The Pretty Dress party

Remember this?

This was last July, when my girlfriend Betsy had just gotten our dresses for her 10-year vow renewal.  It's amazing to think that shortly after that I got pregnant.  I remember telling her and talking about all the girdles I would have to wear to fit into my dress, as I would have a three-week old baby by then.  My, how times change.


The party was this past Friday.  The more and more we talked, I realized that this was going to be more like a traditional wedding than a vow renewal ceremony.  For one thing, you don't normally have bridesmaids at a vow renewal.  However, Betsy's first wedding didn't go according to her desires so essentially she wanted a do-over.  Her family is Indian and the first time it was all about the saris, family she didn't know, and a giant party filled with strangers.  This time she wanted it on her terms - white dress, bachelorette party, about 60 guests vs. 400, with drinking and dancing.


This was a true and traditional wedding in that things went wrong from the beginning.  There were supposed to be five bridesmaids but she had a falling-out with one early on so we were four.  Then one dropped out (photo, far left)  because she'd told Betsy to get a size smaller dress because she was going to 'diet into it.'  Now honestly, who is ever successful doing that?  It's a number, for fux sake.  Rip out the tag if you're that retarded about the number.  Hey guess what?  Stuffing yourself into a size smaller and looking like you're about to pop all the seams is *not* sexy and you're fooling no one.  Being able to breathe - now that's hot!  However, against her better judgment, Betsy bought the smaller size and at our last fitting Meredith was not successful.  When Betsy commented that she should have gone with the larger size, Meredith lost her shit and dropped out of the wedding on the spot.  Two weeks prior to the party.  Lamesauce, right?  Like it was Betsy's fault that she couldn't starve herself!  So, we had a last minute cast change and she got the dress of the first girl who dropped out.  I can't decide if I would be offended or not if I was an understudy at a wedding.  How do you even approach that person?  You didn't make the cut the first time around but I've got an opening now!  Isn't that great?


The rehearsal was Thursday evening before the party.  I was already cranky because I hadn't had any Drew time four weekends in a row.  I cherish our weekends because I hardly get to talk to him during the week.  Daytime is for meetings and things and he's mostly unavailable.  Nightime is for work dinners so I usually get that primetime when he's in the hotel after a full day and falling asleep on the phone because he had dinner at ten pm.  I've gotten used to it as long as I get my weekends, but ever since our party we've had an obligation every weekend and I was at the end of my rope.  This past weekend was number five.  


I picked Drew up from the airport in a rush because his plane was late and Betsy was adamant about us being on time for the rehearsal.  We'd gotten many all-caps emails to that effect, but I won't comment on how annoying that was.  Oops.


I rushed home, dropped him off, got my shoes and floored it to the hotel - only to be the first one there.  I was PISSED!  I could have had some time with my husband!  The other girls arrived and then the guys sauntered in, one by one, with me getting more and more annoyed by the second. That's when she dropped the bomb.  She wanted us to dance down the aisle!


If you haven't seen the intro wedding dance, go here.  


Look, the dance is super cute.  I love the idea and when done properly, it can be duplicated.  In order to properly duplicate something like this, you must practice more than once.  In fact, you should practice SEVERAL times.  Preferably sober.  


We did not, and ended up looking a hot mess.  A HOT mess.  It is extremely uncomfortable dancing with a total stranger on its own.  If he's not a good dancer, that only compounds the problem.  It compounds it further when the guy you're supposed to dance with got married three weeks ago and his wife is standing right there giving you the stank eye.  Hey sweetie, I don't want your man!  I got my own thankyouverymuch!!


Somehow we muddled through the rehearsal and I went home to Drew, who was half asleep when I got there.  Awesome.


Friday came and I had to be there at one for the party that started at six, which didn't actually start until almost seven thirty.  After making our bouquets (which took 20 minutes), there was a lot of sitting around.  Betsy had had a bachelorette party of sorts (which went so wrong I was glad I wasn't there) on the night of my party in KC so I didn't have the chance to bond with the other girls.  That made things somewhat awkward when we were all sitting around with our thumbs up our asses.  


