There oughta be a law

They should tell you that you shouldn't try a new design/craft while you have a raging case of the PMS.  Otherwise, you'll mope and cry about it for days and days and DAYS.

But no one told me that, so I attempted a design craft thing that failed SO HARD that I was completely miserable and inconsolable for an entire day, so much so that we had to leave town so I wouldn't have to face my failure.

Okay, so we were already planning to leave town, but it was a good thing we left when we did because I was a MESS y'all.

It was the curtains.  Sofia's curtains are trying to kill me.

As if it weren't enough that the bamboo shades nearly took my will to live, the curtains had me on the floor, curled up in a ball crying my face off.  Yes it was the PMS, but my colossal curtain failure did nothing to help.

 This is where I wanted to go.

However, I took a wrong turn and ended up at Oh Hell Naw.

You don't want to end up there.

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The above picture shows two regular size windows, nice and rectangular and vertical.  My weird horizontal windows should have been my first clue that this wouldn't work.  Oh but no.  I forged ahead with abandon.

See those two side by side windows?  

They're 95 inches wide.

Do you have any idea how frickin wide that is?

It's really frickin wide.

And you can actually see the fabric I chose in the above picture.  I wanted something to coordinate with the striped fabric that was already there, so I went back to Hawthorne Threads.

My original happy stripes.

They make me so happy.

The coordinating color, also making me very happy.

I had no idea how much fabric I would need for my shades, so I was very scientific about it:  When I went to order, it said there were six yards left in stock, so I bought six yards.  Very scientific.

It came, and sat in the bag for over a month because I had so much anxiety about making the curtains.  I eventually got over it and got started.  There were no tutorials for making a no sew roman shade for a 95 inch window, so I had to wing it.  Winging it is not how you want to approach a new project.  

Since this was just a window decoration, I didn't need it to work and this tutorial used staples - that's right up my alley!  This one calls for some sewing and wooden dowels, which is why hers is 56 times better than mine.  I did not sew or use wooden dowels, therefore my curtains sucked.  Ass.

I ironed it and laid it out.

 I bought some more blackout liner, this time just to add weight to the fabric.

I folded the fabric over and fabric glued the two together, just on the sides.

I made my blackout fabric the same size as the orange fabric, which I later learned you shouldn't do - the blackout fabric should be smaller than your outside fabric.

Most of the rest went somewhat smoothly, until it came time to do the pleats.  The Pleats.  Good Lord, the pleats.  I tried everything - I drew a sketch on some paper, I tried to come up with a math formula that would tell me where to fold to give me even pleats, I tried to mock fold my giant fabric.  Nothing worked and I spent hours and hours trying to get it right.

Don't let this picture fool you.  

It only looked good on the floor.

PS, I hung it up using this tutorial.

When you have a shade this big, you need to secure the shit out of it.  I should have sewed it.  I should have used more hot glue.  I should have had a professional do this for me.

Because this is what I ended up with.

Cue the ugly crying.

I promptly fell on the floor and started bawling my eyes out.

You guys, I spent So. Much. Time. trying to get these curtains right.  It took so many nights, I was soo tired, I got glue everywhere, my head hurt trying to figure out the math that would give me even pleats and it didn't even work!

I should have glued the entire orange fabric to the blackout liner.  I should have sewed, because it was just too wide and too heavy to hold its own weight.  I was so upset that I wasted the fabric and  the time and that I'd probably have to start over.  At one point, I asked Drew to help me and he was all matter of fact and logical and was like, "It's almost 11 at night, this is your project."  When it was such a failure he was like "What do you expect?  You weren't prepared and you didn't know how to do it."

Never EVER say that to someone who has a raging case of PMS.  NEVER.  I may have thrown a fit and been like "Never mind!  I regret asking for your help ANYWAY.  You're SO MEAN.  Never mind!!"

Lucky for him, the next day we left and spent the day in Philly.  We had a family day and took Sofia to the Please Touch Museum and on the drive to Philly, he apologized for not helping me and we brainstormed how to fix the curtains and salvage as much of the fabric as possible.  Spending time as a family, away from the house did so much to improve my mood. 

So did my little bus driver.

Checking out at the grocery store

They crazy thing is no one's ever told her that's what you do with cow udders.

How do they learn this stuff?

We had a great day in Philly and it was nice to get away from the Curtains of Failure.  Of course, they taunt me every time I go into Sofia's room because I don't have the energy to take them down.  Eventually, I'll have to return to the drawing board but I just can't right now.

So, in classic me fashion, I've moved on to something else.  I finally painted our living room and I'm taking on another project.

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I already got my wood, they cut it all for me and all I have to do is assemble and paint them!  Now this is something I can do and I'm hoping this little project will give me more success than the Curtains of Failure.  

Because I hate those stupid curtains.

And of course, if y'all have any advice on how to salvage them or tips or suggestions, I welcome them.  Anything to save me from more tears.  

Who am I kidding - we all know I'll be right back here next month.