Okay seriously. I'm about to tell you something and I need you to be honest. It's serious.
I am up at 4:30 in the morning because I had to do a load of laundry. I think I'm losing it.
We've banished the dog from our bed. A few months ago, I'd had it. The dog is 90 pounds and likes to stretch all the way out when she's sleeping, usually on my side of the bed and on my feet and legs. The other person in the bed sleeps like the dead so it was always up to me to wake up in the middle of the night to get the dog to move. One or two times in the past year and a half I'd get help and then it was right back to business as usual. Well, that was nothing I wanted to deal with at nine months pregnant and one particularly fitful night, I was done. I screeched at Drew that the dog was to stay the fuck off the bed from now on I'm not playing I swear to god. Ever since then, she's been sleeping on her dog bed a mere two feet away, none the worse for wear.
However, before she got used to her dog bed she took to sleeping on the bed in the nursery. Leaving a disgusting layer of dog hair on the duvet cover. Sometimes she'd burrow under the cover and leave a disgusting layer of dog hair on the sheets.
Every time I have gone into the nursery I've had to look at that disgusting layer of dog hair but I couldn't do anything about it because I just couldn't get to it. Sofia has only recently (as in two days ago) started to take naps so I could never tell when she would be asleep and I was busy fighting dog hair in the rest of the house and doing more important laundry like my underwear and milk-soaked nursing bras. More and more days passed, but every day I saw it the anxiety built and built until I literally couldn't sleep because if one more second passed without me washing those sheets I would lose it. I'm not joking, I can't freaking catch my breath right now and the damn sheets are in the wash! WTF is wrong with me?
I know there's another person in this house that could help but it's not happening. Since my level of cleanliness is higher than his, it's essentially my problem. *BTW, it's not. I don't scrub the toilet with a toothbrush and I dust sporadically. It's just the gotdamn motherfucking dog hair.* He doesn't mind dog hair - hell, as far as he's concerned those hairs are just strands of love sprinkled all around the fucking house. Nope, dog hair doesn't bother him in the slightest and since it doesn't bother him, it shouldn't bother me, right? WRONG.
BUT, who's sound asleep and who's washing the disgusting hair off of the sheets? Who manically runs for the vacuum cleaner when the baby is sleeping? Who Swiffers like a crazy person every other day and wishes she could do it every day?
Of course, I'm angry. I'm mad at the dog for having the gall to shed all over the fucking house. I'm mad at the other person in the house for not caring about how much it bothers me. I'm mad that it's not something I can get ahead of - if it were anything else, I could clean the house and it would stay relatively clean for longer than fifteen seconds. I'm mad that we spent a kabillion dollars refinishing our floors and they are scratched all to hell. I'm mad that it's only going to get worse because the thought of my daughter crawling is enough to give me hives. I can't think of putting her on our disgusting dog-hair covered, scratched up floors.
Why Jesus? Why couldn't we have gotten a poodle? They don't shed! Or some other non-shedding dog? But noooo! We had to get the one that sheds like it's her job, with the extra-special dog hair that fucking sticks to everything!
Normally, I'm pretty good at just pretending I don't see it until I can get to it. However, with a new baby it's longer and longer until I can get to it and I'm not playing, it hurts my stomach to where I'm up in the middle of the night doing laundry.
Do I really need to get on medication so I'm not bothered by dog hair?
I just typed that and realized how ridiculous that sounded. I'm not getting on fucking medication.
I'm getting a fucking maid.
See, this is why I have to write. I have to work shit out somewhere other than inside my head so I don't go crazy. Thanks for listening.
I have to put the sheets in the dryer now and hopefully maybe get some sleep.
