I am blessed beyond words and my rational brain knows that, but the anxious part of my brain isn't getting the message, so as a last ditch effort to calm the fuck down, I'm unlocking my worries from my brain, releasing them to the universe, and perhaps then I can breathe again. It's worth a shot, right?
The nursery isn't done yet. Inhale…..exhale.
Babies don't need nurseries. Babies need diapers, food and love. I have all of those things right now. Push comes to shove, I will be able to bring the baby home to an unfinished nursery and the world will not end.
That said, the wall stickers will arrive this week and it won't take long to put them up. If I do nothing else tomorrow, my one errand for the day can be to go to Home Depot and buy one can of gold spray paint to paint the basket. The next day I can hang one mirror. I can call my girlfriend to watch Sofia for the afternoon while I paint the bookcase. If I look at one task at a time, I can do it. The big picture is too much, but I can buy one can of spray paint.
They say Rustoleum is best.
I haven't picked a double stroller. Inhale…..exhale.
I have spent more nights than I can count researching double strollers and I'm no closer to a decision than when I started. There are so many things to consider, down to whether or not I even need one. Sofia is getting older and rides in shopping carts and is getting better about holding my hand while walking and staying close to me. I foresee Sofia in the shopping cart and the new baby in the Ergo more often than I see myself trying to wrangle a double stroller.
That's not to say I won't need one at some point. However, the baby stores will always be there and once I do make a decision, Amazon can have a stroller at my house in five days or less, and if I don't like it I can return it. Whatever stroller I buy, I'm not stuck with it for life.
I just need one, but I don't need it right this second.
I don't have to make a decision right now.
What are we going to do for food when the baby's born? Inhale…..exhale.
We have no family nearby and I do not want to eat take-out every night of the week. My family deserves better than that. I found a personal chef service here that will bring food to us, but of course that's rather pricey. For about half the cost, I can hire our babysitter for the day to watch Sofia and I can prepare freezer recipes. I've been pinning from blogs that spend an entire day preparing 30 days worth of crockpot recipes and I bought a freezer meal cookbook and I'm going to try that out so I don't have to cook dinner every night in the beginning.
I've never done anything like this before, but it's worth a shot, right?
I'm worried about how Sofia will handle the transition. Inhale….exhale.
Sofia is the hardiest, most resilient, most amazing kid on the planet. It's going to be a bumpy transition for all of us, but I'm confident (mostly) that she knows I love her and I tell her twenty times a day that when Baby Sister is here, my love for her won't change. I don't know that she gets it, but it can't hurt to say it. We cuddle and kiss and hug every hour of the day and I hope that in her soul she knows that her place in my heart is unchanged.
If you follow me on Instagram, you know that we had a girls dinner at PF Chang's on Sunday. She was starving and was a little screechy at first, but once the food
came, she immediately settled down and we had an awesome dinner, just the two of us.
We walked to the car together and I said "I sure do love you baby."
"I love you too Mom."
I had to buckle her in quickly and shut the car door so she wouldn't see me crying.
Seriously you guys, she's the most awesome kid in the whole world.
She knows that, right? She knows I love her, right?
She knows that nothing will ever change that, right?
What if I can't breastfeed again? Inhale…..exhale.
With Sofia, my boobs swelled up to the size of my head; they haven't changed size this time and I'm freaking out because I'm afraid that means I won't be able to breastfeed. It's the unknown that gets me; it's not like you can take a blood test that'll tell you if you'll be able to breastfeed. I'm just scared that since we were *so* successful last time, that *of course* it's not going to work this time. But that's not necessarily true, right? Right?
Inhale…..exhale.
Holy crap, it worked. I feel a little better, a little lighter and now I'm sleepy again thank God. Please share your stories with me, my friends. Tell me how you were worried and it all turned out okay. Picture me, sitting on your sofa, curled up with a blanket and a fake glass of wine and let me listen to your wisdom. Let your words relax me, help me breathe so I can make it to the finish line of this pregnancy in one piece.
Good night, my friends.
Don't fret pet. Everything will fall into place.
