Ease into it

I had a couple of posts all set to write.  They were decorating type posts because I've been busy around here and I would love to share my little projects with you.

However, something bigger and more serious has been pressed upon my heart.  I've debated writing about it for a while and the universe pretty much told me this morning to drop everything and write about it, so that's what I'm going to do just as soon as I can get Sofia properly occupied.  That's the other reason I haven't been writing; I've been feeling guilty about doing anything that takes time away from her because in a few short weeks her little world is going to get flipped upside down.  In the face of that, telling you about a pillow I sewed seems trivial and unimportant.

So I've got this serious thing to write about but I didn't want to come back after eight days or however long it's been since my last post and be all major downer without some sort of prep or something; that just seemed rude and jarring, especially if you come here looking for a nursery update or something light and funny.  I'll write that too, it's just this thing is way more important.   

Nothing's wrong with the baby; I'm still hugely pregnant.  I'm not getting a divorce and no one's died.  But it's still major and I need to put this out there.

Okay, give me a second and get Sofia situated and hopefully I'll be back in an hour or two.  If not, I'll stay up tonight and get it out.  Thanks guys.

Do one thing

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement on the last post.  It felt so great to let all that stuff go that I actually felt myself getting sleepier as I was writing, as though releasing that weight made me lighter and heavier at the same time.  Does that make sense?  At any rate, thank you again.  I'm so lucky to have readers and friends like you guys.

With that weight off my shoulders and your advice under my belt (I'm holding off on the stroller purchase until I absolutely need one.  We're going on our first vacation as a family of four in May, so I'm guessing that'll be the first time I really need a stroller), I've turned my attention to other, smaller things that I can accomplish.  If I do just one thing at a time, it doesn't feel so overwhelming.  And decorating always makes me feel better, so that's what I did and this little bit of nursery progress has gone a long way to helping me to relax about the whole thing.

Let's start with the crib skirt - I actually finished that a while ago but never got around to writing about it.  When I first bought the fabric I was going to sew a ruffled crib skirt with the burlap.

Like this one from here.

However, those kinds of ruffles work best on a crib that has nothing on the bottom, so you can really appreciate the ruffle effect.  My crib has a drawer on the bottom, so it's not the same.  Not to be deterred, I figured I could make one big ruffle.  But then I read that sewing burlap is super hard and has the potential of jacking up your sewing machine and since this is me we're talking about, I would most definitely jack up my sewing machine.  However, I do plan to make a pillow and floor cushion so I'm going to attempt the muslin sandwich thing and pray to Jesus I don't ruin my sewing machine.  But back to the crib skirt!

Once again, I bought entirely too much fabric.

One day I'll do the math, I swear.

You're smarter than I am so you don't need to be told, but 

nonetheless:  Don't iron foil applique type stuff.  It'll melt off

and then you have to stop and curse and quickly clean off your iron before

the iron is ruined.

Luckily, this will be on a side that no one sees.

I was too scared to sew and the velcro squares were still on the crib

from Sofia's crib skirt, so I took that as a sign that I wasn't meant to sew this one either.

 So I gathered and safety pinned my ruffle and I was rather pleased with myself.

Until I put the ruffle on the crib and was totally Sad Clown about all my hard work.

You can't even see that it's a ruffle and you can barely see the gold polka dot detail!

I considered unpinning the ruffle and just hanging the burlap straight 

but let's face it; if I haven't done it by now it's probably not going to get done.

I mean, it's not ugly but it's just not the look I was going for.

Plus as the crib mattress gets lower, the polka dots are going to all but disappear.

E for Effort, Desiree.  Moving on...

Next on the list were the Goldilocks of wall stickers.  Allow me to explain. In a pregnant hormonal fit of "I need to buy wall stickers and I need them right this second or nothing else matters" I bought three sets of wall stickers.  Excessive?  Absolutely, but I fully claim to be everywhere but in my right mind.

First on the list was Walls by Mur.  I didn't do my research; that part's on me.  I just saw 'mini' and gold and my hot little fingers ordered those wall stickers in the blink of an eye.  Then they came and they were huge.  In my world, polka dots that are nearly three inches in diameter are not 'mini.'  So I promptly rolled them back up and scoured the site for instructions on how to return them, of which there are none.  They will 'happily' give you a store credit or an exchange on another set of stickers, but they don't 'do' refunds.  Not only that, you have to pay for the return shipping.  F THAT.  There are far too many companies in the world for me to be dealing with poor customer service.  So I'm stuck with these 'mini not mini' gold dots and I'm none too pleased.  The moral of this story:  Only buy from Walls by Mur if you're 1000% sure of the product you want because you ain't giving it back.

Next on the list was Urban Walls.  This was the company used in my inspiration picture so I figured I couldn't go wrong with them.  Again, my fingers flew over the keyboard and I ordered some wall stickers faster than you can say 'debit card.'

