6 down, 34 to go

This was not an easy week. When I found out I was pregnant I signed up to receive this e-newsletter that chronicles your pregnancy by week. Monday morning I got the 6-week email saying that this week will be tough. Yeah, right. What it should have said is, 'you will feel like a Mack truck has run you over, backed up, and run you over again for good measure.' That would have been more accurate.

Monday morning I woke up and my boobs hurt so bad! For the rest of the week I've been sleeping in a bra and that seems to help. This weekend I'm going to look for one that doesn't have an underwire so it'll be even more comfortable. I think they're already getting bigger too - this concerns me as I wasn't that small to start with and I'd really prefer not to have porn boobs when it's all said and done. But I guess I don't have much say in the matter right?

I'm so tired too! I've been going to bed around 9:30 every night and I still can't seem to get out of bed in the morning. The past two days I haven't worn makeup to work and I assure you, that's huge for me. I'm not a stickler about makeup but I always wear makeup to work. But it has just been beyond my capabilities these past couple of days - I choose those extra minutes of sleep over putting on my face.

Last night Drew was really sweet - I wasn't feeling well and laying down seemed to be the only thing that helped. He was cooking but I couldn't even be in the kitchen for long. Once dinner was done, he asked if I wanted to sit with him in the breakfast nook and eat my crackers there. I told him no, that I'd rather just lay down. So he came and got in bed and had dinner with me there! He's so sweet! I was even able to take a few bites of dinner.

Today I have had no nausea so thank God for small blessings, although I sure could put my head down and go to sleep with zero problems. The baby is only the size of a lentil bean but man, it sure is making its presence known! But I'm grateful, because I'm too neurotic to have no symptoms - I'm glad that I'm feeling wonky because that means something's cookin in there!

Awww, I have a bun in the oven!

This was at five weeks - not much to see, but I'm putting it here to say bye-bye to my (somewhat) flat tummy!

Eating for two

**For the moment, I'm going to talk about pregnancy and baby stuff because it's all I can think about. Soon, I'll get back to my regularly scheduled chaos.

I usually have decent eating habits - I try not to eat junk-food, I haven't had a soda in a while and I don't have the sweet tooth I used to. I don't use food to make myself feel better, and I always stop eating when I'm full. However, I don't eat regularly and I don't eat very balanced meals. The usual culprit is breakfast - I can't even function before ten am, much less eat so I usually just leave it and have lunch. Dinner is sometimes a box of noodles and that's it. From my modeling days, I've learned to ignore little stomach grumblings and from what I understand that's not the greatest idea when you're growing a human being from scratch.

I'm only six weeks in but already I've noticed that my eating habits are much different, namely I cannot ignore the hunger pangs. I wake up in the morning starving, but then a couple hours later, I feel sick to my stomach. I've been very lucky *knock on wood* that I haven't actually puked yet, but I sure do get the waves of nausea. I was driving to work (the bus makes me nauseated too) this morning and it hit me so hard I nearly started crying because I thought I was going to puke all over my clothes. I just took several deep breaths and was able to get through it, but it sucked. I tried to call Drew and have him talk to me to keep my mind off of things but apparently for him 'talk to me' means ask me a bunch of questions. He didn't understand my goal of keeping my mouth shut so I didn't vomit everywhere. Oh well.

I was walking to work and I could smell everything. The woman with way too much perfume. Someone smoking. The exhaust from the cars and buses. Dog pee. It was terrible. I tried holding my hand in front of my face but then I could smell my lotion on my hand and that didn't help either. I settled for taking really shallow breaths until I could get inside my building.

I'm munching on some almonds right now because even though I had two scrambled eggs this morning, I'm still hungry. I read that you're only supposed to up your calorie intake by 300 when you're pregnant but I don't know if that's accurate for me since I'm pretty sure I didn't eat enough to start with. But how are you supposed to eat more when the smell of things makes your stomach start doing the Wave? When I opened my bag of almonds, I could totally smell it - it's kind of weird.

What I wouldn't give for some dry plain crackers right about now.

About to burst

Ever since I was little, I've kept a journal. I've always written to get my thoughts out because having them knocking around my head usually ends badly for me. I think too much about things, I get anxious and then I end up doing something dumb. That's kind of where I am right now - I'm about to burst and I can't take it anymore. This blog is my space, my corner where I dump my thoughts, stories, and frustrations for posterity, for help and to just plain get. it. out. So here goes...

Remember the whole FSH and infertility business? If not, refresh your memory - I'll wait. Anyway, when I got my FSH news, Drew was out of town. He got back home on a Friday night, and we talked and hugged and kissed and he told me everything was going to be okay. Several friends of ours have had difficulty conceiving and we just kind of thought that would be us too. 'Okay fine, it's going to take us a while. No big, we'll have fun trying'. That whole weekend for the first time in our relationship we, ummmmm, ya know...........

Okay you know what, we had unprotected sex. There. Gollee. I always did hate beating around the bush and we're all grown ups here. Frankly, I just wanted to see what it felt like as we have always been uber-careful. And it was fun. Okay, I'll stop - I know Drew reads this sometimes and I don't want him to die of embarrassment. Saturday, Sunday, Monday - ok now for real, I'll stop. Sunday morning, Drew put his ear on my belly to see if he could hear 'his man-seed swimming around'. I laughed and told him not to get excited, that it could take years for us to get pregnant.

That was the last weekend in July - August 5th I feel some cramping. I noted it because I don't EVER cramp before my period. I usually cramp one to two hours before; that's how I know it's coming, and I'm not due till Aug. 8th. I do some quick counting and realize that weekend was my fertile time. But I quickly think don't get your hopes up, it could be nothing.

