My hair

Since I have recently rejoined the workforce and am once again drawing a steady paycheck, I'm slowly but surely able to re-incorporate the things I had to do without during my jobless days. The biggest thing is haircuts. Being bi-racial I have had an ongoing battle with my hair. Growing up in Kansas, there were zero girls like me in our school. Kansas City + suburbs + Catholic school = very little ethnic diversity. I will never forget Michelle Miller in my kindergarten class. She had beautiful, long, silky brown hair that went to her waist and all the boys wanted to sit at her table. I wanted to have hair like hers so the boys would want to sit at my table too. But my hair was curly and dark and every morning, my mom would braid two pigtails with those 'balls' at either end and that was that. I was forbidden to cut my hair so by the 5th grade I had two pigtails down to my waist.

My girlfriend Khaliah straightened my hair for the first time when I was 15. Still long, still curly and when I went to her house after school one day, she pressed it for me with the comb that you lay directly on the stove to heat. I had never seen anything like it (Mexican mom, no Black friends to that point) and I was scared it would burn my hair off. My mom had forbidden me to do anything to my hair but it was so big and poufy and I hated it. I think that was the first time I defied my mother. Anyway, Khaliah straightened it and it went past my butt! I could run my fingers through it and finally I had long swingy hair! My mom wasn't too upset with me and I went to school the next morning on a cloud! Later that day Khaliah told me everyone was talking about my hair and how long and pretty it was! Thus began the battle...

I got my first relaxer at 16, at my birthday party. Khaliah did mine and another girl's hair for the first time. I learned to accept the scabs on my scalp, dutifully did deep conditioning treatments because the chemicals made my hair like straw otherwise. I rountinely got the split ends cut off and managed the breakage. I learned to fear humidity and wind like vampires fear the sun. Start to finish, doing my hair took two hours (no exaggeration).

When I was 24, I was waiting tables at Margarita's and this woman came in with the most beautiful curly hair I had ever seen. I had learned to hide my curls like a dirty secret, always pressing away the stubborn ones at my hairline and nape with the extra-hot heavy-duty curling iron. But her curls were magnificent! I lost no time in marching right up to her and demanding that she give me her secret. She was Puerto Rican and knew exactly what I had been going through! We talked for twenty minutes and she told me about this book, Curly Girl.

After work I ran out and devoured it from cover to cover. I threw out my shampoo and began my journey back to curliness. It went well but it recommends you use gel to define your curls which makes them crunchy. I didn't like that but I was loving my curls and really liked not having to spend two hours doing my hair anymore. Throwing out the shampoo dramatically improved the texture and condition of my hair and slowly my curls began to come back to life. I still feared wind and humidity but I haven't had a relaxer since I was 21 and will never again - those things are the devil! They literally burn holes in your head!!

Over the years I've experimented with curly and straight, still going back and forth like (insert some witty political reference here), styling time down to an hour, still looking for that remedy that will allow me to have pretty flowing curls without the crunch. I only have ONE picture of me with curly hair, isn't that crazy! It's old and when we go to Santa Fe this weekend I'm wearing my hair curly and taking pictures!NOW, cue to a few days ago...I'm on the internet and I go to naturallycurly.com. I still haven't given up on curly hair without the crunch, but I've found that straightening it and leaving it for the week works best for me. I'm lazy with my hair, that's why daily rinsing and re-application of the gel, etc was too much for me. I digress...I stumble on this website, biracialhair.org and the angels started SINGING!! The girl on the site, Teri, has THE MOST BEAUTIFUL hair I've ever seen! I followed her advice and voila! I have an 'aesthetically pleasing con-figaration of hair'! (Little Mermaid) :-) Curls without the crunch! And bonus, I found the totally awesome TheBohemianBookworm. She's on my reading list, check out her stuff, she's super cool!

I want to post a picture of my awesome hair but I have the biggest zit in the history of the universe on my cheek AND chin and I refuse to document their existence. The one on my chin hurts so bad! When I go home for lunch I'll see if I can artfully conceal them but if I can't I'll post pictures next week.

I'm getting a ($$$) haircut next Saturday to cut off the dead ends and then I'm going curly! When I have a daughter, I want her to love her hair and not to wish that she's any different that who she is and if she sees her mother fighting nature, what message will that send? I want her to be proud of her curls, to love them even! I want her to see curly and straight as equally beautiful and know that there's no such thing as good hair!