But wait.

She put hearts on her wall and I'm putting polka dots on my wall.  There's probably a difference right?  Plus, these dots are half the size of the other ones - won't that be *too* small?  The doubt crept in and then I did what I should have done from the start - I pulled up the polka dot inspiration picture to see what company *she* went with.

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I decided to go with the confetti pattern because there was no way I would've had

the patience to properly measure a grid pattern to keep all my lines straight.

A confetti pattern is far more forgiving.

I hopped on over to Walls Need Love and ordered a third set of stickers.  They were just the right size and turned out to be the cheapest option of the three.  Then I hopped on back to Urban Walls and cancelled my order, and I'm currently waiting on my refund from them because *they* have a refund policy and they were prompt and courteous about it.  If I order wall stickers again, I'll have a look at Urban Walls or Walls Need Love before I go back to Walls by Mur.  Walls by Mur can suck it.

I wrote my anxiety post and the very next day the wall stickers arrived.  It was a sign; it was my one thing that I could do that day.  However, I was feeling ambitious.  I didn't just do one thing - I made it out of the house and I bought my one can of gold spray paint.

I taped off the wooden handles and used an exacto knife to cut it away so the green parts

would be exposed.

Then I took it outside and gave it a couple of thin coats and brought it back in to the garage

for a full day and night so it could dry and not be as fume-y.

The whole thing took about 30 minutes and the majority of that was taping the handles.

It was quick and easy and all I needed was a kick in the pants to get it done.

After it dried or cured or whatever it is spray paint is supposed to do, I brought

it back in and loaded it up.  Having this little thing done makes me so very happy.

But I wasn't done yet!  Up next, wall stickers!  That project actually took longer than I thought it would because random patterns aren't as easy as they look.  I placed them one at a time, stepping back each time to make sure it was *just* random enough, but that it didn't look sloppy.

Plus, the best thing about going with a random pattern is that Sofia got to help 

decorate Baby Sister's room.

I don't know how well I executed the same confetti pattern but I sure like it.

I didn't use all the stickers and I periodically go in and slap another sticker

on the wall where I think it needs one.

Ruffled crib skirt notwithstanding, I think I'm doing a pretty decent job keeping 

it all cohesive with the pink and gold and dots.

And, and!  Remember when the closet looked like this?

We've even made progress in there!

Drew is going to install a second hanging bar and then I can free up some drawer 

space for the stuff that's on the top shelf.

This is Sofia's closet from her room in Texas.

New Baby's closet is a little bit bigger, but 

I'm going for the same layout.  If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

I still have to hang pictures, paint the bookcase, sew that flippin slipcover for the big chair and figure out some more storage options.  As of January 22, I will have one month (saying that sounds longer than 30 days (!!!) left in this pregnancy and if I get in done during that time, great.  If not, I'm pretty sure the hospital will still let us bring the baby home. 

I want to get it all done, but I seriously need to start relaxing and calming down because I didn't even touch on all the anxiety surrounding the labor and delivery.  You know, new city, new hospital, what if they push all their hospital crap on me, will I have to fight with them, what if I have to have a c-section, what if there are problems with the baby, what if I don't go into labor by myself and they induce me and it doesn't work, what if there are complications with me, what if what if what if.  You know, the usual.

But starting now and today, I'm working on simply inhaling and exhaling.  Everything has a way of working out, just the way it's supposed to - you all reminded me of that.  All I have to do is remember that.  I also have to remember to find happiness in the things I have accomplished instead of just worry about the things that remain undone.  It's easier said than done but if anyone's worth the effort, it's my baby and my family.

So here's to calming the F down *as I raise my fake oh how I wish it were real glass of wine to you all*  We're in the home stretch!

Inhale, exhale

I haven't posted lately because I've been silently struggling, my friends.  Well, if you ask my husband I haven't been *that* silent, but my anxiety during this pregnancy has been out of control.  I'm worrying about everything and it's so frustrating.  I want to be at peace; I don't want to feel this unsettled and irritable and downright grumpy.  But I have only 37 days left (fewer than that if I go into labor before my due date) in my pregnancy and it feels like so much is still undone.  

I am blessed beyond words and my rational brain knows that, but the anxious part of my brain isn't getting the message, so as a last ditch effort to calm the fuck down, I'm unlocking my worries from my brain, releasing them to the universe, and perhaps then I can breathe again.  It's worth a shot, right?  

The nursery isn't done yet.  Inhale…..exhale.
Babies don't need nurseries.  Babies need diapers, food and love.  I have all of those things right now.  Push comes to shove, I will be able to bring the baby home to an unfinished nursery and the world will not end.

