Week-end Update

The audacity! The gall! The nerve! I actually had to work on Friday. They're having a conference next week and I got stuck (pun intended) putting stickers on 350 folders for the event. I spent the entire day doing it, which meant no websurfing or blogging! I was not happy and this is a negative indication for my growing addiction to blogging and reading other people's blogs. I missed y'all! So, for the update.

Thursday was a snow day for me and I didn't have to go in - which is hilarious. I grew up in Kansas, where they didn't shut anything down unless there were multiple feet of snow on the ground. But here in Dallas, they shut it down for a dusting of ice. With everyone used to the warm weather here, they go bonkers if there's even the slightest temperature drop. It was fun though - I'd forgotten how much fun snow days are! Drew stayed home too, although he had to work remotely.

Well, we've got a house! I'll post pictures soon, but we got ourselves a townhouse in the city! I'm growing excited about it, but I'm super apprehensive because it's somuch money. I didn't realize how much you have to spend when purchasing a home and it's enough to make me sick to my stomach. But it's a great place in an awesome location and Thursday we went over there again to check it out. We drove around the neighborhood and everything we could possibly need is within a three mile radius from us. It's exactly how I like it - I'm not down with driving for ten minutes just to get to the grocery store. We move February 20, so the countdown has sort of begun. I'm not really keeping track because the thought still makes me nervous.

This is such a big-girl step and I know that's what's making me nervous. I like the temporality of apartment-living. The longest you have to commit is a year and I'm cool with that. With this house, it's three years at the least. Drew's going to go ahead and get his MBA, which keeps us here in Dallas for at least two and a half years since the program won't start till August. I'm okay with that, but I just always thought that we'd be married before we got a house. On the plus side, when I shared my concerns with him, he really listened and didn't get offended or call me negative or anything. Good job baby!!

Anyway, tonight we're having a dinner party for him because his birthday is New Year's Eve and while that's fun, you get shafted out of having your own day. So I wanted him to have a day where he's the only one celebrated. Pictures from that will probably come on Monday, as all the executives and their admins will be at that conference. And I can get back to blogging and websurfing. :-)

In and out of my head

* There is nothing more I dislike in the world than being cold. I don't like shivering, my hands aching, my feet going numb, and the nose running! Argh, the nose running! It's very cold here today - I'm not pleased.

* Slowly but surely I'm getting on the frugal bus. I'm researching cost-saving ideas from everything to food and cars to vacations and clothes. I know I'm late to the party, but I'm here now and that's all that matters.

* Drew submitted an offer on a house yesterday evening. It's a townhouse in the city so I'm still ok but I'm reeeeally scared.

* I did a yoga DVD photo shoot as a favor to my yoga instructor and I'm beyond sore today. A yoga class and shooting for a DVD are worlds apart. I'm out of shape.

* Thus, the weight-loss plan for this year is not going as smoothly as I'd hoped. It's very difficult to get motivated and we ordered pizza last night. It was so good and I felt not ONE OUNCE of guilt for scarfing it down!

* I don't understand why people I barely knew in middle school are sending me friend requests on Facebook. Then again, I accept them for the same reason I'm sure everyone else does - to look at your pictures and see if you got fat.

* We had date night Friday night and it was so romantic and sweet!

* I wish I knew why my posts don't show up on other pages. It says I updated a week ago and that's just not true.

* I got my hair cut on Saturday and it was a new guy. He listened to my desire to stay curly and and wean myself from heat-styling. He was all for it and cut my hair so it would look good curly and then he blew it out! Said it would just be fuzzy so we might as well... I didn't stand up for myself and I miss my curls.

* I'm washing my hair tonight to bring my curls back and get the hairspray out from the photo shoot.

* I'm thinking of getting back into modeling - I think I could play a Banana Republic girlfriend.

* Not talking to my dad is bothering me.

* I want a job that is secure, pays well and gives me a flexible schedule. The internet says that nursing is that job - but I don't like stinky people.

* Is House on tonight?

* I wonder what we're having for dinner.

* Drew is starting to talk like Milton and I don't know how I feel about that.

* I miss my best friend and my baby cousins. They're growing so fast and I feel like I'm missing it.

* I'm going to bed early tonight and I'm excited about it!

