A few days ago, Jared sent me a friend request on Facebook. A guy I never said one word to in high school and haven't seen or talked to in 16 years, wanted to be my friend. I was bewildered - why would someone I hadn't said a word to in, like ever send me a friend request? I hadn't even thought about it until that point - usally I would click 'accept', have a quick glance at their pictures and profile and go on about my day. I had friends in my list that I wouldn't dream of sending an email to or writing on their wall because I would have nothing to say - but these people were my 'friends.' There's something wrong with that picture.
I remember when MySpace first came out and was all the rage. I was at work one evening when my friend Aubrey told me about it and said we should be friends. "Aren't we friends now?" It was the strangest thing and I didn't get it, but soon enough I had a profile and was uploading pictures and adding music and changing my layout with the best of them. Very quickly, MySpace got creepy and I was getting friend requests from perfect strangers, my profile got hacked and I virtually confronted someone who was posing as me. She had taken some of my modeling pictures from the internet and said they were hers. Immediately after that, I made my profile private. Meeting someone on MySpace became a punchline because everyone knew how sleazy it was. Then came Facebook and we all migrated.
It wasn't long before I once again had a profile with pictures and I too waited with bated breath for people to comment on how cool my life was and how little I'd changed. Then came the friend requests. People from elementary school! People I hadn't seen or spoken to in years and years and there they were. I accepted requests, sent friend requests when they were suggested to me and before I knew it I had 277 friends. My cousins in California and Georgia found me and we became friends and I had dreams of great big reunions because we were such great friends on Facebook. Yeah right. Family or not, it's hard to talk to people you don't know - especially if you have nothing in common with them. Receiving Jared's friend request was my sign that it was time for me to stop because I came to realize that I didn't care what those 277 people did on a daily basis.
Susie hates work! Join the club - everybody's a member.
Mark wishes everyone a great day! Everyone? Really? All 482 of your friends? I feel so special.
John Jones loves pickles. Who cares!
Follow me on Facebook! Follow you where? Where are you going? Do I get a prize when we get there?
Become a fan! For what? So you can say you have fans? I don't get it.
Bob sent you a fish for your aquarium! Send him one! What? A fish? Huh? I don't even have an aquarium!
Lola (my cousin) loves her boyfriend. What do you say to that? Good for you? I'm happy for you even though I haven't seen or talked to you since before you knew what boys were?
Never mind the mafias, the farms, the stores, the kisses, the hugs, the snowball fights, the virtual gifts, and all the other apps that bombarded me every time I logged in. I didn't care! I don't care that the kid I didn't even know you had threw strained carrots on the wall five minutes ago. That totally sucks for you but that doesn't affect my life one bit. Now if it was my baby cousin, I'd probably laugh at her mom but that's the point - she's my cousin, we're close enough that I can laugh at her when her kid spits up on her.
I scrolled through hundreds of status updates, not having much to say for any of them, yet compelled to say or do something because these people are my friends! Thank God for the 'like' button! Although, that confused me even more. Even though someone liked something I did or said, I still didn't feel comfortable chatting them up. Yeah, so, um, you liked that I ran around the block without dying today. I know we only said two words to each other in high school 16 years ago, but um, thanks for that? Soooo, what have you been up to all these years? Oh wait, I'll just go look on your page and that way I don't actually have to talk to you. Never mind.
And yes, I updated my Facebook status fifteen times the day I had jury duty - I'm totally guilty. It's nothing if not addictive. That's why yesterday, I quit cold turkey and deleted both my Facebook and MySpace accounts. It's funny - they ask you three times if you're really really sure, even going so far as to tell you that your friends will miss you. Facebook told me that Brandi would miss me. I was all, No she won't! She has my phone number, email address, home address and blog address! She knows how to find me! MySpace was distraught - Are you totally sure about this? Are you sure you want to do this? You don't have to - you can just block the people you don't want to talk to. You don't have to leave. Please don't go! I was like damn MySpace, have some dignity!