We were in trouble when the conversation inevitably turned to children.  Betsy has two, The Loud Girl (photo, my left) has two and The Understudy had one in Betsy's son's class.  I prayed that the Sweet One (photo, far right) wouldn't ask me anything, because I was just cranky enough to say something that would shut the whole thing down.


SO (to TU):  So, did you have any trouble conceiving?
TU:  I didn't, but I knew I only wanted one.  
SO (to LG):  What about you?
LG:  OH I DIDN'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS AT ALL. IN FACT, BOTH OF MINE WERE UNPLANNED.  YOU KNOW, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET PREGNANT IS HAVE SEX, THAT'S REALLY ALL THERE IS TO IT.  I MEAN, IT'S NOT THAT HARD YOU KNOW.
Desiree (in her thoughts):  Please Jesus don't let me hit this girl in her mouth for being stupid.  Please Jesus let me control mine and not make things awkward by talking about my three dead babies and how you DON'T just have sex and that's all there is.  Please Jesus help me not hate this loud girl and her bad posture.


The last was kind of random but I HATE bad posture.  Especially when you're dressed up.  How hard is it to stand up straight?


At any rate I made it through and finally it was time to do our hair and makeup and get dressed.  

Cranky face because I missed my husband

Betsy and me - her dress was flawless!

I took this from her facebook because I didn't have a good shot

and seriously, that dress was FLAWLESS!

Soon enough, it came time to line up and get ready to dance.  I was NOT looking forward to it, but I did it and I will be calling this in if I need a favor.  It had been raining but it stopped just in time to have the ceremony outside.  However, it didn't stop raining soon enough for the hotel coordinator so they refused to set up chairs so the guests had to stand for a good twenty minutes before everything got started, another twenty while the photographer and videographer set their stuff up and another ten for the ceremony itself.  I felt sorry for poor Drew.

Stand up straight!

The ceremony itself was short and we had to dance our way out and no, it wasn't any better.  We had a cocktail hour before dinner, but it seemed that the boys had had cocktail afternoon.  The usher was full-out wasted by the time he introduced the people giving speeches.  I didn't realize this until he told me that I was going on after the groom's brother.  ME?  No one told me I had to give a speech.  Two seconds later, he thrust the microphone in my hand and everyone was looking at me.  With no choice, I got up there and said some stuff about how beautiful Betsy looked.  Can't go wrong complimenting the bride right?  

It was a nightmare!!  Later I found out he thought I was one of Betsy's sisters and there were to have been four speech-givers - his brother, his cousin and her two sisters.  I was mortified.  The sisters gave their speeches, that they had prepared, written down even.  I apologized to Betsy profusely, hoping that she would understand that I didn't do it on purpose, that the drunk guy made me do it, that it would have been much worse if I'd sat there looking dumb with the spotlight on me and everyone looking at me, but by then she was so annoyed at all the things that had gone wrong I'm still not sure if she's genuinely upset with me or not.

But then we partook of the open bar and everything got better.  Not many people were dancing so Drew and I had to amuse ourselves.

Finally spending some time with my husband.  Bridal tables should be for single people only.

It's not fun to spend half a wedding separated from your date.

He looked so cute in his pink shirt!

Here come the silly faces...

There it is!

Drew and the groom

Me and the bride

Another flawless dress

I was a little sad for Betsy because neither set of parents was in favor of the party, yet they came anyway and sat in the corner and pouted.  This made her upset and uncomfortable and she didn't really let loose until they left.  I was bummed on her behalf about that - but that's a wedding for ya!  That's what weddings are about - feuding relatives, drunk guests, wedding party hijinks and uncooperative hotel staff.  And none of that matters as long as the bride looks good - those are the rules.

We got home and were in bed a little after midnight.  Saturday morning we got up and packed the car for our trip to Galveston - this time for the Ugly Dress Party!