My daughter's sleep habits have gone in the toilet.
In the good old days, she would rub her eyes around 7:30 and I'd get her bath ready. It's part of our routine and her little clock would tell her it's time to wind down. After the bath, it's lotion, pjs, nurse, then bed. Bath, boob, bed - it worked like a charm. She used to sleep until about 4 in the morning, when she would wake up with the sweetest little cooing, I would go to her, nurse her back to sleep without incident until 7 that morning. It was beautiful and I was smug. I was glib.
Oh, she still goes down between 7:30 and 8. Bath, boob, bed still works like a charm. But now? Now the child wakes up around midnight. There are several things wrong with this.
I try to go to bed between 10:30 and 11. It's a gamble I know, because I can either stay up until she wakes up that final (ha ha) time or go to sleep for an hour and wake up right in the middle of a sleep cycle and feel like I've had an entire bottle of Nyquil while being beaten about the head and neck.
But sometimes I can't help it and my eyes just close and then I'm screwed when she wakes up. Oh yeah, gone are the sweet baby coos and sighs. Now she does this whiny, moan-y thing that grates on my last nerve. I can handle the crying, at least it's a thing. But this whining, moaning noise? I have gone into her room and said, "Oh my sweet precious angel, Mommy loves you so much but you have got to stop doing that."
She will still nurse, but it's the going back to sleep that's killing me. She fakes me out! She'll nurse until she falls off and I think I'm home free. I s l o w l y get up from the chair, tiptoe the three steps to the crib, stand there for a while rocking her back and forth whisper-singing a lullaby, I lean over the crib keeping her in much the same position as I can manage, landing softly on the mattress, and I stay there unmoving, not breathing and she sleeps. S l o w l y I straighten up and start to tiptoe the four steps out of her room. Juuuuuust as I reach the door BAM! Whiny moan-y noise.
Naively, I try to let her put herself back to sleep and she's done it a grand total of one time. The other times if I let her cry too much, she wakes herself up completely and upsets herself so much that I'm guaranteed not to get back to sleep for the rest of my life.
BUT! She's six months old now - she no longer sleeps all cute and sweet in one position, looking like an angel doll baby. She's a full-fledged person and she sleeps all kinds of crazy. I have been kicked in the groin, slapped in the face, throat-punched, my nipples pinched and that's not when she's rolled over practically underneath me so now I'm paranoid about suffocating her. Although I'm not as worried as I was before because I'm sure she'd punch me in the face before she was in true danger.
I've contemplated sleeping in the nursery so when I nurse her in bed I can get right up and put her back in her crib and if she won't go, it's a short walk back to bed. But I don't even know if that will work. Saturday night Drew slept with her in the nursery because I was so delirious and tired that I simply couldn't do it. I did the fake out dance with her like five times and I was so freakin spent that I had to just come back to bed and admit defeat.
I know it's because we've been traveling. When we were at Drew's parents, she slept in bed with us because it was an impromptu trip and we didn't have a pack n play. When we were in Reading, she didn't care for their pack n play and since we were all in one room and Drew had to work every morning, we couldn't do the fake out dance because he had to get some sleep.
So I'm pretty sure I've messed her up and now she expects to sleep with us/me, but I can't take it. Between waking up in the middle of a sleep cycle and getting physically assaulted, I am a mess. Plus, I know it's not good for the baby. She needs her own space and I hate that she can't get back to sleep once she wakes up in the middle of the night.
I don't know what to do because she hasn't seriously started teething yet and I'm petrified of that little development. I'm telling myself that it's only a phase, that no baby ever went to kindergarten not sleeping through the night.
But oh my baby Jesus, I. Am. Tired.
Hi Desiree -
ReplyDeleteNow I am not by any means an expert, but I would give you the same suggestion I gave my friend who went through this. Make sure she is well fed with a warm bottle, put her down by herself to sleep as much as possible any naps etc. tell folks to lay her down by herself and let her fight it out a bit. At night, put on some music for her, make sure the space she is in is warm and comfy, give her that bath and lay her down for sleep. After that, play it like Super Nanny. Go see about her every 10 - 15 min. when she is crying and lay her back down. Keep doing it until she goes to sleep and stays there. I wish I had more advice than this but once you put them in bed with you the best thing to do is to break that habit as quickly as possible. It may take a little moment to get used to the idea and the crying that goes on does break your heart. However, she needs to sleep by herself and you need the sleep. If someone has a better idea - please share - as I have stated honestly, I am not an expert, just an aunt who helped raised her 4 neices and nephews and this is pretty much what we had to do too.
My friend did not take my advice in any shape or form. She finally got the kid to understand she means sleep in his room this year. He. Is. 10.
No lie, I seriously shuddered when I read that last sentence.
