Let it be known

Today is the day I admit to the world that I love my dog.  Yes, I love my dog.  I said it, out loud and here it is, immortalized for all eternity.  I love my doggie.

 MayaBooPoopyHeadFace

I've felt this way for some time but I haven't really admitted to anyone how my feelings have changed.  I mean, people knew but I've never made a declaration, a proclamation.  As if that sort of thing was really needed, yet here I am, proclaiming.

In the beginning, it was full-out hatred.  I hated the dog, I hated Drew for getting the dog and there were plenty of times I was ready to just walk out, me-or-the-dog style.  Of course, I didn't and with time I grew to have a grudging tolerance which gave way to acceptance of the dog.  Now as the primary care-giver, my acceptance has grown to outright love.  I won't lie, the two miscarriages have definitely caused some emotional transference that I don't think was ever really avoidable.  And I certainly won't comment on whether that's healthy or not because frankly, I was ready to divorce Drew (and I'm not being dramatic - I was ready to walk) over that damn dog and anything that will bring me back from that brink is welcome.  Furthermore, I could have coped with something more destructive like drinking, drugs, excess spending, depression, nasty anger or bottomless grief.  No, learning to love my dog is far more preferable.

It helps that she's out of the worst part of the puppy phase.  We trust her enough now that we leave her out when we're gone and as long as we set her up for success, she's good.  As long as bathroom and closet doors stay closed, (because she knows how to open doors and since our house is old some of the doors don't catch) we have no problems.  Clothes and shoes have to be picked up too, otherwise it's fair game.  I still get upset when she rips up my stuff, but it's no longer the murderous rage that burns my blood so I count that as a win.  Walking is no longer a battle, and now that the hate is no longer clouding my vision I can see Maya for her funny, adorable self.  She has a personality, she can catch an attitude, but above all, she's smart.  She still has a lot to learn and I'm still fighting with Drew because he's still far too indulgent with her and then blows up when he's had enough, but one thing at a time I guess.

Up next, I want to work on refining her manners.  It's much easier to like/tolerate a well-behaved dog and I don't want to annoy people that come to my house.  When my parents were here, they did amazingly well with her.  We never had animals growing up and my parents are definitely not accustomed to a giant 85-pound dog that thinks she's the size of a chihuahua.  Maya was overjoyed at having new people in the house and jumped on both of my parents.  My dad could handle it but my mom is barely 5'1" and I hated that Maya couldn't just be chill.  Drew says that it's because she's not even two yet but I call bullshit because she's smart.  She stopped jumping on me ages ago because I made it extra clear that Mama don't play that.  She still jumps on Drew and he allows it because he thinks it's cute - I can see the parenting issues now.  I was telling Kesha how her behavior reminded me of the scene in The Miracle Worker where Helen Keller was going around eating off everyone's plates and disrupting their dinner and they all just let her because she was blind and deaf.  Then here comes Annie Sullivan and she's like, so what she's blind and deaf, that doesn't mean she doesn't have to have manners!  

That's how I feel about Maya - it doesn't matter that she's an animal or a puppy, there's no reason for her not to have manners and be well-behaved.  I keep telling Drew that more people will like her if she's more charming but he's still of the mind-set that she's a dog and everyone should just accept her as is.  I guess I can see it from both sides because I used to be a non-dog person.  I can't say I hated dogs because only those who are dead inside are unmoved by puppies.

  I dare you not to smile!

But now that I'm on the other side and I love my doggie, I want everyone else to love her too.  Or at the very least, not turn their nose up when she comes trotting up to say hello.  Because she really is awesome.  If she's laying down and you approach her, she rolls onto her back just begging for a chest and belly rub.  If you find that spot on her chest, her little leg goes wild and she tosses her head back in pure joy.  She's very submissive and often I'll put my face just to the side of hers and sniff.  She'll go really still and then she'll sniff.  Then I'll sniff and it goes back and forth like that until she licks me as if to say "Okay, Mom I know it's you."  She loves her chewies and she especially likes it if you hold the chewie while she chews on it.  So many times she'll bring me one of her bones and I'll take hold of it and she'll hop on the sofa, plop down and start gnawing.  It's super cute when she puts her paw on top of my hand as if to steady me or make sure I don't take her bone away.  If I let go of the bone, she'll look up and cock her head to the side like, WTF?  I was chewing here!  

At night, she'll wait for me to get ready for bed and when it's time she hops on the bed, scratches around for a bit and curls up at the foot of the bed.  But only when it's time.  I haven't fully noticed but I think she knows it's bedtime when I'm done brushing my teeth - then she'll leap up and make herself comfortable.  It's only a challenge when Drew is home because she eventually stretches out during the night and have I mentioned she's 85 pounds?  A king-size bed feels cramped when she's sprawled out and forget moving her.  One night she scooted up so high I couldn't stretch my legs out, and when I tried to move her she growled at me!  I was so surprised because she never growls at me that I tried to move her again and she growled again!  Let sleeping dogs lie, I guess.  

And if this isn't a true testament to how much I've changed:  One morning I was laying in bed and Maya hopped up on the bed for some snuggle time.  She was stretched out next to me, absentmindedly chewing a bone, getting chest and belly rubs, rolling around and just being cute.  We played like that for a good long time - usually she gets bored pretty quickly but this time she was content to just hang out with me.  She was on her back with her muzzle less than an inch from my face when out of nowhere, she sneezed.  Thank God it wasn't super snotty but I got sprayed nonetheless.  I think it surprised her and she righted herself immediately while I wiped my face with my t-shirt and laughed.  I laughed because it was the cutest thing I'd ever experienced and I laughed at how far I've come.  The old me would have been grossed out beyond belief, angry and resentful that it was me she sneezed on and not Drew.  But this me, this doggie-lover, just laughed and got out of bed to wash my hands and face (dog snot is not that cute.)

I miss her when I'm at work, I have days when I would rather stay home with her than go anywhere and she really is a funny little dog.  Would you believe I'm seriously contemplating getting another one so she can have a playmate?

 I want a light silver to complement our charcoal silver

Image courtesy TexazSilvers, our super awesome breeder

Oh, and before someone flames me for wanting another breeder dog, don't.  I'm no Cesar Millan - I have zero ability to rehabilitate dogs and I know I could never handle a dog with issues.  Maya is exceptional and I could barely deal with her and it would break my heart to a million pieces to rescue a dog and then have to give it up because I couldn't handle it.  That's why when we do pull the trigger, we're going to donate half of our purchase price to a Lab rescue group or similar animal shelter.  Even though I love my dog, I'm not truly a dog person and I would have a very different story for a dog that destroys everything in sight, is aggressive, difficult to housebreak or has any other issue.

But for now, we have our MayaBoo.  She's so sweet and loving and every day I grow closer and closer to her.  At this point, I couldn't imagine not having her and I already get choked up thinking about the day when we won't have her.  Thankfully, that's a long time away and we have many more happy years together.

Which is probably how long it's going to take me to teach her to stop jumping on strangers.  And stop barking at newspapers in the driveway.  And stop hogging the bed.  And stop ripping up her blankets and eating them so I have to pull threads out of her ass later.  And stop chewing up the trash when I accidentally leave the bathroom door open.  And stop chewing up my shoes and clothes when I accidentally leave them where she can get them.

She's not perfect, but I do love her.