Babies are complicated

Just as soon as word got out that I was pregnant, nearly everyone was like Maybe it'll be a boy!  Especially when I didn't feel the same as I did with Sofia's pregnancy, the chatter got louder.  Maybe it's because you're having a boy!

I get it.  Our society's preference for boys is nothing new and until now, I could have cared less.  I was in my own bubble of multiple miscarriages, wondering if I would even get to have kids.  Obsessing over whether it was a girl or a boy was a pastime for people who had normal regular pregnancies.  Instead, I was obsessing over whether or not my baby was alive.

But when they told me Sofia was a girl, I was ecstatic.  I didn't know it until that moment, but I wanted a girl.  I mean, I wanted a girl and having Sofia in my life has been an absolute dream come true.  She's my buddy, my homegirl, my mini-me and it's awesome.  I absolutely love having a daughter and when I became pregnant a second time, there was no doubt in my mind.  I wanted another girl.  I wanted Sofia to have a sister.  But I kept my mouth shut, because that's not what I was supposed to want.  Apparently, having 'one of each' is what I'm supposed to want.  I'm supposed to want a son.

I wish they'd celebrate girls like this, you know?

When they told me that it was another girl, I was overjoyed.  I got what I wanted - I got my girls.

But then it got complicated.  I got what I wanted, but it was no secret that Drew wanted a son. With Sofia, as soon as the doctor said it was a girl, Drew half-jokingly said "Well, I guess we're having another one!"  I punched him in the arm and well, the rest is history.  Drew loves his daughter more than anything and he will love his second daughter just as much, but I know his heart hurts a little that he may not get a son. 

I say may not, because I'm not opposed to the idea of a third child; it's just that conversation is a loooong way off and I'm old.  My baby-making years are coming to a close and we may decide that two is plenty.  But I get the disappointment, because if Sofia had been a boy, I would've been like Hell YES we're having another one.  And then if the second baby had been a boy too, I would've been like Hell YES there will be a third child.  And so on until I got a girl, so I get it.  In my book, Drew is the only one on the planet allowed to feel a slight bit of disappointment.

That's why I got all sorts of pissed when I told a family member that it was another girl and they were like OOOHHhhhhhhh.  Sofia's going to have a sister.  I got all Mama Bear and was like Hey!  That's my daughter you're talking about!  You're not allowed to be disappointed!  It's not your kid!  You're only allowed to feel joy, dammit!

And now all of a sudden I'm thinking about what it really means to have two kids.  I don't ever want this new baby to feel like it's not okay that she's a girl.  I want her to feel as loved and wanted as Sofia, because she is.  I don't want her to have a complex about not being 'enough.'  I also don't want Sofia to feel like she's being replaced or that she's losing me.  I want both of my girls to feel like they are honored members of their family and I don't ever want anyone to EVER treat either of my daughters like who they are isn't acceptable.

Besides, having a son doesn't automatically mean you've hit the 'jackpot.'  There's nothing guaranteeing that he'll do what you want - i.e. have babies and carry on the family name and whatnot.  You could have a boy and he could decide that he doesn't want kids and there goes your family 'legacy' (which chaps my hide because girls can carry a legacy just as much as a boy.  Are we really this hung up on a name?  If it's that big a deal, keep your name after you get married.  It's not like you stop being a member of your family if you get married.)

I never gave any of this thought until now, but now I'm hyper-sensitive to the environment I'm bringing my new daughter into.  I want her to have to the same loving and adoring world that Sofia had when she was born.  I want her to feel just as welcome as her older sister, and the thought that anyone, anyone would treat her otherwise?  Ooohh, it gets my blood pressure up because that's my baby you're talking about.

Now, I'm not trying to get all Women's Studies on you, namely because I'd be in over my head in about two seconds.  But having two girls has really opened my eyes to this part of society that I never noticed before.  I mean, I knew that boys were preferred, I knew that in China, sex-selective abortions are extremely commonplace (which is totally biting them in the ass, by the way), it was just never anything *I* had to think about.  But now that I'm going to have two girls, I'm totally obsessed with making sure that my second daughter knows that she is perfect just as she is, that she's valued and treasured and loved completely and totally.

But am I right for doing that?  Is there 'error' in overcompensating?  It's not like I'm going to say to her every day "It's fine that you're a girl" because that's just weird and will most definitely give her a complex.  But I have this need to protect them both, unlike anything I've ever felt and I'm not sure if I'm trying to protect them from something that isn't there.

I should know better than to let one ignorant comment dampen my parade, but I can't help it.  I'm not naive to how stupid this world can be and I know that the 'so when will you try for that boy?' questions will come.  

I was even good about it during that particular conversation - I didn't jump their shit and be like WTF is wrong with you?  What, like my daughter isn't good enough?  My daughter is perfect, just like her older sister and you can go drink a nice tall glass of shut the fuck up!

See, I was good.  Instead, I glossed over it and changed the subject, like an adult.  

And then I came to my blog to vent.

People are dumb and they're going to make ignorant comments and ask rude questions and just generally be assholes.  And it's fine when they're dumb assholes to me - I can handle it.

But oh my God, the thought of someone making my daughter feel bad that she's a girl?  Seriously, my eyes are welling up with tears just thinking about it.  

Girls are awesome.  Boys are awesome.  Babies are awesome.  And maybe one day, in the far-off future (we're too stupid to get our shit together in the near future,) when someone has a baby, we can just hug them and be happy and joyful that their baby is alive and that once again we get to witness the miracle of life.

Babies are the best.

*Also, thank you guys for sharing in my joy at having two daughters.  You guys most definitely are NOT dumb assholes.*