ReplyDeleteI bought Ferber's book and No Cry Sleep Solutions when she was younger and didn't 'need' them. I was so glib. I'm dusting them both off and will be doing some mash-up of the two starting TONIGHT. She's asleep now, in her crib, for her morning nap which she takes like a champ. I suspect it's because she's tired too.
Hi Desiree - Sofia is around 6-7 months now right? We are having the same issues... I read that now they are just becoming more aware of things and this is when separation anxiety starts to kick in. Aiden can't understand that he isn't really alone, we are in the next room. He just can't see Mama so he FREAKS out. I've been putting one of my shirts in his crib and that has been helping him stay asleep longer. He will even hug the shirt :( poor baby... but still, he only usually stays in his crib until midnight and then he sleeps with us. Which is fine... I can't let him cry it out I just can't. Anyway maybe the shirt with your scent might help Sofia? worth a shot… hope you get some rest soon! Xo
ReplyDeletesorry hon, no coffee, but here's a hug {{{ D }}}. :)
ReplyDeletei think this falls under the category of just when you think you've got your baby figured out, they switch it up on you. recently A went through her 18 months old sleep regression, which i had NO idea even existed until my lovely child turned into a shrieking, screaming monster every night at bedtime. she would literally shriek nonstop for an hour every night for about 3 weeks. i thought i was going to go insane.
from what i've read, every time little ones hit a major developmental milestone (sitting up, crawling, standing, walking,etc) this activity becomes way more interesting to them than actually laying down and going to sleep.
since y'all are going out of town again soon, i'd almost just wait until you come back to try to work on getting her to self soothe. just a warning, it's probably not going to be easy, but (eventually) it will get better....until the next time. :S
p.s. LOVE your new layout, your hilarious glib reference, and "had an entire bottle of Nyquil while being beaten about the head and neck" made me laugh out loud. you are so funny. ;-)
ReplyDeleteWishing you the very best!! Try April's suggestion too - get one of her blankets and sleep with it and then put it in her crib. It may help her calm down and go to sleep.
ReplyDeleteSounds like she's having a growth spurt. Jasmine went through all sorts of sleep craziness when she was having her spurts. It was hell on me but it didn't last very long. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteoh and also do you pump your milk into bottles? You may want to try some type of cereal or rice to make sure her belly is full when she goes to sleep. That also helped me when she started with this sleep stuff.
ReplyDeleteAwwww I will send you a promotional code for additional sleep hours. Hope you get a routine back and fast!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for writing this. For the last 2 months I have been going through exactly the same thing, except our thing starts at 10pm instead of midnight... speaking of which I just heard a little peep. The groany possessed-baby noises are likely to start really soon, and after an hour of trying to get her to go back to sleep in her crib I will give up and bring her to bed with me... ONE night last week she slept from 7pm-1am in her crib, a 15 minute snack and then right back to sleep in her crib until 7am... it was so nice and I actually started thinking we'd made it through this bad-sleep phase. But no.....
ReplyDeleteLOL welcome to my world! My son was like this from the beginning and he is now almost 5 months. I just do what Dr Sears did...have him sleep in the bed with us...we all sleep good. I sleep between him and the hubby because my husband is obvious most nights and then I put baby's rocker on the side he is on and put pillows up like a wall so he won't roll off the bed...he doesn't move much when he is asleep...
ReplyDeleteEverybody says he is going to get spoiled and it will be hard to make him sleep in his own bed but ummm he was already like that when he was BORN! And I just had no choice because I was getting no sleep! I've slowly been having him sleep in his crib...there were nights where he would sleep til 12 or 1 in the morning and even til 4am...but then I would bring him in the bed with me when he wakes up...I will deal with him when it's time for him to sleep in his own crib and becomes more independent but as for right now, while he is needy and clingy, my household needs rest.
Also, I sometimes give him baby food before bed and that helps him stay full longer and sleep longer.
Uh. Don't judge me. But I totally drank coffee while I nursed. One cup every single day. Actually, I'm sure that it's fine. But, anyway. My child didn't sleep through the night until the DAY she quit nursing at 11 months old. So, my perspective is different. To me, she still seems young to STTN, but--to others, she seems old. Either way--I get it. For MONTHS and MONTHS I would go to bed, only to be rudely awaken about 40 minutes later to a screaming baby. It was torturous. Yet, when sleeping clicks, it clicks.
ReplyDeleteNo judgement here! Above all, you have to what works for you and your baby. We're trying to get there and I'll sleep when I'm dead right?:-)
ReplyDeleteI hope you got some good advice here. I agree it seems just when you dial something in, the babies flip the script. Thanks again for helping me w/*my* l.o.'s sleep issues.
ReplyDeleteAnytime! I hope things are better!
ReplyDelete