The baby train

Me, just now.

I haven't written in a while, and I do have stuff to write about (playroom stuff!), but there's been this.

This, being the paperwork from the fertility doctors.  This - gathering my medical records from Texas, getting them sent to the doctors here, because we're on the baby train.  When I miscarried in November, we had a serious talk about whether or not we wanted to get back on the baby train, whether or not we were okay with just one child.  We're not.  We want at least one more child; I want Sofia to have a sibling.

I dug out my ovulation predictor sticks, synchronized the app on my phone and got to it.  My cycles have been shorter, but I was still ovulating so I figured things were still working in there.  However, after doing all the things right  - I'm talking strategic activity, people - we were coming up with nothing.  That's not our MO - I've never had problems getting pregnant.  It was the staying pregnant that gave me trouble.  Specifically, the clotting.  If you don't want to click the link to get the backstory, that's cool.  The gist is, I have a clotting disorder that gets stronger with each pregnancy, to the point that it could kick in so fast after conception that I actually stop getting positive pregnancy tests.

I know I'm ovulating - the physical signs are unmistakable.  I get the smiley face on the stick.  We do what we're supposed to be doing - strategically.  But I'm not getting pregnant.

So when this last period started, I did a Google search and called the doctors in the area.  I talked to one of my mom friends (I have three mom friends now!) who went through IVF, and she confirmed that there are really only two 'games in town.'  She went to the super aggressive, Octomom-type doctor.  You know, the one who will do whatever you want as long as you pay for it.  I'm not there yet, so I'm going to the other doctors who I understand to be a little more conservative.

I called the office and gave them my spiel.
"Hi there.  I'm having some trouble conceiving our second child and I'd like to meet with one of your doctors.  I've had issues in the past and I just want to make sure nothing new has cropped up."  Kind, polite, chatty.
"Ok sure.  So, let me get your info. (blah blah blah medical stuff) And how long have you been trying?"
"Since about.....this past October I'd say?"  I don't remember what I had for breakfast two days ago.
Suddenly, she gets all dismissive and condescending.  "Weeeelllllll, we really like you to try for at least a year before you-"
Umm, no bitch.  I cut her ass off.  "I'm 37 years old and I've had three miscarriages already.  I don't have that luxury and I'd really just like to get an appointment."  Lady, do yourself a favor and don't stand in the way of me having another baby.

My appointment is in two weeks.  That's more like it.

My mountain of paperwork arrived yesterday and as I was filling it out, I got a little wistful.  I wonder what it's like for the women who just have sex and get pregnant - that must be cool.  And now that I'm determined to get pregnant again and I've set myself on this mountain, if I end up not being able to have another baby, that's going to be a long-ass fall to the bottom.

And so the research into secondary infertility has begun.  Obviously, I don't have an official diagnosis yet but I'm not waiting for someone to tell me something if I can figure it out for myself.  

I can't lie though, I was hoping that having Sofia would have cured whatever was wrong to begin with, that my body realized that babies are awesome and I do indeed know how to have them.

*sigh*

..........
I've been carrying this around for the past two weeks - you know, the two week wait.  I just knew that this past Friday I was going to see that magic word on the stick.  Instead, I was reaching for the tampons.  Ugh.

But it's all good though - I got a trip to Ikea as my consolation prize and wait till you see what we got!

Because we have to end on a happy note, 

so how about a yogurt-covered toddler

sitting at her new table?