Oh Desiree, I hear you...I inherited a damn cat when he asked me to marry him....a damn CAT!!! I am sooooo not a cat person. It makes me CRAZY how much nasty ass cat hair covers my beautiul floors, duvets, sofa etc. Every couple of days I go on a cleaning bitch frenzy...and then I'm ok for the 15 effing minutes of non cat hair covered floors. I swear to God...that man better get me a cleaning lady as a wedding present!! Good luck and know you aren't alone:)
ReplyDeleteWe have two dogs who shed like it's their job & two cats, and I definitely hear you about the animal hair all over the place. Now, I don't have a baby in my home 24/7 but I do daycare and it is hard to let the crawlers crawl and roam anywhere but the gated in daycare space. The dogs aren't allowed in there all that often, but still their HAIR finds it way in there...typically immediately after I vacuum.
ReplyDeleteIt's ok, it really is, to have a melt down about dog hair...it has to be, I have one once a week! :)
I feel your pain friend. We have a German Shorthaired Pointer and that effer sheds twice a year. I think his hairs are worse because they are so tiny and short (hence the name shorthaired). I can't get him to stay off of our couch so I put a bed sheet on it - so klassy. Thank goodness he doesn't sleep in the bed anymore!
ReplyDelete(MV)
I know how you feel with the dog hair. Luckily, my husband is a neat freak and is adament about vaccuuming all the time. He still po'd me off because he just brought him home without asking me...grrr. I get the skeavies just thinking about my daughter crawling on the floor.
ReplyDeleteI can TOTALLY relate to your dog hair issue. We have four (yes, I said FOUR) labs who live inside with our family. You wanna talk about hair!? OMG! It used to look like a scene from The Wild, Wild West...with tumbleweeds blowing over my hardwood floors! Then I stumbled on a solution...a better dog food. One of our dogs got sick (bloat...it ain't pretty) and I started researching dog food.. We were feeding strictly Purina...and let me just say...OMG! Do you know what they put into Purina dog food? Worse yet...what they leave out? I switched to a better dog food (Blue Buffalo Wilderness) in hopes of helping our sick dog...the benefit was all of our dogs have just about quit shedding. IT'S TRUE! Of course, you have the twice a year shed, but what a difference a dog food makes. Oh, and their coats are shiney and thick...and our femail doesn't get yeasty ear infections anymore! If you want to try the dog food switcheroo...stay away from ALL grocery store dog foods and shop a pet store, feed store or health food store. The dog food is more expensive for sure, but they don't eat as much and are so much healthier. Anyhow...I hope it helps...here's a link that can help with your decision: http://www.dogfoodanalysis.com/dog_food_reviews/index.php/cat/1
ReplyDeletehummmm....my name didn't appear with my post. ?? And...oh, my goodness...I just typed "femail" for my girl dog...did I really do that?! Make that female dog...good grief. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteTina B
tinab158 at hotmail dot com
I'm due on June 24th and I had the same fits about dog and cat hair a few months ago. I put myself on a cleaning schedule and bought a Furminator and those two steps have made me sane again! The Furminator is AMAZING!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above poster about the furnminator, we also bought one by rec of our vet and it works WONDERS. We also have dogs (6) to be exact so beat that! lol (thanks to my wonderful DH) Luckily 4 of them live outside FULL TIME but the other 2 live inside and they also shed, however they have a room in the house and that is where they live, if its not outside playing for hours it in their room! No more free reign of the house for that very reason the dog hair and our little one is due in Sept (6) I am JUST starting to get to my "nesting" so I clean more often oh but you better believe I am getting a MAID because if its not the dog hair my husband thinks laundry, dinner dishes and dust will all somehow clean themselves. And i'll be damned if im the only one cleaning around this b!tch!
ReplyDeleteSooooooooooo woooooooosaawwwwwwwwwwwww I think we ALL know how you feel and NOPE you aren't crazy nor do you need meds!
Wowie. I'm the 'non' clean person in my relationship and my husband is the one who'd be up in the night doing the laundry.
ReplyDeleteExcept we got a cleanign lady and its the best thing that's ever happened to us as a couple.
For him (the clean one) it means when he sees some dirt/whatever, he doesn't stress, because he knows "Irene" will be by in xx days so it doesn't make him insane.
