The only thing I'm very un-hippie about is vaccinations. Sofia has had all her vaccinations and she will have everything that is recommended by her doctors. My mom is a public health nurse and I talk with her about these things, but in the end, my kid gets her vaccinations. I know there are TONS of people out there who are militantly anti-vaccination, but for me, I'm going to go ahead and NOT take my medical advice from a Playboy bunny who did dating shows on MTV.
No offense to any Playboy bunny who went on to become a doctor. I'm not talking about you, Dr. Miss January.
But that's not what I'm talking about. No, I'm talking about the other major hippie mainstay: Breastfeeding.
Thank God in Heaven that I've able to breastfeed. I'm fully aware that not every woman is able to, and I count my blessings all the time. From day one, I was committed to it and I was determined to make it work. The health benefits, the bonding, the immunity - all of those things were major reasons for me, but real talk, the A-Number 1 reason why I stayed with it was the FOOD. My hatred of cooking is legendary and to have an out like that? Straight up, that's the main reason why Sofia was almost 8 months old before she had her first solid food on a regular basis. To this day, that's why we haven't stopped; I can get a couple extra hours in the morning if I bring her to bed with me to nurse and I breathe easy knowing that she's still getting her nutrients from my breastmilk. She's a picky eater and I don't worry as much when she doesn't get the exact recommended amount of fruits or veggies, because I eat super healthy and I know she's getting it through nursing.
Now before I had kids, I knew I wanted to breastfeed but I also said I'd stop when they had teeth, bit me, or could ask for it. Sofia has done all three and we're still going and there's no stopping in sight. And that's kind of my issue.
After I had her, I was super committed to letting her self wean. I saw no reason to force such a drastic behavior change on her before she was ready.
Get your flaming torches ready, hippies.
I've changed my mind.
You guys, I'm effing tired. The only time I got more than two full nights sleep in nearly two years was when we went to Kauai for ten days. It was the best ten days of my life and those blissful nights of sleep are nothing more than a distant memory. And I'm effing tired.
So I want to night wean. I'm fine with nursing during the day but good LORD, the kid goes to bed at 8, wakes up at 11, doesn't go back to sleep until close to one, wakes up again at four, which is when she comes into bed with us because I'm too effing tired. Because she's in bed with us, she's up at 5:15 because that's when Drew gets up, and if the angels are smiling on me, she'll go back to sleep when he leaves at 6:30 until nine or so. Otherwise, between 6:30 and 7, she's up for the day. Every night.
There has only been one time that someone else has put her to bed without incident. When she was about nine or ten months old we went to a birthday party and the babysitter was able to put her to bed by herself. I thought she had the magic touch, but the next time she sat for us, Sofia cried for two hours before going to sleep. And that wasn't crying it out, because I don't do that. The babysitter literally carried her around for two hours while she screamed.
I'm super familiar with that move because that's what happened last night. The night nursing is wearing on me and last night was one of those nights. Who knows why she wouldn't sleep. Maybe she was teething, maybe she was going through a growth spurt. Maybe she wanted to watch tv. All I know is she just wasn't going to sleep and nursing was killing me. I was feeling really touched out and my nipples felt like hamburger meat (tmi, sorry); she just couldn't be satisfied. I was so tired I was getting frustrated and losing my patience. That's when I knew Drew had to step in.
Sofia never really took a bottle and it never bothered me because I was all, breast is best blah blah blah but I didn't think it through. 'Breast is best' means that the person with the breasts will put the baby to bed until said baby is done with said breasts. No nights off EVER, unless you're cool with hysterical screaming. EVER. Therefore, Drew has only put her to bed a small handful of times and Sofia is not a fan because it's not what she's used to.
But DAMN. I'm effing tired. I need an effing break! And last night was one of those nights. I just couldn't take it anymore and I put her in her crib, walked out and got into our bed. "I can't do it. I can't. She's going to have to cry because I can't. If you want to go in there you can, but I for real can't."
