Be better, be smarter than me. Please.

Learn from me y'all, because I'm about to tell you about one of my finer 'dumb Desiree' moments.


We're trying to get big stuff done for the house before the baby gets here so we don't have to worry about it afterwards.  Now, since Drew is gone all the time, this task falls on my shoulders which is fine with me.  Incidentally, whenever Drew gets annoyed with me I always remind him that it could be worse, that I could be one of those women who calls their husband every five seconds because they don't know where the checkbook is, that he should be thankful that I can hold shit down.  But that's another story, and *this* story is about how you need to be better than me.


I got on Service Magic originally to find painters to do the nursery but then Drew said to go ahead and get quotes to have our floors refinished and the tile and grout cleaned and sealed in the kitchen and bathroom.  Service Magic is truly the bomb - you put in your request and like magic, people call you up wanting to do work for you!  They thoroughly check all their people so you can be confident that you're not getting a shady contractor and I love them!  So I had people in and out of the house all day Saturday for the painting, the tile and the hardwood floors.  I got it all done and got everyone scheduled and I was on a roll, so I went to get paint from Sherwin Williams so I could be ready when I chose the painters for the job.


My friend Brittani emailed me a 30% off coupon for Sherwin Williams, for which I was exceedingly grateful and armed with my list of paints for the back door and the baby's room, I confidently walked in.  


I had the color for the door so matching it was no problem.  I'm not sure why, but I ended up spilling my whole story about the paint and how I came to decide to paint the whole room.  I'm sure the clerk thought I was crazy.  Then it went downhill.


While she was mixing the paint, I wandered over to another section of the paint colors, away from their main offerings.  I shouldn't have done it - I should have taken my Krypton and gone about my business.  But I didn't because I like to torture myself.  There, apart from the main selections was yet another paint color, another bluish-gray that my demented mind told me might be a closer match than the two gallons of Krypton that she just mixed and I now HAVE to buy.  So I did the only rational thing - I had her mix me a quart of this new color, Colonial Revival Gray.

Colonial Revival Gray

Krypton - someone please just kill me now.  

I can't take this.

I seriously had my head in my hands at the counter at Sherwin Williams because I just. wanted. to. get this mother-effin room painted!  I was tired from having people in the house all day, it was 5pm, and I was over it.  So what did I do?  I bought it all - the two gallons of the Krypton, a quart of the Colonial Revival Gray, and a quart of the Wool Skein for the door.  $95 worth of paint - it makes me sick to even type it.

In my word vomiting, I mentioned to the clerk that the previous owner of our house was a Sherwin Williams rep and that she moved just one neighborhood over from us.  Can you believe that?  The people that painted the room were up the street from me.  I could have gone to their house, knocked on the door and freakin ASKED her what the effin color was.  But noooo!  Because I'm dumb Desiree - I was too chicken-shit to do that because I don't know her like that.  I felt weird going to their house unannounced.  We'd only met twice before at a happy hour and I was self-conscious and thought she didn't like me and was unfriendly so instead I chose to torture myself and spend $95 effin dollars on paint.  

The clerk asked me her name.  "Susie Smith?" (not her real name - duh)  I question-talk when I'm nervous.

"Oh yeah!!  I know Susie!!  She's such a sweetheart, you should just ask her what the color is!  Matter of fact, I think I have her number, I can give her a call if you want!"

AFTER I've already spent the money on the paint?!!?  Sure, of course, why not.  Let's give Susie a call.  But she didn't pick up although the clerk told me that she may just be arriving back in town, as all the reps were in Florida for a sales meeting.  I found it weird that she knew so much, but as she told me "Oh, at Sherwin Williams, we're family!"  Whatev - at least I had a 30% off coupon because I'd be cursing even more if I'd paid full-price.

I drove home so conflicted.  Now Susie had a message on her cell from a girl at work that some crazy lady who bought her house is paint-stalking her.  I practically HAD to go over there now.  I couldn't handle her thinking I was a nutbag.  I needed to go on and prove it to her.

And the thing is, I intended to go over there first.  I was even emailing with Rixa Freeze about it and I told her that I was going to go over there before I bought the paint.  But I chickened out - I'm a scaredy-cat.  So it makes even less sense that I would buy all the paint and THEN screw up the nerve to go to her house, but that's exactly what I did.

I pulled into the driveway and both their cars were there - shit.  It's now or never.  I took a deep breath, prayed they wouldn't slam the door in my face, and rung the doorbell.  Her husband answered the door.

Friendly, quizzical, why-are-you-on-my-doorstep look.  "Hi there."