For me (the more tolerant one), it means my husband doesn't resent my inability/non-desire to clean at his level.
I should first admit that I am not the best person at keeping our house spotless. I go in streaks. I let it sit, and then I go on a cleaning bender, spending hours making it pretty. Now that I have that out of the way, I totally hear you on dog hair! It sucks. I clean it, and then it's there again. And our dogs are "non-shedding". Don't believe that crap. Every dog is a shedding dog.
ReplyDeleteI do know how you feel with the other person in my house not cleaning things the way I want them to be clean. For some reason guys didn't get the "dirty house drives me nuts and stresses me out!" gene. I sure wish they did. I also wish I had some magical piece of advice to make it better... but I don't. :( I love the idea of a cleaning lady like Life Begins @ 30, but that doesn't work for everyone's budget (i.e. MINE. HAHA)
D - I totally understand about the hair. Our 2 English Bulldogs shed like crazy & some days it drives me to the brink of madness. I am like you & am very OCD about a clean house. I try very hard to not make it look like we have dogs in our house. I have made it a point to vacuum 2 sometimes 3x's a week & wash the throw blankets in the family room weekly just to keep up with all the dog hair.
ReplyDeleteThe bulldogs got banned from the bed a year ago & it was the smartest move we ever made. We also bought a Furminator brush, brush them weekly & bathe them every other week. More so in the spring & fall when they are losing their seasonal fur coats. The Furminator is an amazing little tool. You could knit a sweater for Sofia with all the hair that is removed by that tool!
Wait...why am I saying WE? It is actually ME who has done all this - ugh! Which brings up another point - if your hubby is anything like mine then the dog hair doesn't bother him so therefore they think it is OUR problem - not theirs!
So since it is MY problem my solution is to hire a maid service to come every 2 weeks. Money WELL spent in my opinion AND problem solved :)
Now here is where I keep it real. Back to the dog. You need to remember that it's not her fault she sheds. It's not her fault you have wood floors. It's not her fault she is allowed to sleep on the guest bed. It's also not her fault that there is a new member of the family that is occupying all your time - time that you used to give to her. You need to remember that her world has been turned upside down too & she is also adjusting. She is your dog D - a member of your family. The one that will remain loyal to you forever regardless of any situation. Will love you, Drew & Sofia until the day she dies. The one that will ALWAYS be happy to see you walk through that door no matter what kind of day you have had. The one who will be very best friends & protector of Sofia. The one that will curl up with you when you are feeling sick or sad. And I know deep down you love that silly dog & would be very sad if she wasn't around :(
My only other thought I have would be to put up a pet gate in the doorway of Sofia's room so that the dog isn't able to get in that room. It would be easier to do that then train her to stay off the guest bed.
Sorry you are so frustrated. Know that someone in Kansas is sending you lots of hugs & thinking of you!
HT :)
Uh yep, I can totally relate! My Dalmatian died 3 years ago and he was such a shedder. They shed year-round so we always had black and white hairs everywhere. As much as I miss my dog, I am *so* happy not to have a dog now.
ReplyDeleteyou read my mind! getting a maid to come once a month SAVED.MY.MARRIAGE! and we switched to twice a month when my little one started crawling, and now walking.
ReplyDeletebest fricking money that we spend every month! no more arguments about cleaning, plus it's a lot cheaper than couples therapy. win-win!
although i still have to do a lil' bit of nagging to get my husband to "pre-clean" before they come. what? i don't want the hired help to secretly judge me for not having a perfect house and being married to a complete slob. JK....not really.
Yep. I'm thinking the cat's gotta go when we have kids or we get a house with a "cat-wing". As Anonymous/MV said, I also put a bed-sheet over the couch while we're not home to keep him (and 1 of our dogs who shed) off the couch. My POODLE is a god-send however; I love his non-shedding self.
ReplyDeleteI've read good things about the furminator, seems like everyone raves about it.
Gem
And reading this, I think, "my husband wants a German Shepard." GROSS.