I woke him up out of a dead sleep, and naturally he wasn't pleasant about it. He may have said something about me not needing to have an attitude about it, but I don't remember because smoke and fire and sleep deprivation and frustration and profanities spilled out of my mouth and my head started spinning.
Like this.
I was going to put up the Exorcist picture
but it scared me too much.
My husband is a frickin saint for putting up with my crazy.
Bless his heart, he tried for over an hour to get her back to bed, all while she was screaming her face off, going Mommymommymommymommy. She was PISSED and at one point Drew brought her in to bed with me and she was clawing at my shirt, trying to get at my boobs. Normally, I would have just given in and let her nurse, but my hand to heaven you guys, I couldn't. I just couldn't nurse her in that moment and trust me, the guilt would have eaten me alive if the sleep deprivation hadn't already shut my body down. I had to sleep.
He finally got her to bed after an hour or so, we nursed this morning and she doesn't appear to be any worse for wear.
I've looked into gentle night weaning but I'm here to tell you: there's NOTHING gentle about weaning of any kind. I'm taking away something that my kid wants and she's at the age where she will let everyone within earshot know just how PISSED she is about that.
I've tried explaining to her that nursing has to go night-night too and she laughs in my face and undoes my bra. I've tried telling her that she's a big girl, that she doesn't need nursing in the middle of the night and she just screams louder. One time, she was trying to lift my shirt and get at my boobs and I was trying to block her. She looked me dead in my face and said "Stop that." I've tried explaining to her that I need to sleep so I can be a better mommy to her and she pretty much says Sounds like a personal problem. I've tried sippie cups with water, giving her a lovey, giving cuddles, and none of it works. She gets up in the middle of the night and wants to nurse until she falls back to sleep and if I even THINK about trying to put her back in her crib before she is completely and totally asleep, well, Sucks for you Mom! I'm going to scream for two hours now! Hope you're not tired!
I seriously don't know what to do. It's messing with my mental health. I need to night wean and it's for me, not her. But the screaming - holy balls, the screaming. I don't know if I can handle more nights of that, but I know I can't handle more night waking and taking an hour or more to get back to sleep in the middle of the night.
I've read stuff that says suck it up, the time will go by and you'll be sad when it's over. I totally get that and I hate that my frustration is preventing me from enjoying our nursing relationship. But I'm So Effing TIRED.
Right about now I'm jealous of all the moms who had kids who self-weaned or who were actually able to gently wean. Because the way it's looking, I'm going to be nursing Sofia in the car right before I drop her off for kindergarten.
As I sit here typing this, with her happily nursing.
I need a nap.
Man, that's tough. I went on a 3-day trip and originally thought I would continue breastfeeding when I came back, but I think it's time to stop. I came back last night, I didn't feed him this morning (he was not happy) and he kept asking "boob!" and crying, but I hope he'll get over it. He did sleep three nights without nursing while I was away, so he can totally do it.
ReplyDeleteIf you can escape for a few days or at least nights, and have Drew or someone else put her to sleep, I think you would be in the clear.
Good luck! It's not easy.
Not gonna lie, this makes me a teeny tiny bit nervous. I kind of fear lucy will be like this. I knew Sofia was still nursing but I dont' think I realized she still woke up at NIGHT to nurse! Holy cow, she's too old for that ;) But I will say, I know it's SO MUCH EASIER to just nurse for a few minutes and plop them back in bed, heck, it's what I do with Lucy. I guess Emeline self weaning at 11 months wasn't that bad. I'm so sorry. I know the screaming is something awful. Praying that something will click or she'll wean herself a little more naturally. I'd say 'hang in there'--but I know how stupid that line is.
ReplyDeleteSo.