However, August 8th and 9th come and go with no Aunt Flow. Monday the 10th Drew went out of town again so I was at home by myself with my thoughts for the whole week, as he wasn't supposed to come back till that Friday. On Tuesday I called him and told him I still hadn't started yet. He was like, 'well go get a test'. I told him there was no way I was taking a test without him there so he just needed to cancel whatever he was doing and come home now.

Well, praise the baby Jesus, he came home Wednesday night. I got off work and stopped at the CVS when he called. 'What are you doing?' 'Just walking in to CVS.' 'For what?' 'What do you think?' 'Oh. So you're coming straight home after?' 'Um, yaaaaah.'

So I bought three tests and when I walked in the door he was going through the mail all nonchalant, like his life wasn't about to change (maybe) in the next few minutes. He's all asking me about my day, and I'm like 'who CARES about my day??!!' I shake the box in front of his face in an effort to snap him out of it. He's like, 'well I can't pee on the thing, go on already'.

I go in the bathroom but I chicken out. What if it's positive? What if it's not? All of a sudden, I don't want to do it. But the suspense is killing me, so finally I just yank my pants down and pee on the stick. I set it on the counter, get situated and stand up to wash my hands. In those ten seconds, I got this.

I said, 'oh my god' real quiet and just stared at it for the longest time. I meant for us to look at it together but it changed so fast I couldn't have helped but be the first one to see it. I brought in into the kitchen and let it fall on the island. Drew looked up and said, 'It hasn't been two minutes yet'. 'Sweetie, it doesn't fade'. He looked at it for the longest time. I was like, 'what does this mean?' He goes, 'I think it means you're pregnant'.

Hearing the words come out of his mouth really hit me. I went and laid on the bed in a state of shock. My eyes were all glazed over and my mouth was just hanging open. Three tries. Three times and I'm pregnant. I was ready for it to take years, I was psyching myself up for the challenges of infertility, I was looking up basal body thermometers. I was going to get fertility tests, for god's sake!

The day I had gone to the fertility doctor he did an ultrasound to check things; he showed me a follicle sac and told me that I likely ovulated some days prior. Little did I know that I had indeed ovulated, that egg had been fertilized and at that moment a microscopic bundle of cells was making its way down to my uterus!

We called his parents because he had already told them that I was late and that I had gone to get a test. They were overjoyed and want to be called Nanny and Poppy. I love it! My mom had to play it a little more cool because my dad was in the car and I didn't want to tell him yet as we are slowly slowly slowly getting back on speaking terms. So Cori and Kelly, please don't tell your husbands because I don't want them telling my brother who may or may not tell my dad. I know my brother doesn't read my blog but just in case and I know my dad barely uses the computer for email so I should be good there too. I'm going back to KC in October for my bridal shower and I figure I'll tell him then - this sort of thing needs to be face to face I think.

But GAWD, I have been bursting! I have so many thoughts swirling around my head! Drew didn't want me to say anything to anyone else, but then at the housewarming party so many of our friends were hugging me and whispering congratulations in my ear, I knew Drew had spilled it. I know he was bragging about his super sperm. Plus, our other friends figured it out when I wasn't drinking because normally I'm bellied up wherever there's alcohol. I was sipping on juice and Pellegrino and I didn't think people would notice - but I guess when you're known for keeping up with your boyfriend drink for drink, the absence of that doesn't get missed.

I know I'm not through the first trimester yet but I can't take it anymore! I'm freaking out and I need to get it out of my head because I can't talk to Drew about it as much as I want to. It's not super real for him yet I don't think and he's not as neurotic as I am about this. Besides, boys just don't get it when you ask them how they're going to handle it when their teenage son breaks curfew. He was like, 'you're not even showing yet!' I was like, I don't care, I need to know now. So I'm thinking I need to sort of lay off Drew and ask these questions of the blog world, so that Drew will be able to make it through to the teenage years.

**big sigh**

Okay, now that that's out I feel so much better. I thought I was going to go nuts!

Holy sh*t, I'm pregnant y'all!

Operation Housewarming: The Afterparty

Sunday morning we woke up early to have breakfast with Kathleen and her fiance before they got on the road back to KC. Bless her heart, Kathleen had sampled lots of the sangria and the vodka and was feeling it that morning. I didn't think she'd be able to come in and eat with us; I wanted to spend more time with her but I've been there and didn't want her to have to do any more than she felt she could. I know when I feel like that, simply blinking is too much of an effort. But she rallied and we went ahead and had breakfast. We were all really tired as we stayed up till 2 in the morning, laughing and cutting up while gathering all the dirty dishes.

We finished breakfast and saw them off and Drew, my mom and I went to the farmer's market to walk off all that greasy food. I had never been there and it sounded like a fun Sunday thing to do.

Sidebar: Friday night, Drew and my mother took the dog for a walk around 10pm. Our neighborhood is sort of well lit, but not super bright and some of the sidewalks are uneven. Well, my mom was walking and fell on an uneven part of the sidewalk and smashed her face. I. was. inconsolable. They came back in and her nose was already swollen and bruising, she had scrapes on her hands and knees and she had bitten her bottom lip. I cried for hours! I felt so guilty, I shouldn't have let her go out walking in the dark, I was mad that Drew didn't catch her (even though I knew he couldn't have), and I couldn't stop thinking about something even more serious might have happened. It was terrible and I'm tearing up again just thinking about it. I only put it here because there are some pictures where you can see she's got a black eye and I don't want y'all to think I beat my mommy.

Anyway, we went to the farmer's market and I took lots of pictures of all the things that caught my interest. We visited a stall that sold Mexican pottery and iron works and I just loved it!

