Where I interview my husband

I just had the most brilliant idea in the world you guys.  I'm going to interview my husband and I'm going to ask him things and HE HAS TO ANSWER THEM.


And he's looking over my shoulder and correcting me so I'm pretty sure one of us isn't going to make it through this interview.  And it's going to be him.


Okay, here goes.


Me:  How pretty am I?


Him:  As pretty as anyone can be after 1/2 a bottle of white wine in a nursing tank top...


Me:  NO I'm serious!  For real, tell me how pretty I am.  Wait that's not a question.  Tell me how pretty I am??


Him:  Welcome to our daily endless loop we seem to have regarding this question... If I give my lovely wife an adequate answer, she only asks it again in a matter of minutes (wine or not).  Honey, you are the most amazingly beautiful (she just called me a pisshead - I don't even think that's a word) human being I've ever met in my life, I'm lucky to have you as my wife and mother of my child(ren)!!!


Me:  Aww, that's sweet baby!  Okay fine I'll keep you.  Next question...how happy are you that you're married to me?


Him:  This is quickly starting to be the most awkward interview ever... or redundant. You are very eloquent at asking the same question multiple ways - see above.


Me:  THAT"S NOT AN ANSWER.  Try again.


Him:  (right now my wife is giggling like a school girl...)  Honey. Honestly, being married to you is very hard work as I have to answer the same question 10067 different ways every day.  Otherwise, you are the best things that's ever happened to me and I look forward to our daily adventures!


Me:  Hard work puts hair on your chest, quit whining.  Okay Next question  *this backspace is killing me*  Okay!  How cool was it when our kid was born?


Him:  (I'm slightly disappointed in the lack of creativity in this line of questioning - this is my first formal appearance on Hitting My Stride and you are all "smell my feet", "how do you feel about me still being able to put my feet behind my head" and "how did you feel during the most emotional event of your life")... The answer: you gave birth to our daughter - a kid is a baby goat... I'm pretty sure we didn't have a baby  goat.  Either way, daughter or kid, the day Sofia Ines was born was one of the most significant milestones of my life.


Me:  Aww that's so sweet baby!  And I don't care what you say, putting my feet behind my head is COOL.  


Okay, what else.  Ummm, how bout some more wine?


*gah, people are going to think I'm a big fat drunky drunk.


Him: (I just had to backspace through Desiree's answer she wrote for me...)  Honey, you have already admitted to those who follow that you enjoy a bit of the sauce from time to time (daily) so I think some more wine is a fabulous idea!


Me:  Guess what, piss on your head.  I don't drink every day.  Funker.


Him:  When's the last day you didn't drink?


Me:  WhatEVER!  I didn't drink yesterday!  I don't think.  Oh Piss!  Yes I did.  Okay, but not the day before that!


Him:  Close, it was last Thursday...  But with a team effort around the house and the Hygeia getting a regular workout it's great that MOM can cut loose after a long day tending to baby... Plus, I love your drunk laugh (more of a snort but I don't think I'm supposed to talk about that)


Me:  Babe, don't tell people I drunk snort.  It's not sexy.


Him:  (HMS followers - welcome to our daily dialogue... NOT WHERE DESIREE INTERVIEWS HER HUSBAND... Apparently I will be asking the questions henceforth).  Q: Outside of Sofia, who has been the most influential person in your life?


Me: Pass


Him: (6 snorts and counting...) This has turned out to be a real "Inside The Bloggers Studio with Desiree Wynn"... Q: Mentioning Wynn, why haven't you changed your last name?


Me:  Pass


Him: and now for number 17 on this weeks Top 40 chart... (how do you recover from a double-pass)? okay, I must regain composure and see this through... Q: How do you feel about being able to put your feet behind your head only 4.5 months after giving birth?


Me:  Well, I have to say it's pretty awesome.  It makes up for when I can't walk ten feet pushing the stroller and then I have to stop because I get a stomach stitch.  Or side stitch.  Or whatever you call it.  I'm weak.  OKAY!  I have to interview you babe!  How lame are we that we're laying in bed drinking wine typing on the computer?


Him:  At least we're interacting.  Any other day it'd be you on the computer reading celebrity gossip and me getting ready for bed. And I must say that your previous answer was BRILLIANT!


Me:  I can't think of any other questions.  I didn't really think this through, sorry about that.  You're cute though.


Him:  Now you all know how we met... 3 glasses of wine and I was getting felt up by Dr. Snorty with loose hands who thought I was cute!!!  What do you think HMS readers would want to know about your husband? The man behind this brave, outspoken woman?


Me:  FIRST OF ALL, you WANTED me to feel you up.  I could see it in your eyes.  Second of all, BABE!  One of these days, I'm going to get this all printed out for the baby!  She can't know that we made out on the first date!  PiSS!!1!  Sofia, never you mind all this...


Him:  I am a man. You are an attractive woman.  1 + 1 = 2... That's not news to anyone here including our daughter!  I am now being informed that my beloved is bored with me and must watch Russian Dolls... Is that a porno?


Me:  BABE!  Gah!  I don't watch porn.  Gross!  Okay, so I have to rethink this interview thing and  would just delete this whole thing but that's practically against the law in blogworld so it's going up!  Thanks for hanging out with me and typing on my blog.  Maybe now you'll write your take on the birth story LIKE I'VE BEEN ASKING YOU.  Just sayin.


Him:  Do you have Tourette's? "Piss on their faces", "Just sayin' ",  "Oh Piss", "Funker", "Pisshead"...  I'm not positive but I think there are people or narcotics that can help with that! Thank you HMS readers for having me and if the foul-mouthed host invites me back I think I'd enjoy getting more time with you!


Me:  You love this mouth.  Night babe.


Him:  Night.