Just be.
xo
I didn't make it this long with breast feeding to be able to relate exactly, but I do know about guilt. My daughter wouldn't let anyone but me put her to bed, still tries to pull this act actually. And it wasn't just putting her to bed, it was a bedtime story or three, laying her in her bed and rubbing her back until she started to doze off....the kicker was trying to leave her room. If she even heard the creak of the floor as you were ever so carefully backing out of her room at the slowest pace possible, she would wake up and cry and scream and the whole process would start completely over. I knew that I was giving in to what she wanted because it was easier than the crying and screaming and the guilt I always felt. What I didn't know at the time, but it dawned on me was that she was never going to learn to self-cope. Eventually we let her cry it out as hard as it was, and she was fine. I don't have any answers except that being a mom is just hard!!
ReplyDeleteMy son was night nursing 2 or 3 times a night up until he was 9 months old, which was when I finally was OVER IT. Just like you feel now. I was adamantly opposed to letting him cry it out, but it had gotten to the point that he wasn't sleeping unless he was attached to my boob. And having him co-sleep was not an option because he flops all over the place and I can't sleep with a baby kicking me in the face. So either way - I wasn't sleeping. I knew he COULD make it through the night, so I knew I wasn't starving him. So one night I just sucked it up and we let him cry it out. It was HARD. So hard. He screamed for an hour that night (with us going in every 10 minutes to assure him we were still there). Finally he fell asleep. He woke up twice that night and fussed for 20 minutes each time but fell back asleep (we didn't go in his room at all). The next morning he woke up all smiles, like he hadn't screamed like a demon the night before. The next night he cried for 20 minutes but didn't wake up in the middle of the night. By night 3 he was going down immediately and sleeping through the night. He's 15 months old now (still nursing in the mornings), and no wrose for wear. I definitely understand about you not wanting to let her cry (scream) it out. And I don't blame you if you don't go that route. But I just wanted to let you know that babies CAN cry it out and still be the happy kids they were before. :) Good luck!
ReplyDeleteOh man. This is one of those posts where I have NO advice for you. I wish I had something to say to help you, but I haven't been there. What I can say is that I'm here for you, and I'm sending Sofia self weaning wishes!! :)
ReplyDeleteThis has me laughing out loud: "She looked me dead in my face and said "Stop that." "
ReplyDeleteThat is freaking hilarious! If M were still nursing she would so do something like that.
I think it is time to start getting Drew to put her to bed every other night. The first few times will totally suck, but then she'll get used to it. You can try to explain that daddy really really wants to get to put her night-night because it is really special and fun, and mommy has always gotten to do it so it isn't fair. And then maybe those night he goes in to comfort her when she wakes up, and he doesn't bring her to bed. It will stink for him for a while, but that might help start the weaning process.
But what do I know? My situation was so weird, and I am so grateful for it.
love, InB
Phew. I'm not even sure what to say here, but that is rough Mama. Don't feel bad about wanting to night wean. When they are little, they need those calories and that closeness, but once they're toddlers, I think getting 10-12 hrs of uninterrupted sleep is awesome for EVERYONE involved. Learning how to self-sooth without the boob at night will be a great life skill for her. Do you still nurse her down to naps? I'd say start with that. Once we switched Stella to the eat/play/sleep routine during the day(which took a week or two), THEN we tackled the nighttime thing. No more nursing to sleep for naps or bedtime (though we do rock and snuggle - we both love that time)... the benefit to that is that they get used to falling asleep on their own - withOUT the boob...so when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she doesn't have to have your breast to get BACK to sleep. Does that make sense? Basically, start with the daily routine stuff around nap(s) so that it's not such a drastic transition for her at night. Make it normal to fall asleep without nursing immediately prior, and that will hopefully help with the nighttime stuff without too much drama! You can do this!!
ReplyDeleteNo flames from me! I think I'd be going nuts if my almost 2-year-old was still waking at night to nurse. And oh, I have lots of memories of assigning Eric night duties once they (or I) were ready to sleep and not nurse so much at night (so we're talking a year old or more, not 4 weeks or anything!).
