In process: The sister

The last time I went to KC, I got into a huge fight with my brother the second day I was there.  It was awesome. \sarcasm\  We didn't see or talk to each other for the rest of my visit and we didn't talk for several days after that.  I don't have the greatest relationship with my brother, but it's not horrible.  At least, it *wasn't* horrible.  After all, he photographed and took videos of Sofia's birth and was the only non-medical person in the room the entire time I was in labor.  We have a familial bond but like any other sibling relationship, we've had our tough times.  

So one Sunday afternoon, I sat at the computer to send him an email, as I do much better with the written word than I do over the phone.  Plus, things between us were still kind of tense and a phone conversation might have been too close for comfort.  I wanted to cover all my bases and make sure my email reached him, so I opened my Facebook email to send him a message.

For whatever reason, my main inbox didn't come up.  Instead, some other inbox opened with only a few emails in it.  I didn't think too much of it, as I was already composing the email to my brother in my head.  But I did notice that there were only four emails in this folder, and I knew I had more than that in my inbox.  

The first one was from someone with our same last name.  I figured it was from a relative reaching out, wanting to say hi or something.  I opened it, thinking I'd just see who it was and then get on with emailing my brother.

"Hello.  My name is... and I'm your older sister."

My mouth literally fell open as I read the rest of the email from this person claiming to be my sister.  It was a short email and she gave me her phone number, so after I paced the house about twenty times, I grabbed my phone and paced the house twenty more times.

After I looked at her pictures on Facebook and Googled and did a public records search and looked at her LinkedIn profile, because of course I did, I determined that she was a real person and she seemed legit.  So with my heart pounding, I dialed her number.

Voicemail picked up.  WHEW. I left a perfectly ridiculous message with all sorts of stuttering and managed to give her my number.  Then I resumed pacing the house, randomly grabbing my phone and being on edge waiting for her to call me back.

Drew had gone to a bachelor party in the Poconos the night before, and he'd stayed the night so he didn't get home until a few hours later.  "I'm really sorry you're hung over and tired but I've been sitting on this since this morning and I REALLY need to tell you something."  Mind you, I was barely pregnant as well, so I'm sure he was bracing himself for the absolute worst.  I told him and he was like "WHOA."  "I KNOW RIGHT!!!"

A few hours later, the phone rang.  It was her.

Holy.  EFF.

We ended up talking for over an hour, with her telling me her life story.  When my dad was in his early 20s and in the military, he came home once and met her mom and sparks flew.  They   hooked up and hung out for a minute, but then he had to go back overseas.  She ended up pregnant, reached out to him and told him.  He came home and married her in the chapel at the military base and they were married for two years. (!!!)

However, he started acting like, well, him, and her mom couldn't take it and divorced him.  After that, they went their separate ways and that was that.  There was no support or visitation or anything and my father went on to pretend it never happened.

But this isn't about my father - I'll get to him later.  This is about my sister.  

As in, okay you're my sister.  Now what?

She's nine years older than I am.  She and I have both lived quite full lives without each other and I haven't the first clue how to proceed.  Many of you have been so positive about it, and see this as a blessing, but to be honest I'm not so sure.

I mean, we're strangers as are my 22 year old nephew and 19 year old niece.  We're going on vacation to Hilton Head next month and that's within driving distance from her and when I told her that, she was super quick to be like We'll be there.  I about fainted.  She wants to meet?!  Next month?!  I'm not ready!

I'm barely wrapping around my head around this gigantic lie my parents told me, because oh yeah BOTH of them knew about this, and I'll get to my mom later.

She seems like a nice person, I mean whatever you can determine from such a major phone conversation but I just don't know what our first step should be.  She's in such a different place in her life and had a completely different upbringing than I did and who knows if we have anything in common.  I mean, I feel more sisterly towards my cousin.  I talk to her almost every day and I just don't see myself getting to that place with this other person.  I mean, I can't even say 'sister' without feeling all kinds of weird.  Interestingly, I'm ten years older than my cousin but we have a ton in common, which is more of a testimony to my immaturity than anything else.

Which is a whole other thing.  I don't do well with strangers.  I'm set in my ways, I have strong thoughts and opinions on things and it's just all-around harder to make friends when you're older.  And while we have the same dad, that doesn't mean that we're going to be automatic BFFs.  I have her email address, because again, I do better with the written word, but I haven't emailed her because what the heck do I say?  What's your favorite color?  What do you do for fun?  Sorry my/our dad is such a dick but really, you lucked out not having him in your life?

That's probably not appropriate.  SEE!  I don't know how to do this!

At any rate, we're going to meet each other next month and I'm going to do my best to eek out at least one email before then, awkward and stuttery or not.  I'm trying to tell myself that she's a regular person who puts her pants on the same way I do, that we're both innocent parties in this great effed-up train wreck of a story.  

It could turn out to be a blessing, or like many of you have said, it might not work out.  Even though we have a bond, that alone is definitely not enough to build a relationship.  There might just be too much distance and time between us to make it work.

I guess only time will tell.  Now if only I can figure out what to say to her in this email.  I already feel guilty that she probably thinks I'm avoiding her, which is an awesome feeling.  A complete stranger is making me feel guilty for not doing better.

Just like an older sister.