ReplyDeleteYou aren't crazy - Dog hair is gross. I won't even lie, at my former jobs, I wouldn't dare eat people's food who had pets.
It looks like the readers above me have given some pretty good tips. I'm at a complete loss because I never was allowed to have pets.
I'm so with Naijababelove on this one. After months of campaigning I threw a fit and hired a housekeeper to come every other week. It was relieved so much stress from our marriage, as I'm with you on this one. I see cat hair and dust and hair and all that other shit that seems to be invisible to the male chromosome in my house. His idea of vacuuming is going around with a dust buster for about 5 minutes. Drove me nuts.
ReplyDeleteYou are so not crazy. And yes, get a maid to come. But I'll warn you, I am already about to lose it and get her to come every week instead of every other week. The hair, the hair, the hair (and the guy urine on the toilet right beside where I bath and dry the baby). Once Mads gets moving on the ground it will bother me even more (if that is even possible).
I sympathize whole heartedly, I hate dog hair too. I'm all for the maid not medication. Here's a long distance hug hope it gets better soon.
ReplyDeleteDog hair is the pits! This is like a conversation from inside my head. You are soooo not alone.
ReplyDeleteLiving with a bunch of guys for so long has caused me to go on strike; during the school year. I just move out of the way of the tumblehairs and think...summer will be here soon. My level of insanity grows exponentially during summer months. I smash 9 months of CLEANING into 2 1/2 months of vacation.
Get a maid, girl!
SHAVE THE DOG, it will save your sanity. I'm drop dead serious on that one. We have a yellow lab, but he's got long crazy hairs that come out in clumps. You would THINK that as much hair as this friggin dog sheds that he wouldn't HAVE any hair left to shed all over my bloody house. Strangely that's not the case. So, I shave him. Or you could take him to petsmart and have him groomed and shaved. I swear, it's helped TONS.
ReplyDeleteI've been following your blog for a while now, but haven't commented before. We share quite a bit of life experience and I admire how you deal. I'm glad you are keeping it in perspective. We all have bad hair days, but we don't get rid of our hair, or bad hubby days (lol), but we keep them too (or some of us do!). It's the dog hair, not the dog who loves and cares for all of you and always will. Have you tried spot cleaning with rubber gloves until you have time and energy for a deep clean? It takes seconds, throw on a pair of rubber gloves (normal kitchen ones) and just rub them over the problem hair furniture. The hair will ball up so it can be thrown out and presto - looks great again. Please don't shave her - it's cruel to shave most dogs. Their hair protects their skin from diseases and also helps them to stay warm or (many don't know this) stay cool in the heat. Often dogs are shaved in warm weather by owners thinking they are doing the right thing and die of heat stroke because of it. Remember all the studies that have proven that children raised in homes where they are taught to love animals as members of the family grow up to be healthier (yes - true - all that dog hair and mud is actually beneficial to the immune system) and more responsible and empathetic adults. They have been proven to generally succeed in life to a greater extent than children who grow up without the experience of caring for an animal. Plus, growing up with a best friend is the best gift you can give your child, as well as providing them with greater security from everything from a fire to a break-in to a health problem (yes, if Sophia gets sick your dog or cat will wake you up and tell you). Serious benefits for just a little hair.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, I couldn't tell.. was that a dig at me?
ReplyDeleteOur dog is an inside dog. (obviously, since we're so frustrated by the hair). We're definitely not worried about heat stroke, or the ability to keep warm. Nor, because we shave him, do our children treat him like any less than a member of the family.
so maybe you could clarify your beliefs.
the furminator brush is amazing and worth the money, although it will freak you out to spend that much on your dog's brush. make it drew's job though. once a week when he is home.
ReplyDeleteour good friends have two dogs, one of which is a newfoundland that sheds like crazy. her parents bought her a little robot vacuum for all the "in-between" days (i.e., she uses the real vacuum once over the weekend). she turns it on when she runs errands or showers and it takes care of business. maybe that would help eliminate the hair tumbleweeds that accumulate in the corners over night.
doesn't help with your sheets though. sorry.