Santa Fe and Curly Hair

First off, let me say I am not pleased because something is wrong with my page. I've posted three times and it doesn't show up on other pages! I don't know what to do and I'm quite vexed (saw Gladiator the other night). Any-who, we went to Santa Fe for the weekend and it was a perfect weekend getaway. We went with another couple and had a wonderful time. It was such a great time that I didn't take a ton of pictures but as promised I went curly and got some great shots. Enjoy!

Drew and Milton

The spa where Drew booked us a couples day - it was heavenly!

It was a Japanese style bath - we had a private room although I'm not sure you can call it a room since it was outside. Super-hot bath, super-cold outside; it was wonderful!

Out and about with curly hair - Drew gets sleepy-eyed when he's had some liquid fun!

Milton's friend Susie - super cool chick!

We also went to Acoma. It's called a Sky City because it's entirely on top of a mesa. They have no running water or electricity, using generators and lanterns for warmth and light. A lot of the adobe structures were the originals! I took lots of pictures here because the view was gorgeous but I won't bore you with them. Drew and I look like such tourists.

We went to a grotto in the middle of nowhere and someone had built a shrine. The energy there was really intense.

We also went to the Loretto Chapel with the Floating Staircase. Drew wasn't that impressed.

And then we went home!

About me

Another meme that has been floating around; Gem inspired me to do this one. Since this one is so long, I am tagging everyone who wants to do it instead of specific peeps. Here we go!

*dramatic Who Wants to be a Millionaire music*

10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people:

*You are so wonderful and I love you so much. Every day I admire you more and more.

*You are so broken inside I feel sorry for you. It doesn't give you the right to be a jerk though.

*You're really a good person but I wish you wouldn't make your problems mine.

*Sometimes it's hard to be around you.

*You are the most amazing human being ever and I'm so thankful you're in my life.

*I'm thankful I don't have your life.

*You're so sweet and I hope we can become better friends.

*May I hug you?

*I'm trying so hard to have patience with you.

*You are the smartest, funniest person alive and I love talking to you.

9 things about yourself:

*I am not adventurous - if it's at all possible to hurt yourself, I won't do it.

*I'm very healthy and have little tolerance for hypochondriacs.

*If I could still be a yoga teacher, I would do it.

*I don't like flowers, chocolate or stuffed animals. Valentine's Day is lost on me.

*I am proud that I've calmed my temper in comparison to months past.

*I wish I could live in Greece and work in a coffee shop like in The Bourne Identity.

*I looove celebrity gossip.

*Even with a little extra weight, I still love my body.

*I've never broken a bone.

8 ways to win your heart:

*Take care of my car. Have the oil changed and I'm yours forever!

*Be compassionate. Don't laugh if someone falls down because it'll probably be me.

*Be true to yourself.

*Don't hide or apologize for what you want.

*Have the courage to admit mistakes.

*Exude confidence without being stank/arrogant/uppity. (Couldn't put it better myself!)

*Lose the false modesty/humilty. I see through you.

*Have a passion for learning.

7 things that cross your mind often:

*Will I be a good mom?

*Do I have to have a cheap wedding?

*What will I be when I grow up?

*Will I ever grow up?

*When will I visit Paris?

*Once I go, will I want to leave?

*Yoga

6 things you do before you go to sleep:

*Wash my face

*Brush my teeth

*Turn off the lights

*Change clothes

*Braid my hair

*Set the alarm, knowing I'll snooze for at least 30 minutes

5 people you couldn't live without:

*My mom

*Everyone else - I'd be supremely-way-extra sad if they were gone but I'll live

4 things you're wearing right now:

*Jewelery

*Blue sweater

*Plaid pants

*Black heels

3 songs that fit your life perfectly:

*Stronger - Christina Aguilera

*Anyway - Martina McBride

*Te Necesito - Luis Miguel

2 things you want to do before you die:

*Become a mom

*Live in another country

1 confession:
*I get annoyed very very easily and I'm not always good at hiding it. It's going to get me in a fight one of these days.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

I just watched the inauguration and it was amazing! No doubt, Barack Obama is one incredibly gifted speaker. I got such goosebumps just listening to him! I so sincerely hope that he will be given the freedom to do all the things he wants to do, that he won't be hampered by bureaucracy. Listening to him, I felt so patriotic and fired up, like the light at the end of the tunnel is just beginning to shine.