ReplyDeleteI remember with Zari we had a saying "when it's dark outside, we sleep. When it's light outside, we can nurse." So when she'd ask to nurse, I'd ask her, "is it light or dark outside?" "Dark." "When it's dark we sleep. When it's light you can nurse." Sofia's old enough, or close to it, to understand this so maybe it will work. But of course you have to gently reinforce it a million times. It's not like you can do it twice and the problem is solved!
I totally get it. My son is 22 months old (actually, he'll be 22 months old on the 12th) and that kid loves his neenee (he named it that). Before I get into my comment, though, I thought you would enjoy this article: http://www.kveller.com/mayim-bialik/mayim-bialiks-4-year-old-son-is-officially-weaned/.
ReplyDeleteMy son is having the same night time issues that Sophia's having. The other night when I could find no other solution as to why he was awake at 11pm, I gave him some Children's Tylenol (I bought the wrong kind the last time I was at the store, and even though he's not 2 years old yet, he meets the weight requirement so I figured one dose probably wouldn't kill him) and he slept like a champ. Obviously I wouldn't want to do that every night, but he has some nights that he wants to stay latched on ALL NIGHT LONG (I'm not even exaggerating). And on those nights, if I try to take him off, he'll start screaming at the top of his lungs, "NEENEE!!!!!!!" Sometimes I wonder if his head is going to spin around.
I've tried the same things you have, and none of them have worked. My husband has learned how to put my son to sleep, so my son CAN go to bed without neenee. If we choose to night wean, I would absolutely make my husband go in and comfort our child. Trying to stop my son from having neenee while I'm right there (as opposed to in another room) just seems cruel. My husband can put our son to bed, but he doesn't want to deal with him crying for 1-2 hours in the middle of the night, which I can't really blame him for. But if you've reached the end of your rope, then that's what needs to happen.
The only thing I can say is that whatever I needed/wanted to teach/change in my children's routine at Sofia's age, no matter how drastic, took maximum two weeks from start to "this is normal". I KNOW how it is, I feel for you!
ReplyDeleteOMG - Abby did that whole - STOP THAT bit with me the other night! She is the same age as your Sofia, but sleeps through the night without nursing. She was sick in December and got in the habit of nursing 2x at bedtime (nurse, stories, nurse) so I'm breaking her of that second nurse and she was fighting with me, trying to life up my shirt and she was yelling at me to "stop that"!
ReplyDeleteI don't have any suggestions for you, I'm sorry. I'm totally not a hippie and never thought I'd be nursing a nearly 2 year old, but I'm hoping that she self weans too. She normally only nurses at bedtime and for naps on my 3 days off work. I dread having to wean her, but I want to be done...sometime this year....
Hi. I nursed my son til he was 25mos. He still nursed day and night as well. I agree with first comment. If u can go away for 2-3 days without her nursing she can stop. I told him no for 3 days afterwards and at day three he was done. Not happy but done. He still likes to hold my boobs when sleepy but I can deal w that. I totally understand her struggle. Hang in there and u will get a breakthrough.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, that picture is scary too. lol.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I was jealous of you women who COULD breastfeed this long (one of my besties did it until she was 15 mths or so) until she got to your point.
She was super tired and Syd was always wanting to breastfeed. She felt like most of the time, Syd wasn't even feeding, she just wanted to suck. She weaned and it took around two weeks I think. Her tactic was distraction- whenever Syd acted hungry, she distracted her to do something else.... or gave her something else to eat.
I'm not sure if she had the same nighttime issue as Sofia did or not, but I'm just gonna throw this out there-
How do you feel about a paci? I ask because Zoe is a paci baby...she doesn't want one throughout the day but at night, she does sometimes use it to go to sleep. Who am I kidding, she uses it all the time to sleep because it's easy and it puts her to sleep. Sometimes in the middle of the night she reaches around her, finds it, sucks and goes back to sleep.
Aww, is Lovey a paci? *I don't have my mommy terms together yet.* ;)
ReplyDeleteP.S. There are a few different kinds of pacis so maybe you have to try them out- Zoe knows when I've lost one and had to switch. lol
ReplyDelete