Drew was checking out their iron arches for the backyard and I could see us getting married under one all intertwined with pretty flowers. They weren't too expensive either - we'll have to keep that in mind when we actually start gathering stuff for the wedding. 

Meanwhile, this little dude just spoke to me.

 I really liked these rosary beads as well. I could see them draped over the mantle or even hung on the wall. I'd also seen the sculptures of the children embracing each other in a circle and one of these days I'd like to come back and get them. The stall reminded of the little shops I've visited in Mexico and I'd love to have some of these pieces in our house. But only after the wedding though - I'm trying to curb all non-wedding spending for the time being.

I bought some shea butter for my hair from the African stall - they had the coolest stuff over there too. She had the black soap but I've always been too chicken to try it. Plus I couldn't really get down with paying $12 for a bar of soap - that just seems a little excessive to me. So I just got the shea butter and will try it on my ends the next time I wash my hair.

Then we went over to the food hangars! It was all outdoors and it was so awesome! They have rows and rows of all this beautiful food that's locally grown and they have people in front of their stands cutting off samples of their wares. I've never tasted a juicier peach, a tastier watermelon or just seen such beautiful food! They also had fresh herbs for sale and my mom pulled off a leaf from a chocolate mint plant. I'd never heard of such a thing but sure enough, it smelled like mint chocolate! It was so cool - my mom stuck it on her top lip so she could smell it and I had to take a picture. I love my little mommy! It makes me so sad that she hurt herself...

We bought cookies, cherries, blackberries and they were all so delicious and fresh. We had so much fun at the farmer's market!

Afterwards, we drove around our neighborhood a little giving my mom a tour and then we got back home and crashed out for a few hours. When we woke up, we started cleaning the kitchen. Our poor dishwasher got a workout that afternoon! But, by Sunday night everything was back in its place. It was so much fun to have all our friends in the house and my mom and my best friend to share with us. Good times!

Operation Housewarming: Success!

The housewarming party was a complete and total success! We had such a wonderful time and I'm sitting here trying not to fall asleep because we were rippin and runnin the whole weekend!

My mother arrived Thursday night - I haven't seen my mom in a while and it was so good to just soak her up. I just love my little mommy! She's my world and I didn't want to be more than a foot away from her the whole time. I took Friday off of work so we could shop for the party and shop we did! We laid waste to The Dollar Store and Costco! It was so much fun! I wanted it to be a nice party and resemble a backyard barbeque as little as possible. So we loaded up on glasses from the dollar store, silver serving platters, and pretty napkins which really made it swanky.

My mom said it looked like a rich person's house! We got a ton of food from Costco as well as some fresh flowers - no party is complete without fresh flowers. It really made the tables and they looked sooo pretty!

We picked up several vases from The Salvation Army and got filler rocks from Wal-Mart to complete them and it was wonderful. We also got some guest napkins from the Crate and Barrel outlet which was an ingenious idea from my mommy. You don't want to wipe your hands on a damp towel that a kabillion people have used, so we got some of these awesome napkins for a couple of bucks!

We had kebabs, dips and crackers, white and red sangria, margaritas and blueberry vodka with pink lemonade. By the end of the night, all the white sangria and the vodka was gone! When we were making it earlier in the day, my mom had to test it out to make sure it was good. The funny thing is, my mom NEVER drinks and gets tipsy off one glass of wine. Needless to say, she was lots of fun at the party! She was a total hit with everyone - they all kept coming up and telling me how much they loved my mom. I was such the proud daughter!

We got tons of wonderful gifts, namely lots o wine! We were very grateful and it was so much fun to fill up our previously empty wine rack. I'm serious y'all, all this wine was gifted to us! Can you believe it? One of my favorite gifts was from our friend Andi. We have lots of pictures of us kissing and one night we went out for Andi's birthday and she took yet another liplock picture of us. She had it framed and gave it to us at the party. The frame was gorgeous! One of Drew's work friends gave us the most beautiful flower arrangement ever and the day after the party we did some rearranging of the flowers so we could accomodate this fantastic creation of floral awesomeness.
However, my best gift came in the form of my best friend in the entire universe. She lives in Kansas City and I was really bummed that she wouldn't be able to make it. Saturday morning, her giftcard to us arrived in the mail and I smiled sadly, wishing that she could be there. But I knew that I was going to KC in October for my bridal shower and they would be coming November for the wedding so I didn't want to pout too much. I had gotten out of the shower and I was doing my hair when Drew poked his head in the bathroom to tell me to throw something on and come outside. I told him, 'Baby, I love you so much, you're the light of my life, my soul would be empty without you, now go away can't you see I'm busy!' He shrugged his shoulders and opened the door and IN WALKED KATHLEEN!

I screamed bloody murder - it was like seeing a ghost! I was all crying and hugging her and saying 'oh my god, I can't believe you're here' over and over again, all while trying to keep my towel on! She is my best friend but I thought it best that I not be naked while jumping around and hugging her. My mom was in the shower when she heard me screaming and thought something terrible had happened and was thisclose to running out of the shower naked and dripping wet! Poor mommy. Having Kathleen there was the icing on the cake - it truly was a perfect evening.
I didn't get as many pictures as I would have liked because I was constantly on the move, greeting people as they arrived, hugging them as they left. And I also didn't get shots of the backyard. Drew got some great tiki torches to keep the bugs away and they really made the backyard look so festive.

There was food on every flat surface and I loved having real glasses for everyone. Everyone mingled and we had great music courtesy of the John Mayer station on Pandora. No one got silly, nothing got broken and there was only one small stain on the wall afterwards - at least that I've found. Kesha and Kathleen were absolute angels and helped to clean up everything. I didn't even have to go from room to room the next morning getting everything cleaned up. That's the worst part of a party - finding random messes the next day. But we had none of that! It was a complete success and I think we'll be able to handle 55 people at the house for the wedding.