I do not claim to follow politics - I tuned in to this election just like everyone else, watching to see what would happen. Now that he's officially President, I'm filled with so much hope for this upcoming year and for his presidency. He knows how to get people fired up! I was sitting at my desk, here in the lobby and I felt like he was my/our coach, about to send us out to the biggest game of the season. All the great sports movies flashed through my mind and I felt the adrenaline, knowing that we're on the verge of something great.

However, I know the Presidency is bigger than just the one man and he can't change the world singlehandedly. Plus, he's such a smooth talker I found myself praying that he uses his powers for good and not evil; he could lead us down the path of destruction and be so smooth about it we wouldn't even know until it was too late.

But for now, for today, that was an amazing experience and I'm thankful I got to witness it. WOW.

Celebrating the wins

I feel my relationship with Drew is my life's reward. I am a very much learn by doing kind of person and as far as relationships go, it has caused me great pain. I continually hit my head against the brick wall wondering why the wall wouldn't simply disappear. It was only after I had suffered a huge amount, more than I would wish on my worst enemy, did I step back and begin to do the work necessary for ME to become healthy.

In doing so, I changed my outlook on my expectations for relationships (which is all you can ever do). I stopped looking to change men that would never change, instead listening to them when they said they didn't want marriage or children. (Thank you, NEXT!) I became okay with being by myself and in my own skin. I found peace.

From that place, this awesome man came into my life. He is just the greatest. I love his smile, his genuine openness for his friends and family, his devotion to me, and that stillness that I could never enjoy with anyone else I cherish with him.

Now lest you think I have him on a pedestal, my sweetie is very human and very flawed (as am I, but we're talking about him right now). He doesn't have huge flaws; rather, he has, shall we say, exasperating idiosyncrasies.

My sweetie has a bit of a flair for the dramatic. If he doesn't get the answer he's looking for, he's a huge fan of the huffy-walk-off. He also likes to toss things in a dramatic manner. Case in point...

Last night, we were talking about moving as the lease on the apartment is up at the end of Februrary. He wants to look into getting a house and I'm not quite there yet. Our apartment now is walking distance from my job and I looove that. I also really like the apartment and its location; other than it's a bit expensive, I don't see the need to move. However, I'm open to discussion which apparently is license for him to print off dozens of home listings in the area. He came home last night with a stack for me to look at and I dutifully looked through all of them focusing on the price. When I mentioned that they all seemed expensive, I got the huffy-walk-off. From the other room I hear 'Why are you so negative?!'

The old me would have seen red, gotten defensive and started attacking. Instead, I said, 'Sweetie, I simply said they seemed expensive. That's not negative, that's a fact.'

Him: (huffy-walk-in to the living room) 'You focus on one thing and dismiss everything else!'
Me: 'I don't prefer to look at things I can't have, that's all.'
Him: 'Then what's THIS?' (Tossing a pile of catalogs on the sofa next to me)
Me: 'Haircuts, FRIEND'. (Substitute FRIEND for a less nice word)

However, later I apologized for saying that, which is something I NEVER do. I choose my words carefully and I rarely apologize for what comes out of my mouth, even when I know better. But this time I did, no matter that he tossed those catalogs at me with so much sass. If he had been my child, I'd have popped him! I just apologized, without justifying (a favorite tactic of his), without expecting him to apologize back, nothing.

If a man did that to the old me, that would have been grounds for immediate dismissal. But the kinder, gentler me is learning this give and take dance. I'm learning how to remain calm when provoked - I have not mastered it, if I ever do but I'm trying and in the meantime I'm celebrating the wins. We had a small flare-up which in the past would have been a big flare up, and it got diffused. We went to bed happy.

Yea us!