Today I feel free - I haven't obsessively checked my phone to see who is glad that the sun is shining, or who's mad that the Dodgers lost. I don't have to contemplate the question if I update my status and no one comments or 'likes' it, did it really happen? I'm free from the guilt of ignoring the friend requests from people who, I swear just had their yearbooks out and randomly entered names because what the hell! Maybe it's just me and I wasn't using Facebook properly and I'm the only one who accepted friend requests from people I barely knew. Maybe I'm just not up on Facebook etiquette. Maybe I should have had a farm - then I would have gotten it.
My true friends have all my contact information. If they want to know what I had for breakfast they can ask me, although I can confidently say that even my dearest friend Kesha could care less. And I'm okay with that.
I like blogging. You're not limited to 140 characters - oh wait, that's Twitter. Twitter is just Facebook on meth and I have no use for that either. But blogging! Blogging opens the door to people's lives, honest information is exchanged and you make real friends. I would never in a thousand years feel comfortable hanging out with Jared and his wife but I will rearrange everything to have dinner with Heather or Cori. I wouldn't send an email to more than half the people on my friend list but I want to make a special trip back to Houston to meet Gem - I'm so upset I didn't see her when I was there! I feel comfortable sharing just about anything with Kristina and that's major. For me, blogs have a way of facilitating real connections and serving a true purpose and I could never have gotten through my miscarriages without them. I found real comfort and support through blogging and I have had the honor of being a source of comfort and support and I'm eternally humbled and grateful for that. You just can't get that on Facebook. I deleted my profile because I want more. I want to be a better friend to those who are genuinely interested - not the ones who just accepted my friend request to look at my pictures and see if I got fat.
Facebook, it was real while it lasted. No hard feelings, I'm just looking for more. It's not you, it's me.
**Update: I just found this - Queen Latifah doesn't like social networks either! How ironic - check it out!
GOOD FOR YOU! I have totally been meaning to delete my MySpace and forgot about it until just now! I will be deleting that once I'm done with this comment! :) I don't think I'm ready to rid of FB yet...I'm too addicted!
ReplyDeleteI'm almost sure we share the same brain! I have contemplated for the past few weeks if really..I mean *really* if this Facebook business is truly worth it. Not to sound dramatic, but my feelings have been hurt 3 times in the past few weeks via Facebook..and if I hadn't been a part of Facebook, then maybe my life would be a little bit sunnier.
ReplyDeleteGood for you. I might just join you.
Oh my gosh....I am laughing myself sick! First of all, because I am one of the few who "knows" Jared Groneman. Secondly, because I agree with everything that you have said. And thirdly, (is that a word?), because even though I know FB is bad for me sometimes, I feel like I can't stop. And that you are slightly blasphemous. LOL
ReplyDeleteNo worries here, chick. You know that I know where to find you! :)
This is funny. I love facebook, because I know how to control it. I am such a control freak, I have it down to where certain people only see a small sample of things I do, while my in the know friends sees most of it. I am not an update status person and I hide all that from my view so I don't have to see it.
ReplyDeleteI have known to hide my account for about six weeks at a time just to regroup. Now I am only on there once a week usually on Sundays..my real life is more interesting and no need to be on FB all the time, most people are not going anywhere...love your blog..keep it up.
I am way too addicted to Facebook to quit it... but I have been meaning to delete my MySpace!! Funny story... after I read this post last night, I looked at my guy and said "should I get rid of my facebook?" and he just laughed at me!! LOL I think that means I may not be ready. Way to go though!!
ReplyDeleteI will not front, I keep certain people on Facebook because I'm nosy. There, I said it. Super nosy. The other part of FB that's fun to introverts like me is I CAN casually drop by someone's page who I know, but we ain't "cool like that" just to say hi or "like" something they posted without fear of having to actually CHAT with them. I also have a lot of distant family on there, and I have learned way too much about them on FB than I would in non-virtual life.
ReplyDeleteI do have some snobbery though, I don't accept random friend requests and if I don't know you or know only your name from high school, no friending.
