Sometimes balloons are simply meant for carrying

I appreciate artists.  I am not one.  Because I am not an artist, I hesitate to criticize what others call art.  Usually my rule of thumb is, if I can do it it's probably not art.  Case in point.  Now, there's another spectrum of art that I still can't categorize.  That's the art made from unexpected things, like the Mona Lisa made from toothpicks or the Eiffel Tower made from paperclips.  Those things are kind of cool but then it goes too far.

Case in point.

When Drew's parents were with us in Dallas, his dad got a newspaper and saw that the World Balloon Festival was going to be in Dallas.  The pictures we saw were pretty interesting and none of us had ever gone to something like that.  I should have known better.

Balloons are fun toys.  You know who they're most fun for?  CHILDREN.  Why wasn't I thinking?  Where was my brain?  I felt the beginnings of a stone in my belly as we walked toward the convention center and saw all the children, together with their happy mommies and daddies navigating strollers with their coordinating diaper bags.  This was a family event, DUH.  I briefly considered asking if we really had to stay but that would be rude, so with a deep breath we plunged in.

Imagine ELEVENTY BILLION little kids and eleventy billion more parents with eleventy billion camera flashes going off and the strollers battering rams and oh yeah, more balloons than you've ever seen.  That was the World Balloon convention.

Really?  Balloons get their own convention?

This was at the entrance.  What message is the artist trying to convey here?

Maybe I'm just a wimp, but that giant tree thing is not cute AT ALL.  It's scary.

There was no order, no lines and the workers trying to herd us were very unsuccessful.  Had it been just Drew and me, we would have left immediately.  I don't do crowds and especially not crowds of ill behaved parents.  I would love nothing more in the world to be a mother, but I'm not one, therefore I do not have the tolerance gene that all mothers have.  Crying children annoy me, I don't like being pushed by your tank of a stroller and no, your kid is not cute for stepping on my toes.  Yet we pressed on - we were there so we were going to see some balloons, dammit!

Bumblebee from The Transformers - interesting.

The eagle was pretty cool, although the knight is just weird.  

His hands make me tense.

Next to the knight is a...tiger??  In an...ocean??

Every picture I took was a battle, as I was getting pushed by parents who wanted to get a picture of every balloon sculpture with their kid in front of it.  Sometimes it was the kid who would push, and getting your lower body pushed is a great way to fall.  I almost-fell several times and I'm super surprised that Drew held it together because he got his ankles rammed by strollers countless times.  The four of us were defenseless - we didn't have a stroller to help us fight back!  Had I known I would have rented one!  We were powerless - parents with strollers are lethal.

Along with the big sculptures, they had all kinds of table arrangements.

Then it got weird.

I have no idea what this is and what the artist was trying to say.

You'd think they would at least paint a mouth on it.

This one won a prize! 

 Is she in a bridal gown?  With babies in her arms?

And at her feet?  With watermelons behind her?

I don't even KNOW what the brown balloons are supposed to be.

Bears...or dogs...ride motorcycles all the time, didn't you know?

While cows stand and watch!

If someone delivered that thing on the left to me, I would 

promptly pop it.  Promptly.

At least I can tell what this is and it makes sense, 

even if the turtles do look like they're, um, special.

Then it got weird again.

Oh no bitch, if we have to stay down here in this weirdness 

you are staying too!

You could even get your picture taken with girls in balloon dresses!

The girl in black even had a balloon PURSE!

I tried to get Drew to take a picture with them but he looked at me like I was crazy.

Now this was cool.  Drew took this picture because 

I was too short and couldn't get close enough.

The dragon in the bottom left was cool.

Speaking of dragons...

Two dragons, a phoenix and a geisha

This only won second place!

The phoenix was massive!

The dragon on the left with his pearl.

The one on the right is a little cross-eyed.

They also had a yellow convertible that you could get your picture taken in but the line for that was way too long and by then, we'd all had enough of getting pushed around.  It was very interesting and I can now cross 'World Balloon Festival' off my list of things to do before I die.  

Being around all those families and their kids was difficult - not just because of the pushing either.  I wondered if that was ever going to be me, and if/when it was if we would join the Stroller Army and push around those defenseless people too stupid to arm themselves.  If we too would shrink into our own little world where no one and nothing mattered but my kid and getting pictures of my kid in front of weird balloon sculptures.  As much as my body aches for a child, being in that convention room with so many of them was very overwhelming.  I found myself making a mental note to avoid things like that when I have kids.  Yet, I wondered if there were other parents there who were equally annoyed and wishing they could be somewhere else but they came because it would make their child happy.  Amidst the chaos, I heard so many kids saying over and over 'Wow this is so cool!' in that way that only kids can say.

Once we left the balloons, we took Drew's parents to the farmer's market.  They don't get much fresh produce where they live, so it was a real treat for them.  Drew's dad is just as passionate about cooking as Drew is and it was really neat to see them getting excited about tomatoes.  We got some fresh prawns and stuffed our faces with all the samples they gave out at the food hangars.  We also hit all the good grocery stores and bought more food than we knew what to do with!  Every night, I ate until I was massively uncomfortable.  That part wasn't fun, but with Drew and his dad cooking it was unavoidable.

The rest of their visit in Dallas was largely uneventful, once I had calmed down and wasn't stressing myself out trying to impress them.  Soon enough, Wednesday came and it was time to pack the car and head to Kansas!