Why I don't want to move

Looking out the bedroom window one morning

From the balcony off the living room

My hair

Since I have recently rejoined the workforce and am once again drawing a steady paycheck, I'm slowly but surely able to re-incorporate the things I had to do without during my jobless days. The biggest thing is haircuts. Being bi-racial I have had an ongoing battle with my hair. Growing up in Kansas, there were zero girls like me in our school. Kansas City + suburbs + Catholic school = very little ethnic diversity. I will never forget Michelle Miller in my kindergarten class. She had beautiful, long, silky brown hair that went to her waist and all the boys wanted to sit at her table. I wanted to have hair like hers so the boys would want to sit at my table too. But my hair was curly and dark and every morning, my mom would braid two pigtails with those 'balls' at either end and that was that. I was forbidden to cut my hair so by the 5th grade I had two pigtails down to my waist.

My girlfriend Khaliah straightened my hair for the first time when I was 15. Still long, still curly and when I went to her house after school one day, she pressed it for me with the comb that you lay directly on the stove to heat. I had never seen anything like it (Mexican mom, no Black friends to that point) and I was scared it would burn my hair off. My mom had forbidden me to do anything to my hair but it was so big and poufy and I hated it. I think that was the first time I defied my mother. Anyway, Khaliah straightened it and it went past my butt! I could run my fingers through it and finally I had long swingy hair! My mom wasn't too upset with me and I went to school the next morning on a cloud! Later that day Khaliah told me everyone was talking about my hair and how long and pretty it was! Thus began the battle...

I got my first relaxer at 16, at my birthday party. Khaliah did mine and another girl's hair for the first time. I learned to accept the scabs on my scalp, dutifully did deep conditioning treatments because the chemicals made my hair like straw otherwise. I rountinely got the split ends cut off and managed the breakage. I learned to fear humidity and wind like vampires fear the sun. Start to finish, doing my hair took two hours (no exaggeration).

When I was 24, I was waiting tables at Margarita's and this woman came in with the most beautiful curly hair I had ever seen. I had learned to hide my curls like a dirty secret, always pressing away the stubborn ones at my hairline and nape with the extra-hot heavy-duty curling iron. But her curls were magnificent! I lost no time in marching right up to her and demanding that she give me her secret. She was Puerto Rican and knew exactly what I had been going through! We talked for twenty minutes and she told me about this book, Curly Girl.

After work I ran out and devoured it from cover to cover. I threw out my shampoo and began my journey back to curliness. It went well but it recommends you use gel to define your curls which makes them crunchy. I didn't like that but I was loving my curls and really liked not having to spend two hours doing my hair anymore. Throwing out the shampoo dramatically improved the texture and condition of my hair and slowly my curls began to come back to life. I still feared wind and humidity but I haven't had a relaxer since I was 21 and will never again - those things are the devil! They literally burn holes in your head!!

Over the years I've experimented with curly and straight, still going back and forth like (insert some witty political reference here), styling time down to an hour, still looking for that remedy that will allow me to have pretty flowing curls without the crunch. I only have ONE picture of me with curly hair, isn't that crazy! It's old and when we go to Santa Fe this weekend I'm wearing my hair curly and taking pictures!NOW, cue to a few days ago...I'm on the internet and I go to naturallycurly.com. I still haven't given up on curly hair without the crunch, but I've found that straightening it and leaving it for the week works best for me. I'm lazy with my hair, that's why daily rinsing and re-application of the gel, etc was too much for me. I digress...I stumble on this website, biracialhair.org and the angels started SINGING!! The girl on the site, Teri, has THE MOST BEAUTIFUL hair I've ever seen! I followed her advice and voila! I have an 'aesthetically pleasing con-figaration of hair'! (Little Mermaid) :-) Curls without the crunch! And bonus, I found the totally awesome TheBohemianBookworm. She's on my reading list, check out her stuff, she's super cool!

I want to post a picture of my awesome hair but I have the biggest zit in the history of the universe on my cheek AND chin and I refuse to document their existence. The one on my chin hurts so bad! When I go home for lunch I'll see if I can artfully conceal them but if I can't I'll post pictures next week.

I'm getting a ($$$) haircut next Saturday to cut off the dead ends and then I'm going curly! When I have a daughter, I want her to love her hair and not to wish that she's any different that who she is and if she sees her mother fighting nature, what message will that send? I want her to be proud of her curls, to love them even! I want her to see curly and straight as equally beautiful and know that there's no such thing as good hair!

This is a test

I'm trying to learn how to post pictures on here. Be patient.