Sunday we went to the farmer's market and that was so much fun too! I took tons of awesome pictures as I had never been - that'll be part two of this story because this post is scary long as it is! Stay tuned y'all!

The fairy dust worked!

I have an interview today at noon for that position I'm wanting! I'm really excited and nervous - I've never been in this position before. It's not like a first interview at a new company - those are easy in my opinion. You're on your best and most professional behavior, you have your answers prepared for the standard questions - I know how to do those interviews. I'm just stumped on how to interview with someone that you see in the break room and chat with almost every day. I don't want to act like I don't know her but if I get the job (speak it into existence! WHEN I get the job) she will be my supervisor so I want to be respectful.

So thanks y'all for the fairy dust and good vibes! I'll keep you posted - she wants to fill the position soon so either way it goes I'm thinking a decision will be made by the end of the month. How cool would that be!

Okay, I have to get back to my spreadsheet - I need to have it finished by Thursday and I'm about halfway through. My mom comes in town Thursday night and I took the day off Friday to prepare for the party. Gah, where has this week gone!?

Nightmare!!

My boss gave me this big project yesterday which meant I had to do that instead of posting and reading blogs (booooo!) and when I went to open the spreadsheet this morning, ALL MY WORK FROM YESTERDAY WAS GONE!!!

I'm such a fanatic about saving my work every few minutes so I don't know how this could have happened but it did!! I literally felt my stomach turn over when I opened the file. So yeah, I'm not posting again today either. Boooooo!!!

Operation Housewarming

Drew and I love to entertain. He is a bit more social more often than I am, but I love to be around family and friends too. Now that we have furniture in every room of the house and we've gotten some pictures on the walls, we figured it would be a great time for our housewarming party. It grew to a housewarming/engagement party once he proposed and it's still growing. I'm starting to get nervous.

Drew can make friends with anyone, anywhere, anytime. Once he's spoken with someone for five minutes, you can bet they're getting an invitation for drinks or to come over to the house. I really like that about Drew but since he's more social than I am, I sometimes tell him, 'Gah baby, stop talking to people!' He reminds me of my dad that way. My dad used to embarrass the crap out of us when we were younger because he would talk to everybody. When I was a teenager I was constantly mortified by my dad's outgoing nature. Of course, as a teenager I was constantly mortified by just about everything my parents did but whatever. I totally look forward to regularly mortifying my kids when I have them - it's a parental privilege.

Anyway, the upside of being so outgoing is that Drew knows a lot of people and has tons of business connections. Okay, but all those connections? All those people that he meets on random plane rides? AND our friends? He's invited all of them to our house!! I just checked the evite and there are currently 36 people who are absolutely coming and another 38 who have yet to respond! Granted, some of those 38 won't be able to come, like his parents and brother in New York. Drew still wanted to invite them so they wouldn't feel left out - he's so sweet like that.

But that's only a few! I know some of those on the list will be coming even if they haven't said yes which means expecting 50 people at the house is not unreasonable! Holy crap! Where will they all fit? I've never hosted a party with that many people before - we had our 4th of July party at the pool at the loft and I think there were only about 30 at that one! And that was outside in a giant pool! Exclamation point!

I'm concerned for Maya - she freaks out when there are four people in the house. I have no idea what she'll do with 50. When she gets nervous she eats grass, (no clue what that's about - something about it makes them vomit which settles their nervous stomachs. Poor thing.) so I'm wondering if we'll have to keep her in her crate the whole time. I know Drew won't want that - he loves showing her off. I guess we'll just have to play it by ear.

It will also be a good exercise for the wedding because we're wanting to do it in the backyard, (yes, planning is back on. More on that later) so we'll have a good idea of what 50 people in the backyard looks like.

What the heck will everyone eat??? I definitely want to do easy stuff - food you can eat with one hand while walking around. We've committed to providing margaritas and sangria because we figure that will be the easiest to whip up in large quantities. Ooooh, I just thought of a theme! What about tapas? We could have little nibblies everywhere!

Anyway, so the party is this Saturday the 22nd. My mom is coming to town the Thursday before (thank God!) to help out so wish me luck y'all! Operation Housewarming is in effect!

I'm such a dork.

Good vibes please!

A position just opened up in my company in HR and I want it!!!! I want it real bad. (Legally Blonde - see, I don't make people guess my movie lines. You're welcome.) It would be the perfect job for me and it would get me out from behind the reception desk, which would be awesome as I had some creepy guys harassing me earlier today. I want to be behind the swipe-card doors so the weirdos can't mess with me.

I submitted my resume this morning so if you'll send some good vibes and fairy dust my way that would be awesome!!

Buying the ring

Drew and I talked about marriage pretty early on in our relationship. After all, we weren't wide-eyed early twentysomethings with our heads in the clouds. There are some advantages to being a grown-up; fewer games as you get older. After we'd both determined that marriage and family were high on the list of priorities, we commenced to datin'.

It went well (as you know) and by January we'd begun to have mini-talks. Nothing big or serious, we'd just broach the subject from time to time. A DeBeers commercial would come on tv or we'd watch a movie with a wedding in it and it would usually begin a conversation about what we wanted and didn't want in a wedding and/or proposal. One of the things that I was adamant about was that I didn't want to be proposed to in a public place or with lots of people around. I worked at The Cheesecake Factory while I was in school and I was witness to plenty of cheesy (pun intended) proposals. You know, where they write 'will you marry me?' in chocolate sauce around the plate with either the ring in a box on top of a slice of cheesecake or smooshed into the cake itself. We would all gather around to witness said blessed event and clap when it was done and I'm not joking, every last one of us servers would walk off and be like 'how freakin CHEESY'. Us girls would think it was sweet but we'd all say 'I'd better not EVER get proposed to in a restaurant!' I guess it was a function of the job.

