Just what the doctor ordered

I had my last doctor's appointment yesterday morning.  It was so odd to leave the office and have them tell me to schedule my next appointment four weeks after my baby is born.  Between my RE, my OB and my specialist I've been seeing a lot of doctors over the past two years!  That's how long this process has been - two years.  I was reading some of my old posts and it's so surreal to think about where I was and to look down at my giant belly and truly absorb where I am now and I'm so thankful.  I'm so grateful to have been given this chance and to think that in a few short days I will welcome my daughter to this world, well, it's got my head spinning.


The good news is I'm 100% effaced.  I'm also 1cm dilated and the baby's head is at a zero station.  These are very good things and I'm so glad my OB had that good news for me.  I knew I'd have to get at least one cervical check before I went in for the induction and I was steeling myself in case she didn't have good news, like the baby was up near my ribcage and my cervix was like Ft. Knox.  Even though numbers are not a predictor labor will start or how quickly it will progress, I'm encouraged to know that something is happening.  Additionally, my doctor was so very gentle in checking me that it didn't hurt at all, it was only mildly uncomfortable.  I mean, I did tense up a bit and had to focus on relaxing everything but she was so patient and gentle and when a genuine smile broke out on her face, I felt really good.  She was practically dancing around because she was so happy with my exam - she's a funny little doctor.


The plan is to go in Sunday night, have the Cervidil placed and get the party started early Monday morning.  If all goes well, she'll be here sometime on Monday!  I just can't believe it.


Now, I won't lie.  Even though I really wish I'd had the chance to do this spontaneously, there *is* an advantage to knowing when it's all going down - I can plan my outfits!  I bought a couple of dresses and couple of cardigans to wear at the hospital and I have my daytime lounge-y outfits picked out and ready to go.  I don't know about you, but new clothes can make just about any situation just a little bit better, even if it's just a couple of cheap-y dresses from Target.  I walked out with a little spring in my step and headed off to get my pedicure.

OPI Sweet Memories - baby pink

for my baby girl.  

I'm fully aware that when it comes down to it, neither I nor my daughter will care what I'm wearing, what color my toes are or that I've done my hair but it's making me feel better about things so I'll take it.  Besides, it's allowing me to get excited about meeting her.  I feel like I'm going on a first date with my biggest crush.  Actually, this is even better - I'm about to meet my daughter!  Who needs a metaphor when you've got that!

We install the carseat tomorrow (which I guess is today now) and will have it inspected and that's truly the last thing on the baby to-do list.  Then it's packing and preparing for our hospital stay.  This is it!

All things considered, I think I've done a pretty good job of getting a handle on the situation and accepting what is.  I'm calm now and I've got my Hypnobabies on a continuous loop whenever I can so I can carry that calmness with me to the hospital.  

Remember how I said that I wasn't sure where Drew's head was?  I know now and the man is fah-REAKING out.  He's never taken a real vacation from work and has a pretty much continuous amount of pressure on him.  Thankfully, his boss' wife is about to have their first child as well so he's very understanding of our situation, but there are tons of other people that put demands on him that don't get it.  This is causing loads of stress on him and like a typical man, he's trying to juggle and manage everyone and everything.  On top of that, he's a natural people-pleaser so the word 'no' doesn't come very easily to him.  He just tries to do it all.

It's not easy to stand by and witness this.  I understand that he doesn't have a 9 to 5 job, that his home office is two hours behind him, meaning he gets work calls after 5pm Dallas time, that, like much of Corporate America, the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing and that he encounters obstacles to his ideas of progress almost daily.  It's not easy and I really do get that.

But I'm also a woman who is hormonal and very extra pregnant.

We got into an argument because we were talking about bringing a computer to the hospital and he said that he should bring his because it had pertinent email addresses on it so he could send pictures.  But that's his work computer and I know him.  I know that he wouldn't just use it to send one quick email with pictures of the baby.  I knew that if he had his work computer with him that he would do work - it's who he is.  Well, that turned into a fight - me with the 'I can't believe you're going to work right after your daughter is born!' and him with the 'you don't understand/respect my job!'

I know we're both just tense and nervous and on edge, but I sure do hate it when we fight.  I really do. It's why I'm up writing at 6 in the morning - that and the stupid dog knows that Drew's parents are in the other room so she was pacing, back and forth and back and forth, because she couldn't get to them.  And of course, *I'm* the one who gets up with any noise or interruption because on normal days Drew sleeps like a log, but since he feels like he has to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, he's sleeping like the dead.  So I'm up - writing.

I wish we talked more.  That's one of the biggest reasons I started this blog - for the connection.  I'm a talker and being married to a non-talker isn't easy.  He's a very closed-off person and his response to stress/uncomfortable-ness/pain/sadness is to close off even more.  Never mind the near-constant travel and the crazy hours at work functions.  I wish he knew how to lean on me without telling me everything I'm doing wrong.  As it is, I ask him what he needs from me and the most I've ever gotten is 'be more understanding.'  I don't even know what that means because from where I'm sitting I'm pretty damned understanding.  But, I'm going to stop this line of thought before I put all my business in the street.  He hates it when I get too personal.  At least about him.  

Anyway....

Didn't mean to go low on that one but that's how I write - there's not much that happens from my brain to the keyboard.  It all just kind of spills out.

Sooooo, ummmmm........I got some new clothes!  I got a pedicure! *trying to find the happy*

I'm doing my hair tomorrow!  My parents and my brother are coming on Saturday!  The weather here is beautiful!  It's perfect weather for having a baby!  My doctor is really great!  

Very soon I'm going to be able to touch my toes again!  Very soon I'll no longer have sciatic pain! (that shit?  Is for the BIRDS!  It's the worst pain ever!)

Very soon I'm going to meet my daughter!!