Stirring the Mama Bear

I feel like the Incredible Hulk.  I feel my molecules changing, I'm becoming different.  It was subtle at first and I wasn't sure what was happening, but I'm pretty sure now.


I'm turning into a Mama Bear.


I already love my daughter.  But it's not the fairy-tale, unicorn and rainbow, happy-go-lucky love.  It's the fierce, violent, I-will-rip-you-from-limb-to-limb-if-a-hair-on-her-head-is-disturbed kind of love.  It's the 'I will destroy your world if you look sideways at her' kind of love.  Seriously, it's kind of scary to me.  Because I feel that way towards everyone - everyone.


My parents have been joking with me, that they will take care of the baby right after she's born and they'll give her back when she's about six or eight months old.  It was cute once  - aww, what devoted grandparents they're going to be!  And then they kept on, getting more elaborate, talking about setting up video chats and how they would email me daily updates.  Then I started getting pissed.  No, not pissed - Destructive.  It got to the point that I told my parents that I understood that they were joking but if I caught a look in their eyes, they would never see their grandchild for the rest of their lives.  And I meant it with every molecule.  Thankfully, they stopped joking.


I've been lucky so far - no one has touched my stomach without my consent.  No strangers have approached me but the feeling I get if I'm not sure is downright primal.  I feel the surge of adrenaline, the deep-seated desire to protect, at all costs no matter what and no matter from whom.  My heart doesn't melt at the thought of her just yet, but the protective fire in my belly is burning full-force.  


I get it now, when mothers say they will die and/or kill for their children.  I get that so much and the power behind that is kind of unsettling.


*here's where I go a little hippie*


Everyone knows how they say there is no fiercer animal on the planet than a mother protecting her young?  Y'all seriously, I feel like an animal!  Yes, I go to work, I sit at a desk, I still look like a normal human being, but maaaaan, there is a beast growing in me along with this baby.  A Mama Beast.  A MOTHER.


Additionally, I understand why animals go to a secluded place with no disturbances in order to give birth.  I feel that same urge.  I want to build a nest, settle in and bring my child to the world with my own hands, under my own steam and I sure as hell don't want anyone to take her from me.  Like, ever.


I feel it too when people refer to my baby as theirs, as in 'how's my baby doing?'  I know it's harmless and it's only happened a couple of times, but the quickness with which I have to bite my tongue is unsettling.  I want to grab their collars, get in their faces and with deadly seriousness, say 'This is MY baby.'  


Metaphorically, of course.  I haven't actually done or said anything to anyone - I simply smile and nod.  


I'm civilized, but only barely.


I've read about this, but only anecdotally and I don't think they've done any peer-reviewed studies on 'Women who Turn Into Animals at Pregnancy.'  I certainly didn't think it would happen to me - I've been wrapped up in cankle prevention and when's the next meal.  I wasn't watching out for the Primal Jungle Woman to inhabit my body.


But oh my goodness, this is so real and so unexpected!  I feel a tiny bit out of control, not terribly so and again, you wouldn't know by looking at me.


Unless you go to touch my stomach, make a reference to taking my child from me, or threaten to invade my nest.


What is happening to me?  Where is this chapter in the books?