Lady Bits

For a while now, Maya has been rather expressive. Scratch that -- she's been humping everything that will stand still and some things that won't (our legs). I was baffled - I thought only boy dogs did that but I guess girls have urges too. They said you have to wait until they're at least five months old to have them fixed so Drew and I have been mostly entertained, sometimes annoyed at her incessant humping.

It comes out of nowhere - she'll be sitting quietly on her sofa and out of nowhere, she'll run over to her kennel, get on her hind legs and go to town. It's freakin hilarious and last night was a riot. The loveseat in the sitting room has two cushions on the back and she's taken to, ahem, claiming them.

Now that she's old enough we decided that it was time we take her in to get fixed. We didn't talk too much about it and I made the appointment for this morning. But I think somehow she knew - last night she was humping the loveseat like she knew what was going to happen in the morning. I kind of felt bad for her - but I know it's what's best for her mindset. I wouldn't want to be thinking about sex all day and not be able to do anything about it.

So this morning, I got up earlier than usual to take her to the vet. Our power went out because of the storms here which added a little bit of drama to the situation. It was as though the house went dark in honor of what was about to happen. Poor thing.

She was remarkably well-behaved on the car ride over and traffic wasn't that bad, which meant we got there before the vet opened. So we just hung out in the car and I snapped a couple of pictures of her pre-lady-bits-removal.

I wonder if she knows.

She does really well on car rides - one more thing I'm thankful for - and it made me think of her first car ride when Drew brought her home from the breeder.She was so little back then - you know, three months ago. When I brought her in to the vet's office I signed some papers and they took her back. I felt a little anxiety for her and I thought I'd be able to stay until she was put under but apparently they don't do it like that. It was very no-nonsense, thank you very much, she'll be ready after 3:30. Ummm, okay then. I walked out rather disoriented - it happened kind of fast and I felt that there should have been more ceremony to it. After all, she's losing her lady bits!

So I took out my anxiety on Drew when I left. I told him that he needed to be there at 3:30 sharp, I don't want her awake and waiting on you, you should probably be there before she wakes up so you're the first thing she sees, she needs baby aspirin for the pain - make sure you get some before you get there, bring her blankets that have her scent on them so she's not scared, you'll probably need to carry her out so she doesn't stress her stiches - make sure you carry her out, you call me just as soon as you leave but don't leave if it looks like they've done anything suspect or her stiches don't look good or anything, and she hasn't eaten since last night - make sure to ask if she can eat and if so, what can she eat and how much and when - are you writing this down? do you need to write this down?

I could practically hear him rolling his eyes at me.

What can I say? I'm nervous for her - I don't have feelings for the dog per se, but I have an unparalleled sense of responsibility for her. She depends on us, on me, and my feelings about how she came to live with us cannot compromise that. It's not her fault that I didn't want her -- all she knows is that this is where she lives and we are her caregivers, and I'm going to do a good job at that no matter what I'm feeling about the fact that she is teething and biting everything in sight, including my fingers and toes. I just about bit Drew's head off when he asked if I wanted to join them for a happy hour tomorrow night.

(in my snotty can-you-be-that-dense voice) 'Really? The day after the dog has surgery and we're supposed to leave her for longer than we already do? Really? Have a drink for me, I'll be going straight home to take care of the dog.' These mothering instincts are no joke, they do not discriminate. (no matter how much I wish they did)

I hope that getting fixed will calm her down a little bit, although I have visions of Samantha's dog in Sex and the City and how despite being fixed, her dog relentlessly humped everything in sight. I don't know which I'd rather have - her chewing up my decorative pillows or her humping them.

Talk about the lesser of two evils.