yourself. Pump some milk so that mom has a supply and go get a manicure or something. Get some rest.
No judgement.
ReplyDeleteI personally loved the Miracle Blanket so much that I bought two! I sucked at swaddling with blankets and my son could never wriggle out. I didn't have any luck with the cheaper ones. We loved the Woombie thing too when he outgrew the Miracle Blanket.
My kid slept in our room until he was nearly 1. When he was too little for the PnP, we used this little sleeper thing that was a Godsend. It cost about $50 from Babies R Us. He outgrew it in a few months but it was so worth it. He could sleep between us and I didn't worry so much about squashing. The little heartbeat sound it played also soothed him.
Ladies, thank you so much!! Seriously, I feel so much better!
ReplyDeleteI have two Miracle Blankets but use the Aiden and Anais ones when those are dirty but I've taken to washing them every day because they do work!
And she slept in her pack n play for ten whole minutes today!
Oh dang it, my post didn't go through before!
ReplyDeleteOkay, well what I said was "everyone already said what I wanted to say."
I don't think it's "mommy fail" I think it's being a mommy, period. I had suggested slings, but i see now from your new post that you do have some and that definitely helps with the peeing/holding baby at the same time.
don't be so hard on yourself. You sound like you're doing great. Unless you need to (for weight gain purposes) stop watching the clock and worrying about when/how long she's eating. She'll soon figure out her own little schedule.
And we co-slept as well, so no judgments there either.
Congrats again mommy. You're doing amazing. Plus, admitting when you're having a hard time at least gives hope to those other mommies who are having a hard time doing it all too.
fussy baby, can't type much, but I hear you and wish I could make it all better with a wave of a magic wand. But you've got lots of good advice going. If I can snatch a few minutes tomorrow, I'd like to give you a call. If you don't mind, of course!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're doing an amazing job with your daughter!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to put in another good word for using the Moby wrap. I don't know what I would have done without it.
And I was also one who expected to use a co-sleeper to avoid the reported SIDS risk, but my daughter was in my bed within 5 hours the first night. We ended up buying a king sized bed and just have it on the floor. My attachment parenting group seems to be full of people who bought co-sleepers and quickly gave up on them.
I don't know if someone mentioned this, but have you looked into the 'Ergo Coocoon' swaddle? It is a stretchy sleep sack you do the up in. You have the option of arms in or out and they come in gender or neutral colours. I have heard they have saved some mummas from madness so they might be worth a look? :)
ReplyDeleteHello, love! I apologize in advance for sounding like an informercial, but have you tried a Miracle Blanket for swaddling? I got one off of Amazon for a friend and she absolutely loves that thing. Hope you get some sleep soon.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.miracleblanket.com/
First - let me just say that you must be surviving pretty well, because you haven't lost your sense of humor or writing ability. You sure know how to make me smile... even when talking about the difficulty of being a new mommy.
ReplyDeleteSecond - You are doing WAY better than you think you are. I guarantee it. Now, I know NOTHING about being a mommy, but the people who commented above me seem to know a lot, so listen to them. Don't beat yourself up about not being able to keep to a schedule, or breaking rules you set for yourself. Rules and schedules are nice, but life doesn't always run on rules and schedules. If Sofia is living and happy and growing, you're doing something right. And don't forget to eat, pee and sleep. Those are all very important things, and Sofia will be grateful in the long run if you do them. :)
Third - I DO know something about naughty dogs. Have you met Cooper? HAHA I know it's going to be 10 bazillion times harder with a baby, but remember that to Maya, you're her mommy too. She is adjusting to not being the only baby in the house. Look back on those old posts about how you love her, and try to make attention time for her too. Eventually, Maya will be Sofia's big sister/protector. Just wait.
Fourth - I miss you! hahahahaha Hope everything's going well!
You are a wonderful Mommy!!! Please don't think you aren't. There is no way you could have a feeding schedule already set up, at least in my book. Everything is so new to a newborn. You have to just go with what she needs and when she needs it, whenever that is. M was (and still is) hungry all the time, but then she'd have bouts of 3 or 4 hours when she'd sleep so soundly and wasn't at all interested in milk and I worried and worried that I wasn't waking her up to eat.
ReplyDeleteI know there are a gazillion experts out there who will tell you this and that (and so much of it contradictory) but you really should trust your instinct. If Sophia is happy with what you are doing then you are doing the right thing. How could it be otherwise?
M also had the dontputmedown disease extraordinaire!!! It won't last though. I think it was about a week or so ago that she was fussy and fussy and holding her wasn't calming her down. I set her on a blanket on the floor and she was perfectly content for about 30 minutes. She *wanted* some alone time. So try to enjoy this phase and know it is totally normal and good. The best thing you can do is hold her and hold her. BUT, what you do need is a good carrier. I originally had the Moby wrap, which is ok but kind of a pain to get in and out of. I more recently bought a hands free thing from here: http://www.togetherbe.com/productDescriptionFreeHandMeiTai.aspx that I LOVE. I can pee, I can sort of cook, and I can even type with both hands on the computer with her smooshed in tree-frog style against my chest. I ordered it overnight from Amazon.
I also thought I'd NEVER co-sleep with M, but it started on the first night in the hospital and I actually really like having her so close. She sleeps in a "snuggle nest" between us so I worry less about smothering her, but I can sleep with my arm around her, which works for her in addition to the swaddle.
Hang in there. You are doing great. It is really hard that Drew had to leave so soon. That totally sucks. Give your mom a hug and really feel that hug back. You are a wonderful mom because you love Sophia so much and worry about doing the right thing. That's what she needs, a momma who loves her so much she'd not pee or eat for her! But you do really need to do both, and esp drink so you make plenty of milk. As my dad keeps telling me, if momma isn't happy no one is happy.
love, inB
::hugs:: I'm not yet a mother so I have less practical advice than many here, but hang in there. Don't guilt yourself. You are doing exactly what you should and you don't need to have a schedule yet. She will grow and get better at being a separate human being (which is terribly new and overwhelming to her) and you will get more skilled and confident as a mother (which terribly new and clearly still overwhelming to you) and it will get easier. In the meantime, its hard that your husband can't be there, but wonderful that your mother can. Take all the help you can get and know that this too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. I can relate to the dog thing SO MUCH. Yes, mine is smaller, but he was such an asshole the first few weeks. I did MANY things with my baby attached to my boob, including holding his leash while letting him out to pee. It was a sight to see.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what? I would judge you if you LET your 3 week old cry. Mmk? So you are doing everything right. If she needs to cuddle with you at night, so be it. She'll outgrow it. Promise. We had nights where E slept on me. Guess what? She loves her crib and sleeps there great now (and has for the last 7/8 months).
So I promise. You just do what FEELS right. Don't worry about the judgies. Do what works for you. Always. Always. Always. Momma knows best.
And? You need to eat. And drink. For the boobies. For your baby.
The end ;)
ps: (not over yet, ha)...I was amazing at the worlds tightest swaddle. Have you tried the aden & anais thin muslin blankets yet?! They sell them at target, they are PERFECT for pulling tight. Also...if all else fails, use the swaddle-me (from babies-r-us, target, etc)...the little swaddle with the velcro. You will not be sorry. I realize it looks stupid and ugly, but OMG it is fool proof and will save your life. We used it FOREEEEVERRR.