Anyway, I told Drew all of this, conceding that if he had his heart set on a restaurant it would have to be the nicest one in Dallas and no one would be able to know that he'd proposed. I wanted him to just slide the ring over - no getting down on one knee in front of everyone! In retrospect, I'm so thankful he did it the way he did.

But we'd never looked at rings. I had told him what I liked so he would have an idea but I always thought he'd get my mom to help him or something like that. I never dreamed that I'd pick it out myself and be okay with it.

I had gotten my hair done one Saturday and as I was leaving, my best (male) friend called me. He's getting married on Sept. 6th and he had just come from purchasing his fiancee's ring. He told me that a certain jewelry store was closing it's Galleria location and everything in the store was at least 60% off. He said Drew and I should go check it out and I heartily agreed. (like I wouldn't, right?)

So I came home and jumped on a napping Drew. 'Baby, Doug just got his girl's ring and everything is 60% off or more - we should go look. Let's at least go look.' He groggily agreed, which I think was the only way that I was able to convice him. He put some clothes on and we called Doug on the way there so Drew could curse him out. Oh well, he's the one who agreed - no matter that he wasn't all the way awake.

We arrive and sure enough, everything was on sale. Of course, I knew exactly what I wanted and lost no time in requesting an eternity band and an accompanying plain band. Nice and classic, no fuss. Drew liked it but wasn't convinced and said I should try more rings before making a decision. You don't have to tell me twice.

I had always said I didn't want a solitaire because it looked too naked. I also said I didn't like round diamonds, as well as I was too OCD not to have an eternity band - I knew I'd fuss with it too much if the diamonds weren't perfectly aligned. I know I have issues but I'm okay with it.

Drew didn't get the idea of an eternity band - 'Why have diamonds where you can't see them? If you get an anniversary band you can get bigger diamonds for the same price.' Ummm, OKAY. Bigger diamonds it is.

So I tried on the anniversary band of channel set round diamonds and was really suprised at how much I liked it. We put it into the 'yes' pile. Then he picked out a solitaire - princess cut for his princess. *ducking and covering* I didn't say that! It wasn't me! He was the one who said that! And promptly thereafter we both vomited.

The princess cut was simply gorgeous next to the anniversary band. I wasn't sure how the square and round would look next to each other but they were soooo pretty! The solitaire did still look naked to me so I told him that if this was what we picked that I'd want to wear the band first and get the solitaire at the ceremony. He was cool with it either way.

Of course the sales lady was being all pushy with her 'so are we doing this today?' 'Are we taking this home with us?' No sweetie, WE aren't doing anything, and WE are going to hush OUR mouths so WE don't scare the boyfriend. Drew is not a fan of the hard sell and I was so thankful we were even looking that I didn't want to spoil it. So then Drew tells me that he wants to talk to the lady privately so I went across the way to look at the clothes. Have you been in a mall lately? They're hurting so bad that practically every store is having some giant sale pretty much all the time. It's crazy. So after a while Drew comes to get me and we head away from the store.

Drew: I think you should buy me a drink after what you just put me through.

Me: Aw, it wasn't that bad. But thank you so much for going to look. It was kinda fun.

Drew: Yeah well, let's stop at Mi Cocina and have a drink before we go home.

Me: Babe, we have stuff to drink at the house - we don't need to spend money. Besides, we still have to go to the grocery store.

Drew: No, I want to stop at Mi Cocina.

Me: (exasperated) What for? Why do you want to spend money? We have stuff at the house!

Drew: (equally exasperated) I have to wait till she draws up my receipt.

I rode the escalator down in silence. I don't think I've been that silent for that long since we started dating. The magnitude of what he'd just done rendered me speechless. I walked in to Mi Cocina silently, with my mouth slightly hanging open. We took a seat at the bar and he ordered us a couple of cocktails. I seriously think a solid five minutes passed. Finally I whispered, 'you bought them?' He said, 'yeah' just as our drinks arrived. I picked mine up, turned to him to toast and said, 'Holy sh*t!' It was one of my finer moments.

I was still stunned as we were heading home and periodically I would turn to him and go 'you really bought them?', to which he'd nod his head and go 'yes, baby'. I couldn't believe it. I didn't tell my mom for a couple of days but the shreik I got when I did tell her was totally worth it. I had to have the band sized twice but now it fits perfectly and my finger already feels naked without it. I can't wait till I get to wear both because that means I'll be a wifey! And since I can't go too long without looking at my ring....

Yummy for my tummy

This weekend was such a treat for me because Drew was entertaining work people so we got to out to some reeeeeaalllly nice dinners! Yea for the company card!

Friday night was our date night. Since I have been suffering from the worst PMS of my life, this past week was a tough one on us. He's out of town all this week which means I get to watch the dog and I was feeling resentful because I felt like he expected me to do it. I felt like I was being taken for granted and well, you know me -- never one to sit in the corner and pout. If I'm feeling bad, somebody's going down with me.

I'm really struggling because when I'm not hormonal, I can tolerate the dog. But when I'm feeling crazy to begin with AND the dog rips a hole in my favorite shirt, I just want to open the door and let her run away. Today, now that I feel normal again I'm once again able to tolerate the dog. But I just needed to remind Drew that I do not have 'pet sitter' written anywhere on my forehead and that my taking care of the dog is not a given. If he was single man he probably wouldn't have a dog and I think he sometimes forgets that.

