Rookie mistake

I was hoping to get to Wednesday at the least before I completely fell apart but no such luck.  Yesterday was a complete Mommy failure and it was my fault.  I committed the most rookie of all mistakes and it derailed the rest of the day.

ProTip:  Never ever ignore your child's hunger.  Ever.  It won't end well for you.

I know this cardinal rule and I honor it above all things most times.  However, there are times when I take leave of my senses and think that my toddler is a logical and rational human being and can ignore hunger pangs for a quick second while I run an errand.  That way of thinking is absolutely ridiculous and frankly, dangerous.  Toddlers are not rational people; they don't eat balanced healthy meals at properly spaced times.  They have two hunger modes:  Not Hungry and Oh My God If I Don't Have Food Right This Second I Will Spontaneously Combust.  There's no in between and if you've tipped the scale in the wrong direction, sorry 'bout your bad luck.

So why oh WHY did I think *this one time* it would be different?  Because it's not.  It never is.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays Sofia is in school.  She usually gets out at 11:15, we're home by 11:30 and she's stuffing her face by 11:40.  If it's a good day for me, a nap will follow shortly after.  Because of all the snow days we've had, they've extended her day, dismissing at 11:45.  Plus, it was nice out and they did some hard playing on the playground.  So I picked up my baby, who was tired and starving.

Why oh WHY did I go to Office Depot to print birthday stuff instead of carrying her STRAIGHT home?!  But that's just what I did and when we pulled into the parking lot instead of our driveway, the Hunger demon and its twin, Fatigue, began to possess my daughter.

"No Mom, we have to go home."  That was my first and last rational warning.  I ignored it, like a stupid rookie.
"I know sweetheart, I just have to make one quick stop and then we'll go straight home I promise."  No stop is ever quick when you have a tired hungry toddler, FYI.

I was convinced it would be so fast that I naively didn't even put Andrea in the Ergo; I just had her in one arm and held Sofia's hand with the other.  SO DUMB.

Because of course the Office Depot person didn't know what I needed, despite me being as clear as I could.  Of course they didn't have the paper I needed.  Of course she took a personal call as I was standing in front of her, the demons slowly invading my daughter.

Sofia put on a SHOW in Office Depot.  Rather, it wasn't her, it was the demons.  The demons made her collapse on the floor and scream for the entire store to hear how hungry she was and how she wanted to go home.  Mother of the year, right here.  Then she wanted to  run off so I had to awkwardly chase her while holding my seven week old in my arms.  She didn't want to stand up, so I had to pull her arm, which I hate because I'm always terrified of pulling her just right and her frickin arm coming out of socket.  But I can't bend over because of the baby and it was an absolute mess.  I had to leave the store and run outside, drag-carrying a screaming Sofia so I could get the double stroller.  I felt the tightness in my chest, the admonishments in my head.  What the hell was I thinking?  I know better than this!

But the damage was already done.  Sofia was gone and the demons had taken full possession.  Now that she was in the stroller she screamed to be let out.  "Please Mom can you take me out?!"  "Two seconds honey and then we'll go I promise" as I feel the sweat forming on my back and my head getting itchy.  Then Andrea winds up and starts crying.  I nursed her in the back of the store - at least I could do something about her crying - with Sofia crying in the stroller.  What a mess.  

In reality, this was all about ten minutes but it felt like an eternity.  Time stops when children cry, I swear.  My poor Sofia was delirious with hunger and I pulled into Wendy's to get her a cheeseburger and fries and we sped home.  She INHALED that burger like I'd never seen, making me feel like the lowest slime alive.  I felt so bad, but again, the damage was done and now she was overtired.

Overtired toddlers do weird things like run around in circles screaming.  It's deceiving because they're climbing the walls but they're exhausted.  It's a strange phenomenon and I did all I could to settle her down but it just wasn't working.

Finally, I put her in the car and we headed to my girlfriend's house.  We'd already planned to have dinner with them and it was a thirty minute drive.  Sofia was asleep before we left our neighborhood, so she slept for thirty minutes but she really needed a couple of hours.  

This wasn't yesterday but it was another day that I'd tried for hours to get

her to sleep and she falls asleep within seconds of being in the car.

I guess I should be thankful she sleeps well *somewhere*.

We got to their house and Sofia ran and played for hours with my girlfriend's son.  When we left I was sure she would sleep on the way home, but she was too wound up from playing.