Us on New Year's Eve

This is as far as I got. After about 12 attempts to get them to upload the way I want, this is what I came up with. Of course the FAQs don't help. How the heck do you do this?

Trying some more...

Getting frustrated - the pictures upload backwards! I put the New Year's one up first and by rights, the one of my mom and me should be AFTER that! But nooooo, it comes up BEFORE it. Ok, I'm done (after half an hour). I guess you have to be smarter than the computer.

Update: Ta-daaa! I figured it out! Yea me! This is me and my little mommy on New

Year's.

Okay, so I have to play around some more with it, but at least I'll be better able to illustrate my blog - this is big for me!

Longing for the king-size

Drew is out of town this week and I have, like zillions of people everywhere, gotten back into the workout scene. I don't like saying workout because I see yoga as more of a life practice but today I'm feeling like it was a workout.

I've been practicing yoga for about eight years now and I'm also a certified instructor. It's my passion and I love all things yoga. However, it's like any other form of physical activity - take time away from it, and you will pay when you come back. Since yoga is just as much a mental practice as it is physical, I'm paying double. Yea.

I went to class on Monday after not having done any sort of physical activity since before Thanksgiving. I went to Katherine's class at Uptown Yoga, smugly thinking that I need to take a more challenging class, being that I'm so advanced and all. Hee-yooge mistake. See, Katherine is hard-core which is fine for someone who has a steady practice and has worked up to her level of teaching. She is not for a first-timer. You'd find yourself frustrated that you can't keep up - which is where I was. We were doing things that I usually do with ease and I couldn't keep up! I began berating myself, frustrated that my body wasn't cooperating. I immediately caught myself, having that internal conversation telling myself that I shouldn't be so judgemental, let the body come back into this rhythm and place of its own accord. Much easier said than done.

Then Tuesday night I taught class in our building. I had been teaching to our friends and some other people in the building because I enjoy it so much and it was a great way to get in a convenient practice while hanging out with friends. Again, we started slow and by Thanksgiving we had progressed to some really fun and challenging poses. That's the best part about teaching - you get to bear witness to your students' progress and it's such a cool thing.

However, after taking Katherine's beat-down class on Monday and teaching (talking while doing the class is not easy - especially after two months off) I am here at my desk longing for the softness of the feather pillows and the king-size bed at home. I feel like I have the flu because my body is sore and I'm so tired.

I'm not doing anything tonight.

Feeling Domestic - sort of...

Drew is out of town for the week and while I'll miss him terribly, I'm rather excited about the tv shows I'll get to watch. He has no tolerance whatsoever for wedding shows and very very little tolerance for baby shows and those are my two favorites. (third are medical shows - I love House and Scrubs!) I love watching all the wedding shows on the We channel - especially Bridezillas. It's rather like watching a car wreck. You're horrified but you just can't look away. I can only hope that these women see themselves later and are profoundly apologetic to all around them. They're simply horrible! But I guess that's what makes for good tv.

I also love the baby shows - anything on Discovery Health or TLC. I'm absolutely fascinated by the Duggar family - the ones in Arkansas with 18 kids. I would never in life DREAM of having that many kids (I couldn't anyway) but it sure is entertaining to watch them. They seem so pure and happy, I genuinely wonder if the mom and dad ever fight. I tend to think that way only when Drew and I fighting. I feel like we're the only ones on the planet who disagree and everyone else has a perfect, drama-free life. I've taken to reading lots of other people's blogs and it's comforting to bear witness to others' perfectly imperfect lives. I feel like I'm not alone as I try to muddle through this relationship, life thing.

There is definitely a part of me that welcomes domesticity. Drew and I spent the weekend together recharging our relationship batteries after the holidays. (I'll post pictures when I figure out how.) My mom was in town and we were entertaining and the holiday stress really got to us. It was so nice to spend the weekend together with no people around, no parties to go to, just he and I vegging on the sofa or casually running errands because it was 4p and we really should get out of the house so we're not total bums. I like to daydream about what our kids will look like. We were watching House and one of the kids had a cleft chin and that's how he knew he was adopted - some kind of genetic thing. It got me thinking about my child and their possibility of having a cleft chin and strong jaw (Drew has a little 'butt' chin and a very strong jaw). I wonder if they'll be dark like me or lighter like him. How cool it would be to have little golden babies with caramel skin and dark blond curly hair. I think Drew would be an amazing father.