But never let it be said that he turns a deaf ear when I voice (okay, yell) my concerns. He took me out to Eno's, saying that given the past week it would be good to get out of the house. I agreed. I love going to Bishop Arts, it's so cute with all the little funky shops with the handmade this and the fair trade that. For my KC peeps, I'd compare it to Waldo or even the Crossroads. I'm sure any big city has it, the cultural, artsy part of town where they have awesome food in little warehouse type places.

Eno's is a true pizza tavern and they have that thin crust pizza with the tiny tables so the pizza takes up the whole table and it's pretty much the greatest thing ever. Friday night they had a live jazz band so we just hung out and stuffed ourselves with salad and a large pizza with everything on it (except olives - I hate olives -- all olives should be blown up). I was really thankful for the one on one time - I don't get that a lot and that contributes to my crankiness too. I really like him and I really want to be around him and I'm not too keen on sharing him with anyone else. (I know he thought differently this past week but I really do love you baby!) I love it when I get 'us' time.

Saturday night we entertained one of the product managers from China so we took her out to one of our favorite splurge-only restaurants, Nick and Sam's. Eileen was so super sweet and we had a great time at dinner. Being the language-lover that I am, I was enthralled with how well she managed the English language, listening to the linguistic differences and trying to remember from school why she said 'sank you' instead of 'tank you' or 'fank you'. I seriously just wanted to study her speech but lest she think I was a complete weirdo, I just smiled and tried to keep from leaning in and asking her to repeat herself just because I wanted to hear her talk. I don't think she was on to me - so we're good.

But Nick and Sam's! It's a steakhouse but they have the most awesome seafood on the planet! I ADORE scallops and the past couple of times we've gone I've gotten the scallops. I keep saying that I need to branch out, try new things but my beloved scallops simply call to me! Nick and Sam's is also great for people watching as it is the spot for the tres chic in Dallas. Athletes, famous people and people who wish they were famous all want to be seen at Nick and Sam's. It's fun to play 'pick out the plastic surgery procedure' among the Dallas girls looking to nab a Mavericks player. We sat in the bar so we got ample fodder for our game. The other fun game to play is 'who is THAT guy?' A couple sat near us and they received enough food for a small army. Wave after wave of food kept coming to their table, all compliments of the chef. No fewer than three managers came over to speak to the guy. The chef came out to talk with them, all the while more and more impressive food was coming to their table. The girl got the biggest lobster tail I'd ever seen and it looked soooo good. No seriously, who WAS that guy?

Our meal was nothing to sneeze at either. Drew got some hunk of burnt flesh with a big bone sticking out of it. He said it was wonderful - I'll take his word for it. I had my beloved scallops, trying not to roll my eyes with every heavenly bite. Eileen had the lemon sole and she said it was very nice - I'll have to take her word for it too. I can't see abandoning my scallops any time soon. We had a wonderful seafood sampler to start, then a salad and by the time our meal came we were beyond stuffed but you just can't stop eating, it's that good! There was zero room for dessert and our plans to go out after were completely nixed. We could barely keep our eyes open on the way home after dropping Eileen at her hotel.

Sunday I got to go to another work dinner, this time there were eight of us. We went back to Bishop Arts, this time to Hattie's. We'd been wanting to try it since we moved to the area and what better time to experiment than when you've got the company card! The restaurant was beautiful with lots of natural light and everything decorated with black and white with pretty yellow flowers accenting the space above the booths. Being all DIY, I was examining the chairs in the entry, trying to guess how they repurposed them.

We were seated and we began chatting amongst ourselves, as many of our guests had flown in for the training being held today. A lot of business talk, inside stories and jokes, while me and the other wife (I know I'm not a wife yet but for the story's sake I'm lumping us together) just smiled and nodded. We had been sitting there for a short period of time when the server came to the table on my left. Everyone was still talking and I guess she decided that we had gone on long enough. She leaned in, put her hand on the table, and said 'Excuse me, I have some specials to tell you about'. No greeting, no introduction, and completely interrupting all conversation at the table. I about lost it - I put myself through school waiting tables and I'm very sensitive to service. In a place that nice, I was appalled that our server behaved like that. She had a permanent scowl and pretty much interrupted conversation every time she came to the table.

Drew was paying for dinner - she should have been speaking with him alone regarding decisions for the table. She didn't need to announce everything she was doing - when she asked if we were having another bottle of wine she asked everyone at the table and we all looked at Drew. Awkward!! That was a question for him alone, that should have been asked in a low voice right beside him so as not to interrupt the other diners. She was so intrusive, taking things off the table without asking if we were done with them - she took Drew's bread plate that still had half a piece of buttered bread on it! I guess she was watching his carbs for him.

I very nearly went to the manager right then but I didn't want to make things worse for Drew because I knew he could tell I was upset. After we'd finished our entrees, Scowly McScowlerson was back and I couldn't take it anymore. Again she came on my left and all loud asked if we were having dessert. Before she could repeat herself even more loudly I turned to her and leveled my 'leave now' gaze. 'We're still deciding, thank you'. I wish I could say she got the hint but she didn't, reaching between everyone to get everything off the table -- even the other wife noticed, saying 'oh I'll get that for you (so your boob doesn't have to be in my face)'. I noticed some nervous laughter when she was manhandling our table and I got more and more upset. I couldn't help but wonder if she didn't give us good service because she was getting a tip either way. I can't stand that -- I'm an excellent tipper but if someone goes so far as to intrude on my dining experience I get really peeved.

I don't go to restaurants to be entertained. I didn't come here to see you, Scowly. I came to get some good food. In my opinion the best server is the one who gets you what you need and then stays the heck out of the way. I don't like the ones who think they're your best friend and sit at the table with you while they take your order and tell you their life story. With all due respect, keep my water full, get my order right and be professional and you'll get 20% from me every time.

