One of the things we talked about when I was in therapy was my job. Don't me wrong, I'm VERY THANKFUL I HAVE A JOB (that was for the employment gods - don't want to appear ungrateful), it would just be great if I had an actual career path. No offense to career receptionists, but I always thought that my job would entail some movement, that I wouldn't be doing one thing forever. There isn't really a lot of upward mobility in the receptionist world and it's not, shall we say, intellectually stimulating. Once again, I'm VERY THANKFUL I HAVE A JOB (can't be too careful).So, in therapy we were discussing, deconstructing if you will, what I'm looking for in a job. I really can't stand people who say 'do what you love and the money will follow'. In theory it's quite a pithy little saying, provoking thoughts of butterflies and skipping in meadows of money -- in life you have bills and they must be paid. We came to the conclusion that I value my time more than my money. We have several female executives at my company which is very empowering and uplifting, but they are always in the office. One of the girls in another department who's not even an executive told me she rarely gets home before seven every night and her son goes to bed at nine! While they all make much more money than I do, I don't care. My evenings and weekends are always mine, no exceptions ever and I like it like that and I want it to stay that way.
To make a long story short, combining my skills and interests and desire for career stability with a decent paycheck, I came up with teaching and nursing. Both are family-friendly, have decent pay, very stable, and have (somewhat) flexible schedules. Yeah, you may have to put in overtime, but in those fields it's more the exception than the rule. I started looking into both.
Nursing was first up. I looked into programs in the area, compared costs, and mapped out a tentative timeline to get the associates degree. Once I was a nurse, I'd go on to get the bachelor's and just work my way up -- it would be my career.
Minor problem -- I'm not the greatest with blood, other bodily fluids, or needles. No big, I'd get used to it. How bad can it be? Ummm, yeah.
I had to get some bloodwork done today. I went in first thing this morning - it was such a minor thing that I didn't even have to make an appointment. 'It's just one tube, come on in and we'll fit you in whenever.' I got there first thing this morning, for my one little tube of blood. I walked in all nonchalant, casually flipping the magazine, pleased when they called my name relatively quickly.
Small talk with the nurse, she complimented my outfit, I graciously thank her, and we walk back to the little blood-drawing room. More small talk and the blood-drawing guy comes in. He's a very nice guy and he begins preparing his stuff with ease -- he's definitely done this before and so far I'm doing okay.
Me: Just so you know, needles make me nervous, haha (that's my nervous laugh), so I'm just gonna go ahead and turn the other way, haha.
Blood dude: Oh don't worry, I got you. You'll be just fine and it'll be over with before you know it. *snap* (that's the rubber band he ties around my arm. Breathing gets a little shallower - mine, not his) Can you turn a little more towards me please?
Me: Sure, sorry, haha, I'm just a little nervous.
Blood dude: It's okay, you'll be fine.
AND THEN, with the speed of a jungle cat he rips open the thingy that looks like a butterfly with a LONG ASS NEEDLE on the end and pounces on me! Okay, maybe I exaggerate a little but he WAS fast. That's what did it. I stopped him.
Me: Waitwaitwait! (with the hand gesture and everything. Who am I kidding - I nearly jumped out of the chair) I'm so sorry, you just came at me kind of fast there.
Blood dude: It's okay, you're fine. We'll take all the time you need.
If he weren't so nice, I don't think I could have done it. However, it's because he was so nice that I couldn't keep it together. I started crying like a baby, do you hear me? I was all hyperventilating, tears streaming down my face, feeling like a complete retard because I couldn't handle a dumb needle. I kept saying 'I'm so sorry' over and over again because I felt so bad for not being able to just go in there, let him stick me, get the blood and get out. That was my plan, that's what I told myself as I was walking to the office -- yeah, not so much.
I ended up having a nurse come in and stroke my hand while he stuck me in the other arm while I cried and hyperventilated the whole time. One tube of blood, people. Geez. They even gave me a lollipop afterwards (which I ate with no shame - it was watermelon flavored). I was really embarrassed and when it was over I tried to just get up and leave, reassuring them that I was fine. When I stood up, my knees gave out just like in a movie. I went ahead and sat back down for a second until I could really stand up. My head was all spinning, my lips were tingling, my knees all wobbly. From one tube of blood.
I'm gonna go on ahead and look up those requirements for teaching.
You absolutely crack me up sometimes! :) For the record, I can do all kinds of things to other people that I don't like done to myself. For example, I cannot give blood. I have tried, and I do fine until the cookie/punch table. Then, my body seems to decide that it needed that fluid to keep my blood pressure up. I pass out. I did it twice, and then decided that I had no business humiliating myself like that anymore. Also, I can't look when someone draws my blood. I have to do the deep breathing thing. And, back when I was doing fertility treatments, I could not give my own shots. My state trooper husband had to come to my job in the EMERGENCY ROOM every night at 9pm, hide behind a curtain with me, and give me my shot. (It was a rural hospital, and I was the only nurse on duty.)
ReplyDeleteNow having said that, I have done things to other people that would turn your stomach! (In my capacity as a nurse, that is.)
Hang in there girl, you'll find your path. And most importantly, you seem to be enjoying the journey!
What are we going to do? You and your needles, me and the grocery store! Your story is a riot. Glad you got a lollipop after all that. I just ended up with $23 worth of steak.... But it's over and done with. You survived. Give yourself a pat on the back!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry, but I laughed till I had tears. Don't worry, first, Cori couldn't even give plasma in College (they still paid her though) and I almost passed out at the site of blood on my own daughter (serioulsy, I had to sit and put my head between my legs to prevent it). Never mind that I spent 10 years as a BURN NURSE. Just because you cant do it for yourself doesn't mean you can't help others. Like Cori said...you'll find your path. I think it is more important to find what it is you want than to jump to what you think you need.
ReplyDeleteY'all are so sweet! And you're right Joleene, I don't want to go into something for the wrong reasons because if I hate going to work, there's not too much of a point of the time off.
ReplyDeleteMy mom is a nurse and I asked her if she'd ever had to disempact a bowel. When she said, 'oh yeah, tons of times', that kind of did it for me too. I just don't think it's my calling.
However, I've taken those career tests and I've tested really high in healing and teaching so I think I'm on the right path - and I do so love being a yoga teacher.
Like Cori said, it's about the journey and you might as well enjoy it!
You absolutely crack me up sometimes! :) For the record, I can do all kinds of things to other people that I don't like done to myself. For example, I cannot give blood. I have tried, and I do fine until the cookie/punch table. Then, my body seems to decide that it needed that fluid to keep my blood pressure up. I pass out. I did it twice, and then decided that I had no business humiliating myself like that anymore. Also, I can't look when someone draws my blood. I have to do the deep breathing thing. And, back when I was doing fertility treatments, I could not give my own shots. My state trooper husband had to come to my job in the EMERGENCY ROOM every night at 9pm, hide behind a curtain with me, and give me my shot. (It was a rural hospital, and I was the only nurse on duty.)
ReplyDeleteNow having said that, I have done things to other people that would turn your stomach! (In my capacity as a nurse, that is.)
Hang in there girl, you'll find your path. And most importantly, you seem to be enjoying the journey!