I sure am glad you're on the outside, little girl.
When I was pregnant, at least once a day I got asked The General Question: How are you feeling? It's what people ask to be polite but they don't really want to/care to get in your business. When the baby was born, it was "How is she sleeping/Is she sleeping through the night yet?"
Now that we've passed the one year mark, I'm starting to get the third General Question, or variation thereof: "When do you think you'll have another one? Are you thinking about another one? Have you guys thought about adding to your family? When is Sofia getting a little brother or sister?"
I don't get offended because I know it's just what people ask. Sometimes I give the head-tile half-smile and say "We'll see," in that non-committal way. But if it's coming from someone who's anything more than a casual acquaintance, I'm much more expressive.
Oh HAY-ull NO!
When Sofia was about three months old, I wrapped her up in the Moby and Drew and I went to the farmer's market. We were eating lunch and somehow the topic of getting pregnant again came up. I looked him dead in his eye and very slowly and clearly said, "Do you understand, I would cry if I got pregnant again right now. Do you hear me? CRY."
I still feel that way but for different reasons. I'm still on my own during the week. For the most part, Drew leaves on Sunday mornings and comes home Thursday evenings. He works Friday during the day, does yardwork on Saturdays and we usually have a showing or two so we can't lounge around the house. I do laundry so he can pack Saturday night and he's gone again on Sunday. Friday nights are the only free nights we have as a family, but we're both usually so exhausted from our lives that it's not quality time. And it sucks. I Could. Not. Imagine being pregnant right now. AND taking care of a toddler whose new favorite game is making messes? The other day, she dumped out an entire ziploc bag of dried rosemary on the kitchen floor while I was in the bathroom.
She's also intent on learning to use a spoon.
If I try and feed her, she screams in protest and insists on trying to do it herself.
She's not quiiiiite there yet.
If I were pregnant on top of that? Yeah, I would cry.
Plus, I feel like I'm starting to get a tiny piece of my life back. I have the energy to put on makeup more often. I wear jewelry again. Sofia's starting to become interested in other things besides me and my boobs, so I can put her on the floor in the living room and she'll actually play by herself for a little while.
She's going to start a Mother's Day Out program in June and I'm going to get one day a week all to myself! I'm terrified to leave her, but it's right around the corner from the house and if she wigs out, I can be there in less than five minutes. But if she doesn't wig out, I will be gloriously free from 9a-3p every Wednesday! I am positively giddy at the prospect. I may just lay on the sofa all day. I can take a shower in the morning again! And it won't have to be two minutes long with her banging on the shower door, crying! I can go to the mall and try clothes on! The possibilities are endless!
I started thinking about all these things when I read about yet another pregnancy announcement, some of them having their second child. I felt compelled to write when I read about a blogger's very tongue in cheek (I hope) guide to getting your husband to agree to another baby in 30 days or less.
If Drew did that to me, I would be livid. If I liked the state of my unoccupied uterus, I would expect him to respect that and not badger me to get knocked up again. If I continually said no and he didn't listen to me, I would quickly start to resent him and wonder if he no longer saw me as a person, or if I was just a carrier of his progeny. And if I were a guy and my wife ignored what I was saying and was just trying to milk me of my man juice, I'd be straight-up pissed.
Having babies isn't a game, and women who poke holes in condoms or don't properly take their birth control or worse, lie about their birth control give women a bad name. Those who would resort to any other kind of underhanded manipulation to get a baby are just as bad. You're sending a message that your husband's desires aren't as important as your own and we women are quick to get up in arms when the shoe is on the other foot.
I do NOT get into politics here.
This is just an illustration of how vehement we can get about
our bodies, and rightfully so.
Don't men get to have the same say over theirs?
I don't know if I'll have more kids. For one thing, I have no clue if I'm even ovulating. Sofia's still nursing pretty regularly and the thing that happens every 28 days hasn't happened to me yet. If I say the word, it will surely come and I'm enjoying my low-maintenance vagina, thank you very much. I know you can ovulate without a cycle, but then you also need man juice for a pregnancy and that's a mite difficult given our present geographical constraints.
I already told Drew that we will not even think of having the baby discussion until we're in the same city for a good amount of time, like at least six months, maybe longer. I learned my lesson with the dog. After incessant badgering, I caved and agreed under duress to get a dog, but only if we had a house. No lie, Drew bought a house like two months later and we had a dog eight days after we moved in. And you KNOW how I feel about that dog. That shit will NOT happen again. So there will be no baby until *I'm* good and ready, not a second before and he BET NOT try anything funny.
I realize my whole tone may come across bitchy and judgmental. But there are few things I feel very strongly about and babies are one of them. NO ONE, man or woman, should be badgered to have kids. We should all have our wishes respected and if your spouse says no, it's your job to respect that, no matter how much you don't like it.
I absolutely expect my husband to respect my wishes, so why wouldn't I respect his?
Okay, I'm off my soapbox now and of course, now that I've put my opinion out there, expect my pregnancy announcement to come any day now.