Bedtime was a nightmare.  The demon Fatigue hadn't released its hold on my baby and wasn't going out without a fight.  I tried to speed through bedtime but you really can't speed changing two kids, chasing one down to put pjs on, nursing one, brushing teeth for another - it was bad.

We all finally settled down to sleep around ten and Sofia slept hard.  Poor thing was full-out snoring and she didn't wake up until almost ten this morning.  Thankfully the demons left her and she was my happy smiling girl once again.  I was a little spent though and we've spent the morning watching lots of TV because Mommy needs to recuperate.

It's crazy how badly things can go off the rails when you make a rookie mistake and I definitely didn't thrive yesterday.  As I was driving out to my friend's house, I was completely beating myself up, all kinds of negative self-talking in my head and I felt things spiraling.  I really lost it yesterday and I was really disappointed in myself.  Thankfully, I spent the evening with friends so the day wasn't completely shot.

Today, we're going to try again.  We all got some much needed sleep, I've already fed her well and often today so the demon Hunger is kept at bay.  I will try my hardest to get her down for a nap but that's harder these days because I've always laid down with her to get her to sleep and that's not always possible with the baby.

Yesterday was pretty bad - oh yeah, she pooped on the floor again too, but at least that one was smack in the middle of the living room so I didn't have to play poop detective.  And I didn't handle it well.  I was frazzled from Office Depot, mad at myself, frustrated that I couldn't get her to nap, Andrea was crying and I come around the corner to a poop-covered kid and a nasty present on the living room floor.  I got on her level, looked her in her face and with a harsher tone than I should've used I was like "Sofia!!! Poops go in the potty!!!!"  It was less a teaching tone and more a 'what the hell is your problem' tone.  I'm not proud of that - I should've taken a second to get it together, but the poop on the floor was the last straw to a wacked-out few hours.

Yet, today is a new day and I'm leaving the events of yesterday in the past.  I'm going to try again to get her to nap and hopefully I'll be successful and when she wakes up we'll reconnect and do something fun.  And I think that's what matter the most.  I'm going to fail, I'm going to mess up and I'm not going to thrive all the time, but as long as I don't give up, that counts for something, right?

Anyway, that's what I'm going with.

Gotta run - the baby's crying and it's time for Sofia's nap.  Wish me luck.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to thrive

Oh, my friends.  The universe loves to poke fun at me.  My first full day of thriving was a joke - not completely but a joke nonetheless.

It started well; I woke up a little before the girls so I was at least able to brush my teeth.  Then Sofia woke up and we hustled to the bathroom.  She's still in diapers at night, but I'm trying to get her in the habit of going to the bathroom right when she wakes up.  Sometimes she pees, sometimes not, but we go through the routine nonetheless.

I took her diaper off and she'd already gone so she sat on the potty but there was nothing.  Fine by me.  I put her pj pants back on, no diaper, and we brushed teeth and came out to the kitchen for breakfast.  So far so good.  We each had our bowl of cereal, I wrote my thriving post, and somewhere in there Sofia moved to the sofa with the iPad.  I finished my post, checked on her, she was ok, so I went back and finish getting dressed.  I picked out her clothes and came out to the living room to dress her.  

That's when I noticed that she had no pants on.  I leaned over to put her underwear on and smelled poop.  "Baby, did you poop?"  "Yeah!"  "Where honey?"  "I poop on the rug!"

I turned to look for it and there's no poop.  You guys, my heart stopped.  It was my worst nightmare to know that she pooped somewhere in the house and I couldn't find it.  I double checked her bottom.  Yes, tell-tale post-poop signs.  I started to panic.

"Sofia.  Where did you poop?  Point to it for me."
"I poop on the rug!"
"Sofia honey, there's no poop on the rug.  Where did you poop?"
"I poop on the horse!"
"No, there's no poop on your rocking horse.  Where did you poop?"
"It's on the baby."
"No it's not honey.  And where are your pjs?  Where did you poop?"
"They're in my drawer." *Oh my God did she poop her pants and put her pants in her drawer?!?!* *Stay calm*
"Baby can you show me?"
She takes me back and shows me the drawer where her pjs are.  No poop.
"Yes honey that's where your pjs are but where are the pjs you had on this morning?"