Feeling thirty kinds of self-conscious, starting to sweat.  "Hi, um, I'm Desiree?  We bought your house?"  I actually waved at the man, y'all.  Waved at him, like the dorkiest dork alive.

"OH DESIREE!!  HI!!  Geez, sorry about that!  Come on in, let me grab Susie!  Susie, Desiree's here!"

Y'all, they were both so freakin nice!!  It was so in my head!!  They have a 1-year-old daughter, the last time we saw them she'd just had the baby, so they were all happy and congratulating me on my baby and I was so overwhelmed that I was full-out sweating by now.

"You guys, I'm so sorry to barge in like this, I never go to people's houses unannounced, but it's just the front bedroom, we're turning it into the nursery, and well, I'm losing my mind because I patched some nail holes and now I can't match the color, and I really just want to know the color and I'll get out of your hair and I'm so sorry for not calling but I didn't have your number andIjustneedthecolorI'mapaintjunkienandI'msosorry."

How 'bout SUSIE HAD THE FREAKIN COLOR IN HER GARAGE AND SHE WENT TO GET IT AND SHE GAVE ME THE MOTHER-EFFIN GD COLOR AND ALL I EVER HAD TO DO WAS JUST ASK HER FOR IT!!!!!

alskjdfl;sjig;woihawio;hio;gwer;ioghwoig  That's me setting fire to $95 effin dollars. 

Not only that, she gave me her cell number, and told me if I had any baby or paint questions, just give her a call and how SHE felt bad that I went through all of that because it was a custom color she was playing around with, adding a little of this and a little of that!  I NEVER would have been able to match that color!

I stayed and chatted with them, admiring the paint colors in their new house, I got a tour of her baby's nursery where I further put my foot in my mouth by saying I didn't want pink in our nursery and her freakin daughter's room was pink and green!  I was all backtracking like an idiot - "I mean, your daughter's room is gorgeous and I love how you've decorated it and IjustsuckatlifeandIshouldnevertalkeveragain."

I went home with my now-useless paint, stirred up the custom, perfectly matching, little of this and that color and fixed the mother-effin walls in the mother-effin nursery.

Now you see it.

Now you mother-effin DON'T.

Splotch - taunting me like The Tell-Tale Heart

Gone, fixed because it's a perfect effin match!

 Because it's fixed.  It's all frickin fixed.

I left a two-minute voicemail for Drew, creatively cursing that the paint was a perfect effin match, and that RIGHT EFFIN NOW is when I could really use a LARGE effin glass of wine.  Thankfully, he wasn't mad - glad that he wasn't home for my wrath, but not mad.  Yeah, and remember how I said I can hold shit down?  I take it all back.  

It's over now, the walls are fixed and I have the paint with the formula so I can have them make more if I need to.  But I am soooo mad at myself - I should have gone to Susie's house from the beginning.  I talked myself into this notion that they were mean and scary and what do I have to show for it?  Two gallons and two quarts of paint that's not the right color (can't forget that test quart of the Krypton!)  If you should ever come to my house and every conceivable thing is painted in Sherwin Williams Krypton or Colonial Revival Gray, you'll know why.

However, fixing the walls enabled me to get on with my life, put the nursery back in order and take on another small project.

I mentioned that Drew turned the sunroom/my sewing room into his office, right?  I figure since I've only touched the sewing machine once and he is, after all, sort of, you know, paying the mortgage, he can make it his office.

How it's looking these days.

I need to get in there and paint that cabinet thing white and one

of these days before I die, I'll reupholster that chair.  

Thank goodness Drew doesn't care.

This window and door look out to the office, with a bonus shot of the sconces

that left the nail holes, that left the splotches that caused me to go crazy.

Blinds gone, nail holes patched

Even though the office is to the left of the door and you can't see much, I still wanted some separation and the blinds were really cheap and ugly.  I took them down, patched the holes and feel much better about painting because I found the trim color so it'll be a perfect effin match (sorry, still working it out.)  I had some leftover window film from when I frosted the windows on the other side of the house, so I covered these windows and it looks so much nicer.

No cursing was involved in this particular project.

The walls are fixed, thank the Baby Jesus.  It was ridiculous and I made it way harder on myself than I should have.  Even though I would have done the exact same thing if I were Susie, I don't know why I have such a hard time believing that people aren't inherently meanies.  I don't know why I let myself get all worked up and scared that she was going to be rude to me or something - she was a perfectly decent human being, just as I would have been had it been me who had the paint.

Oh well, live and learn.

If you need me, I'm going to be in my garage.  Painting.  In Krypton or Colonial Revival Gray.