Hormones are no joke - I'm serious dammit!

The whole yoga and therapy thing over the years have served to mellow me out, soften my edges and make me a better person to be around. I'm thankful that my tolerance and patience has grown over the years as it makes me feel confident that I'll lose it less when I have children (I could be deluding myself, but I'm going with it - it helps me sleep.)

But good God, my hormones are not to be messed with! I don't know if what I'm about to say is TMI and if it is just click away. I have to get this out or someone's going to get hurt or I'm going to get fired.
I'm very regular - you could set a clock by my cycle. My gynie says that's a good thing, that it'll help when it comes time to get pregnant - at least there's that. I have the whole counting thing down and I can usually pinpoint within two days when I'll start - hormones however, are a different story. Some months I'm okay and I foolishly think I've escaped. And then another month comes and I'm convinced that I'm the only one with sense on the entire planet. When I get hormonal I get extremely annoyed that everyone in the world seems to have taken the stupid pill exactly four minutes before I have to interact with them. Case in point...

Last night I was exhausted when I got home from work and all I wanted to do is sit on the sofa and veg. That should have been a sign - I'm a freaking receptionist, why the heck should I be tired? Anyway, at puppy school Monday night, the trainer suggested we make 'puzzles' for Maya to mentally challenge her. She suggested we get a food ball, where you stuff the ball with food and she has to figure out how to get the food out. We didn't have a food ball so Drew gets the bright idea to clean out a mustard bottle, put some of her kibble in it and let her roll it around to get the food out - with no lid on the mustard bottle so as she's rolling it EVERYWHERE the food and crumbs just spill on out!!!

As the kibble/crumbs are being distributed throughout the breakfast nook and dining room, all I said is 'That's not going to work for me.' We were eating our frozen pizza and Drew kept asking me why I was so quiet. What I wanted to say was 'This is f*cking great. Now we have dog food all over the floor - what a brilliant idea, let her make a mess because that's mentally challenging. And I suppose you think that she'll just snuff it all up and leave no crumbs behind. No please, allow me - cleaning up after the dog is my life's pleasure.' But I didn't - I just ate my pizza and went to the sofa after I finished.

I put on an episode of the Dog Whisperer that I'd taped - I'm very committed to making sure that Maya grows up to be a well-behaved dog and I want to do everything in my power to make sure I'm doing my part. I think it helps that I didn't like her at first because I don't have an emotional attachment and I don't humanize her. I treat her like a dog all the time for which of course Drew thinks I'm mean. He doesn't get that what I do is in her best interest at all times.

We're watching the show and the majority of the people on the show have issues because they humanize their dogs - it's a recurring theme. What I wanted to do was poke Drew in the ribs and say 'see, that's you - that's why she doesn't listen to you. She doesn't take you seriously.' And then I wanted him to say, 'you know Desiree, you're right. You know more about this than I do and from now on I will do whatever you say regarding her training because I understand and respect that you have more time to do more research than I do.' Is that so wrong? Instead I kept my mouth shut -- for a little bit.

The trainer said to only give commands to Maya once, that she will become conditioned to act only on the tone that you use when giving the command for the sixth time. Drew was telling her to sit repeatedly and I gently reminded him (or so I thought), 'Baby, only say it one time.' He wasn't too interested to get my input and gave me some snarky response. Well, then I said 'you never take responsibility for anything,' which my therapy-brain knows is a huge no-no. No 'always', no 'never' -- stay away from absolutes and never accuse.

I hit a nerve with Drew and he stalked off with the dog and I didn't even care -- I was just annoyed that he didn't even finish watching the show, that I was the one who did, therefore I cared more about the dog. He avoided me the rest of the night.

I got ready for bed, totally fine that Drew wasn't speaking to me. I actually told him that I'll have to remember to say that to him the next time I want some peace and quiet! I'm a terrible person! But I swear on everything, it's not me -- and I'm not passing blame; hormones are real!

This morning I didn't think I was going to make it out of bed and I seriously considered calling in just so I could sleep. Very not like me -- I'm too much of a goody two-shoes to call in if I'm not actually ill. I shuffle around, trying to remove the now 100-pound wool blankets from my body and not succeeding very well, and somehow make it to the shower.

It's hard enough getting myself ready in the morning and having a rambunctious puppy doubles the effort. I have to stop multiple times to find her, take something out of her mouth, usher her outside, keep her from biting me, all while I'm already (perpetually) trying to get dressed and running late. And Drew asks me 'Do you want me to put her in her crate or no?' I just said 'yes please.' But what I wanted to say was 'No, it's fun for me to run around after her taking things out of her mouth, hollering 'no' every three seconds, keep her from chewing on the furniture, all while I'm naked.'

Everything is magnified when I feel this way and I can't stand it - this isn't who I am. I knew something was up when I get to work and someone called and I very nearly took their head off for having to repeat myself. I heard that nasty tone in my voice and stopped short -- super not cool. I rushed to my calendar to count the days after someone came into the lobby and the most hateful evil thought rushed through my mind. I shocked myself! I can't put it here because that person turned out to be a new employee with us and I have to be cautious. But rest assured it was so awful that I knew something wasn't right because I do not think that way about people.

Sure enough, I'm due next Monday or Tuesday. Awesome.