I called the manager once we'd left - I just couldn't let someone else be subjected to Scowly's 'service'. I felt better once I voiced my opinion and whether or not he did anything or said anything to her, I don't know. Coming from Nick and Sam's where the service is beyond impeccable every single time to Scowly, who looked like we were inconveniencing her by ordering food, for god's sake, I didn't want to let it go. I think too often we don't speak up because we don't want to be thought of as that guy - I know I don't. But you know, sometimes you have to just let somebody know, hey it's not ok to take my plate away if the fork is still in my hand!

And yeah, maybe she was having a bad day. But again, with all due respect, that's not my problem. Get it together and be professional - if you can't, call in sick. No one else should have to pay for what's going on in your life. Slap a smile on your face and be professional if it kills you because that's your job.

But it's all good - Scowly aside, it was a great weekend and so much fun to have all that great food. It's back to Pasta Roni for me since Drew's gone this week but that's ok - I looooove Pasta Roni!

Know what I hate? (possible TMI)

I'm not a germaphobe. I'm a clean person but I don't obsess about it. You'll always hear me saying 'that's what an immune system is for' when someone freaks out about touching a disease-infested germ-ridden doorknob. Of course, if someone sneezes straight into their hands right in front of me and then reaches for said doorknob, that's a different story. But for the most part, I keep my hands washed and I remain alert and aware, never paranoid.

One thing I've never mastered is The Hover. My girlfriend is a champion, claiming that her backside has never in life touched a public toilet seat. Me, it's not that serious. If there are those paper thingies that you put over the toilet, I'll use them. If I'm in a somewhat questionable place and I don't have to go really bad I'll drape toilet paper over the seat, but I'm not obsessive about it. I do have limits - I rarely use gas station restrooms. A girl has to draw the line somewhere.

But The Hover - I never could do it. I always ended up being less than precise, shall we say. Now, in the few times that I've attempted The Hover, I've always made sure to be courteous to the next person using the restroom. They don't need to pay for my lack of coordination and thigh muscles (coming from the yoga instructor -- ironic, I know). There's just something about your pants around your ankles and holding up your shirt and leaning over and sort of squatting that just messes it up. 'That's what an immune system is for' and I just give up and sit down.

Well, some exceedingly nasty person in my office performed The Hover and they were not courteous!! And the one time I don't check because I have to go really bad.

I'm telling myself it was the splash from the aggressive automatic toilet flusher.

Low fuel

**I've been sitting on this post since Monday as I wasn't sure if I wanted to chronicle this journey, but in the spirit of letting it all hang out, here goes.

Monday morning I went to a fertility doctor at the request of my gynie. With the whole high FSH number business she wanted me to see him post-haste -- do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. I thought she was being a bit agressive, as we haven't even been 'trying' yet. But I went.

The doctor was really nice, a chill Asian dude in his own office in the same building as my gynie. I made sure there would be no blood drawn at this meeting.

I filled out the questionnaire, stumbling over the 'how many alcholic beverages do you have in a week?' question. When I stopped to think about it, I was a little shocked. Drew and I both love wine and it's very customary for us to have a couple of glasses of wine on a Friday night to celebrate the weekend. And then there was the dinner party we had on Saturday night - and the work dinner we're going to this weekend - and our housewarming in a couple of weeks. I started to get really concerned - were we alcoholics? Have I ruined all chances I could ever have for getting pregnant?? All of a sudden I could think of every single drink I've had since Drew and I started dating. Before the panic could totally take me over, I reminded myself that it was in the past and there's nothing I could do about it and I can only be mindful of the future. But I made sure to address the drinking thing with the doctor as soon as I got in to see him. He told me I wasn't an alcoholic.

They took my blood pressure, weight and pulse and then I went in to chat with the doctor. He gave me a couple of handouts 'so I wouldn't have to take notes'. Notes? I'm supposed to take notes? Aw, man - I suck at this infertility thing already. Well, I took my pen out and wrote on my handouts so he wouldn't think I wasn't serious about getting pregnant and not help me.

I did have questions though - namely, should I even be here? It was all still surreal; I kind of felt like I was doing research for a project. Like I was here for someone or something else, it's not for me. This is what he told me:

'I have an analogy. Think of your hormone level like a fuel gauge. When the low fuel light comes on, it doesn't mean that your car is going to run out of gas right that second. However, you don't know precisely how long you can drive with the light on. Sometimes, the fuel in the tank swishes around and the light can temporarily go off, but you still have low fuel. If your FSH was 10 or below, I'd tell you to go home and try for six months. But with it being a 12, I'd want to start ruling things out.'

So my low fuel light has just come on and while it's not necessarily cause for panic, I need to start looking for a gas station. And then he outlined my treatment plan.

I have to get my blood drawn again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dammitdammitdammit

Depending on when I start, I'll go in on Monday or Tuesday to have my FSH taken for his office. I was like 'Can't you just ask my gynie for it? Can't you just take some of the blood they already have? Gah!!!' Next month I get the dye test to check that my tubes aren't blocked. The month after that I get the test to check that I have no scarring in my uterus. Fun stuff y'all. Drew's getting his boys checked in the meantime to make sure they're not retarded backwards-swimmers and all that.

I walked out still in somewhat of a daze. I fully expected him to laugh at me for being in his office, being young and thin and so obviously healthy. When he didn't, my confidence slid ever so slightly. 'You mean there might really be a problem?' Nothing's been confirmed yet and I still might be able to just get pregnant on my own but just the fact that I've been to see him makes my smile falter a little at the corners. He did tell me that even though my number was high meaning that my egg quantity may be low, the quality of the eggs is still good. At least there's that.

