Drew is out of town for the week and while I'll miss him terribly, I'm rather excited about the tv shows I'll get to watch. He has no tolerance whatsoever for wedding shows and very very little tolerance for baby shows and those are my two favorites. (third are medical shows - I love House and Scrubs!) I love watching all the wedding shows on the We channel - especially Bridezillas. It's rather like watching a car wreck. You're horrified but you just can't look away. I can only hope that these women see themselves later and are profoundly apologetic to all around them. They're simply horrible! But I guess that's what makes for good tv.
I also love the baby shows - anything on Discovery Health or TLC. I'm absolutely fascinated by the Duggar family - the ones in Arkansas with 18 kids. I would never in life DREAM of having that many kids (I couldn't anyway) but it sure is entertaining to watch them. They seem so pure and happy, I genuinely wonder if the mom and dad ever fight. I tend to think that way only when Drew and I fighting. I feel like we're the only ones on the planet who disagree and everyone else has a perfect, drama-free life. I've taken to reading lots of other people's blogs and it's comforting to bear witness to others' perfectly imperfect lives. I feel like I'm not alone as I try to muddle through this relationship, life thing.
There is definitely a part of me that welcomes domesticity. Drew and I spent the weekend together recharging our relationship batteries after the holidays. (I'll post pictures when I figure out how.) My mom was in town and we were entertaining and the holiday stress really got to us. It was so nice to spend the weekend together with no people around, no parties to go to, just he and I vegging on the sofa or casually running errands because it was 4p and we really should get out of the house so we're not total bums. I like to daydream about what our kids will look like. We were watching House and one of the kids had a cleft chin and that's how he knew he was adopted - some kind of genetic thing. It got me thinking about my child and their possibility of having a cleft chin and strong jaw (Drew has a little 'butt' chin and a very strong jaw). I wonder if they'll be dark like me or lighter like him. How cool it would be to have little golden babies with caramel skin and dark blond curly hair. I think Drew would be an amazing father.
But then there's this other part of me that is scared of it. We've been talking about it and I am honestly scared about the losing the cool part of myself. I'm terrified of having to cut my hair and get a 'sensible' hairstyle. I like my long hair! I don't want to have to wear 'mom' jeans; I have no idea how to make meatloaf (Drew's the chef) and I'm quite certain that a sensible haircut, style-less clothing and meatloaf are all prerequisites for being a good mother/wife. I know I'm wrong and I know I won't care the second I look into my baby's face, but right now the big picture's a little fuzzy.
I'm so putting the cart before the horse, I know. We're not even engaged for pete's sake. But I just think about these things, that's all. Besides, I want to record this for posterity, when I'm covered in baby food and god knows what else. I want to look back at my single stylish self and laugh my head off that I was actually concerned about such trivial things like jeans and hair!
Perspective, Desiree, perspective....
I wish that the me five years from now could contact me in some way and let me know that it'll all be okay and it'll all get sorted out for the best.
Monday, January 5, 2009
3 comments:
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It will all work out Desiree. I've experienced a lot of "mom" changes, but none that I haven't embraced. You'll stay just as cool/stylish as you want to be, it's just that your perspective will change so much that you'll redefine what that means in your new stage of life. (That probably made no sense, but I guess what I'm saying is that you'll be very happy and content, and you won't miss much about your single life. Except the sleep. Oh sweet sleep.)
ReplyDeleteHa, I'm the same way with my husband regarding TV shows. Only for me it's baby shows, medical reality shows, animal documentaries, and true crime. The Bridezilla-ness stopped after I got married. After marriage its like oh I wish I could have done this or that for my wedding and the shows just make you mad, lol.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with you on your excitement/fear over possible babies. I refuse to get a sensible hairdo, so keep your long hair! I am not domestic (trying though), so as long as you retain the special element of you everything will be fine.
It will all work out Desiree. I've experienced a lot of "mom" changes, but none that I haven't embraced. You'll stay just as cool/stylish as you want to be, it's just that your perspective will change so much that you'll redefine what that means in your new stage of life. (That probably made no sense, but I guess what I'm saying is that you'll be very happy and content, and you won't miss much about your single life. Except the sleep. Oh sweet sleep.)
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