Recovery

You guys.  Thank you.  


Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, for talking me off the ledge and most of all, for letting me know I'm not alone.  It has been so cathartic to set this burden down, accept help and start again.


I got the meds and I hope that they will do the trick.  I felt ashamed asking for them, but this is for a season, just to smooth things out and get me over the hump.  I'm not defective and weak and even hippies need meds sometimes.  At least that's what I'm telling myself.


Drew and I have called a cease-fire and things are okay.  He's giving me a much-needed break from the dog, taking over all dog-related duties and that's been a big help.  I needed a breather and he's done that for me.  Of course, he leaves tomorrow but I'm trying to focus on the now and be thankful for the positives.  We have allowed for dinners out twice a month and we took advantage of it last night - we sure as hell needed it.

I don't normally take the baby out without shoes, but it was in the 70s last night

so I made an exception.  Besides, I'm in love with those little toe-toes.

And we finally found a sippy cup that

she'll use!  Who knew it was so hard to find a good sippy cup?!

Most importantly, I found some crafting mojo!  When you're in the midst of the doldrums and despair, it looks like there's no way out, no solution and you're just going to stay in the sucky place forever.  Creativity is my outlet, whether it's writing, painting or even some degree, cooking.  Two nights ago, I anxiety-cooked and made this pasta dish and it actually turned out really good!  Thanks Kristin and Carolyn!

Eat this pasta now.

Image courtesy PHHH

Plus, I hosted playgroup yesterday and made these Diabetes Cookies.  As in, there's an entire stick of butter and an obscene amount of sugar in them.  As in, these will give you diabetes.  

I substituted hot chocolate mix for the cocoa powder and added dried cranberries.

They turned out well, although I needed a giant glass of water to wash them down.

Additionally, creativity is not just about home decorating.  Cori hit the nail on the head when she commented about how frustrating it is not to be able to nest and Carolyn was spot-on when she said that organizing and crafting and decorating is what she does when she's stressed, because these are my problems too and that's why I was feeling so trapped.  I had no outlet.  Or so I thought!

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

You know what else is crafty and doesn't involve home decorating (per se)?  

Sewing.

Yup.  I said it.  These are desperate times, y'all.

Last night I was a Pinning fool.  I searched high and low for all kinds of sewing tutorials, figuring I could kill two birds with one stone.  Namely, I could alter my clothes so they fit.  I lose weight when I'm stressed and between that and breastfeeding, I'm straight-up scrawny.  I'll be the first to say you can never be too rich or too thin, but this is kind of silly.  I'm down to one pair of jeans that are getting looser by the day and only a couple of shirts.  If I fix my clothes I'll satisfy my crafting craving and keep from buying new clothes, thereby saving money.  It's a win-win.

I have a ton of t-shirts and I found a bunch of t-shirt tutorials that I'm going to try next week.

Rosette t-shirt tutorial

Image courtesy Hope Studios

Looks easy enough.

This one looks interesting as well.

Image courtesy Trash to Couture

Maybe I'll even try my hand at lengthening some of my t-shirts, like she did here.  Or I'll turn some of my crewnecks to v-necks, like she did here.  

I can be crafty.  I still have my outlets.  I can do this.

I just couldn't see it because of all the nonsense I was carrying.  Once I let it out (by having a panic attack and subsequent huge fight and crying my eyes out followed by running to the doctor for meds) and set it down (by getting a break from my triggers), I could see other options.  You guys helped me with that.

Thank you.

Lastly, we have four showings tomorrow, one of them second-lookers.  Please send all your house-selling fairy dust our way that someone, any one of these four will be interested.  Like, really interested.

Again, thank you.  So much.