Peen or vagine???

We went to the Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist this morning.  We'd gotten the results from the NT scan a few weeks ago and everything came back normal which is always a huge relief.  However, it's still not any easier to go to the doctor to have an ultrasound and this time was no exception.  As we got ready for bed last night I asked Drew if he thought I was still pregnant and he said yes, definitely.  "Yes, but do you think it's alive?"  since, you know, you can be pregnant with a dead baby.  The fact that my clotting factors can cause late-term miscarriage and stillbirth remains a constant in the back of my mind.  It makes me think of Gilbert Grape and Leonardo DiCaprio saying "I could go at any time!"  But Drew reassured me that the baby was there, it was alive and I was able to fall asleep.  


I started bouncing my legs and breathing funny in the elevator, mumbling that I hated this part.  There's really no good way to steel yourself against the possibility of bad news and the anticipation always makes it so much worse.  Luckily, my MFM is complete and total awesomesauce!  He gets the nerves and the anxiety and knows just what to say and how to say it.  Seriously, Joshua Weiss MD, is good people!  And he's way cuter than his website picture - I told him so.  Just as soon as he walked into the room and we had some quick pleasantries, he got right to business finding the heartbeat straight away.  As I laid back, I chanted be alive, be alive, be alive under my breath.


It's alive!  Alive!!


My DAUGHTER is alive!!


Yup, me and Drew made us a little baby girl!  We're going to have a daughter!  A daddy's little girl!  A diva like her mama!  A strong, proud, smart, beautiful, gracious, thoughtful little girl!  


I didn't even do the ugly cry like I did last time.  Last time I was so relieved it SHE was alive I was snotting and crying all over the place.  This time I just squealed and marveled over all her little parts.  


This was a detailed ultrasound - it was a little over 20 minutes long and I loved it!  It was blurry and blobby but then her spine and ribs would magically appear and I'd be all I see a spine!  Then he zoomed in on her heart and we could see as clear as day her four perfect chambers, the valves valve-ing in perfect time.  He checked her feet to make sure they weren't clubbed and we counted ten perfect little glowy spots.  Her hands were good too and you could even see the ulna and radius in her forearm - and no, I did not have to look that up!  I know some stuff!

    This is a picture of a picture.  I scanned it here at work but it was super blurry.

The glowy spot just to the right is her other arm - she's got that hand in front of her face.

I don't know how other people get their ultrasound pictures

uploaded so clearly, but you get the idea.

Dr. Weiss said everything looked great, she's measuring right on track at 6 ounces and it'll probably be another month before I feel anything.  That's what most surreal to me - she was kicking and moving on the screen but of course I can't feel a thing.  He drew my blood this time since I told him that his nurse was a cow whore punk-ass bitch less than professional last time.  I still hyperventilated and got all woozy but between him and Drew, it went as well as it could have.  What I liked best about both of them is that neither of them were cheerleaders about it.  A couple of times before I've had nurses that were all come on you need to breathe stay with me sweetie come on just breathe you can do this almost done almost done almost done.  

That does not help.

You know what helps?  Going fast, staying quiet and doing it right the first time.  I know I need to breathe, I'm trying my hardest to breathe and guess what?  Even if I stop breathing, the worst that's going to happen is I'll pass out and start breathing.  And that's never happened so let's just agree that the cheerleading is more for you than me - so can we just not do it?  Kthx.  

Drew did awesome - he let me squeeze his hand, he stayed calm and while having my blood drawn sucked as bad as it always does, I made it!  

We left the office and our mood was so different from our last visit.  Last time, Drew and I were so tense and we were at each other's throats.  We fought from the second we left the office until he dropped me off at work.  This time, we held hands, happily called our parents with the news and kissed before I got out of the car.  If I knew what was different, I would bottle it and take a shot every single day.  When we're not fighting, he's the man of my dreams - God, that was sappy.  But you know what, whatever.  I just found out we're having a daughter, I get to be sappy today!

Oh hey - check this out!  So you remember my food baby right?

Saturday October 30th - I'd been eating like a pig for four days straight.

Today on my lunch break.

I have GOT to do something about these blurry pictures!

They suck!

Tying the belt up high make my boobs look GINORMOUS!

You got D's mahf*cka D's!  Rosie Perez!

Sorry - a little Kanye for ya there.  That's what popped in my head when I saw this.

I told you it was a food baby!

We're having a little girl!  EEEEEEE!!