This went on for twenty minutes while I paced the house looking everywhere, sniffing everywhere and finding no poop.  What. The Hell.  Seriously.  Where did she poop?  I gave up and resigned myself to having stealth poop somewhere in my house.  On my first day of thriving - way to go, me.

I loaded everyone and everything into the car and had a look in Maya's pen and saw Sofia's pajama pants.  I breathed a sigh of relief that there wasn't going to be some piece of poop petrifying in my house, yet FULLY grossed out at the implication of Sofia's pajama pants in the dog's pen.

Although I don't suppose I can be mad at the dog.  I guess I should be thanking her?  I mean, she saw a problem and solved it right?  The kid poops her pants and Maya ever so kindly took it outside, 'disposed' of the poop *HeaveGagFoulDisgustingGROSS* and left the dirty pants outside.

I'm going to be SO HAPPY when she learns to poop in the potty.  But today was not that day.

Because my beautiful firstborn proceeded to shit her pants two more times that day and my second born decided to let go of *her* poop that she'd been working on for a couple of days.  PS I HATE disposable diapers.  I hate the blowouts up to the neck, they're so gross and how the hell do you take off a onesie without getting it in their hair?!  I put her back in cloth, pockets this time and she seems to be a little better.  I was using receiving blankets and covers and maybe she didn't like the wetness directly against her skin?  Who knows, but all I know is I'm OVER the blowouts.  I never had blowouts with cloth and I'll just stay on top of changing her frequently to minimize the fussiness.

However, before I got *all* the way up to my eyeballs in poop, I did get a reprieve.  We went to Target and both of them fell asleep!  I got to cruise all the aisles for over an hour and it was glorious!

Such a lovely sight!

Also, I have to give some thought to how I define thriving.  It's not having a day without meltdowns because Sofia's almost three; meltdowns are a part of life.  Today's meltdown was courtesy of Mommy asking her to pick up her playing cards that she threw all over the kitchen floor.  "Mommy you pick them up."  "I will not; you threw them on the floor, please pick them up."  Cue the epic meltdown, although she did gather herself later and pick them up so all is well.  So, thriving doesn't mean no meltdowns or no crying.  It's also not an entire day without TV, although it does mean as little TV as possible.  I think I did pretty good there.  She watched a couple of shows in the morning and a movie at night and that was it, so I think that's decent.

Thriving definitely means I don't lose my patience and get ugly with Sofia.  I came close the third time she pooped in her pants but I was able to keep it together and stay calm.  I just wish I knew what it was about having underwear on that says "go ahead and poop, you're good."  She's got peeing down pat, which is why I hesitate to put her back in diapers but the pooping is killing me.  However, I didn't yell or get ugly about it so....thriving?

And if thriving is getting something accomplished then I totally thrived because I made the cupcakes for her birthday party.  Oh yeah, her birthday party is this Saturday, no pressure, no stress.  I'm seriously wondering if this was the best week to thrive.  I have most everything done but it's always the last minute that's the most stressful.

We're doing Lightning McQueen this year and I'm really excited 

for it to come together!

So that's it for Day One of Project Thrive.  It was pretty shitty (you knew that was going to happen) but for the most part I kept it together and made it to bed without feeling like I was hanging on by a thread.  We didn't do any Pinterest projects but Sofia did help me make the cupcakes and she helped clean so I'm counting it.

Here's to thriving, my friends!

Trying to thrive

Solo parenting is a reality in my life.  Drew travels for work; he always has and he probably always will.  It's hard on all of us because Drew misses a lot and he has to count on quality time with the family versus quantity.  Of course it's hard on me because I miss my husband, plain and simple.  Plus, with two kids it sure is nice to have an extra set of hands.  However, this is how my husband provides for us and I'm beyond grateful that he has and is giving us the life we live.  We are immeasurably blessed and I constantly remind myself of that when I start to get whiny about how hard things are.

However, I find that I end up just trying to get through the minutes when he's gone.  I'm just trying to make it until the next time one or both of them is asleep and last night, something clicked inside me - what if I didn't operate in survival mode?  What if I tried to get ahead of the tide?  What would that feel like?  Yeah, with him gone so much it's all me, all the time more than I'd prefer, but that's just the way it is.  We don't have family nearby so it's all on me to hold down the fort and it's high time I got better at it.  

