I've tried to fight it - the negativity. But all that happens is that my fingers freeze up and nothing comes out, because try as I might, if I have something to talk about I can't not talk about it. I can't dance around it, talk about something else, change the subject. I try to pep talk myself and keep my chin up and all that, but it's tiring and I'm over it. It's time for a good bitch-fest.
I'm real super effing over this house-selling bullshit. I know I've said it before, but for serious, this garbage is for the birds.
It sucks living a separate life from my husband. For all intents and purposes, his life is in Pennsylvania while my life is here. As much as we try to make the best of it, he doesn't live here. He visits for roughly 48 hours a week and it sucks. He doesn't know how things go here and it's hard to integrate him into things because just as we find some semblance of a rhythm, he leaves again. I'm over it.
More than anything, I wish I had an outlet for the stress, a physical one. I tried sewing, but I'm no good at it. I tried to fix a shirt the other night and just pissed myself off even more because I couldn't get it right. I ripped the seams out twice before I just gave up. Sewing is not soothing and it sure as hell doesn't provide stress relief. I need something I'm good at, but the only physical thing I'm good at is yoga. Man, I'd give anything to get back to a studio and lose myself in a good class.
I've been so down lately and all I seem to be doing is putting one foot in front of the other. I have no stories, I have no funny, so I don't blog.
Vacation can't come soon enough.
I've been checking daily for more of your wittyness. I'm sorry things are shitty right now, I hope they get better very soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your honesty! It is hard to shake the "mom" funks sometimes, I totally get it!
ReplyDeletesorry honey! did you say recently that Sofia was going to start an MDO a few days a week? maybe that would give you time to start yoga again...hope you get a change soon!
ReplyDeleteHang in there, I was in a serious mood about everything last week, and I'm finally seeing the sunlight after lots of long days working on stuff here and there (my sons 1st bday = serious stress inducer for me)
ReplyDeleteI know you were doing a lot of baking while planning Sofia's bday maybe bake? I know that helps me, and then I just give the food away much safer on my hips, lol
I'm sorry friend!!! :( Could you find a daycare or something to bring Sofia once a week for a couple hours so you could go to yoga? I know you're a "single" mom because he's gone so much, but you need to make sure and make time for yourself too!! Otherwise you'll go crazy!! If only I lived near you... I'd totally watch her so you could go get all bendy. :)
ReplyDeleteim sorry things are craptastic! i hope you have a wonderful vacation. Maybe then you can get back to yourself. I wish you'd live closer. I'd watch your munchkin while you got your yoga on.
ReplyDeleteHang in there girl. I don't know if this will help, but my mom (she is a yoga teacher) used to do yoga in the house with us kids around her. We would play on her as she did the posses. maybe you can try that? who knows.
ReplyDeleteUgh, that sucks to be so far from your hubby. I hope your house sells soon!!
ReplyDeleteReally, thanks for your honestly. It is hard to put your life out there, but just know at least one person(but you have many more) that appreciate your openness. I too have a blog, but have not written anything in 2+ weeks cause I am not feeling it. I feel down and I can not share cause, just cause.
ReplyDeleteHang it there. I am send my good vibes (the few I have) your way.
I'm so so sorry. I hope you can get to your honey soon. Best of luck with the house selling. We're in the same boat, but we'd *have* to do a short sell. Not willing to do that because of my husband's job, so I think we're stuck with renting for now. :/
ReplyDeleteLove and light as always. And I know what you mean about getting lost in a class...but I remember reading one of your old posts on yoga, and you said something to the effect that without breath and awareness, little more is being done that stretching. And though I love a good asana, perhaps when Sofia takes a nap and there is quiet...you can just take the time to breathe and clear your mind. And even if that is not feasible, perhaps with just some love and compassion for yourself would help. I mean Come On! You are so strong! After all the loss, the bad ex, being away from your man and family and friends you are still here. Still hanging in there. That's amazing!
ReplyDeleteYou are the flyest of the fly. Remember that.
G.