Getting Ready

**Kesha is the most amazing human being I have ever had the honor of meeting.  That is all.

Buying my dress was a very sobering experience.  I had thought it would be a family affair, with my mother, my cousin, my aunt, my best friend, the kids all descending on the bridal store to make a day of prancing around in frilly dresses, making a fuss over each other and how wonderful the day would be.

Instead, I went to the bridal store after work one day on a whim.  I didn't call or tell any of my family what I was doing.  I did tell Kesha but she was busy that night and I figured I would just be looking anyway.  I didn't expect to find anything on such short notice and such a tight budget.  But, since my current wardrobe consists of work clothes, yoga clothes and cleaning-house clothes, I was going to have to come up with something.

I sat in the parking lot, contemplating the fact that I would go in alone, that once again, things don't turn out the way you think they will.

I had never been in a bridal store by myself.  Really, has anyone?  Isn't it kind of a rule that you have to bring at least two people with you?  I was overwhelmed by all the dresses and thank god one of the salesladies came over almost immediately.  She was super nice and did so much to make the experience as pain-free as possible.

I told her that I had a very strict budget and a clear idea of the kind of dress I wanted.  She asked me if I wanted to have a look around but I very quickly and politely declined, asking them if they could just pull some dresses for me.  They did and I went over to the dressing area to wait for them. 

I looked around, noting the brides that had their entourages, fawning over them, adjusting their dresses and funnily, a feeling of peace came over me.  I was here, alone, but I was doing it.  I was making it and it was okay.  I like to think I grew up a little bit, sitting in the David's Bridal, picking out my wedding gown all by myself.

The lady came back with a rack of about six dresses - much more manageable for my brain.  I picked through those and ended up trying on only two.  The first one I tried on was gorgeous, fit perfectly, and was only $99!!  It's like it was made for me!  The second one was way more expensive and would have had to be altered besides.  I intended to go to the grocery store, buy a flower and stick it in my hair but the lady told me that without a water source, flowers begin to wilt almost immediately.  That just shows you how much I thought this through.  So I bought a headpiece from them and just like that, I had my wedding gown.

Fast forward to Friday night.  After my impromptu bridal shower, Kesha came over after work to help me with my dress and figure out what to do with my hair.  I had straightened it several days ago (which I will never do again - pain. in. my. ASS.) but was planning on wearing it curly for the ceremony.  I wasn't sure what to do with the hairpiece and Kesha thought it best to do a dry run rather than try to figure stuff out an hour before the ceremony.  She's so smart.

So I picked up some tacos from the taco stand near the house (best tacos EVER) and on the way over there I called Kathleen, my best friend.  You guessed it, I started crying.  She and I have been friends since we were 13 and I just knew she was going to be there when I got married.  She was supposed to be there, we were supposed to do this together.  I was so very very sad that she wasn't going to share in that moment but at the same time so super glad that I had Kesha.

Drew went out to have dinner with Milton, since I didn't want him to see my dress and he slept in the other bedroom so we could have at least some wedding traditions to remember.  Kesha came over and I commenced to playing dress up.  Putting on the dress and all my accessories again took me another step closer to feeling like a bride and Kesha was so wonderful, reassuring and positive every step of the way.  Each squeal from her brought out a little one in me and by the end of the night excitement was beginning to build.

My shoes were so fabulous and glamorous and I actually found some earrings that sort of matched the stones in my shoes, which you can't help but smile about.

I knew I wanted a slim dress with an all-over pattern.  I thought I wanted something strapless but the halter really ended up working for me.  I liked it a lot!  I also knew that I didn't want something with a giant train that required a lot of fussing, since it would be just me.  My little sweep train was just the thing.

I had a handful of pearl bracelets that I put on at Kesha's suggestion.  I wasn't going to wear bracelets or a necklace but the pearls were the same color ivory as my dress and they added a bit of glamour so they made the cut!  We decided to pull a couple of pieces of hair back at the sides, secure it with some bobby pins and stick the headpiece in a little lower than it is in these pictures.  Dry runs are important!  As I looked at myself in the mirror, it was beginning to sink in that I was getting MARRIED tomorrow!

Because of Kesha and her willingness to be with me in that moment, I was able to feel some excitement about our coming ceremony. 

That night, I slept (in the big bed - Drew got the guest bed) for the first time in a long time without tossing and turning.

I am forever grateful to her for helping me to find my way back to my smile.  Thank you Kesha!!