So I'm trying it.  This week I'm going to thrive instead of survive without my husband here.  I'm going to do my best not to plop Sofia in front of the TV so much.  I've made my peace with the fact that I have to use TV sometimes (like now so I can write) but it's going to be more last-resort than first-response.  I'm going to actually do all those toddler activities I've pinned.  We're going to pull out the toys and we're going to use them.  

And we'll see how frazzled - or not?  Maybe? - I am by the end of the week.

Night one:  Playing in moonsand.  I found it on Pinterest and Sofia loves it because she loves anything messy.  It's 8 cups of flour to one cup of baby oil.  Mix it up and put it in a bin.  It's super soft and clumps really well for making sand castles.  I put a big blanket on the floor, gave her some measuring cups and let her go to town.  I put Andrea in the little bouncy chair and we all sat on the kitchen floor and got messy.  Of course Sofia got *in* the tub and starting rubbing the flour all over herself and mushing her face in it - we're going to call this a 'sensory experience.'  It sounds much more intelligent and purposeful than 'messy as hell.'  i'm going to look for homemade bathtub paints next.    

But hey, it's a win because she wasn't crying, not watching TV and we were spending time together!  That's the kind of stuff I'm shooting for this week and I really want to see if I can get there. 

My hope is to be able to blog every morning about the night before, so we'll see how well I can hold up!

Wish me luck!

A new room for New Baby

Halle-LU-yer y'all!  Nursery inspiration has done STRUCK me!  

For a minute there, I was afraid New Baby was going to get stuck with this for a nursery:

So sad.  So very very sad.

Thankfully, my second child will not have to suffer this tragic fate, as her mother is going to get it together and properly decorate her space before her arrival.  And then her mother is going to stop talking in third person because when she's talking about a bunch of girls, it's hard to know if she's referring to herself, the first girl child or the second girl child.  No seriously, she's going to stop.  Right now.  Sorry about that.  

New Baby is practicing her judo on me right now which apparently means "You don't need to sleep Mom!  Go tell people about my awesome nursery!"  Sure thing, New Baby.  You're the boss.

So when we left off talking about the nursery, I'd mentioned that I wanted to put hearts on one wall as an accent.

Like these from here

I also knew I wanted to pull the gold into other places around the nursery, and then the decorating gods smiled on me.  A while back, I was in Target and saw a side table that I absolutely fell in love with.  Originally, I wanted to put it in the living room but Drew wasn't a huge fan.  At the time, we didn't really have another place for it, Drew didn't love it, and I didn't want to pay full price for it.  THEN, yesterday Sofia and I were in Target and lo and behold, it was on clearance!

I did a happy dance, along with some 

celebratory oo-OOOOOs (it's at :37, because you don't want to hear me do it.)

Clearance, and a couple more dollars off with my Red Card?

I sure will take you home with me, my precious.

It's okay if Drew doesn't love you, I'll love you enough for the both of us.

I picked it up while Sofia was in school and made another stop to JoAnn's to see about some piping, because you're gonna LOVE what I do with that.  THEN, I rounded a corner and beheld this lovely sight.

Please envision this as a ruffled bedskirt and then please die from the cuteness possibilities.

Just like that, my hearts on the wall changed to gold polka dots and when Sofia and I came home and she went down for her nap, I ran to my computer and started scouring Pinterest.

I took this picture with my phone just after dinner tonight, but this is where the crib will live

and the dots will go on this wall.

The question is, do I make a grid, like for real with 

proper measuring and spacing and such, like this from here?

Or do I go for a fun confetti-type pattern, which will be

much more forgiving and far easier to place, 

like this from here?

I'm not sure where I'll end up, as the engineer of the house will be able to figure out grid spacing in like two seconds, but the free-spirited yoga-loving, dance in the rain type really gets the randomness, you know what I'm sayin'?

Put a gold picture frame or two on the other wall and we've got the gold covered.  As for other colors, the words that come to mind are quiet, tranquil, serene.  Sofia's nursery was and still is one of my favorite projects of all time and it truly was a labor of love.  Those bright and happy colors still make me smile.  But this time around, my age, the things I've been through in recent months and just where I am in life have me craving soft, quiet things and that's translating to muted colors.  I'm also still craving pink; I guess Sofia's big girl room didn't quite fill me up with pink, but I want an even softer quieter pink in the nursery.  I'm thinking dusty pink, antique pink, barely there pink.  Combine that with some gold and natural fibers and I believe we have the makings of a sweet little nursery.

This is the wall opposite the crib.

