Rookie mistake

I was hoping to get to Wednesday at the least before I completely fell apart but no such luck.  Yesterday was a complete Mommy failure and it was my fault.  I committed the most rookie of all mistakes and it derailed the rest of the day.

ProTip:  Never ever ignore your child's hunger.  Ever.  It won't end well for you.

I know this cardinal rule and I honor it above all things most times.  However, there are times when I take leave of my senses and think that my toddler is a logical and rational human being and can ignore hunger pangs for a quick second while I run an errand.  That way of thinking is absolutely ridiculous and frankly, dangerous.  Toddlers are not rational people; they don't eat balanced healthy meals at properly spaced times.  They have two hunger modes:  Not Hungry and Oh My God If I Don't Have Food Right This Second I Will Spontaneously Combust.  There's no in between and if you've tipped the scale in the wrong direction, sorry 'bout your bad luck.

So why oh WHY did I think *this one time* it would be different?  Because it's not.  It never is.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays Sofia is in school.  She usually gets out at 11:15, we're home by 11:30 and she's stuffing her face by 11:40.  If it's a good day for me, a nap will follow shortly after.  Because of all the snow days we've had, they've extended her day, dismissing at 11:45.  Plus, it was nice out and they did some hard playing on the playground.  So I picked up my baby, who was tired and starving.

Why oh WHY did I go to Office Depot to print birthday stuff instead of carrying her STRAIGHT home?!  But that's just what I did and when we pulled into the parking lot instead of our driveway, the Hunger demon and its twin, Fatigue, began to possess my daughter.

"No Mom, we have to go home."  That was my first and last rational warning.  I ignored it, like a stupid rookie.
"I know sweetheart, I just have to make one quick stop and then we'll go straight home I promise."  No stop is ever quick when you have a tired hungry toddler, FYI.

I was convinced it would be so fast that I naively didn't even put Andrea in the Ergo; I just had her in one arm and held Sofia's hand with the other.  SO DUMB.

Because of course the Office Depot person didn't know what I needed, despite me being as clear as I could.  Of course they didn't have the paper I needed.  Of course she took a personal call as I was standing in front of her, the demons slowly invading my daughter.

Sofia put on a SHOW in Office Depot.  Rather, it wasn't her, it was the demons.  The demons made her collapse on the floor and scream for the entire store to hear how hungry she was and how she wanted to go home.  Mother of the year, right here.  Then she wanted to  run off so I had to awkwardly chase her while holding my seven week old in my arms.  She didn't want to stand up, so I had to pull her arm, which I hate because I'm always terrified of pulling her just right and her frickin arm coming out of socket.  But I can't bend over because of the baby and it was an absolute mess.  I had to leave the store and run outside, drag-carrying a screaming Sofia so I could get the double stroller.  I felt the tightness in my chest, the admonishments in my head.  What the hell was I thinking?  I know better than this!

But the damage was already done.  Sofia was gone and the demons had taken full possession.  Now that she was in the stroller she screamed to be let out.  "Please Mom can you take me out?!"  "Two seconds honey and then we'll go I promise" as I feel the sweat forming on my back and my head getting itchy.  Then Andrea winds up and starts crying.  I nursed her in the back of the store - at least I could do something about her crying - with Sofia crying in the stroller.  What a mess.  

In reality, this was all about ten minutes but it felt like an eternity.  Time stops when children cry, I swear.  My poor Sofia was delirious with hunger and I pulled into Wendy's to get her a cheeseburger and fries and we sped home.  She INHALED that burger like I'd never seen, making me feel like the lowest slime alive.  I felt so bad, but again, the damage was done and now she was overtired.

Overtired toddlers do weird things like run around in circles screaming.  It's deceiving because they're climbing the walls but they're exhausted.  It's a strange phenomenon and I did all I could to settle her down but it just wasn't working.

Finally, I put her in the car and we headed to my girlfriend's house.  We'd already planned to have dinner with them and it was a thirty minute drive.  Sofia was asleep before we left our neighborhood, so she slept for thirty minutes but she really needed a couple of hours.  

This wasn't yesterday but it was another day that I'd tried for hours to get

her to sleep and she falls asleep within seconds of being in the car.

I guess I should be thankful she sleeps well *somewhere*.

We got to their house and Sofia ran and played for hours with my girlfriend's son.  When we left I was sure she would sleep on the way home, but she was too wound up from playing.

Bedtime was a nightmare.  The demon Fatigue hadn't released its hold on my baby and wasn't going out without a fight.  I tried to speed through bedtime but you really can't speed changing two kids, chasing one down to put pjs on, nursing one, brushing teeth for another - it was bad.

We all finally settled down to sleep around ten and Sofia slept hard.  Poor thing was full-out snoring and she didn't wake up until almost ten this morning.  Thankfully the demons left her and she was my happy smiling girl once again.  I was a little spent though and we've spent the morning watching lots of TV because Mommy needs to recuperate.

It's crazy how badly things can go off the rails when you make a rookie mistake and I definitely didn't thrive yesterday.  As I was driving out to my friend's house, I was completely beating myself up, all kinds of negative self-talking in my head and I felt things spiraling.  I really lost it yesterday and I was really disappointed in myself.  Thankfully, I spent the evening with friends so the day wasn't completely shot.

Today, we're going to try again.  We all got some much needed sleep, I've already fed her well and often today so the demon Hunger is kept at bay.  I will try my hardest to get her down for a nap but that's harder these days because I've always laid down with her to get her to sleep and that's not always possible with the baby.

Yesterday was pretty bad - oh yeah, she pooped on the floor again too, but at least that one was smack in the middle of the living room so I didn't have to play poop detective.  And I didn't handle it well.  I was frazzled from Office Depot, mad at myself, frustrated that I couldn't get her to nap, Andrea was crying and I come around the corner to a poop-covered kid and a nasty present on the living room floor.  I got on her level, looked her in her face and with a harsher tone than I should've used I was like "Sofia!!! Poops go in the potty!!!!"  It was less a teaching tone and more a 'what the hell is your problem' tone.  I'm not proud of that - I should've taken a second to get it together, but the poop on the floor was the last straw to a wacked-out few hours.

Yet, today is a new day and I'm leaving the events of yesterday in the past.  I'm going to try again to get her to nap and hopefully I'll be successful and when she wakes up we'll reconnect and do something fun.  And I think that's what matter the most.  I'm going to fail, I'm going to mess up and I'm not going to thrive all the time, but as long as I don't give up, that counts for something, right?

Anyway, that's what I'm going with.

Gotta run - the baby's crying and it's time for Sofia's nap.  Wish me luck.