Inter-racial relationships Pt. 2

The last post was more of a background, setting the stage-type post.  This one is all about Drew and me and how we're navigating things.  It got me thinking about so many other things but rather than have a mile-long post I figured I'd break things up.


I think it would have been much more difficult for us if our social group wasn't as diverse as it was.  Drew has friends of all walks of life, as do I.  I think if I only had Black friends or Mexican friends or whatever, or he only had White friends that were just like him, we probably wouldn't have even gotten together in the first place.  But our openness allowed us to forge a relationship and now a marriage and hopefully, one day we'll talk to our grandkids about what it was like when we were younger.


Additionally, living in Dallas has made things easier for us.  If we were in a small town that was less open-minded, it would have been a very different story.  But we live in the city, where an inter-racial couple hardly raises an eyebrow.  In Dallas, people are more likely to stare because of the car you're driving or your outfit than the color of your skin.  I like to think they stare because I'm so hot.  I kid, I kid!!!!


We've both lived all over the US, he's lived in Australia, I saw the movie Australia, so really how could we not work!  Seriously though, our skin color isn't that big a deal.  However, early in our dating life, one of his so-called friends made a racist remark about me and Drew stopped talking to him immediately after that.  None of my friends have ever made remarks about Drew, but that's because he's not the first White guy I've ever dated.  But rest assured if someone did get sideways, they would be ejected post-haste.  I do not play that.


Not that it doesn't get on my nerves when people say 'Oh I don't see color' in an effort to boast about how non-racist they are.  I say you had better see color!  You had better recognize and honor someone's cultural differences to the very best of your abilities.  If you were in an Asian family's house, would you not take off your shoes (if they did that) just because 'you don't see color?'  I would hope not.  I'm not saying you need to study up, but you should respect the basics and participate where appropriate.


But back to me and Drew.  Honestly, the biggest differences between us are more social than cultural.  In the beginning, one of the hardest things for me to adjust to was his musical taste.  


The man likes country!!  goaigjso;gielkaj;giueiowekjas;ioesua;olsfnl (That's me bleeding from my ears.)


He has compromised and doesn't listen to it in the car all the time, but he will play it in the house when he's cooking or puttering around.  I can appreciate the words, but the twangy way they sing causes me to goiugdo;iasdg;aklerl;hie;foihasvnesjkl;fheuio;wef every time.  And I have to be fair - he doesn't just like country - he likes a lot of different kinds of music as I'm sure we all do.  However, even with varied musical tastes we all tend to gravitate to one particular kind and for him it's country.

I have gotten better and I no longer roll my eyes and sigh dramatically when he puts it on because it makes him happy.  However, if he would suddenly develop a love for R&B or soft soul or any other soothing, non-grating non-twangy type of music I would not be mad.  But honestly, he doesn't roll his eyes or sigh dramatically when I put on my music and I constantly remind myself that it could be worse - it could be rock or metal.  gouas;galkhesilugahgljnglwkughweiouhwk


Drew is also far more outgoing than I am.  I don't like strangers and I have to majorly psych myself up or want something really really badly before I'll chat up a stranger but he will talk to anybody, anytime.  However, when necessary I'm far more direct than he is.  He's all about being polite and not offending people where I say, if you're not paying my bills I'm not too concerned with what you think of me.  Just this past Sunday, we went shopping and the saleslady was so pushy and intrusive and I had had enough.  I tried walking away, I tried ignoring her but she was relentless and I finally looked her in the eye and told her that *I* was not buying shoes and *I* did not need to be involved in this process.  Drew thought I was rude, I thought the saleslady was rude.  He thought she was being attentive, I thought she was invading my space and was about to get throat-punched.  So we're still seeking a neutral ground in situations like that.


The other thing we are still working on is cooking.  Given a stress-free environment, I could learn to cook and enjoy it.  I'm not dumb, I know could do it.  It's just that Drew loves it and whenever I try to cook, he's behind me, correcting me, telling me how to hold the knife, how to add this ingredient, when to add this spice - all without me asking.  It kills him to stay out of the kitchen so I end up giving up, hand him the knife and go watch tv in the living room.  I've cooked less than ten meals by myself from start to finish since we've been married.  In the beginning, after I made a meal he would tell me what he would have done to improve it.  He doesn't do that anymore.  I now leave the major cooking to him and I clean up and that's why we're still married.  These days, I follow simple recipes and he raves over how wonderful it is and how he wouldn't change a thing.  He's a quick learner, my husband.


He also doesn't dance, but is that a race thing or a guy thing?  And honestly, it's far more endearing when he simply tries just because he knows I love it.  Every every now and then he'll grab me in the kitchen and we'll sway back and forth and it's so sweet I could die.  But for the most part, we compromise and I dance with the dog in the living room while he sits on the sofa and watches us be silly.


Now that I've actually given some thought to it, I can honestly say that our racial difference has not played that big a role in our relationship.  But I know it's because of our diverse friend groups and how I grew up.  When everyone in your family is half-something else, you just don't tend to focus on that part of it.


Really, my mom was the one who had it the hardest.  Everyone in her family was hard-core old-country Mexican and dating a Black guy was the worst possible thing you could do.  Even though my Uncle Pete married a White woman and my Aunt Mary was married to a Persian guy, being with a Black guy was totally, completely, unequivocally unacceptable.  They pretty much disowned her and that's why I never really got to know my Uncle Pete's kids.  As my mom's older brother, he decided that his family would have nothing to do with our family.  Happily, that has changed and my cousins are awesome people and now that we're all adults we can make decisions for ourselves.  My cousin Jayna even watched my dog the last time I was in Kansas!  So, I have to thank my little mommy yet again for being brave enough to stand up for love and stick it out through thick and thin and for showing me that sometimes weathering the wrath of your dad is worth it.  


Okay, now I think I've answered the inter-racial question!  I'm so glad that I can write again, I'm just word-vomiting all over the place!  


And I'm just getting started!