And here's what I'm thinking for that wall.

I have a mirror like this one, although mine doesn't have the scrolly bits.

I'm still deciding whether to leave the walls the beige-y tan color, paint one wall pink or paint the whole room pink.

I have the top right mirror, and even though it's smaller than 

my inspiration picture I bet I could make it work.

Maybe I could hang it with some pink or gold ribbon like they have on the left.

source

My other mirror option is to go big, like this from here.

You remember my big mirror that was in our old breakfast nook?

I could leave it white and paint the silver part gold or do some sort of

distressing to the whole thing to make it more shabby chic, 

modern vintage, quiet soft and serene.  

These are all technical design terms, BTW.

Now, I realize that's a lot of talk about the walls and that's mainly because I haven't found a rug yet.  However, I'm confident that the decorating gods won't let me down and I'll find the perfect rug in due time.  But I'm leaving out the final piece of the room that I'm sure of, and it's because it's the best part.  Now whether I mean best or worst when I say 'best' remains to be seen.  But I'm getting ahead of myself, so let me back up.

Nearly all nurseries have the same basic elements:  A crib, a changing table/station and a comfy chair.  I have no idea why I skipped over the basics when I was planning because New Baby's poor little nursery is missing a basic element.  The kid will have no comfy chair!  That, my friends, is NOT the business.  I have clocked many hours in Sofia's chair and she still loves to cuddle in it, so we had to have a chair in the nursery as well.  The problem is, that room is smaller than Sofia's and there's no room for a crib, dresser, twin bed *and* a chair.  That means the bed has to go.  Thankfully, it wasn't too hard of a decision as we hardly ever used the bed in Sofia's nursery; Drew and I slept in there when our parents would visit so they could have our bedroom.  Since this house is smaller, a twin bed is the best we could do and there's kind of no point to a guest bed if you can't make it at least a queen.  

When we used it as an actual guest room, there was only just enough room for 

a queen bed and a dresser.

In Sofia's nursery, we could combine the two but this time around there just isn't enough

space, so from now on, if we have guests we'll just have to kick it 

old-school with air mattresses and sleeping bags.

Not that anyone will be banging down our door to share space with a toddler and a newborn; on second thought, can I come stay with you?

Anyway, tomorrow Drew will move the twin bed to the basement and that will make room for a comfy chair.  But which comfy chair?

source

This, my friends, is a Monte Luca glider, also known as 'The Chair That Desiree Would Sell All Her Worldly Possessions For.'  And what a coincidence, it costs as much as all my worldly possessions, and then some.  It would seem that I am fated to love nursery chairs that just won't love me back, as my first nursery chair love was also out of my reach.  I sighed, lovingly stroked the screen, and painfully clicked that little red x.  In another life, my beloved.  In another life.

Thus began the search for another comfy chair that would work in the nursery and I didn't have to look far.

Tilt your head and squint your eyes…

And you just might see this.

source

Now, I don't intend to paint my chair as I love the burled wood and I think it would be an absolute crime to put paint over it.  However, the fabric leaves oh so much to be desired.  We got this chair at a garage sale in Dallas nearly four years ago and from the day we brought it home, we said we were going to have it reupholstered.  We've been saying that for four years because it turns out that for the price of reupholstery I could have my Monte Luca glider.  Three guesses which I'd rather have, and the first two don't count.  Plus it's hard to shell out nearly a thousand dollars to have it reupholstered when it already cost so much to buy the damn thing.  But Drew fell in love with it, didn't care how much it cost and now it lives with us.  That, as they say, is that.

Now here's the part where you want to sit down.

Since reupholstery is off the table, slipcovers are the only other option, so I made some calls.  Turns out, having a custom slipcover is only a couple hundred dollars less than reupholstery.  Again, that's not in the cards, so this is what's going to happen:

I'm going to make the slipcover.

That's right, you heard me.  Me, Desiree, the next Vera Wang.  I'm going to sew a slipcover and make a lumbar pillow for this chair.  I hemmed my jeans, for pete's sake, I can sew a slipcover!  Just like I can make some jewelry storage!  Okay, maybe the jewelry storage is a bad example, but I can do this!  I have watched the tutorial videos several times, I bought my drop cloths today and I'm going to do this before New Baby gets here.  I have to have a nursery chair and if that's the chair we're using, it has to fit in the awesome nursery I have planned for her.  And really, can't you see that lumbar pillow wrapped in that polka dotted burlap?  This could work, people.

