Mom times two

This one won't have pictures because I have to type as fast as I can because Andrea is asleep and Sofia is watching a movie and I have many thoughts to dump and I'm wasting time telling you and I should just start talking before one wakes up or one realizes that I'm not paying attention to her shit Desiree just blog there's no time there's no time!

That's what having two kids is like for me.  No time.  Anymore.  Ever.  I used to have nights to myself - 11p-2a was my sacred time.  Time for writing, clicking around the internet, recharging for the next day.  Now, I lay sandwiched between my two babies, one nursing, one needing to touch my 'nursings' or just know that I'm close so they can sleep.  If I so much as adjust my pjs or dare to leave the bed, one or both of them wakes up crying.  So my time is gone bye-bye for the foreseeable future.  Most days it's no big deal, but about every tenth day when I am spent beyond spent, I NEED my time.  Drew can tell when I get snippy about having a mile long to-do list, when every single question gets a smart-ass response, and then he knows that it's in his best interest to take the baby and occupy Sofia so I can wash my hair so I can stop scratching my head like I have fleas.

However, that's the biggest and 'worst' thing about all of this.  Thankfully, the baby weight is gone, I'm done with the shots (halle-LU-yer!), and the winter is on its way out.  I don't have the deer in the headlights feeling like I did with Sofia and I've come to realize that I have to let some things go in the name of being a mom to two babies.

I started humming "Let It Go" just as soon as I typed the phrase

because I've seen this movie approximately 

twelve THOUSAND times.

The house may never be clean again.  If I can do one thing a day, I have to be okay with that.  Between Sofia climbing on the counters and ripping up random pieces of paper - which ps, what the hell is that about? - and Andrea nursing every ten minutes, the house just doesn't get clean.  I try to stay on top of the vacuuming because the dog hair will give me legit panic attacks, but I have no choice but to let everything else go to the wayside.  I cleaned the bathroom yesterday but that was only because it was starting to gross me out.  God bless Sofia and her potty-training, but it sure does make for a nasty bathroom.  I can only imagine how gross it would be if I had a little boy who could get it on the walls and stuff.

Andrea cries more than I prefer.  There are two of them and only one of me.  If Sofia is standing on the counter about to jump off, she gets priority.  I have to go to her and ensure she doesn't kill herself, which she tries to do on a daily basis.  I'm telling you, kids turn three and suddenly they think they're invincible and they want to start flying and shit.  So, if Sofia is about to kill herself and Andrea is crying, bless her heart, but she has to cry for a second while I save her sister.  I hate it because Sofia never so much as whimpered before I was there holding her, but that's just not the reality of life now.   

I may have to give up my cloth diapers.  I've written extensively of my love for cloth diapers - I don't have time to link to the posts because Andrea is fidgeting in the crib, which means my time is limited - but it's true.  It hurts my heart and I'm going to have to up my green-ness in other areas, but Andrea HATES feeling wet. This is new for me because Sofia could care less if she was wet or dirty, but not Andrea.  She's an easygoing baby, but the second her diaper is wet, she will let you and everyone within earshot know that she has a wet or dirty bottom.  Because of it, we're using disposables at night and she doesn't so much as peep.  She wakes up to nurse and is asleep within minutes of eating, so I'm concluding the fussiness is to do with the cloth diapers.  I struggled with it for a minute because of the cost! the waste! the Earth!  But in the end if it's a question of my daughter's comfort, well, sorry Earth.  I'm just hoping this means Andrea will potty train sooner and who knows, I may even give elimination communication a try.  It's just one of those things; she already cries more than I want her to, so if there's something I can do that will lessen the amount of crying, I'm going to do it.

Wake up before they do or the day is shot.  If Sofia is up before me, I can pretty much count on brushing my teeth while chasing her down, hopping on one foot trying to put on my pants before Sofia gets into something she's not supposed to and basically feeling behind the eight ball until naptime.  However, if I manage to get up before them, I can dress, brush my teeth and maybe even comb my hair and wash my face and the day is immeasurably easier to manage.  Having that fifteen to twenty minutes to gather myself makes all the difference in the world.  With just one kid, mornings were much more leisurely.  Two kids means you have to be ready for the world the second your eyes open and you better pray they open early.

Errands require logistics planning on par with a NASA shuttle launch.  Change of clothes, times two.  Blankets, times two.  Diaper bag double stuffed.  Take the bags to the car, start the car so it's warmed up.  Go back inside, the baby's crying.  Tell Sofia it's time to go, which means time for a game of keep-away.  Take ten minutes to chase and wrestle a jacket on Sofia.  Baby's crying.  Carry Sofia out, kicking and laughing because it's so much fun to play keep-away with Mommy!  Go back inside, grab dry-cleaning and whatever other errand stuff I need and pray to Jesus I don't forget anything because you can't forget anything.  Baby's crying.  Run outside, throw it in the car which is warm thank God.  Rush back in, baby's crying.  Apologize like crazy, drape her in blankets because F YOU WINTER.  Decide to nurse her real fast because it's just mean to dump her in the carseat crying.  She stops and falls asleep thank God.  Buckle her in.  Sofia needs to make a pee, needs a snack, needs a book, needs something that obviously she couldn't tell me until she was in the carseat.  Get whatever she needs.  Lock the front door - finally.  Thirty minutes later, back out of the driveway.  

Getting out of the car means putting the baby in the Ergo, unbuckling Sofia who then wants to play keep-away in the car instead of getting out and getting in the stroller.  Trying to wrestle her while Andrea is in the Ergo is a super fun joke. Finally Sofia takes pity on me and gets in the stroller.  Sometimes she wants to walk which is a whole other thing because she hasn't quite mastered the whole 'hold Mommy's hand at all times' thing.  Then we do our errand and then it's unbuckling the Ergo, baby's crying, come on Sofia honey please get in your seat, put the bags in the car and strongly debate whether or not we really need toilet paper because I really don't want to make another stop.  

But that's how it is and crying about it and wishing it were easier is futile, so I just take a deep breath, try to give myself an hour to run an errand that used to take me fifteen minutes, and let it go.

Because I'm a mom times two and that's a blessing.  Besides, just when I think it's never going to slow down and I'm never going to get caught up, my babiest baby sleeps for a bit in her crib, wakes for some nursing and falls right back to sleep and my older baby takes a decent nap and I get to reconnect with my writing, with my friends and I feel content.  It's hectic, there's less time for trivial things like showers and catching my breath, but I wouldn't change it for anything.