ReplyDeletehttp://katiesperk.blogspot.com/2012/11/feed-me.html Here is a link to a group of freezer meals that I make. The nice thing about them is that you can make one for dinner that night, and then just freeze the other one (they make 2 8x8's).
xx
***You made me tear up talking about Sofia telling you she loved you!!!!***
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you've solved a lot of your own problems as you were writing about them, the baby doesn't necessarily need a nursery and if it isn't done by the time she gets here, she'll be just fine. And you will finish it eventually..... you can get a stroller any time, etc.
One of my co-workers suggested frozen meals to me just yesterday. I think it's a great solution....
I worry about my child feeling left out once the baby comes too.... Right now, she climbs into my lap without any second thought and hugs me but when the baby comes, what if she has an urge to do it and the baby is in my lap?
THAT is a perfectly normal worry and I think we won't truly know the answer until our babies get here. (It's a comfort to me that we are going through the same things at the same time.)
I worry about breastfeeding too!
I'd like to remind you that no matter what, you will be alright. This is going to be a transition for the entire family. You WILL find your groove and even if there are a few bumps and bruises on the way, that is completely normal. You will STILL be loved!
I didn't have anxiety like you while pregnant with my 2nd, but once she came out? I was a lunatic. For a loooong time. I feel like it took nearly a year for me to sorta settle down. I had trouble going anywhere (although I did) and was stressed out to the max (some PPD if you ask me). ANYWAY. Maybe you'll be opposite and calm as a cucumber once this sweetie makes her appearance. That being said, I doubt you'll need a double for everyday life, BUT, definitely get one for those random times. We have a phil & teds and it works great for what we needed and is really compact. But honestly, now? We go out with just an umbrella stroller for Lucy and Em stays close/holds hands/holds the side of the stroller. These big kids get big fast. Siiiiigh. :) Also, breastfeeding is a BILLION times easier the second time around (says the girl who's still nursing her 18 month old and had no intentions to really go this long).
ReplyDeleteWowzer! I want to give you a big hug, so I'm sending a virtual hug instead. I agree, you seem to have settled some of your dilemmas in releasing them (love when that happens!). Breastfeeding: you will most likely be able to do so succesfully w/ baby #2, as proven by most women throughout history AND research on subsequent breastfeeding practices (I can send a link or 2 if you want). Sofia's transition: however she handles it, she will have no shortage of love when her sister arrives; that in itself is the foundation of a positive transition. In fact, she may love being a big sis if you prepare her in advance by describing her important role and how special it is (I can send specific ideas if you want). Sorry if I'm repeating what's already on your mind / on your agenda. Inhale, exhale. It'll all work out, trust!
ReplyDeleteYou're going to do so great! I promise! I know you, and you'll get everything you NEED to get done out of the way before she gets here! And yes silly girl - Sofia knows how much you love her!!!
ReplyDeleteI am also an anxious person, and I worried about all these things with my pregnancy as well. But baby won't know if her nursery isn't finished. You already have the only things she'll need, so don't fret. Freezer meals are a GREAT idea. I have my freezer stocked with meals, and they are SUCH a time saver! You'll be surprised how quickly you can knock out a month's worth of meals. As for breastfeeding - I was always told that breast size during pregnancy has nothing to do with milk supply post partum, and its so true. I had GIGANTIC boobs while pregnant, and my milk supply was very very low at first (I breastfed and pumped like a madwoman to get my supply up, which worked). Likewise, a friend of mine had small breasts while pregnant and had enough milk to feed a small country worth of newborns. Don't stress. Breathe, talk about it, and write. All will be ok once baby girl is here. :) Can't wait to virtually meet her!
ReplyDeleteHang in there-- you're going to be great!!! I welcomed my second (a girl) last July, shortly before my little guy turned two and he's made the transition beautifully! Sure, there were some hiccups in the beginning and he didn't really "get it" at first, but now he's a proud big brother. I still struggle with taking both kids on errands and Target runs, but I somehow manage without a double stroller and my son is fairly manageable walking by my side (on a good day, for a two-year old :) My baby girl is about to turn 6 months old and still doesn't have her own room :(. She sleeps in a crib in our room and, while this isn't ideal for getting the best sleep, we're still here and surviving. I know it's hard, but try and relax. It will be ok. (Sidenote: Hypnobirthing worked better for the second baby and breastfeeding has been much easier with #2 also.) You are such a great mama and you'll be awesome!!! Hugs from a longtime blog reader from Lawrence!!!