I'm not going to back down from this challenge.  I'm even going to set reminders on my phone that ask me every week "Hey, how's that slipcover coming?"  This is going to happen and you know I'll document every bit of my progress.

Right here is kind of where I wish you and I could trade places and I could get cozy on the sofa with a glass of wine and watch this all go down.  Because…

Wish me luck!

Mom bag 2.0: The Decision UPDATED

Thankfully, the saga of the mom bag is over.  Or is it? 

 Ok wait, that's totally an ending line and I'm starting with it - that makes no sense.  Let me try again.

I finally flippin chose a bag!  Just in time for me to fall in love with another one!  Is that better?  Probably not, but let's get on with it anyway.

So I bought the Marilyn and I've been carrying it around while I've been trying to make a decision.  There is no doubt that a diaper bag versus a purse has made all the difference in the world for me.  I cannot stop raving about the mommy purse and how much easier it makes my life.  But damn, this bag is shiny!

I think I have a lipstick this color.

I was running errands and it gleams in the sun.  

Even thought the shiny-ness was growing on me each day I carried it, I couldn't stop thinking about the Rachel.  I wasn't sure if I was a shiny diaper bag kind of girl, so to be sure, I had to order it.  You hear that Drew?  I had to do it.  For science.  Or something.  It came yesterday and I had to put it to the test.

Even though this picture is crazy blurry and this post is about my bag, 

would you just look at my kid?  Have you seen a happier baby?

Gah, I love her so much.

Nice and muted, still roomy.  Looking good Rach!

Yes, but I'm pretty too!

I unpacked the Marilyn and transferred it to the Rachel.  It all fit, with no room to spare.

I'm not so confident about its ability to work with two kids.

Not that I'm pregnant or have plans to be anytime soon, but after this I don't think Drew

will be super receptive to any more diaper bag purchases.

And then the deciding factor!

Aside from that picture being your very obvious invitation to the gun show (with the muscles I got from wrestling my kid into her carseat), this illustrates that the Rachel is not a one-handed bag.  Womp womp.  Sorry Rach.

Plus, it looks too much like a pillow when it's packed full.

Never mind the tiny human grabbing my crotch.

So for now, the Marilyn it is.  UNTIL......

One of my dear readers emailed me and changed my life.  Michelle introduced me to the marvel, the wonder, the HOTNESS that is MZ Wallace.  I give you, Kate.

Love at first sight.

It's not brown or leather, but it is so me.  The moment I saw it I knew that if I carried that bag I would be the baddest bitch, I mean, mommy in town.

But go on and click that link and choke on the price like I did.  There is no way on God's green Earth that Drew would ever IN LIFE be okay with footing that kind of bill for a handbag.  EVER.  Just so we're clear.

This is why I'm trolling Ebay as we speak.  I've put my original mom bag up for sale on Ebay and Craigslist and I'm looking into selling my blood, just as soon as someone can get it without needles.  Is there a market for fingernail clippings?  How about hairballs?  I'm desperate people - I NEED that bag.

So if you see ads on my blog in the next few days or weeks, just know your girl is on a fund-raising mission.  

Hang on Kate - I'm coming for you!

Update:  Mere seconds after I hit publish I got an all-caps email:   blah blah blah NO 400 DOLLAR BAG blah blah blah GEEZ WOMAN blah blah blah WE JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE blah blah blah I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.  ALSO, I LIKE TO KICK PUPPIES.

I'm not sure about the last part.  I zoned out because I was wondering if people will pay for eyebrow pluckings.  And yes, that's a word.  I just made it up.

Recovery

You guys.  Thank you.  


Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, for talking me off the ledge and most of all, for letting me know I'm not alone.  It has been so cathartic to set this burden down, accept help and start again.


I got the meds and I hope that they will do the trick.  I felt ashamed asking for them, but this is for a season, just to smooth things out and get me over the hump.  I'm not defective and weak and even hippies need meds sometimes.  At least that's what I'm telling myself.


Drew and I have called a cease-fire and things are okay.  He's giving me a much-needed break from the dog, taking over all dog-related duties and that's been a big help.  I needed a breather and he's done that for me.  Of course, he leaves tomorrow but I'm trying to focus on the now and be thankful for the positives.  We have allowed for dinners out twice a month and we took advantage of it last night - we sure as hell needed it.

