Warning: I'm hormonal and I'm about to complain. If you're not interested, I invite you to check back tomorrow.
All I want in the world is some peace and quiet. All I want is to sleep. For the past several weekends I've had neither. I spent Mother's Day with my family in KC and while it was wonderful, it was overwhelming. We had a cookout Saturday at my aunt's house with a kabillion people there, half of whom I didn't know. They all had babies and they were running around screaming, laughing, talking - doing what kids do. But they were also putting dirt in their mouths, eating food off the ground, wandering off and I simply couldn't take it. I wanted all the mothers to do something! I was getting so anxious just being around all of it - I had to leave.
I didn't see or talk to my father either. Part of me knew better, that he would stay away but the other part of me is really hurt by all of this. Why is he acting this way? Why is he being such a jerk to me and punishing me when he has no right. Pity for him is the only reason right now that keeps me from hating him. And of course my mom acts like it's all her fault, as if that helps anything. I've gotten to where I don't even want to go home to KC anymore because it reminds me of how my father is behaving.
My flight to KC left at 6am Saturday morning so Friday night I wanted to get to bed early as I am in no way a morning person and I need a giant head start in order to be able to function that early in the morning. Did the puppy cooperate? Of course not. I got about 3 hours sleep and hit the ground running and said cookout was Saturday afternoon. By Saturday night I was so worn out but had to get up early Sunday morning to do it all again for Mother's Day. I didn't get to bed again until after 11pm, only to be woken at 7:30 Monday morning by my cousin wanting to go to breakfast! I couldn't get it together till almost noon so it was more like lunch. More family time till my flight left at 5 and I landed in Dallas at 10pm. We slept from midnight-5 when the puppy decided that was plenty and started crying. I took her outside to potty and crawled back in bed, begging for a few more minutes. At 6:30 that was it - she was done and promptly peed on the floor, just as we were getting ready to take her back outside to go again!
This house-breaking thing is no fun whatsoever and I'm getting really frustrated. Between the peeing and the nipping at my toes and ankles, I'm ready to cry. I know it's not her fault and she can't help it and we just have to be more vigilant and firmer with our training. I know these things but it doesn't keep me from wanting to avoid going home tonight. I just want some peace and quiet. I don't want to think or talk and this is the hormonal me talking: I want to organize the closets. The Container Store had a sale right before I left and I bought a bunch of stuff and it's just sitting on the closet floor right now. I want to do the bathrooms too. They're unfinished projects that I could take care of very quickly if I could just find some blessed time to do it!
And of course the phones are going mad today - or it could be me. I want to hang up on people who start to tell me their life stories. I want to holler at them 'I'm just the receptionist, I can't do anything!'
I really need a good cry. I feel it in my chest and behind my eyes and I'm either going to have to let it out or sit in quiet until it passes. Either one will work for me.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
3 comments:
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If I lived in Texas, I'd take you out for a well-deserved drink.
ReplyDeleteCry. You'll feel better. After reading your post, I wish I could shake your Dad for you. He's wasting so much precious time. Don't give up, but don't let him keep hurting you either. You've got to find a way to make your peace with the situation, whether it be letting go, contacting him, writing him, or just praying about it and leaving it in God's hands. I sense that this is eating at you, and you don't need that kind of baggage. I don't think you can expect him to make the first move. He seems too proud, which is going to lead to his downfall if he's not careful. Decide what outcome you want, and then do what's in your power to achieve that. That alone may give you a sense of peace, even if it doesn't achieve the desired results immediately. And remember, you're not doing it for him, you're doing it for you.
Now, don't you find puppies to be overrated? :)lol I don't know if it will help you or not, but here's what we do. We have sectioned off an area of the kitchen (it is gated), and anytime someone is not playing with Zoe, that's where she has to stay. She is not allowed to be free in the house unsupervised. Ever. Not until she's 100% trained, which may take up to a year we've learned. (I am not letting her ruin this carpet! Been there, done that, with other dogs.) We crate her when we're gone and at night. When we're home, we take her out to potty every 1 to 2 hours. We always praise her for going, and we never discipline her for accidents. If we see an accident happening, we just take her outside immediately. Just remember, the dog has to respect you, and you can't worry about whether or not it "likes" the rules. Animals like routine and structure. The puppy will adapt.
Okay, sorry for the book of unsolicited advice. Just wanted to help. I'll be thinking about you!
Thank you so much for your kind words and don't worry about your advice being unsolicited. For one thing, I kinda condsider you my blog friend. *blushing* For another, I welcome any and all tips on how to handle the puppy. I want to like her, but right now she's just no fun to be around. And yes, right now they're super overrated. :-)
ReplyDeleteAs for my dad, you're totally right. I've already written him a long letter that went unanswered, I've gone over to the house to talk only to be told to leave and now, probably the only thing left to do is to give it up to God. I just have to have faith that it will turn out according to God's plan and that plan is better than anything I could have ever thought up!
*big hugs* Thanks for the words of encouragement!!
If I lived in Texas, I'd take you out for a well-deserved drink.
ReplyDeleteCry. You'll feel better. After reading your post, I wish I could shake your Dad for you. He's wasting so much precious time. Don't give up, but don't let him keep hurting you either. You've got to find a way to make your peace with the situation, whether it be letting go, contacting him, writing him, or just praying about it and leaving it in God's hands. I sense that this is eating at you, and you don't need that kind of baggage. I don't think you can expect him to make the first move. He seems too proud, which is going to lead to his downfall if he's not careful. Decide what outcome you want, and then do what's in your power to achieve that. That alone may give you a sense of peace, even if it doesn't achieve the desired results immediately. And remember, you're not doing it for him, you're doing it for you.
Now, don't you find puppies to be overrated? :)lol I don't know if it will help you or not, but here's what we do. We have sectioned off an area of the kitchen (it is gated), and anytime someone is not playing with Zoe, that's where she has to stay. She is not allowed to be free in the house unsupervised. Ever. Not until she's 100% trained, which may take up to a year we've learned. (I am not letting her ruin this carpet! Been there, done that, with other dogs.) We crate her when we're gone and at night. When we're home, we take her out to potty every 1 to 2 hours. We always praise her for going, and we never discipline her for accidents. If we see an accident happening, we just take her outside immediately. Just remember, the dog has to respect you, and you can't worry about whether or not it "likes" the rules. Animals like routine and structure. The puppy will adapt.
Okay, sorry for the book of unsolicited advice. Just wanted to help. I'll be thinking about you!