Maya remix

I have a love-hate relationship with my dog.  This was one of those times.

I should have left her in the crate from the start

In light of my new status as a 'Desperate Housewife', Sunday afternoon I decided to tackle the the projects on my list - namely my mirror and......um.........okay so I only have one project on my list.  Thanks to y'all, I have some other ideas about what to do with my time so I'll keep you posted on that.  But I do want to say to my lovely Gem - Girl is you CRAZY?!  Dog-sitting!!  Come on now, for real though.  You still my girl, but another suggestion like that and...........um...........I'll tell you you're crazy again?  I suck at threatening people I know, even if it's just on the internet.

I wanted to be smart about it and I knew that I would have to occupy the dog and she would have to be nearby at all times.  It was really windy out so I set up shop in our solarium at the front of the house, which was really quite pleasant.  Until I began priming and the fumes got me high - which was not as pleasant as getting high is supposed to be.  I felt my lungs disintegrating with each breath and got a headache almost instantly.

But back to the dog.  I pulled out all her chewies, a bone and a toy for her to play with and I set her up on the sofa.

You see me with this bone?  You see how FEROCIOUS I am?

I SMOTHER the bone!  I SMOTHER it!

I even set up some music to soothe the savage beast.

Naively confident that the music and the bones would keep her occupied while I painted, I set up my stuff.

Originally, I intended to paint on the floor of the solarium but quickly realized that Maya was not going to stay put.  Duh.  Ridiculous animals never follow the RULES.

I pulled my mirror out of the front bedroom with a circus announcer's voice in my head narrating. "Watch as our heroine braves the IMPOSSIBLE.  In just a FEW moments, she will brave this EXCEEDINGLY dangerous task for your enjoyment!  Watch now as she attempts to PAINT A MIRROR with a TEN-MONTH OLD DOG running free!  Will she make it?  Will the dog make everything ten times more difficult?  Watch and see!"  Okay, so maybe it was a 1940s radio announcer, but you get the idea.

Big giant mirror, courtesy of the neighbor's garage sale.  $20.

Beading detail.

After moving the mirror to the top of the table? workbench? island thingy? I got started.  I taped off the mirror part and THEN realized that I would have to sand it outside unless I wanted the dog to come in and get sawdust footprints all over the rest of the house.  But I'd have to open the door.  With a giant heavy mirror in my hands.  And no way to restrain the dog.  Put her in her crate, you say.  Well that's too much like right and then I wouldn't have a story!  Plus, I'm lazy.

I successfully took the mirror outside to sand it and it was upon coming back in the house that the dog made her narrow escape through my legs and under the mirror.

She was already loose, might as well take a picture.

Thank God she didn't get far.  She ran across the street and was sniffing around when I was able to distract her with a bone and her leash.  We got back inside and I gave her a stern talking-to.  SIT on the sofa and CHEW YOUR BONE!  DAMN!  I'm going to be an awesome mother - I plan to use those exact words on my children.  Of course, this may be why I don't have children yet.  Who really knows.

With the mirror successfully sanded and painted with the first coat of primer, I took the dog for a walk while it dried.

 During.

Maya is doing much better on her walks these days.  I still keep her on a very short leash, she stays at my left and there is no funny business.  She seems to know this and is not nearly as psychotic as she has been.  And THEN the dog gods heard me.

We were rounding the corner, coming back to the house.  The home stretch, if you will.  We'd had a lovely walk, I even jogged a little (a very little) and we were both ready to get back.  Out of NOWHERE this boy dog comes running up, no collar, no leash and no person running behind him yelling for him to come back.  Isn't that how it always is?  There were no neighbors out watering their lawns, no couples jogging by, no CARS even!  And this boy dog with no leash running up on us.  SHIT.

He was fixed thank God.  Intact boy dogs are PSYCHO.  He didn't seem aggressive but dogfights happen in the blink of an eye and I was terrified.  Mostly because Drew would KILL me if anything happened to his dog. 

Thankfully, Maya is very submissive and playful and didn't get all crazy with the boy dog, who was about the size of a full-grown boxer.  Maybe 80 pounds - actually around the same weight as Maya but taller and leaner.  He seemed playful and was posturing like he wanted to play, but I didn't want to take any chances so I tried to pull Maya away from the dog.  However, with no leash the damn thing just followed us, jumping and hopping around us practically begging Maya to play.  She, meanwhile, was pulling on the leash like mad and I alternated between giving her the leash and tightening up.  I didn't want her to feel trapped by the leash if the dog suddenly started fighting her but I didn't want her to get away either.  I kept scanning the sidewalks for the owner to come running, but of course there was no one.

I gave Maya the full six feet of the leash so she wouldn't get agitated and she rolled over on her back in a show of submission to the other dog.  The boy dog started LICKING HER PRIVATES!  What the FUG!  I was happy he wasn't trying to fight her, but, um..... Cesar Millan did NOT talk about this in his books!  She's only ten months old!  She's a baby!  Or something....

I'd had enough of that nonsense - it just ain't right, I tell ya.  I gave a quick tug on the leash and started walking toward the house.  She tugged back and the leash slipped out of my hand.  AW FUCK!  

She took off running after the boy dog and disappeared around the corner.  I stood on the sidewalk for a second before I took off running and screaming "MAYA NO!!!"  

Yeah, so I'm in no way whatsoever a runner and got winded after about twenty feet.  I was all gasping for air, bent over going "*GASP* shit! *GASP* whatamIgonnado *GASP* drew'sgonnaKILLme! *GASP* shit!"

Thank the baby Jesus in his manger in Heaven, she came back!  She came tearing towards me and I braced myself like a quarterback linebacker football player preparing to catch her leash and pray she didn't pull my shoulder out of socket.  85 pounds of puppy came crashing into me, knocking me off my feet.  At least I was on somebody's lawn - which by the way, could they have COME OUTSIDE OR SOMETHING?  I sincerely hope they were gone - how do you not come outside to at least give moral support?

I got hold of her leash, righted myself and marched her back to the house, yelling at her the whole way. Really?  You couldn't just behave?  Why do you have to act like a lunatic when there's another dog?  You're not deprived, you have plenty of socialization, what the hell?  So you just don't care if your daddy kills me huh.  I see how you are, I see where your priorities are.  You'd rather slut it up with that other dog than behave, that's cool.  See if you get a treat EVER AGAIN.

This time I put her in her crate, although it wasn't really a punishment and yes, she got a treat for going in there.  I hate the dog, but I'm not CRUEL.  I put her in there because the fumes were killing me and I had to keep the front door open for the rest of the time I painted.  I figured even if I tied her out, she'd still break free and I didn't need to tempt fate twice in one day.  Or is that three times?

About six hours later, I finished painting my mirror and now I just have to detail the beading part.  My brush was too big for the silver detail so it got on the white part so I have to go back over it to clean it up.

Once that's done, it will live in the breakfast nook where I'll take a true after photo.  Which I probably would have been able to do that same day had I not had to deal with my slut-tastic dog.  She does NOT get that from me.