I don't normally take the baby out without shoes, but it was in the 70s last night

so I made an exception.  Besides, I'm in love with those little toe-toes.

And we finally found a sippy cup that

she'll use!  Who knew it was so hard to find a good sippy cup?!

Most importantly, I found some crafting mojo!  When you're in the midst of the doldrums and despair, it looks like there's no way out, no solution and you're just going to stay in the sucky place forever.  Creativity is my outlet, whether it's writing, painting or even some degree, cooking.  Two nights ago, I anxiety-cooked and made this pasta dish and it actually turned out really good!  Thanks Kristin and Carolyn!

Eat this pasta now.

Image courtesy PHHH

Plus, I hosted playgroup yesterday and made these Diabetes Cookies.  As in, there's an entire stick of butter and an obscene amount of sugar in them.  As in, these will give you diabetes.  

I substituted hot chocolate mix for the cocoa powder and added dried cranberries.

They turned out well, although I needed a giant glass of water to wash them down.

Additionally, creativity is not just about home decorating.  Cori hit the nail on the head when she commented about how frustrating it is not to be able to nest and Carolyn was spot-on when she said that organizing and crafting and decorating is what she does when she's stressed, because these are my problems too and that's why I was feeling so trapped.  I had no outlet.  Or so I thought!

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

You know what else is crafty and doesn't involve home decorating (per se)?  

Sewing.

Yup.  I said it.  These are desperate times, y'all.

Last night I was a Pinning fool.  I searched high and low for all kinds of sewing tutorials, figuring I could kill two birds with one stone.  Namely, I could alter my clothes so they fit.  I lose weight when I'm stressed and between that and breastfeeding, I'm straight-up scrawny.  I'll be the first to say you can never be too rich or too thin, but this is kind of silly.  I'm down to one pair of jeans that are getting looser by the day and only a couple of shirts.  If I fix my clothes I'll satisfy my crafting craving and keep from buying new clothes, thereby saving money.  It's a win-win.

I have a ton of t-shirts and I found a bunch of t-shirt tutorials that I'm going to try next week.

Rosette t-shirt tutorial

Image courtesy Hope Studios

Looks easy enough.

This one looks interesting as well.

Image courtesy Trash to Couture

Maybe I'll even try my hand at lengthening some of my t-shirts, like she did here.  Or I'll turn some of my crewnecks to v-necks, like she did here.  

I can be crafty.  I still have my outlets.  I can do this.

I just couldn't see it because of all the nonsense I was carrying.  Once I let it out (by having a panic attack and subsequent huge fight and crying my eyes out followed by running to the doctor for meds) and set it down (by getting a break from my triggers), I could see other options.  You guys helped me with that.

Thank you.

Lastly, we have four showings tomorrow, one of them second-lookers.  Please send all your house-selling fairy dust our way that someone, any one of these four will be interested.  Like, really interested.

Again, thank you.  So much.

Operation Housewarming

Drew and I love to entertain. He is a bit more social more often than I am, but I love to be around family and friends too. Now that we have furniture in every room of the house and we've gotten some pictures on the walls, we figured it would be a great time for our housewarming party. It grew to a housewarming/engagement party once he proposed and it's still growing. I'm starting to get nervous.

Drew can make friends with anyone, anywhere, anytime. Once he's spoken with someone for five minutes, you can bet they're getting an invitation for drinks or to come over to the house. I really like that about Drew but since he's more social than I am, I sometimes tell him, 'Gah baby, stop talking to people!' He reminds me of my dad that way. My dad used to embarrass the crap out of us when we were younger because he would talk to everybody. When I was a teenager I was constantly mortified by my dad's outgoing nature. Of course, as a teenager I was constantly mortified by just about everything my parents did but whatever. I totally look forward to regularly mortifying my kids when I have them - it's a parental privilege.

Anyway, the upside of being so outgoing is that Drew knows a lot of people and has tons of business connections. Okay, but all those connections? All those people that he meets on random plane rides? AND our friends? He's invited all of them to our house!! I just checked the evite and there are currently 36 people who are absolutely coming and another 38 who have yet to respond! Granted, some of those 38 won't be able to come, like his parents and brother in New York. Drew still wanted to invite them so they wouldn't feel left out - he's so sweet like that.

