If you could see me now

I hatehatehate that I left my camera at home today because you have GOT to see how I look!  Say it with me now:  HOT. DAMN. MESS.  Wait, my boss just left for the day, let me see what I can do with my phone.  I'm sure Jana will help me!

No makeup, ratty ass hair, jeans too long.

And I'm the first thing people see when they come to our office.

Whatchu know about some compression hose?

I'm making do with the Walgreen's brand until

my fancy ones come in.

Yeah, I could probably stand up straight and arrange myself 

all pretty and strike a pose but it's way more fun this way.

I'm kind of glad my mom doesn't regularly read my blog because she would be all Desiree!  I can't believe you, girl!  At least put on some blush!  And stand up straight, my goodness!  You look like a Ubangie!  I never knew what a Ubangie was but that's her favorite catch-all word.

But this was the best I could do.  I didn't twist my hair after I washed it so it's kind of stringy looking.  And I taught yoga last night so it's kind of fuzzy.  And I chose to sleep instead of put makeup on this morning.  And now I'm questioning whether or not I should have taken and posted those pictures, but I have integrity and I will not take this down just because I don't look like Miss America.

.........

But I WILL dig up an old picture to soothe myself - that's not against the rules.  And now I'm mad again because the site won't let me copy the picture.  All right, I'll just find another one.

Talk about a throwback!

I think I was 26 or 27 and I had braces so my sexy pout was a little jacked.

Okay, I feel better now.  I was there once, I will get there again.  I've only gained 13 pounds so far, and while everyone says you blow up like a beached whale in your last trimester, I'm confident that whatever weight I gain I will be able to lose it in a healthy manner.  Besides, Agent S has strict instructions, along with all of her other instructions:  Whatever you bring, you are to take with you when you leave.  All the water weight, the saddlebags, the extra blood - take it with you when you leave, chick!  I sure as hell don't need it!  She just kicked me.  I'm taking that to mean Okay Mom!  Will do!

Thankfully, with the exception of the belly, my body is still recognizable - I mean, if you don't count the giant black National Geographic Africa nipples - where in the Hell did those come from?  I often stand naked in front of the mirror and just look at myself.  My body is changing and preparing and it's happening on a daily basis!  I'm amazed at what my body is doing and I'm proud.  And yeah, it sounds really crunchy and granola and hippie but I'm so proud to be a woman.  I'm so proud to have the strength to have gone through loss and heartache and pain to have the honor of standing here now, being allowed to participate in this experience.  It's pretty damn cool.  Okay, enough of that.

*coming down from female empowerment land*

Side note:  Our office supply guy stopped in yesterday to give us our thanks-for-your-business Christmas candy.  I asked him what they were doing for Christmas and he said it was his twin boys' first Christmas.  I was all awww and then we chatted more and then I said I was pregnant and then he was all awww.  I asked if twins ran in his family and he said no, they did IVF.  Four tries.  And I know looks mean nothing, but this guy is gorgeous.  Fit, tan, great personality, loves his wife - he talks about her all the time.  He's the type of guy you look at and just know that he's got it all.  But I saw the flicker of pain in his eyes when he talked about the testing and failures but then came the joy when he talked about his boys.  Then I ended up telling him about me and our troubles and we totally bonded over our struggles to become parents.  It was a bittersweet moment and it just reminded me that we all have our struggles, we all have our burdens and we're all just trying to bear them with grace.  And sometimes we get a reprieve from the pain and we get to turn our faces to the sun and for that I'm so very thankful.

Now, as thankful as I am I do have a bit of a pressing problem:  My clothes don't fit!  I've never had this much trouble dressing myself and as impressed with my changing body as I am, I highly doubt that anyone else cares to behold my womanly girth in all its naked glory.  

However, I'm not too surprised.  My shoes and clothes are not very accommodating - I have lots of shoes, and I think 80% of them are  3- and 4-inch heels, which means I can't wear 80% of my shoes.  The majority of my closet is fitted, tailored, hugs-the-curves type stuff because flowy stuff always got on my nerves.  I'm not really a ruffles and lace kind of girl and I don't understand the point of extra fabric.  I prefer pencil skirts over full ones, fitted shirts over poet blouses, and anything 'slim cut.'  Unfortunately, this means I can no longer wear about 90% of my closet.  The result of that is the above picture.  Not the bikini one.  Higher up.  The hot mess one.  

I'm strugglin y'all.  

I've been studying All Things G&D for maternity fashion advice because I'm super clueless and I'm really trying not to spend a ton of money on maternity clothes.  I'd like to get regular clothes in larger sizes as opposed to full out maternity wear so I can get some wear out of it once Agent S is on the outside.  So in order to avoid more incidences like today, I'm biting the bullet and going shopping tomorrow to get some respectable clothing.  

Because this shit is ridiculous.  I seriously can't believe I left the house like this today.  And then took pictures and wrote about it and put it up on the web for everyone to see.

That's a mess.