Celebrating the wins

I feel my relationship with Drew is my life's reward. I am a very much learn by doing kind of person and as far as relationships go, it has caused me great pain. I continually hit my head against the brick wall wondering why the wall wouldn't simply disappear. It was only after I had suffered a huge amount, more than I would wish on my worst enemy, did I step back and begin to do the work necessary for ME to become healthy.

In doing so, I changed my outlook on my expectations for relationships (which is all you can ever do). I stopped looking to change men that would never change, instead listening to them when they said they didn't want marriage or children. (Thank you, NEXT!) I became okay with being by myself and in my own skin. I found peace.

From that place, this awesome man came into my life. He is just the greatest. I love his smile, his genuine openness for his friends and family, his devotion to me, and that stillness that I could never enjoy with anyone else I cherish with him.

Now lest you think I have him on a pedestal, my sweetie is very human and very flawed (as am I, but we're talking about him right now). He doesn't have huge flaws; rather, he has, shall we say, exasperating idiosyncrasies.

My sweetie has a bit of a flair for the dramatic. If he doesn't get the answer he's looking for, he's a huge fan of the huffy-walk-off. He also likes to toss things in a dramatic manner. Case in point...

Last night, we were talking about moving as the lease on the apartment is up at the end of Februrary. He wants to look into getting a house and I'm not quite there yet. Our apartment now is walking distance from my job and I looove that. I also really like the apartment and its location; other than it's a bit expensive, I don't see the need to move. However, I'm open to discussion which apparently is license for him to print off dozens of home listings in the area. He came home last night with a stack for me to look at and I dutifully looked through all of them focusing on the price. When I mentioned that they all seemed expensive, I got the huffy-walk-off. From the other room I hear 'Why are you so negative?!'

The old me would have seen red, gotten defensive and started attacking. Instead, I said, 'Sweetie, I simply said they seemed expensive. That's not negative, that's a fact.'

Him: (huffy-walk-in to the living room) 'You focus on one thing and dismiss everything else!'
Me: 'I don't prefer to look at things I can't have, that's all.'
Him: 'Then what's THIS?' (Tossing a pile of catalogs on the sofa next to me)
Me: 'Haircuts, FRIEND'. (Substitute FRIEND for a less nice word)

However, later I apologized for saying that, which is something I NEVER do. I choose my words carefully and I rarely apologize for what comes out of my mouth, even when I know better. But this time I did, no matter that he tossed those catalogs at me with so much sass. If he had been my child, I'd have popped him! I just apologized, without justifying (a favorite tactic of his), without expecting him to apologize back, nothing.

If a man did that to the old me, that would have been grounds for immediate dismissal. But the kinder, gentler me is learning this give and take dance. I'm learning how to remain calm when provoked - I have not mastered it, if I ever do but I'm trying and in the meantime I'm celebrating the wins. We had a small flare-up which in the past would have been a big flare up, and it got diffused. We went to bed happy.

Yea us!

Why I don't want to move

Looking out the bedroom window one morning

From the balcony off the living room