My (almost) brush with fame

Tuesday night the famous blogger extraordinaire, The Pioneer Woman came to Dallas on her book tour.  Her blog is really funny and her pictures are so amazing - so when I saw that she was coming to Dallas I was super stoked.  I had visions of shaking hands with her and getting a shout-out on her website.  I'll admit it - I'm not ashamed - we were getting to be friends in my mind.

Then I went to the bookstore.  First off, she was scheduled to be there at 7pm.  I got there around 6:30, thinking it would be crowded but tolerable.  HA!  You had to get a wristband, to get put in a group, to know where you would stand in the line for her autograph.  They had begun handing out the wristbands at nine that morning.  The hell?  I mean, I know the chick is famous and all but damn!  But whatevs, I bought my book and got my purple wristband.  I had no idea what group that put me in, but I found a place near the front and copped a squat, waiting for it to begin.  This was my first book signing and I'd already been schooled.

My spot on the floor.

I struck up a conversation with the girl next to me and learned some very startling things.  I learned that there were eight groups with wristbands and there were ONE HUNDRED people per group!  I'msorryWHAT!!  My group?  The purple group?  We were after the gold, pink, yellow AND red group!!  Aw HELL no!  I'm not about to wait in line after five. hundred. people.  I don't wait in line - for anything.  Ever.  There is nothing I need that bad that I have to wait in line that long for it.  Back in my clubhopping days I NEVER waited in line.  Ain't no club in EXISTENCE that is THAT good that I have to wait in line to get in and give them my money for drinks.  (I mean, hypothetically.  I rarely paid for my own drinks.)  And I sure do appreciate what this woman has done - I mean, her book is going to help me learn how to cook and I know my husband will appreciate that, but still!  There is no way I'm waiting that long for her autograph.

Then she came out.  She brought her two daughters with her and after a general greeting, some self-deprecating comments about how nervous she was, she got to signing.

She was a very pretty lady, stylishly dressed and her daughters gave off that 'good kid' energy.  That part was cool.

Since there was no way in hell I was going to wait that long for an autograph I just observed my environment.  Lots o chubby White women.  I looked and I was the only spot of color for miles around.  That kind of disappointed me - I know I'm not the only Brown girl in Dallas that reads her blog.  Oh well. 

She brought t-shirts for everyone, which I thought was super sweet.  Theoretically, you're supposed to wait till after you've gotten your autograph before you get a t-shirt but I had no intention of doing that.  I sat there for about an hour an a half and they hadn't even gotten through the first group before I began to devise a way to get a t-shirt without standing in line.

I also noticed that after people were getting their autograph from Ree (typing The Pioneer Woman is too much, even though I just did it), they went to the girls, who were handing out the shirts.  What I found borderline disturbing is that the women were asking the girls to sign their cookbooks, even taking pictures of them!

Kinda creepy - the knees in the bottom right of the photo are the girls.

I mean, I know her children are often central to her storytelling on the website, therefore people think they know these kids but hey guess what?  YOU DON'T AND THEY'RE KIDS.  LEAVE THEM ALONE.  It just creeped me out that these women were talking to these kids like they knew them.  It really made me think twice about who and what I talk about on my blog.  For the first time, I asked myself if I would want total strangers coming up asking me about things I discuss on my blog and it made me think about talking about any future children I may have.  My husband, cool.  The dog, fine.  But if you came up to my kid acting like you know them?  Might be grounds for a punch.  I'm just sayin. 

However, the girls handled the weirdness with grace, smiling at all the chubby white women.  And can I just say, some of those women asking for t-shirts had no business doing that - knowing good and damn well yo ass is NOT going to fit in the extra large.  Just leave it and take a picture.  Oh look at that, I guess I can say it. 

A few of the thousand-plus people that came out for the book signing.

Eventually, I caved and asked the older girl if she would sign my book just so I could have a t-shirt.  She said that the book signings that they had already been to could go on till 3 in the morning!  With the number of people that were there that night, she guessed her mom would be there till at least 2.  Bless that woman's heart. 

I totally felt like a lame-ass for asking the kid to sign my book but I didn't want to be even more lame by skipping the autograph line, not having somebody sign something and THEN asking for a t-shirt.  Only after the girl next to me did the exact same thing did I feel okay enough to ask.  She greased the wheels, if you will.  I even said, "Sorry for being lame, but will you go ahead and sign my thing" while handing her my cookbook.  I felt so lame so I told her that her mom was pretty.  Even more lame.  I mean, what the heck was the kid supposed to say?  But she was a good kid and was very gracious.

She IS very pretty.

So I didn't wait the four-plus hours for my autograph so I didn't get to meet her so she could give me a shout-out on her site and we won't get to be friends.  

But you know, I'm think I'm going to be okay.