But then there's this other part of me that is scared of it. We've been talking about it and I am honestly scared about the losing the cool part of myself. I'm terrified of having to cut my hair and get a 'sensible' hairstyle. I like my long hair! I don't want to have to wear 'mom' jeans; I have no idea how to make meatloaf (Drew's the chef) and I'm quite certain that a sensible haircut, style-less clothing and meatloaf are all prerequisites for being a good mother/wife. I know I'm wrong and I know I won't care the second I look into my baby's face, but right now the big picture's a little fuzzy.

I'm so putting the cart before the horse, I know. We're not even engaged for pete's sake. But I just think about these things, that's all. Besides, I want to record this for posterity, when I'm covered in baby food and god knows what else. I want to look back at my single stylish self and laugh my head off that I was actually concerned about such trivial things like jeans and hair!

Perspective, Desiree, perspective....

I wish that the me five years from now could contact me in some way and let me know that it'll all be okay and it'll all get sorted out for the best.

Building a foundation

I love the idea of starting fresh. New Year's is the universal Do-Over Day and I love that! No matter what has happened the year before, I am always filled with a euphoric sense of optimism regarding the coming year and this one is no different. I also love resolutions - the idea of setting a goal for yourself, regardless of whether or not you achieve it, makes me giddy too. 'I'm going to lose 30 pounds!' 'I'm going to volunteer once a week!' 'I'm going to remember everyone's birthday!' At that moment you believe all of these things will come to pass. Such exhiliration!

For the first time in my life, I'm resolving to lose weight. I have never had to before and it's an entirely new experience, watching what I eat. However, I made it 32 years without having to, I figure that's a pretty good run. I'm shooting for 30 pounds but I won't be upset if it ends up being 20. I have to be kind to myself. Although I'm making no qualms about how difficult it will be - any time you try something for the first time in your life, it's not going to be easy.

I'm also going to be less shy about speaking up for myself. Where my friends and family are concerned, I'm a lioness and I have no qualms about standing up for them. But when it's me, I'm such a pushover. I'll suffer in silence until I've reached the boiling point and then it's katie bar the door! That's not ok. It's only cute to be crazy in the movies, not in real life. If I want something, I have to take responsibility to ask for it and not assume that my desires are simply known. Likewise, if I don't like something it's my responsibility to make that known in a mature way. Martyrdom never solves anything. If you make your needs clearly known and then they're still not being met, then you've got a valid reason for change. Otherwise, you're not playing fair.

I'm going to take my relationship with Drew more seriously. To this point, I haven't seriously been looking at him as husband material, mainly because of my pre-conceived notions and fears. Well, it's time to face those fears and give us and this relationship a fair shake. I don't want things to end without us both giving it a true go. This will involve lots of growth and change on my part and I can only hope that he's on board for it. After all, I need to be seen as marriage material just as much as he does. I think only a saint would marry me at this point.

And while it's not a resolution, I do need to re-dedicate myself to it...I need more patience! Maybe it's because I've gotten away from my yoga, I'm getting older, or I'm just not trying hard enough but I have become so impatient lately! I usually do well to a point and then I'm simply, flat-out D-U-N. While taking some time to clear my head is perfectly acceptable, I have to exercise that option more than I exercise the one to blow a gasket. Again, it's only cute to be crazy in the movies.

I'm going to define my professional goals for myself this year as well. I'm still not quite sure what I want to be when I grow up, but I'm going to get closer to that answer this year.

I'm going to get out of debt! I have been the credit card kid and I'm most definitely feeling the error of my ways! Besides, it's kind of fun to see the available credit number go up and and balance due number go down. I'm paying off two lingering bills in the next couple months and it will be so nice! I want to be one of those people that pays off their credit cards EVERY SINGLE MONTH because I have no idea what that's like.

I'm going to cultivate more female friendships. Girls were very mean to me growing up and it has made me shy away from them even to adulthood. I'm going to stop being scared of making friends, even though it really scares me! I'm going to look for positive, encouraging, happy women and I'm going to make friends with them! (major Al Franken moment there - sorry about that)

Ok, that's good for now. No sense in getting in over my head.