Lieutenant Dangle

I was trying to think of a different post title for the longest time, as the title has nothing to do with the subject, but I couldn't get it out of my mind.  Plus, it makes me giggle, especially when I think about people who will Google that and come here and realize I'm talking about babywearing!  HaHA suckas!


Because yeah, we're not talking about this:

We're not ever talking about this.

We're talking about this:

Normally, I don't bother with things that piss me off on the internet, because hello it's the internet.  But man, when I saw this I went off on Kate Hudson, lecturing my laptop screen, I mean, yelling at her.  You are a celebrity!  People look at you!  They're going to emulate you and follow what you're doing!  You should know better than this!  How do you not have people in your camp advising you!  And hem your jeans!

I really hate it when people don't hem their jeans.  It looks sloppy.

I shoved my computer in Drew's face and went off for another five minutes about Kate Hudson and her poor baby.  Then I realized it was everywhere.

I just feel sorry for this poor kid.

Yes, I know putting your baby in a front-facing carrier lets you show them off to the world but it's not good for them.  I didn't know that but after doing just a little bit of research, it's really really not good for them!  That's what kills me:  how can I do one little Google search and come up with this and this and these people hire freaking baby consultants or maternity concierges or whatever they are and they don't get this very important bit of information right??

Let me break it down:  Kate Hudson's baby is only a couple months old, I think.  When babies are teeny, they naturally curl up.  Their little hands are in fists and their legs naturally draw up close to their bodies - naturally.    Now, my baby just woke up so I can't do further research and give you more links so I'm only going to reference my own kid. 

When she was teeny, I would hold her and her little legs automatically curled up underneath her.

It happened when I laid her down too.

Also, waaaah because she was a month old here and she's such a big girl now!

But back to my point.  They don't start to stretch out or relax until they're about three months old-ish.  Again, referencing my own kid.  But that still doesn't mean you should put them in a front-facing carrier.  Feel your groin area, you'll notice two big pulses - go on, stand up and feel that spot where your legs meet your torso.  A medical person can tell me what the technical name is but they're from arteries and it's rather important that you don't compress that area and cut off bloodflow.  Also, you have to be mindful of your baby's hip area.  That hip-leg socket area is pretty important to crawling and walking so you want to make sure it's growing properly.

Now, notice how these babies are dangling!  First, the mom's center of gravity is way off.  With the baby all out in front like that, it puts undue stress on her shoulders and back.  Never mind the poor baby who is strung up by their crotch, compressing those arteries.  Additionally, facing out causes an un-natural pelvic tilt in the low back (sway-back), messing up the hip-leg socket area.  Plus, your poor kid is just out there, bombarded with sights and sounds with no way to filter it by turning away and more importantly, they can't see their mom!  At that age, looking at mom's face is how they make sense of the world.   If Mom is smiling, this thing must be good so I'm happy.  Mom is sad, I will cry, and so on.  Considering the lack of that critical input of mom's face plus all the noise of the outside world, and you might end up yelling at your laptop.

Of course, having a baby facing in isn't near as much fun because when they're teeny, there's not much to see.

God Bless, I looked rough.

It makes me laugh that Mariska Hargitay actually folded down part of her carrier so you could see her baby's costume.  Yes, I yelled at the computer:  Take the kid out of the carrier and lay her down somewhere if a picture of the dumb costume is so important!  Think of your baby's hips, woman!

If your kid's legs still curl up, don't stretch them out to put them in a carrier!  If they do stretch out, keep them facing in and make sure their knees are higher than their butt.  If you do face them out, put them in a Buddha position so their groin isn't compressed, but only when they're old enough and not for a long time so they don't get overstimulated.

from here - again, a two-second Google search will tell you

all you need to know!

Okay, my rant is over.  I know my voice will never be as loud as one picture of a celebrity but that doesn't meant I shouldn't speak up.  I'm so happy that babywearing is becoming more prevalent, but my goodness, make sure you're doing it right.  And yes, I know that you'd have to wear your baby facing out for like 20 hours a day for months and months to do permanent damage and doing it once or twice for an hour or so at a time won't kill them but still!  

Okay, for real.  I'm done.  I've said my piece and it most definitely wasn't as eloquent or as scientific as other people out there and that's fine with me.  Sometimes you just have to say things and sometimes it doesn't come out pretty.

So don't be a Lieutenant Dangle.

I mean, don't dangle your baby.

I mean - you know what I mean.