That said,  the wall stickers will arrive this week and it won't take long to put them up.  If I do nothing else tomorrow, my one errand for the day can be to go to Home Depot and buy one can of gold spray paint to paint the basket.  The next day I can hang one mirror.  I can call my girlfriend to watch Sofia for the afternoon while I paint the bookcase.  If I look at one task at a time, I can do it.  The big picture is too much, but I can buy one can of spray paint.  

They say Rustoleum is best.

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I haven't picked a double stroller.  Inhale…..exhale.

I have spent more nights than I can count researching double strollers and I'm no closer to a decision than when I started.  There are so many things to consider, down to whether or not I even need one.  Sofia is getting older and rides in shopping carts and is getting better about holding my hand while walking and staying close to me.  I foresee Sofia in the shopping cart and the new baby in the Ergo more often than I see myself trying to wrangle a double stroller.

That's not to say I won't need one at some point.  However, the baby stores will always be there and once I do make a decision, Amazon can have a stroller at my house in five days or less, and if I don't like it I can return it.  Whatever stroller I buy, I'm not stuck with it for life.

  I just need one, but I don't need it right this second.

I don't have to make a decision right now.

What are we going to do for food when the baby's born?  Inhale…..exhale.

We have no family nearby and I do not want to eat take-out every night of the week.  My family deserves better than that.  I found a personal chef service here that will bring food to us, but of course that's rather pricey.  For about half the cost, I can hire our babysitter for the day to watch Sofia and I can prepare freezer recipes.  I've been pinning from blogs that spend an entire day preparing 30 days worth of crockpot recipes and I bought a freezer meal cookbook and I'm going to try that out so I don't have to cook dinner every night in the beginning.  

I've never done anything like this before, but it's worth a shot, right?

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I'm worried about how Sofia will handle the transition.  Inhale….exhale.

Sofia is the hardiest, most resilient, most amazing kid on the planet.  It's going to be a bumpy transition for all of us, but I'm confident (mostly) that she knows I love her and I tell her twenty times a day that when Baby Sister is here, my love for her won't change.  I don't know that she gets it, but it can't hurt to say it.  We cuddle and kiss and hug every hour of the day and I hope that in her soul she knows that her place in my heart is unchanged.

If you follow me on Instagram, you know that we had a girls dinner at PF Chang's on Sunday.  She was starving and was a little screechy at first, but once the food

came, she immediately settled down and we had an awesome dinner, just the two of us.

We walked to the car together and I said "I sure do love you baby."

"I love you too Mom."

I had to buckle her in quickly and shut the car door so she wouldn't see me crying.

Seriously you guys, she's the most awesome kid in the whole world.

She knows that, right?  She knows I love her, right?

She knows that nothing will ever change that, right?

What if I can't breastfeed again?  Inhale…..exhale.

With Sofia, my boobs swelled up to the size of my head; they haven't changed size this time and I'm freaking out because I'm afraid that means I won't be able to breastfeed.  It's the unknown that gets me; it's not like you can take a blood test that'll tell you if you'll be able to breastfeed.  I'm just scared that since we were *so* successful last time, that *of course* it's not going to work this time.  But that's not necessarily true, right?  Right?

Inhale…..exhale.

Holy crap, it worked.  I feel a little better, a little lighter and now I'm sleepy again thank God.  Please share your stories with me, my friends.  Tell me how you were worried and it all turned out okay.  Picture me, sitting on your sofa, curled up with a blanket and a fake glass of wine and let me listen to your wisdom.  Let your words relax me, help me breathe so I can make it to the finish line of this pregnancy in one piece.

Good night, my friends.

Nursery progress: Thinking pink and musical rugs

Happy New Year, my friends!  I hope 2014 is getting off to a great start for all of you and that this time, no seriously, this time you stick with and/or complete all your resolutions.  Me?  I absolutely did not.  Actually, I take that back.  I just went back and looked at my New Year's post from 2013, and I kept one resolution: I did get pretty savvy with meal planning, thanks to Fresh 20, so at least there's that.  One is better than none, right?

However, I'm looking at 2014 with just one resolution:  Have a baby.  That's it.  If I get to December 31st, 2014 and we're all still alive, then 2014 will be a rousing success.  

Everything beyond that is a bonus and it would be super swell if I could complete New Baby's nursery by the time she gets here.  Yeah, I just said 'swell.'  I'm trying it out.  But back to the nursery:  We've made huge progress, but I'm not talking about the slipcover for the chair.  I haven't done jack squat in that arena, but it's going to happen I promise.  

But let's move on to the things that we have accomplished so far!  First, we hired a painter to paint the nursery and other odds and ends around the house.  Usually, I'm the one who does all the painting around here but let's face it, I can hardly roll over in bed anymore and it was time to bring in someone else.  

Even though someone else was painting, I still had to choose a color.

