Am I wrong?

I didn't get too much sleep last night and woke up this morning extremely foggy-brained. It seemed to take me more than usual to get up and moving today. I preface the following by saying: Drew is a good man, I am happy and blessed to have him in my life and I have nothing but hope and the most positive wishes for our future.

Now I will vent.

You know how you always wished you'd find a man that looks at you every day, questioning how he could end up with a girl as amazing as you? You know how you have a wonderful experience and you want to (metaphorically) have someone pinch you to make sure you're awake? Ok, well I got that. I got a great guy who cannot believe his good luck in finding someone like me. I got someone who is devoted and loyal to me who is genuine in every way. However...

Because he doesn't believe that he could have someone like me, I find that I am put up to small 'tests' to 'prove' my devotion to him. Out of respect for him, I won't go into sordid detail, but suffice it to say I must stick my neck out first in a show of solidarity? devotion? love?? before he deems it safe to reciprocate. It's rather like going into a dark room. 'You go first, no you go, no you go.' You make sure it's safe and then I'll think about it. Now, this doesn't sit well with me as I had my own fairy-tale of my man going into the dark room first, with me close behind. I never saw myself as the stronger, torch-bearing one holding my cowering husband's hand because he was too afraid to go first.

When I asked about this, he informed me that he's never had to pursue a woman, that they've always come to him. With that little nugget of information, his (massively) annoying behavior made sense. I'm sure the tables were turned and these girls couldn't believe that they found a guy like him, because he's definitely a catch. I'm sure they fell over themselves to do everything for him before he even thought to ask. And like men do, I'm sure he got accustomed to it. I almost feel sorry for him....

He and I have been together for nearly a year. Before I arrived on the scene, he was perfectly able to dress himself, wash his own clothes, clean his own house, and make his own lunches. Now that I'm here, he is all of a sudden incapable of doing these things. It's 'what should I wear, I don't have any clean underwear, why is there dust everywhere, will you make my lunch?' When did this happen? WHY did this happen? Last I checked I was not his maid, cook or mother. And he wonders why I'm always 'tired' at night. It's hard to have 'energy' for a grown man that acts like a child.

My dear friend says if that's the worst of it then I'm ok. And it's honestly the only thing we fight about - some variation of why I shouldn't have to take care of him, and why he thinks I should because I'm his girlfriend. Betsy says you have to train them - is she serious? But honestly I wouldn't know, because in the past when I've been this annoyed with them, I end the relationship. That's why I'm single at 32 (almost 33) and I've never gone a full year without breaking up with any of my boyfriends. I do take responsibility for my actions, it's why I'm trying really hard to have patience and look at ways I can improve.

I know he thinks that if I pick out his clothes, do his laundry and make his food then I truly care and want to be with him. I've tried ample times to explain that doing those things only makes me resentful - I am not his maid. I don't know what to do - why can't he just take care of himself and I'll take care of myself and we'll be companions to each other and love each other and it will be a nice grown-up, mature relationship. Is that so much to ask? Am I wrong for wanting that? Can it be had?

Why does love = laundry?