Weddings are fun.

I'm more of a party-attender than a party-planner. I am the best guest - I will delightedly exclaim over the tiniest details, ensuring that your hard work doesn't go unnoticed. Last year my mother and I attended a wedding in Minneapolis that was beyond awesome. The rehearsal dinner was at an art gallery, the ceremony was at a beautiful church and the reception was at a modern art museum. Nothing was left undone and the details were breathtaking. We had passed hors d'oeuvres during the cocktail hour and a three course sit down dinner with an open bar the whole time. There was a live band and a candy bar and we were absolutely stuffed. I know the whole thing was nasty expensive but it sure was pretty.

Everything also had a polished professional touch to it as well. Ideally, that's what I want for myself - I would love nothing more than hand over the reigns to someone more knowledgeable than me to make it happen. Again, reality has paid me a visit to smack me upside the head...

When we got engaged our friend told us that she would handle everything. Being more than eager to turn it over to someone who has more experience, I gladly agreed. She assured me that our November 7th date wouldn't be a problem; in fact that date gave her more than enough time to do what was needed. She assured me that she would take care of everything, and that because we were friends that she wouldn't charge us. Thank God for that because we just don't have the money for all that.

With the housewarming behind us, I wanted to go full speed ahead with wedding planning and began to call her because we hadn't had any meetings with caterers, photographers, cake people, florists etc. I knew we were on a very strict budget and beggars can't be choosers but I needed to know what we were going to be able to work with. Then she tells me that she's not really an event planner and brought in a lady to go over the basics with us. That was last night.

This lady, kind though she was, is accustomed to throwing $10,000 cocktail parties in people's homes. She was very classy and super professional but she pretty much laughed at me when I told her that we had a firm $5000 budget for everything. "Have you thought about this? What about that? How do you see this happening? What are your thoughts on that? Who's taking care of this? Who will handle that?" With each question, my eyes saw dollar signs and my face fell. After that thouroughly demoralizing conversation, they left and I sat on the bed in a daze. We aren't talking about diamond-crusted flatware here. We're talking bare bones, minimum stuff for a decent wedding. There are so many details! And all those details cost money! And they all come from separate places! There's the flower person $$, the cake person $$, the caterer $$$$, the attire $$$, decorations $$$, and not enough $$$$$$$ to cover it all!

We wanted to have it at the house because it's a free venue. But I'm starting to question if that's worth it. We have to bring in the tables, chairs, and food as well as people to set up and break down all that stuff. Catering companies will clean up after themselves, but they don't mow the lawn for you or scrub your toilets or do those kinds of little things that must be done if you're opening your home to guests.

And don't even get me started on favors for my guests, gifts for the attendants, do we have placecards or not, what kind of centerpieces can we afford, what kind of music is going to be played, is there room for dancing, are we even going to have dancing, who's going to help me with all this????

I envisioned my wedding day to be a celebration. I didn't want my guests/friends running around in fancy dresses and flip-flops, getting the food from the kitchen, slicing cake, bussing tables. But these things have to be done, so if you/your guests don't do it, you have to pay someone $$$ to do it. I envisioned a relaxing day of reflection with my friends and family, not all the women running around like crazies trying to ensure that the last minute details get taken care of. I didn't want my mother, aunt, cousins, and friends to work at my wedding. But the bank account says 'that's your only option sweetcheeks.'

So how to do this? Having it at the house is a free venue, but there are all the associated costs with bringing stuff in and I'm very concerned with cleanup. We already can't afford to go on a honeymoon so we were just going to take some days off immediately after the ceremony. Well, I don't want to spend those days cleaning up the house.

Am I being unreasonable? Do I just have to suck it up and accept the way it is? Is there a way to have a nice event on a tight budget with little time and almost no help?

Oh, and I almost forgot - that friend? The one who said she'd do everything? She called after she and the event planner left and informed me that this is turning out to be a bigger deal than she thought and she wouldn't be able to help any further without being paid. Awesome - she'd already told me that the flower person she lined up had backed out and she never had a cake person in mind. I'm just wondering what 'don't worry I'll do everything' means in her world.

This morning, I tried to do google searches on my own. However, as a receptionist it's mighty f*cking irritating to have to stop every 30 seconds to answer an incoming call as you're trying to have a conversation with the table and chair rental people. I can't. even. make. (sorry, can you hold the line) phone calls!

I'm sorry if this is disjointed and doesn't make sense - I'm feeling very overwhelmed right now and just a little bit sad. I should have known better than to depend on a friend who is doing something for free, but I drank the kool-aid and believed that everything would magically turn out ok. Stay tuned to see how this beautiful mess turns out...