Be GLAD you weren't here just now! This is my second draft of this post because the first one was oh so full of the bitchiness! I'm talking Bitch CITY! Where I'm the Mayor *and* Governor! Good lawd! I will spare you all that sloppiness and nonsense but I had to get it out first because Sofia's first day of school/my first day of 'freedom' wasn't as great as I'd planned it in my head. I had all these lofty notions of the things I would do with my 'glorious freedom' and NONE of them happened. Ah well. Maybe we'll try again next week.
Now, there were *some* good things. I was able to put Sofia's hair in pigtails without a fight (thank you pbskids.org.) I packed a lunch for her without hyperventilating. We weren't rushing around like crazy like I just knew we would be. I even took a little video of her!
You have my sincerest apologies for saying 'school' fifty million times. It's just that Sofia said it right away and it was so cute, I wanted her to say it again. I truly apologize and I'm rolling my eyes at myself.
Since it was our first day, I got to stay with Sofia for a little bit to make sure she was okay. After about twenty minutes, the teacher let me know that it was time to start heading for the door and that's when my eyes welled up and my nose started stinging. The tears came when the dumb teacher was like "Sofia, Mommy's getting ready to go but she's coming back and she's going to miss you so much while she's gone!" *knifeheart*
I tried my hardest to smile through my tears and tell her how much fun she was going to have that day and how I couldn't wait to hear all about it, but Sofia knew. She started crying when she saw me crying and that's how I left. Hearing her cry as I walked down the hall, away from her, was horrible. My brain was like you're going the wrong way! She's back the other way! Turn around! I didn't, but I couldn't even make it out of the parking lot before I called my mom. I got her secretary and started bawling as soon as she picked up the phone. Thank goodness her secretary has known me since I was born so it wasn't weird.
All I wanted to do was go home, crawl in bed and look at pictures of my baby but I couldn't go home because we had two stupid showings. So I drove around, not knowing what to do with myself. Y'all will be proud of me - I didn't go to Target! I figured being sad and being in Target was a recipe for disaster, which is how I found myself in the Starbucks parking lot - it was the lesser of two evils.
I felt so alone. This was one of those milestone things and I was doing it by myself and it sucked. I wanted to talk to Drew but he was gone and busy, as usual. I swear, this 'married single parent' thing sucks balls. It's hard on my heart, I hate it and I really felt it today. The 'trying to sell your house while you're a married single parent' sucks balls too, as long as we're talking about things that suck.
Thank God for my mom. I caught her on her cell between meetings and she totally listened while I blubbered to her "I just dropped Sofia off at schoo-oo-oo-l! This sucks so much!" Bless her, she was sympathetic and listened to me cry and it helped. I also talked to my cousin and my best friend and I finally headed home, only to have to park around the corner because it wasn't 11:30 yet. I sat in the car and texted with Shunta until 11:30 when I could go back home (thank you for checking on me, babe!) Bridget checked on me too and I'm so thankful! I needed my female support and y'all were there for me! Thank you!!
I took a nice long shower, which was something of a treat and I felt so drained that all plans to do anything productive flew out the window and I just wanted to take a nap. I missed my baby, I missed my husband and I had a headache that wouldn't quit. It was 1:00 and school was out at 3.
And JUST as I laid down, my phone rang. It was the showing service, wanting to schedule a showing from 2-4! Oh, did I mention we already had one scheduled for 5:45-6:45?! I asked them to push it back until 3, since I'd already be gone. Thankfully, by the time I finished talking with Sofia's teacher, the agent had come and gone so I could go home - only to leave again at 5:45. Seriously, these showings are so disruptive to our lives. They are SUCH a necessary evil.
Maybe next week I'll sew something, or craft something or bake something. Maybe next week Sofia won't cry at all and she'll start to look forward to school. Maybe next week we won't have any showings during my 'me' day. Or if we do, maybe one of them will Put In. An Offer.
I just know that I'm super glad today is over and I'm going to sleep. This headache is working me tonight and I am ready for a new day!
Please tell me your day was better than mine!
Oh Man...this made me want to cry!!! I do pretty well in the morning with leaving my daughter at home with her dad, and she goes over her uncles house when he goes to work so I know she is only without one of us for a couple of hours. But I know Im going to be a MESS when its time for her to go to school!!! I know it was hard but you did good not going back!!! It should get better as time goes along:)
ReplyDeleteOMG, first of all, the first day of school outfit. I want it in my size. I love that you made it a special day for her. Special outfit, hair, making sure she knew it was something fun. It'll get easier. I know it doesn't seem like it, but she will love being with the other kids soon and you will know that it is OK. When is the next school day, next week?
ReplyDeleteOH NO! :( I'm sorry friend!! How did Sofia do? Did she enjoy herself? The house showings have to be making things so difficult! Hopefully it sells soon, so you can stop being a single married parent! :(
ReplyDeleteAwww, I'm sorry you had such a crappy experience! it's hard leaving your baby for the first time, I know this. I still cannot leave Zoe overnight anywhere.
ReplyDeleteHow did her teachers say she did a little after you left?
They said she cried for a little bit but did fine the rest of the day. At least there's that, and I'm hoping that next week goes a little more smoothly.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's once a week. Most of the moms in the neighborhood start their kids with one day a week for one session and then add a day after that. So if we were going to be here in the fall, I would possibly add a day. But for now, once a week is good enough for me!
ReplyDeleteThat's the best news. Think of it this way, her getting time away from you is allowing her to be more than Mommy's baby (I had to have the same talk with myself when I started work). Her going to school is allowing her to make friends and maybe will help you to meet the mom of some of the kids in her class (can we say playdates!!!)
ReplyDeleteMaybe every day you do it, try it for a longer period of time. Start slow and allow yourself some baby steps. Being a mommy is FULL of heartbreaks and we are all in this together!
that video was too cute! and i love her little sandals. glad you were able to make it through that first day. that's the hardest part. but doesn't it (almost) make up for it when you see how excited they get when you come to pick them up? :)
ReplyDeleteShe was crying when I got there, so I felt bad but her teacher said she'd only started crying a few minutes before. Oh well, there's nowhere to go but up!
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