Don't stress yourself, get a cleaning lady. I have one who comes in once/weekly. My hubby is also the kind of man who will clean/cook/shop/do laundry if it makes me happy- so if there's loads to do and the housekeeper isn't in for a few more days, he will do it without even asking me. Sometimes I do ask though but always nicely- I guess we try to respect each other or we would not have lasted 11 years:-)
ReplyDeleteOh - I'm glad I came back and looked! No digs, just facts. You may be able to keep your dog shaved and healthy but you are the exception - just ask any vet - so a little warning to others that they may not be so successful is just that - a heads up. Aside from heat, skin rashes and infections are often an issue, and I know someone who shaved their dog and lost it to heat stroke because it was shaved so I'm very aware of the potential problem. I wouldn't dig at someone who was successfully keeping their animals as a member of the family - those who abandon them maybe but not those who keep them and are trying. Since I volunteer at a rescue I'm a little sensitive to the abandonement issue. :-)
ReplyDeleteI love the robot vacuum idea - and I know people who even vacuum their dogs (gently of course). Haven't tried that one though!
The cleaning and the dog hair anxiety might represent coping with your new life on the whole. Though, personally - I've been there done that. Even with pets I love to death. I had a nervous breakdown at 4 months pregnant over the same stuff this go round. There's gotta be some Mommy instinct kicking in with all this. In the meantime - this reminded me of you just now (with the sleep and the dog)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amberdusick.com/woodmouse_loves_crafts/2011/06/what-it-is-like-to-not-sleep-at-night-illustrated-with-crappy-pictures.html
Thank you all so much for the advice and kind words! I'm definitely going to take it all into consideration and I'm going to make some changes round these parts!
ReplyDeleteI've been following your blog for a while now, but haven't commented before. We share quite a bit of life experience and I admire how you deal. I'm glad you are keeping it in perspective. We all have bad hair days, but we don't get rid of our hair, or bad hubby days (lol), but we keep them too (or some of us do!). It's the dog hair, not the dog who loves and cares for all of you and always will. Have you tried spot cleaning with rubber gloves until you have time and energy for a deep clean? It takes seconds, throw on a pair of rubber gloves (normal kitchen ones) and just rub them over the problem hair furniture. The hair will ball up so it can be thrown out and presto - looks great again. Please don't shave her - it's cruel to shave most dogs. Their hair protects their skin from diseases and also helps them to stay warm or (many don't know this) stay cool in the heat. Often dogs are shaved in warm weather by owners thinking they are doing the right thing and die of heat stroke because of it. Remember all the studies that have proven that children raised in homes where they are taught to love animals as members of the family grow up to be healthier (yes - true - all that dog hair and mud is actually beneficial to the immune system) and more responsible and empathetic adults. They have been proven to generally succeed in life to a greater extent than children who grow up without the experience of caring for an animal. Plus, growing up with a best friend is the best gift you can give your child, as well as providing them with greater security from everything from a fire to a break-in to a health problem (yes, if Sophia gets sick your dog or cat will wake you up and tell you). Serious benefits for just a little hair.
ReplyDeletethe furminator brush is amazing and worth the money, although it will freak you out to spend that much on your dog's brush. make it drew's job though. once a week when he is home.
ReplyDeleteour good friends have two dogs, one of which is a newfoundland that sheds like crazy. her parents bought her a little robot vacuum for all the "in-between" days (i.e., she uses the real vacuum once over the weekend). she turns it on when she runs errands or showers and it takes care of business. maybe that would help eliminate the hair tumbleweeds that accumulate in the corners over night.
doesn't help with your sheets though. sorry.
I know how you feel with the dog hair. Luckily, my husband is a neat freak and is adament about vaccuuming all the time. He still po'd me off because he just brought him home without asking me...grrr. I get the skeavies just thinking about my daughter crawling on the floor.
ReplyDelete