Fun with lipstick

Last night I pulled out all my makeup with the intent to organize it.  I used to model - I told y'all that right? - and the sheer amount of makeup I have is startling.  It's deceiving because I have about ten small makeup bags scattered between the two bathrooms but put all together on the bed, it was kind of silly.

Who has this much crap? That bag on the left is STUFFED with lipstick!

I'm not a packrat - I'm really not.  I mean, I don't have stuff piled to the ceilings but I sure will buy a storage box (or makeup bag), very neatly put stuff in it, and give it a home on a closet shelf and forget about it.  Only when I'm looking for shelf space will I go digging around to see what I've got - it's like treasure hunting!  Only with your own stuff.  Which is old and useless by the time you get to it.  So it's not treasure you're finding, it's sticky, waxy lipstick in Day-Glo colors.  Okay, so it's not treasure hunting at all.  Allow me to illustrate.

Cover Girl, Cinnamon Sugar, circa early 90s.  I'm serious.

That big gash?  The one that looks like orange-y red clown makeup?  Cinnamon Sugar.

What in the Orange-y Red Hell would have possessed me to make this purchase?  Who told me that I could pull off a color like that and NOT look like a clown?  Did I not have friends in the early 90s?  How did this and about ten other variations on this reddish orange MADNESS make it into my makeup stash?  Look!

Remember Rouge Pulp?  From the mid-90s I think?  Yeah, there it is SCREAMING next to the Cinnamon Sugar.  Who AM I?

What IS this?  This one was too waxy to even smear on my hand and it was practically untouched.  That makes me feel a tiny bit better - like it got here by ACCIDENT.

My mom introduced me to Lancome when I was 12 years old.  I remember going with her to Saks on the Plaza and her buying me the Ablutia. 

I just did a search and I'm SHOCKED they still have it. 

Every time my mom bought stuff, you'd get the gift with purchase, which was usually a makeup bag (hence my collection of them), a tote bag (I have a collection of those too), trial size eyeshadows, and always a full-size lipstick.  I'm thinking that's why I have so many ridiculous shades that don't flatter my skin tone AT ALL.  Then I came across this one.

My Rouge Amethyste.  This was my very first big-girl lipstick.  The case was heavy - you could TELL this was an expensive lipstick.  I wore the HELL out of my Rouge Amethyste in high school, every chance I got.  I don't remember my mom forbidding me to wear makeup - if anything I can hear her voice in my head saying, "Why don't you make your eyes more DRAMATIC Desiree!  Put some lipstick on Desiree, you look pale.  You need some blush."  Isn't that funny?  We've always loved makeup, my mommy and me.  Even now, I'll totally go "OOoooh, I LOVE your eyes like that!"  My mom knows how to put on some makeup.  Her collection is more extensive than mine!

Between her and the modeling, I've amassed quite a collection - some free gifts from Lancome, some hand-me-downs from my mom, and some purchases from makeup artist recommendations on various photoshoots.  The thing is though, photoshoot makeup rarely translates to, you know, being able to wear it outside the studio.

Dark and moody lipliner for those SERIOUS and BROODING photoshoots, to glittery white eyeshadow for that snowqueen look.  Yeah.

Given that these looks would only be acceptable for a Halloween costume at this point in my life, I went ahead and tossed them all.  Some of it was straight-up NASTY.  It smelled funny, the consistency had gone all wonky and the colors were horrid.  Some of the other stuff was fine, it was just the shocking colors I couldn't manage. 

Now that I'm married, I hardly wear lipstick at all.  Drew's not too keen on having to wipe off his lips or cheeks all the time and he's not a fan of the Untouchable Beauty type.  You know, the one who's all, "Don't touch my hair, I just did it!  Don't kiss me, I just did my lips!  I can't pick that up, I just did my nails!  I can't do that, my makeup might run!"  The only one I do at this point is the hair, but I think that's pretty standard - NEVER mess up a Black woman's hair.  EVER.  But even I get a little free after Day Two hair, sometimes Day Three.  It's already starting to get fuzzy by then so I'm like, have fun!

When I do put something on, I stick to my own shade with a bit of pink or shimmer.  I don't have super-full lips but I don't need to slick them up with Bozo/hooker Red/Plum/Orange/any other color that I can't pull off.

I threw out about twenty tubes of lipstick and I didn't even make a dent.  And I haven't even gotten to the eyeshadows and blushes!  I found a PURPLE blush!  I mean, seventies drag-queen purple.  In my defense it was part of a set but still!  Why I didn't throw it out before is beyond me.

That reminds me, I have a box of nail polish somewhere...