ReplyDeleteFor the food - if you aren't down with DIYing it, I know a few people who hired cooks to come to their house and prep everything. I don't mean chefs - but they went on kijiji or craigslist and found people who for 15 bucks an hour will go shopping, bring it all home and prep meals and snacks for the week. That sounds like an awesome idea to me. So after about 4 hours, 60 dollars plus groceries, they have some prepared food, pre-chopped veggies and fruit, etc all ready for the week.
ReplyDeleteJust thought that might be an idea if you aren't really into DIYing it. Now - if you do want to DIY it for now, why don't you just double whatever you are making between now and your D-Day and freeze the second batch. Maybe not as overwhelming as a FULL day of cooking/prep/cleaning?
Oh and PS - just buy whatever gold paint you can find at the closest home depot. I did all that same research and found the weird random one at Michaels and it was nothing special. Honestly. You'll only notice a difference if you line all 4 gold pears next to each other ;-)
ReplyDeleteWow girl! That is quite the load. Some irrational... some not so much. Sending out love and calm thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteOn the stroller front, I really love my Britax B-Ready double stroller. Honestly the best, but if you're thinking compact go McClaren. They are by far the best compact duos.
Just my two cents.
Ok, to be honest, I am so not the right person to be giving any advice here. The thought of 2 kids gives me heart palpitations. You are amazing to only now be freaking, in my book. I remember before M was born that I freaked about all kinds of details, and was pleasantly surprised that it really does work itself out somehow. And remember, you are really smart and full of love. Think of all the women who have and have had 3 and more kids with much less of the love & intellect you've got. If they can do it and everyone came out fine, you will too. Keep having those one on one dinners with Sofia. What a special date for both of you. Know that we are all here to cry and laugh and commiserate with you. Let it out! I am still embarrassed by how much I freaked out over a stroller before M was born.... It's ok. Pregnant women are more than allowed to freak out over anything they want to. It's written into the Constitution, I am sure. Or at least it should be.
ReplyDeleteDesiree! Hot momma, you did all this already. You can do it! <-- This is easy to say NOW, but I totally feel you on the nesting… I felt the same way and said the same things. I think he was 6 months old before I heard the round of applause I was getting from the Universe. You’re pretty awesome so don’t completely ignore it as long as I did.
ReplyDeleteI totally stole that crock pot pin from you... I made two dishes without freezing. The Savory Pepper Steak and the Southwest Chicken Chili both got a thumbs up from the family.
Here’s a couple more I tried and liked:
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/166140673727305536/
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/166140673726836651/
I’m on a crock pot roll lately.
I’m sure that there will be some growing pains but that will add to Sofia’s resilient character. She’s going to be a BIG SISTER. That ish is monumental! Our kids are learning key life lessons with times like these.
I don’t have daughters or a sister but I thought of you when I read this: http://cassidymillerphotography.com/blog/2014/01/09/raising-sisters/ maybe take a look at it between paint jobs?
Don’t worry about what you can’t control with breastfeeding. I’m sure by the time she comes you’ll be yelling at them for being so rock hard and the “any baby cry” leakage. (First baby – boobs were regular and I still breastfeed though it took time to coax them to their happy place. Second baby – huge boobs and I was screaming “you get a bottle, you get a bottle!” like I was Oprah.)
Inhale, exhale.
P.s. Keep doing those mommy-daughter dates when you can!
I have two girls, 26 months apart. Forgive me for sounding like an expert. I just want to give you my story so that you know it can be done.
ReplyDeleteYou are a good mama. Did you read that post? http://www.kveller.com/blog/parenting/tell-a-friend-you-are-a-good-mama/
You can do this. My younger daughter spent most of her first 6 months in either a bassinet, pack-n-play, or my bed until we could get her crib together. (Her big sister was still using the mattress). She was great. I'm not sure I'm done with her room yet. She'll be two in April. She needs your arms and your boobs.
