Memorial

I was able to watch the entire memorial service and I thought it was nicely done. To have neglected to do anything would have been a disservice to his fans around the world and I'm glad that it was tasteful and they did a good job paying their last respects. I, like everyone else I'm sure, fully broke out crying when his daughter stepped up to the microphone. I'm so glad no one was in the lobby at the time. Those poor babies.

After the service I went over to foxnews.com and they had a place where you could comment on the service. I was shocked at how vicious some of the comments were - love him or hate him, he's dead. How is it okay to have no respect for the dead? It's just bad business to speak ill of the dead, straight up. I too am conflicted about the child molestation allegations but gosh, the guy's dead. Can we at least wait till he's in the ground or cremated or whatever to start ripping him apart?

But that's the way it's been his whole life. I got to thinking about what I know about him (extremely little) and I just feel sorry for the guy. Maybe it's my maternal side taking over but I go back to thinking of the five year old boy, youngest of nine, yet the most famous and enduring the abuse that he did at the hands of his father. Additionally, I'm sure his brothers were hard on him - most brothers are and if you're even the slightest bit unsure of yourself it's going to affect you.

To have money, fame and power at such a young age it's no wonder he never grew up. I read a piece about him that said he was very insecure, constantly worried that his popularity and relevance would disappear, that he never knew who he was. That totally resonated with me - if you're a performer from an early age and you're never allowed to be a normal child you will have problems. Early childhood development in a solid stable environment is vital and he never got it. Of course he never grew up - he didn't have to. He never had anyone tell him no, he never had clear boundaries as his entire world could be purchased and he never had stability.

I can't believe that someone who broke a world record for charity donations did it for show. I can't believe that his daughter's emotions were anything but heartfelt pain for the loss of her daddy.

I do believe that there were parts of his psyche that were stuck in arrested development. When you surround yourself whose purpose in life is to give you everything you want and if they don't you can make them go away, you develop a very skewed sense of the world. I don't think anyone could have grown up like he did and be normal.

He liked children because he was one. And not in the sense that he was child-like. I'm sure there was a part of his brain that never really developed, that was stuck. I would not excuse any kind of molestation if it were true but true molesters are driven by that compulsion and do it over and over. He doesn't strike me as the type of person whose sole purpose in life was to take sexual advantage of children. It seems more likely that he got urges like every other human on the planet but was confused by them due to his prior abuse and his self-hatred couldn't have helped and he made a massive mistake. He wasn't a child - he was an adult but by then there's no one that he really has to listen to. But then again, I don't know. Maybe behind closed doors he was just a sick perv. It just doesn't seem to fit - but then again, the serial killer's neighbors all claim he was a quiet guy that kept to himself.

He was a troubled man who was more talented than anyone else will ever be and for that, I'm sad he's gone. I'm sad that his kids lost their father way too soon - I think I'm more sad about that. Little children should never have to lose their parents and it's always tragic when that happens, no matter what.

I hope now they will let his family mourn and have some class and back off - but who am I kidding, this is America.