Run Sofia Run

I know it's time to write when I narrate blog posts in my head and I can't stop.  That's my sign that my brain is filling up and it's time to empty.  The problem is that my brain is full of crap stuff, stuff that's not fun to write about, stuff that I'm trying to wish away and it's still here.  So I have no choice but to get it out, in all it's ugly-crying glory.  That's the other sign my brain is full - I cry over anything and everything.  The baby is sleeping right now and it's so reckless to be sitting at my computer when there are so many other things I should be doing with this time, but I literally can't stop talking to myself - in my head.  I'm not the mumbling crazy lady - yet.

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Have you ever seen a toddler run?  I mean, really seen them?  Poetry in motion - that's what I think when I see her run.  Sofia started walking a couple of days before her first birthday and she started running a couple of days after that.  Every time I look at her go, I shake my head in wonder that she's only been doing this for four months.  The speed at which she acquires new skills is so breathtaking and I'm so incredibly blessed to get a front-row seat to it all.

And she's so flippin smart.  She knows how to open my phone, launch her apps, and yes even lock it.  I've had to go to the Apple store more times than I care to because 'it just stopped working.'  I don't want them to judge me for letting my kid play with my phone.

 But back to the running.  Those tiny legs.  Those little arms swinging back and forth.  And her face - oh my god, her face.  The joy.  The wonder at this new skill and the determination to keep going, no matter what.  To see her run is a thing of beauty and I love to watch my little girl go.

I snapped this blurry picture yesterday because she's just so cute when she runs.

Except when reality crashes in on our idyllic little world.  This is a new skill for her and she wants to practice that skill whenever she can, and I do mean every chance she gets.  Do you know what apartment living is like for someone who needs to run?  How about riding in a stroller or carseat?  And God forbid a shopping cart.

She screams like she's going to the electric chair - every time.  EVERY TIME.  It has become a battle and that beautiful poetic determination is just soul-crushing when I'm trying to strap her in. We have many a conversation about it - I beg, she screams.  It's so draining.

Sofia baby please, please let Mommy put you in your carseat.  I'm trying to take you to the park so you can run and play, don't you want that?  You can't be in the car if you're not in your seat.  Look, don't you want your snack?  It's just a couple of minutes, I promise and then you can be free.  I promise, please.

She does the stiff-body move and I stop.  I don't fight her;  I take a deep breath because I get it.  If you suddenly grew wings, the last thing in the world you would want is to be caged.  I understand.  But that doesn't mean that I don't have to go to the grocery store, and oh holy shit, buckling her in?  I might as well have the buckle around her neck for the fit she throws!  So then I try the I Acknowledge You But You Will Follow The Rules method.  I can't ignore her because she will undo the buckle, because she's too smart for her own good, and stand up in the cart.  And that's totally safe.

Sofia baby, I get it.  But you have to stay seated.  You will fall out and hurt yourself and I can't have that.  Sit Down.  Sit Down.  Sit Down.  

And that determination?  That beautiful poetic determination?  Makes that little kid strong.  She goes stiff and I find myself using real live actual arm muscles trying to get that kid to bend enough to sit in the cart.  A couple of times I've actually broken a sweat!

We struggle for the rest of the time we're in the grocery store, or Target, or Babies R Us, or Home Depot, or Bed Bath and Beyond, or anywhere else the poor kid can't just run.  Then we go out to the car for our 15-minute carseat battle.  It makes me not want to go anywhere, except we live in an apartment.  And the child needs to run.  

Never mind the giant annoying dog that has the exact same problem.  We had a doggie door at the old house and she could come and go as she pleased.  All of a sudden, the only outside time is on a tight leash and that's so not cool.  So the dog is insane, humping everything in sight because she too needs to run and doesn't know what to do with herself.

I feel so bad for them both.  I get it but there's not a lot I can do about it.  

And that's only one small issue in my world.  I'm working up to the rest, but this would be the longest post in the history of ever, so I'm breaking it up.  

So yeah,  we gots the cabin fever over here.  BAD.