Now I do disagree a LITTLE with your Twitter assessment only because of the following. Blogging people are in two camps: 1 camp who uses their actual name and identity for all forms of social media, and those who use a pseudonym. Most people in real life do not know me as Gem. If a blogging person crosses the line into FB territory where they know my real name and stuff, that's a big deal.
So Twitter is an extension of my blogging persona. Through Twitter I have actually made some lasting friendships that I may not have made through just my blog. I'm not one of those people who use Twitter as "I'm eating breakfast". I use it as a mini-chat room and that's when it's the most fun (depending on the people you follow).
BUT, for the kind of stuff you mention in this post, I totally understand where you're coming from.
I cannot wait to meet you, I know we will one day!
Gem
LMBO- loved reading this.....because it says so much TRUE STUFF.
ReplyDeleteI was really late getting a FB account- I won't accept folks I don't know either. For what- why do you need to know my thoughts, or even weirder- look at my pictures????
You are so right about Twitter- I had an account for less than 2 weeks- the constant updating made me want to hang myself. Like seriously- do we need to know EVERYTHING all day??? Information overload!!!
i definitely am on the same page with you. i've debated deleting it. i don't understand half of what goes on on facebook. but without fail, i WILL lose my phone (have 2x already), and the only way i can track my friends down--the real ones--is via facebook. i'm still a newbie to the blogging world, though i've been doing it for 2(?) years now. but it's nice to be able to make real, significant connections, have conversations with people about things you care about. i could give a crap about facebook now; it's totally irrelevant to my life, so for the time being, i just leave it be and allow the newsfeed to clog and the messages to pile up. at this stage, it's just a backup contact list.
ReplyDeleteTHANKS for writing this! i felt like a weirdo because no one understood.
Damn I'm behind. I actually was just looking for your FB page so that I could pop by and say hello and see how you were doing. Low and behold it was gone. So to your blog I came and found out you left us. And that is ok. You are right. I do know where to find you.
ReplyDeleteLike Cori, I laughed at the whole Jared thing given I know who he is too. I would probably think the same thing if he sent me a friend request. Really? I actually have a few people on my list that requested me and I've never talked to. I have even deleted them. And then they notice I'm gone and send me another request. Really? Do they really have that much time to notice that they were removed from my list and now don't have access to my profile. What-ev.
Glad you are still here though.
this post is too funny. I came to this realization in 2006 when I dumped facebook (I was the last person I know in undergrad to actually sign up for facebook so I was on for just a little over a year!)! I haven't looked back since. I never had any other social network. I realized that the people I actually care to talk to on a daily/consistent basis were not the people on facebook! yay for you! okay, it's late. time for bed for me! :-)
ReplyDeletealthough, this weekend I decided to put my blog on twitter...we'll see how that goes. I'm new to twitter.
I will not front, I keep certain people on Facebook because I'm nosy. There, I said it. Super nosy. The other part of FB that's fun to introverts like me is I CAN casually drop by someone's page who I know, but we ain't "cool like that" just to say hi or "like" something they posted without fear of having to actually CHAT with them. I also have a lot of distant family on there, and I have learned way too much about them on FB than I would in non-virtual life.
ReplyDeleteI do have some snobbery though, I don't accept random friend requests and if I don't know you or know only your name from high school, no friending.
Now I do disagree a LITTLE with your Twitter assessment only because of the following. Blogging people are in two camps: 1 camp who uses their actual name and identity for all forms of social media, and those who use a pseudonym. Most people in real life do not know me as Gem. If a blogging person crosses the line into FB territory where they know my real name and stuff, that's a big deal.
So Twitter is an extension of my blogging persona. Through Twitter I have actually made some lasting friendships that I may not have made through just my blog. I'm not one of those people who use Twitter as "I'm eating breakfast". I use it as a mini-chat room and that's when it's the most fun (depending on the people you follow).
BUT, for the kind of stuff you mention in this post, I totally understand where you're coming from.
I cannot wait to meet you, I know we will one day!
Gem