But that's only a few! I know some of those on the list will be coming even if they haven't said yes which means expecting 50 people at the house is not unreasonable! Holy crap! Where will they all fit? I've never hosted a party with that many people before - we had our 4th of July party at the pool at the loft and I think there were only about 30 at that one! And that was outside in a giant pool! Exclamation point!

I'm concerned for Maya - she freaks out when there are four people in the house. I have no idea what she'll do with 50. When she gets nervous she eats grass, (no clue what that's about - something about it makes them vomit which settles their nervous stomachs. Poor thing.) so I'm wondering if we'll have to keep her in her crate the whole time. I know Drew won't want that - he loves showing her off. I guess we'll just have to play it by ear.

It will also be a good exercise for the wedding because we're wanting to do it in the backyard, (yes, planning is back on. More on that later) so we'll have a good idea of what 50 people in the backyard looks like.

What the heck will everyone eat??? I definitely want to do easy stuff - food you can eat with one hand while walking around. We've committed to providing margaritas and sangria because we figure that will be the easiest to whip up in large quantities. Ooooh, I just thought of a theme! What about tapas? We could have little nibblies everywhere!

Anyway, so the party is this Saturday the 22nd. My mom is coming to town the Thursday before (thank God!) to help out so wish me luck y'all! Operation Housewarming is in effect!

I'm such a dork.

Wish list

Our interior designer friend came to the house shortly after we moved in and gave us great advice and lots of ideas as to where to start with our decorating. I was definitely overwhelmed, never having had that much space (dining rooms are for grown-ups!). However, now that we're here and we've sort of found a living pattern I've compiled a wish list of home decorating projects.

We mainly use the master bedroom, sitting room off the master and kitchen for now. The second bedroom is holding all the leftover stuff that we have to sell, repaint or repurpose. The breakfast nook has no table, the dining room is where the patio table currently lives (it's a really nice one though, so it doesn't look too ghetto), and the front room needs a little help.

So, my to do list:
Master bedroom - I'm positively drooling over this bench from Overstock.com. It would go perfectly at the foot of the bed. And I'm so proud of myself, I'm going to wait until payday next week to get it instead of putting it on my credit card! Yea me! I have some black and white nature photos that are in the garage waiting for me to refinish them and then I'll hang those. I'd like some new curtains too. Some matching lamps for the bedside tables would finish the room, and although there's nothing wrong with our bedding, new stuff is always fun. After that, the master should be done.

Sitting room - The previous owners were geniuses and converted the small third bedroom next to ours into a sitting room with French doors connecting them. They built a big walk-in closet that I positively adore and was so happy to organize! We have Maya's crate in the sitting room along with a loveseat and my long dresser. I got a desk from Salvation Army (pictures coming) as my first refinishing project and when it's finished it'll go in the sitting room too. I'll get the same curtains as the master for continuity and maybe some cute delicate tables for the loveseat. I want to make a ribbon memo board to hang near the desk too.

Kitchen - Again, the previous owners were awesome and completely redid the kitchen so we don't have to do anything but decorate! Woot woot! I want to get cafe curtains or a shade so I can look out the window when I do dishes - right now they cover the bottom half of the window and they're a really heavy ugly fabric so I want to switch them out for something more airy and cheerful. Maybe these? We have a lot of red appliances and a red trash can and I'd hate to replace them or have to find under sink storage for them because they don't match. Although, if we don't end up doing red, that's exactly what will happen. A rug in front of the sink and a chalkboard on one wall and a corkboard on the other will finish it nicely I think. We have a ton of corks due to all the wine we consume and I think it will be a fun and personalized project for us.

I want some floating shelves in the front room to put all of our small pictures frames and maybe some plant arrangements. We have a cool chair and ottoman that we have to have reupholstered (I want a striped fabric) but beyond that I'm not sure. And the dining room?? No freakin clue. That room is definitely near the bottom of the decorating list. I also have no idea what the second bedroom wants to look like. Drew has a bed but other than that, we'll be going from scratch. There's also a solarium off that bedroom that you can access from the front room or the bedroom and we're thinking we want that to be a gardening/Sunday reading space. It's all windows and it just seems like you should be potting flowers and/or reading on a loveseat on a lazy afternoon in it. We'll see.

Anyway, that's what I'm thinking so far. When I lived in an apartment, I usually had my place decorating within a month or so of living there. That's not going to happen here, and that's okay. ;-)