Ain't misbehavin'

Let the questions continue...


For the original questions, go to the comments here because I'm paraphrasing.


Does Drew's drinking/traveling/drinking while traveling bother you or make you worry about your marriage?


This one came from an anonymous commenter, and don't worry Anonymous, it's not too personal.  And again, so we start in the same place, some pictures for you.

Drew is not the only one who drinks.

Mama likes her sauce!

Your girl can throw down, please believe.  When I was in school, I would lose my mind over my summer breaks and just be out!  I had a running buddy and she and I would cause chaos everywhere we went.  The door guys knew us, the bartenders knew us and we had our spots nearly every night of the week.  They saw us coming and they made sure we had fun till 2 or 3 in the morning - life was good.  I'm a very happy drunk, you will not find me crying in a corner, drunk-dialing exes or looking for a fight.  I rarely got sloppy and I could almost always take care of myself - as long as I didn't do shots.  The last time I passed out cold was Steve's birthday party and that was because I did shots against my better judgement.  I don't like shots because they always cut the night short for me and someone always ends up having to take care of me and that violates the Rule - don't ever get so drunk other people have to take care of you.  It's tacky.  

When I met Drew, things didn't slow down much.  I just had a new running buddy, one that was much more fun to take home at the end of the night - no offense, J.

This was shortly after we became a couple.

Drew has never been an at-home drinker.  He's not the one to pop open a beer when he gets home and sit on the sofa with his hand in his pants - thank gawd.  We have wine in the house - a lot, actually - but Drew's a wine snob and 90% probably won't ever get touched because it's super fancy-schmancy and I'm not a wine-with-every-meal type of person.  It was the going out - when he and I got together, we always did it super big, going out Saturday night, rolling in at three in the morning, dragging ourselves to brunch the next day and laying by the pool with Bloody Marys for a Sunday Funday.  We had lots of those.

When we got married, we both put the major brakes on the drinking.  One, because we were blowing anywhere from two to three hundred dollars in a weekend going out and we'd just bought a house.  Additionally, I was pregnant when we got married so of course I had stopped drinking a couple months prior and Drew certainly wasn't going to go out without me.  Also, neither of us is a drink-to-cope type of person.  Because if we were?  Yikes!  A house I wasn't ready for, fighting with my dad, a dog I hated, a brand new marriage and two miscarriages?  I'd for real be in rehab right now! 

As a married woman, I also believed that I didn't need to be out in the streets anymore.  Getting married means it's no longer just about you - now you're a we.  Just as I didn't want anyone coming to me talking about Drew acting a fool, I didn't want anyone to going to him, saying they saw me dancing on tables flashing my business.  Once I got married, it became more important to me to learn how to be a good wife to Drew than it was to try keep hold of the 'old' me.  Another reason I started keeping my butt in the house was that I got hit on when I went out.  A lot.  Everywhere.  All the time and there is no such thing as innocent flirtation.  There is no such thing as an innocent ego boost and nothing good happens after midnight - I know because I've been out after midnight plenty.  Furthermore, all you need is the suspicion of wrongdoing to severely damage if not destroy the foundation of a relationship.  It is an unnecessary risk, and God knows we have enough drama in our relationship as it is.  So when I get off work my ass is at home or at yoga and if there is a deviation in that plan, my husband is the first to know about it.  I expect the same of him and he knows that.

Lest you think I'm going all high-and-mighty, it has not been smooth.  Drew started traveling the way he does in February, meaning this has been somewhat of a new development.  It was quite bumpy in the beginning - frankly, we've only recently smoothed things out and ironically, it wasn't the socializing that bothered me.  

I've always been a firm believer that people will do dirt when- and wherever they please (and don't even get me started on that 'you need to keep your man' bullshit, as if he's a caveman incapable of controlling his actions.  We are all grown-ups in this game.  You don't like something, you talk about it and you work toward a solution.  You don't act out and blame it on the other person.)  I'm also a firm believer in karma and the fact that sooner or later, you always get found out.  Drew and I both know where we stand on cheating, we laid it on the table once and we've never had to talk about it again.  I trust Drew completely, totally, 100,000%.  I have never had one inkling that he's ever been less than honorable when he's gone - he's not that guy.  Not at all, not in the slightest tiniest bit.

That does not mean that I won't lose my shit if I don't hear from him every day.  In the beginning, he tried telling me that there were going to be days that he wouldn't be able to speak to me.  That worked for about .5 seconds, dissolving into Big Fight #128 - I Don't Give a Damn What the Hell You're Doing or Where the Hell You're Doing It, I WILL Hear From You EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  He thought I was being controlling and trying to cramp his style and I was like, No dummy, it's because I LOVE YOU.    

That's my thing - we don't need to discuss the meaning of life and have three-hour phone conversations, but I need to hear his voice.  Every day.  No exceptions.  I can't deal if I don't.  Now that he understands I'm not trying to control him, he's much more agreeable to reaching out to me multiple times a day and does well with sending me text messages when he can't talk.  We're doing well with it and it works for us.

The socializing has been a bit trickier.  Schmoozing is a very big aspect of his job and it has gotten out of hand before.  There have been a couple of times that he's been traveling and he got caught up, did it big and didn't call me.  This led to Big Fight #212 - You Are at Work, You Don't Need To Carry On Like A Crazy and You Are Married - Yo Ass NEEDS To Be In Your Room at a Respectable Hour ANYWAY.  Yet even then, I wasn't worried about what he was doing - I was more concerned with how his colleagues saw him and I didn't want anyone looking sideways at my man, acting a fool or not.

Besides, he came to me one day and said, "Babe I just don't feel good anymore.  I'm eating like crap, I'm drinking too much at these work dinners.  I need to get healthy again."  Inside I was dancing and singing, but I simply said "Yeah, it's probably all catching up with you - you're not 21 anymore.  You can't have a giant steak dinner, a bottle of wine, sleep for four hours and just pop out of bed.  I think it's wonderful that you want to get healthy."  He proceeded to do a week-long hardcore detox, following a special menu, packing food and taking it with him on the road. He went an entire month without coffee, which was a Herculean feat.  I don't drink coffee so I don't get it but I was scared.  I was so afraid of a caffeine-free Drew but to his credit, he powered through those tough first days.  He went an entire month without alcohol, which was a massive, huge, gigantic, enormous feat and I've never been so proud of him!  He's back into his regular running schedule and he really is healthier.  He's sleeping better, he says he feels better and that's all I care about in the world.

You know, we're coming up on our first wedding anniversary and writing these past couple of posts has caused me to think about where we used to be and how far we've come.  

Gah, this is why I love you guys!  Sometimes I get caught up and bogged down in the nonsense and little dramas of our marriage but taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture has caused me to look at my husband, really look at him and see him for the amazing person he truly is.  He is so committed to me and our marriage and sometimes it's hard to see that.  I'll focus on that one phone call I didn't get instead of seeing how far he's come and how much effort he really is making.  I wouldn't have been able to see that if it weren't for you.  Thank you Anonymous!

I'm getting kinda choked up over here!  How does a post about drinking get me feeling all mush-face towards my husband?!