I was looking for a grayish pink and got a test pot of 
Cool Pink by Behr - it's the one marked 's.'

Unfortunately, that color turned out to be way too chalky and too reminiscent of Pepto-Bismol so I went back to the drawing board.  Of course, I polled my internet friends and they reminded me of the color Young House Love used when they painted their nursery pink.  I went to Sherwin Williams and got three more test pots while the painter worked on other parts of the house.

This is a terrible phone picture but the Cool Pink is on the far left.

The other three are (L to R): Sherwin Williams Rose of Sharon

Benjamin Moore Proposal matched to SW

SW White Beet

I liked the lighter pink much better and painted some more test swatches in another part of the room.

Bill (that's our painter) said to paint swatches close to the floor and/or furniture

to see how it would look next to those tones.

After a little more deliberation I decided to go with Proposal, matched to Sherwin Williams' Emerald formula of paint.  I handed it over to Bill and he worked his magic.

It's absolutely perfect.

The striped rug lives in here now and I love it more, if that's even possible.

It goes perfectly with the crib sheets.

It's so barely there and that's exactly what I wanted.

I know I made the right choice because every time I walk in there now, I get a huge grin on my face and I start imagining how the finished room will look.  The green and brown basket is going to get a hit of gold spray paint and I can't wait to start hanging pictures now!  Also, I'm in love with the chandelier.  I love my husband for hanging it, I love my friend Shunta for telling me about it and hooking me up with a coupon for it and I love that it's gold dots.  I pretty much love everything about it.

Obviously, the room is super bare but I was waiting until it was painted to fill it up and now that it's done, I will be getting started.  After all, I only have about a month and a half before she gets here so I really need to get on it!

I should *probably* do something about this.

Since we moved the striped rug into the nursery and discovered (okay, *I* discovered) that the living room rug was too small after rearranging, the navy rug moved into Sofia's room.

Her room, on the other hand, is very much lived in and not at all bare.

Also, I should have lowered the blinds to cut the glare.  Sorry about that.

The navy rug is what we call a 'bossy' rug.  He's kind of a diva rug.  He came into this room and was like 'Oh no chile, them butterflies got to go.  I need center stage honey!'  And you know what?  I can't even argue with him.  The butterflies, while awesome, are just too much with the diva rug.

 Navy rugs absolutely work in kids' rooms, you just have to tone everything

else down because navy rugs are divas and you just have to accept it.

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So I will bow to the navy rug.  I will allow him to take center stage in Sofia's room, as long as he understands that the TRUE diva will spill milk on him in a hot second without an ounce of regret.  And while the navy rug will have the spotlight, I'm going to work in some bits of raspberry here and there.

I'm taking this raspberry/pinkish lamp and running with it.

Also, I didn't get a good shot of the bookcases but I painted them white and 

they look so much better that way.

I'm using this as my inspiration.
Now that I know how to sew a floor pouf (sort of) I'm going to make a raspberry one with navy piping and find some awesome fabric for a throw pillow for her chair.
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I will also switch out the yellow and orange canvases for other canvases

or picture frames with raspberry accents.

Also on the list is figuring out a better toy storage solution than

'shove everything in the corner.'

I'm not using her closet as well as I could; maybe things could go in there.

The picture and book ledges and artwork display will stay; I like them and I will 

only indulge the navy rug so much.  

Sofia may be the princess diva of the house, but I am the QUEEN.  

Remember that, rug.

The new living room rug should arrive tomorrow and I'm super anxious to see if it'll work.  I still have a lot on the to-do list - I haven't even shown you our new laundry room! - but I'm getting there.  If the living room rug works, then our rug situation is solved and I won't have to get any more rugs (you hear that, Drew?)  As always, I'm excited to see where we end up and my fingers are crossed that the nursery will be finished by the time the baby comes.  Last time, I finished Sofia's nursery with a little less than a month to spare, but I also knew when she was coming.  This time, my doctors aren't inducing me so I'm really trying to get it done sooner rather than later because I will be on high alert come February.

So that's how things are looking in my daughters' (!!!) rooms these days.  I *think* Sofia likes the changes.  After we moved the navy rug in there, she ran into her room and stopped dead in her tracks just inside the doorway, not saying anything.  She stared at the rug for a minute, and then decided to play hopscotch on the navy parts.  Well, her version of it anyway.  Okay, really she just started jumping around, trying to stay on the navy bits.  I'm taking that as a positive sign that the rug can stay.

Now if only I can figure out what to do in our bedroom….

Wait.  Hang on.  Decorate.  If only I can figure out how to decorate the bedroom.  I know what to *do* in there.

You know what, let me just stop right there.

DECORATE.  I'm talking about decorating.  

I totally walked into that one and I'm not editing it in any way.  I'm leaving it, because sometimes I am a dork.

I'll show myself out.