As for the wedding planning, things are presently in a holding pattern. It's amazing how many people have come out of the woodwork to express their opinions on how things should be done at my wedding. I tried to accomodate everyone for about two seconds before I threw up my hands and said forget it. But right now, Drew and I just navigating this new phase of our relationship. Getting engaged makes everything so much more serious. For example, pre-engagement doing his laundry wasn't that big of a deal. Now, it's grounds for a fight. 'I will not have you expecting me to do your laundry for the rest of my life!' And other such mandates, always ending with 'for the rest of my life'. To quote Prince, 'forever is a mighty long time'.

So we have presently stepped out of the three-ring circus and we're trying to regroup, both as a newly engaged couple and as a couple who is embarking on the baby journey without the shiny, idealized vision that maybe other people have. Maybe they don't - I don't know. I just know that a manual on how to navigate all this would be really helpful right about now.

Human therapy at puppy school

Yesterday we had puppy school for Maya. I'd really like to send her to the schools where they stay for a few months, but that's financially out of our reach right now so we make do with some private lessons from PetSmart. I shouldn't say we make do because our trainer Debbie, is the bomb. I wasn't sure going in, but she's the senior trainer and she really knows her stuff.

We signed up for four private lessons and yesterday was our third. I had had a particularly rough morning with Maya and by the time we got to puppy school I was at my wit's end and I just unloaded on Debbie. Maya had bitten me, head-butted me, ripped up one of our throw pillows and I had had enough. I know she was bored and wanted to play but I just didn't have it in me at that moment to accommodate her, even less after she bit my inner thigh - yes, my inner thigh. The soft part, that hurts like ever-lovin sh*t! She went in her crate after that so I could calm down.

So in this heightened state of emotion, I practically ran into the training room and demanded that Debbie tell me what to do right now to make the dog behave or keep me from going insane. I went on a whole tirade about how tricks and sit and all that is well and good but I need to know how to keep her from biting for god's sake.

Bless Debbie's kind kind soul - she just let me vent. She let me say all the things that would start a fight if I said them to Drew. She just listened as only another woman can do and we went over some disciplinary things that we can do with Maya to train and reward good behavior while minimizing bad behavior. More than anything, it's about consistency and repetition - both of which I was failing poor Maya in and giving her mixed messages. No wonder she's not learning anything - I'm going about it all wrong!

It's as simple as redirecting the bad behavior the first time instead of just removing the pillow from her mouth twelve thousand times. We focused on that during our training session and I swear Maya was getting it! She is a good dog and she is smart, I just haven't been following through like I should. Every time she did something she shouldn't like jumping, we just tied her out and ignored her until she calmed down. When she did we gave her 'lovins'. Maybe it was the universe, knowing I needed a victory or she really was learning - I don't care, I'll take anything at this point!

We tried Debbie's tips that night and I tell you, this morning she wasn't psychotic like she normally is. The first time she went for the trash can (that dog looooves toilet paper!) we just tied her out and kept on getting ready. She would calm down, I praised her and took her off. I had to do it a few times but soon, she left the trash can alone! I know she's not cured of her toilet paper fetish but it was so encouraging to see a small bit of progress. I'm so thankful for Debbie - yesterday's puppy class was for me and because of it I have a renewed sense of dedication to Maya and her training. I may not love her like other people love their pets, but I will not let her down and for now, that's good enough.

One of the few times she's not destroying something in the trash can

Spray paint is not my friend

When I went on my thrift store outing with Kristina, I scored a fabulous chair and an awesome plant stand, with grand plans to refinish both of them the very next day. Yeah right. The chair is still in the garage and I just did the plant stand on Saturday. I'm such a big talker, but I'm cool with it.

At the thrift store, the guy brought out several things from the back for us to ooohh and aaahh over, but I'm of the opinion that he marked up my plant stand because we looked like we could afford it. I was miffed but then Erin reminded me that I had gotten the chair for $5 and I still would have bought it if it were $10 and the plant stand was $5, so it all comes out in the wash. Cool chick.

I also scored a $3 vase for the top of the plant stand and all in all I think it came out well. I need to get one of those panoramic cameras to capture it in the whole living room but that's a purchase for another day.

I wanted to paint the stand black and put in the corner in our entryway, which is really the living room. We have no foyer or mudroom, as much as I'd love one. I had some spray paint and I went lazy this time and didn't sand it first which is possibly mistake number one. I got spray primer from Lowe's and just went to it - partly because I was hormonal and mad at Drew. Okay, mostly because I was hormonal and mad at Drew, but I'm over it now. (love you baby!)

So check it out y'all!

You can kind of see that weird phallic thing on the bottom - I unscrewed that and used my wood filler instantly. There weren't too many nicks or scrapes so that's why I didn't bother with sanding it and I'm really thinking I should have. Oh well, I can always go back. Then I sprayed it with the spray primer - it went on pebbly and textured! I wasn't expecting it and I was not happy! I wasn't unhappy enough to start over, just enough to throw a fit in the garage.


Then I took my Rustoleum Glossy Black and went to town. That went on smoothly but the nozzle stuck a couple of times resulting in some spurts, but again nothing to make me do it over. I was going to finish this project, I didn't care! So here's the finished project in the corner of our living room - if you don't look too closely, it looks just fine.The same day I got the chair and the plant stand I also picked up some fabric to recover the chairs in the breakfast nook and the chair that I just got. That one I'll take a little more time to do, as it won't be an I'm-so-mad-I-have-to-paint-something project. Home decorating is fast becoming my therapy.