Speaking of your boobs, you did it once, you can do it again. She'll latch. And, if she doesn't, you are still a good mama. She needs love.
As for the double stroller, we have one that we found on Craigslist. Barely used by that family, barely used by us. When the now two year old (M) was an infant, she was in the Moby sling, and now that she's older, she's in the Ergo all the time. And the then two year old (C) walked or went in the smaller, easier to maneuver through the mall stroller. Now that C is almost four, she's barely in the stroller. She wants to be free. Except, of course, when tired. Therefore, I recommend either getting a used one on Craigslist, or getting the Sit & Stand kind. I wish I had one of those now. Guess I need to search Craigslist.
You can do this. You are a good mama.
Oh girl. You should have posted this months ago. As for the nursery, Izabella's wasn't done until the last minute. And in hindsight, the anxiety that caused me was wasted energy because we never used it. Lol. We co-slept from the beginning and the room itself could have been finished yesterday for as much as we use it. Now even if you use it every hour, it doesn't have to be done by your due date. Your baby won't even know or care about her room until she is at least 1 years old. Double stroller? Just buy a cheap one so you have a stroller. Keep it in the box with the receipt. See if you use it. If you don't return it. Sofia knows you love her and that isn't going to change. It will be a transition but it's not like you are never going to hug/kiss/cuddle Sofia once new baby arrives. And you can make taking care of new baby a special "girl time" for the 3 of you with Sofia helping out and joining in the cuddling and nurturing of new baby. As for the food, I can't help you there but you will figure it out. And if you can't breastfeed, so what? Your kid won't starve. Izabella was bottle fed and is a healthy, smart, happy baby. And you know what, she has only had 1 ear infection and maybe 2 colds. So whoever said bottle fed babies won't be as healthy immune system wise is full of crap. And lastly, I can't believe you are that close to having new baby!!!! So exciting. Miss you and Sofia. xx
ReplyDeleteOkay dude, I haven't managed to comment on a single blog since Harvey was born, but I just went to my computer to comment on this!
ReplyDeleteThe nursery - like you said, you have the necessities. 5 days into this newborn thing, I can 100% feel comfortable reminding you that you will not use the nursery in the beginning!! You'll have stashes of diapers and wipes around the house, your milk is in your boobs, and that's about all you need. I get it if you want to have things complete in the room, but remember you realistically have months until you are using that room more full time. One can of spray paint at a time and you'll easily get it whipped into shape!
Stroller - I bought a double BOB when I was barely into the 2nd tri just b/c I found an amazing Craig's List deal. That being said, I fully anticipate it sitting in my garage for months still. It's just so much easier to throw the baby in the sling and have the toddler walk/ride in a single stroller in the beginning. You know all of this -- I know you do. I'm just reminding you that you're 100% right that you don't need to make a decision right now!
Food: That 30 days of crock pot meals plan sounds amazing! I wish I'd have tried something like that. My friends did throw me a "fill the freezer" shower so I have about a dozen frozen meals ready for the oven / crockpot. Could you do something like that?
The toddler transition: You really never know how this will go, so no point stressing about it. Stella has been a rock start about her brother, and has been a complete terror with clinginess & bedtime now. You can't win 'em all. Since you can't guess how Sofia will react, you might as well not stress about it! Just make the time to SHOW her your love with reading books and playing and such, and trust that your daughter has had YEARS to learn and grow confident in the fact that you love her and she is important to you. She'll be fine. :)
Breastfeeding: My boobs didn't grow really during pregnancy this time either, and rest assured they are now bigger than my infant's head. I've read that it's totally normal to not have the same boobage changes the 2nd time around. I'm sure you'll be fine!
Hang in there hon - deep breaths - you will be a rockstar Mom to 2 kids. You've got this!
I remember those anxious nesting days well. Isn't it funny the things we get our needles stuck on during pregnancy? I'm glad "getting out" helped and I think tackling one thing a day is a great plan!
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